Embracing Your Unapologetic Weird Christian Singleness with Mary B Safrit

Aaron talks with guest Mary B Safrit about the myths of being a Christian single and how to embrace your most unapologetic weird self.

 

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Production by Aaron Tosti

Theme Music by Steve Wilmot

All other Music by Soundstripe

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SHOW NOTES

Intro

0 sec

Welcome to TKOL Podcast.. I'm Aaron Tosti.

A while back a good friend of mine said I should write a book called "The kind of love I'm getting I don't want, and the kind of love I want I ain't getting." an autobiography of weird love stories... so I made it into a podcast.

Not only to share my stories, but other peoples stories... maybe even yours.

Love gets weird some times right ? ...tell me about it

 

40 sec  — Intro Narration by Aaron

 

Welcome, my podcast people, to a journey of self-discovery and unapologetic weirdness. In this episode, we dive into the world of Christian single-ness, exploring the myths and narratives that shape experiences as a single adult. If this

 

My guest Mary B joining us covers a spectrum of this conversation from the myth of the ideal Christian woman to hilarious dating stories and anecdotes. She leaves no stone unturned.

 

Mary B's mission is to help singles navigate the complexities of modern dating. From writing for a Christian audience to producing live events, her journey is as inspiring as it is relatable.

 

Our unexpected encounter on a ride share ride that sparked a deeper conversation between us, sharing experiences of loneliness to the power of storytelling therapy.

 

With laughter and introspection, we tackle the myths surrounding singleness and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. Mary B's hilarious dating stories and candid reflections on mindset shifts offer a refreshing take on the dating scene and just knowing that it is OK to be single.

 

So grab your favorite beverage as we start off chatting about coffee and Mary B's love for oat milk, as we take you on this rollercoaster ride of laughter, insight, and unabashed weirdness.

 

And if you stay til the end you'll hear about Mary B's interesting singles test that helps you approach going to weddings and embracing your quirks.Because in a world of funny and confusing dating experiences, owning your unapologetic inner weirdo might actually be the ultimate superpower.

 

 

 

2:50 min - Starting Banter

 

• Aaron likes banter to get his day going

• Espresso gets Mary B’s day going

• Mary B will die on that hill of oat milk… Aaron not so much.

• Things get unhinged when  Mary B says “Mouth-feel”

 

4:50 min - Mary B helps singles

 

• Aaron intro’s Mary B helping singles but not just a dating coach

• She writes for a Christian audience

• So much more to life than just dating for a single person

• Mary B wants to fill the gap between what the church offers and what singles need

 

7:20 min - Mary B produces live events

 

• Mary loves lives events and is and MC and Host

• One of the things she does is variety shows

• She loves being a fan girl

• Her podcast interviews singles in the church

 

 

9:30 min - Why does Mary B help singles ?

 

• It’s a massively underserved demographic in the church

• Mary B stumbled into the process

• Mary B moved to NY to become a singer

• She has always loved writing, went to a writers group, brought an essay on being single

• A friend thought she should write a book on her essay about single-ness, and her being an awkward person, and having conversations about dating and sex

• She found her self doing a lot of research about the topic

• She started her book 5 years ago

 

13:00 min - Robust Conversation about Singleness

 

• She got curious about the topic of singleness

• Everyone has a lot of opinions about it

• People brought so much to this conversations and she wanted to shift the culture about being single

• Own and be honest about the narratives we all about dating and being single

• Recognize where singles are giving up our agency

 

 

14:45 min - Myth of the Ideal Christian Women

 

• We all know the myth is BS, but singles compare themselves to that myth

• “We can’t get where we want by starting where we think we should be, but where we are”

• She started asking how can we

 

 

16:35 min - Aaron's Realtionship Awareness

• Aaron’s talks throwback to the stories we tell ourselves

• “oh it’s me”

• Getting past the weird awkward stuff because We crave certainty but we want the kind of love we want but know how to get there

• But you can get too attached to the narratives we tell ourselves

 

 

19:10 min - What’s a funny story  Mary B?

 

• Mary B has a couple stories

• Mary B hasn’t dated a whole lot and feels like everyone else has the rules of the road but not her

• She dated high school into collage then got on dating apps in 2019

• She had an anxious energy she brought into dating that was this idea that “I don’t know what I’m doing”

• She lived in perfectionism narratives like “Everyone gets to make mistakes, but I don’t” and you should have know better

 

21:50 min - Mary B’s Mindset Shift

 

• Mindset shift… “nobody knows what they’re doing”

• She was able to show up with more confidence

• There was a lot of Fear running the show… desire for safety and control… keeping it at arms length

• You can get lost in the ring, instead of being a player

• Play to win

• Her approach changed to Be your most unapologetic

 

25:40 min - Mary B’s other dating story

 

• She’s a recovering people pleaser

• Matched on hinge, low stakes

• Night before the guy sends a paragraph of expectations that felt like “who hurt you?” energy

• Guy over apologized through the whole night

• Brought a rose, but apologized for it

 

29:45 min - Getting over overthinking and over apologizing

 

• It made Mary b realize a lot about herself

• What do I think I’m accomplishing about showing up like that

• You think you’re being considerate, but it’s not about the other person but about you

• Not giving the other person an opportunity to get to know them and connect

• Make a request with out the “no worries”

• Shift the focus from does this person like me, to do I like this person

• Not being mean to yourself or playing down what you love doing

 

33:50 min - Everyone is an asshole

 

• The spectrum of ass-holery

• Mary B took the joke too far

• You’re not giving them an opportunity to see what kind of asshole they are

• Mary B has derped the hell out of this episode

 

36:50 min - Dating has been successful

 

• Mary B is in her hot girl era

• Know who you are and own it

• The more comfortable with yourself you can be the more fun it can be

 

 

28:30 min - The Opposite of trauma is humor and play

 

• Do the inner work

• You can become a self help junkie… another state of weirdness purgatory

 

39:40 min - Ruminating is different than just DOING the thing

 

• Her therapist asked.. “Have you really been trying?”

• Metaphorically getting punched in the face

• Highs and lows and building resilience

• Learning your boundaries and values by actually DOING the thing

• Shift of having the lived experience that proves she has the confidence

• If we all looked at the things we are most scared about and then went and do it

 

42:50 min - Does Mary B ask people out ?

 

• She asks out men successfully

• She asks herself “is there a reciprocation of energy here?”

• She spent a lot of time chasing people who had no interest in her

• “I love me and my anxious attachment style”

• Not setting up a pattern of always initiating

 

45:20 min - Mary B likes “the co-pursuit”

 

• She likes a mix of both

• I’ve asked you out

• Back to the second dating story where the guy was his most apologetic self

• It wasn’t what she was looking for

• Mary B doesn’t want to be anyone’s mom or walk on egg shells

 

49 min - The Masculine and Feminine wobble

 

• If a man isn’t secure in who he is, it’s going to make a wobble between him and the woman

• Roll your eyes at the the kind of trauma that you don’t want

• Milk the weirdness

• Mary B says “Never underestimate the value that bring to relationships and your community”

 

You can follow Mary B at on instagram @maryb.safrit  and website marybsafrit.com

 

 

54 min - Closing 

Hey, Thank you so much for listening!

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Also on instagram @TKOL.Podcast

Or you can follow me personally @aarontosti

 

Thanks again, 

I’m Aaron.

Best of Love to You