#95: Robert Kandell

This week on the show, Robert Kandell joins me to talk about getting honest with one’s self, the effect of withholding your truth from your intimate partner, and his book - unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them.

Robert and I discuss:

• Living the American dream (which was also his father's dream)

• How his intense experiences in Burning Man made him rediscover the world

• Key moment when he realized things weren't working

• How going to Burning Man impacted him

• Burning Man is radical free expression. It's an opportunity to see a new side of yourself and to explore different parts of yourself

• How he and his wife started to have an honest conversation about their sex life

• On starting to explore alternative sexuality by going to a swingers club and taking workshops that tackle forming non-monogamous relationships

• Telling yourself the truth first and foremost then telling your partner and intimate friends the truth about you and then inviting them to tell you the truth about them

• Process of getting honest with yourself:

  • Confronting your thoughts

  • Getting curious about those thoughts

  • Researching those curiosities

• Terminal uniqueness is when we think we are the only person in the entire world that has this particular thought which creates a lot of fear to come out

• Instead of spending our energies beating ourselves up, spend that energy creating the life you truly want

• Our greatest fear is that we will end up alone and that fear is what stops us from living

• How we are forced to wear the facade about who we are

• The communication you need to make in the proper form in order to actually be authentic

• Frameworks on teaching people to communicate

• If you want to have a masterful relationship, you have to build the foundation early on by authentically relating

• We are constantly looking externally from ourselves to perceive our value

• Compromise equates to acquiescence

• Extending the conversation until both people feel right about the decision

• Every time you lie, you are creating distance

• About his book “unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them”

More about Robert

Robert Kandell is an interpersonal communications expert, speaker, podcaster, and the author of the bestselling book, “unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them.” Since 2002, Robert’s mission has been to help people find themselves and use their internal power to live their best lives. He has helped thousands of students up-level their communication, leading them to live more balanced, energized, connected, and purposeful lives.

Robert is a veteran of many worlds, having moved seamlessly from corporate America and the startup world, to becoming an authority in the personal development sphere, to building an international 8-figure business and authoring a bestselling book.

He is the host of the podcast, Tuff Love, where he puts his compassionate, hard-hitting insights to work helping people move forward in their lives with clarity. He has been described as “part football coach, part loving Dad, and part slightly crazed drill sergeant.” His style is challenging, fraternal, highly rewarding, and definitely not for the faint-hearted.