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IFS Therapy for Gay and Queer Men with Max Littman

The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

Release Date: 11/18/2025

Connection After Loss with Liz Brenner show art Connection After Loss with Liz Brenner

The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

This episode didn't go as planned, and I'm grateful it didn't. I invited Liz Brenner on the podcast to talk about the Family Process article on the family systems roots of IFS she co-authored with Dick Schwartz and Carol Becker in 2023. Instead, we found ourselves talking about grief. A month before we recorded, my dad died unexpectedly. Liz lost her partner, Dan, in 2018, just six weeks after his cancer diagnosis. We both came into the conversation still processing our losses, and grief was the conversation we needed to have.  Takeaways Grief can break you, and it can also heal...

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

My guest on today's episode is Achara Tarfa. She is a certified IFS practitioner, co-founder of the Global Trauma Institute, and director of the PATH program. We talk about finding IFS, what trauma coaching offers that therapy often doesn't, and why she and her co-founders built GTI to create the spaces they needed but couldn't find. Takeaways IFS gave Achara language for her own anger for the first time When the people you turn to for help fail you, the harm compounds. Achara experienced this firsthand and it shaped everything she built Trauma coaching isn't replacing therapy. It's...

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

I didn't know frozen shoulder was a perimenopause symptom. Neither did Melissa Monahan, this week's podcast guest, and she's a therapist living through it herself. This week Melissa joins me on the podcast to talk about the mental health side of perimenopause and menopause, and what IFS can offer women going through it. She's an IFS Level 2 therapist and host of , a podcast and Substack for women in this chapter of life -- and the people who love them. In this episode we talk about the changes happening in our inner worlds during this transition, and how IFS can help us make sense of and...

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

Today I welcome Dr. Audrey Davidheiser back to the podcast. Her latest book, Grieving Wholeheartedly: Bringing Healing for Every Part of Your Soul, is an IFS guide to loss that views grief as a collection of parts, each carrying something specific, each needing to be met.   Audrey is a licensed psychologist, certified IFS therapist, and founder of the Los Angeles Dream Center, where she specializes in trauma and religious trauma. She's also someone who lost her father suddenly seven years ago and rebuilt her practice and her inner life from the ground up. Takeaways Grief doesn't...

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

Today I welcome Irina Diyankova back to the podcast. Her last episode,  was one of our most popular.  This time we explore what happens when "going inside" during an IFS session becomes hard for clients. She finds this is especially true with neurodivergent and C-PTSD clients.  Irina shares why externalization can be so helpful in these cases. Instead of relying only on what’s happening internally, bringing things outside, like mapping, speaking out loud, connecting visually or relationally, really help. We also talk about how IFS isn’t a cookie-cutter model. We all...

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

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The One Inside: An Internal Family Systems (IFS) podcast

On today’s episode I welcome Nitsan Joy Gordon, a dance movement therapist, IFS practitioner, and peacebuilder who lives in Israel. Nitsan shares about growing up in Israel, living near the border, and what it’s like to live in a place where war and trauma have been part of daily life for generations. She also tells the story of how Internal Family Systems changed her own life. A powerful experience at Esalen with Dick Schwartz inspired her to use IFS in her work back home. Nitsan leads an organization bringing Israelis and Palestinians together to transform pain through deep listening...

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In this episode, I talk with Max Littman, an IFS therapist, consultant, and writer. Max’s new book, Internal Family Systems Therapy for Gay and Queer Men: A Companion for After Coming Out, launched the morning we recorded this conversation.

His work centers on attachment, attunement, cultural burdens, and the relational impact of trauma — especially for gay and queer men who are still healing the parts shaped by growing up without safety, guidance, or representation.

We talk about why this book matters, the parts that continue to carry burden even after coming out, and the places where Queer identity, family dynamics, and IFS meet. 

“Unburdening offers an opportunity to reclaim a personal embodied sense of spirituality, one that honors our inherent worth and belonging.”

Max shares his own story of growing up without language for his identity, the isolation he felt as a teen, and how those experiences shaped his clinical work. He describes a part he calls “teen without guidance,” and the insight that came from recognizing how much that part still needed care.

Together, we explore:

  • What coming out doesn’t automatically heal

  • The “teen without guidance” part and why it matters

  • How cultural, religious, and family burdens live in the system

  • The longing for belonging and its impact on relationships

  • How IFS helps gay and queer men reclaim sexuality, connection, and choice

  • The role of community, experimentation, and attunement in healing

  • The challenge of navigating adulthood with fewer developmental and relational experiences than many same-aged peers received 

Be sure to check out Max's blog that I keep hearing so much about. 

And don't miss my extended interview with Max over on Substack for paid subscribers. 

About Max Littman

Max Littman is an IFS therapist, consultant, and writer based in Oakland. He works at the crossroads of Queer healing, trauma recovery, and attachment. His debut book, Internal Family Systems Therapy for Gay and Queer Men, is available now. Learn more or connect with him at maxlittman.com.

Episode Sponsor

This episode is sponsored by the Unblend.me web app. You know those moments between sessions when something comes up and you need a gentle nudge to pause, slow down and go inside? The Unblend app helps you do just that. It's IFS informed, HIPAA compliant, and guides you through checking in with your parts to calm your nervous system. Learn more and try it for free at Unblend.me

About The One Inside

I started this podcast to help spread IFS out into the world and make the model more accessible to everyone. Seven years later, that’s still at the heart of all we do. 

I co-create The One Inside with Jeff Schrum, a Level 2 IFS practitioner and coach.

Resources

Sponsorship

Want to sponsor an episode of The One Inside? Email Tammy.