Jen Loses Teddy To Suicide

In this raw and profoundly moving episode of The Surviving Siblings Podcast, host Maya Roffler sits down with Jen, a bereaved sibling who lost her brother Teddy to suicide in 2017. Jen and Teddy shared an incredibly close bond, growing up as part of a large Sicilian family just outside of Boston. But their story begins even earlier—Teddy was a micro-preemie twin who survived against all odds, unknowingly carrying deep grief for his twin, Joseph, who died shortly after birth.

Jen opens up about the fierce sibling connection they shared, their upbringing in a culture that didn’t talk about emotions, and the invisible scars Teddy carried after a childhood marked by severe bullying, trauma, and being misunderstood. Despite his vibrant, goofy, and deeply caring personality, Teddy struggled silently with mental health throughout his life.

This episode explores the reality of surviving sibling suicide, the hidden pain many carry, and the complex journey of grief, guilt, and healing. Jen shares how she only began to process her loss years later during the pandemic and how therapy has helped her reframe her survivor’s guilt and begin to find peace. She also reflects on the final moments, the call that changed everything, and the weight of not getting to say goodbye.

If you’ve ever felt the heartbreak of suicide loss, struggled with survivor’s guilt, or longed for healing in a family that doesn’t talk about grief—Jen’s story will show you that you are not alone, and your voice matters.

In This Episode:

(00:01:09) – Growing Up Sicilian
Jen describes her “free-range childhood” and the powerful, chaotic closeness of growing up in a big Sicilian family, where cousins felt like siblings.

(00:02:31) – Teddy’s Early Arrival & Twin Loss
Teddy was born four months premature in 1975. His twin, Joseph, passed away shortly after birth—a fact Jen discovered years later on her own.

(00:06:00) – Protector & Big Sister
From defending Teddy against bullies to enduring the silence of their home life, Jen shares what it meant to be the older sister in a family that didn’t talk about pain.

(00:12:00) – School, Stereotypes & Sibling Comparisons
Jen reflects on how academic pressure, comparison, and cultural expectations shaped both her and Teddy in very different ways.

(00:15:22) – Therapy & Rewriting the Narrative
A family photo once filled with shame becomes a moment of healing thanks to therapy—Jen discusses the power of reframing grief and guilt.

(00:19:00) – Discovering Teddy’s Twinhood
Jen recalls the moment she discovered Teddy was a surviving twin and the emotional weight of finding a note he once wrote to God, asking if his brother was safe in heaven.

(00:22:00) – 2017: The Year Everything Changed
After losing his beloved grandmother and a close friend, Teddy's grief deepened. Jen shares how she never saw the signs of his declining mental health.

(00:26:00) – A Life of Trauma and Suppression
From childhood bullying to a near-institutionalization as a teen, Jen uncovers the deep traumas Teddy endured—and how their family culture of silence kept him from healing.

(00:30:00) – Teddy’s First Suicide Attempt
In 2003, Teddy survived a suicide attempt on Boston’s Tobin Bridge. Jen recounts the hospital call that changed everything—and how the stigma around mental health silenced the conversation for years.

(00:32:00) – Saying Goodbye Was Not Easy
Jen discusses the complicated decisions her family made after Teddy’s death, the tension surrounding his service, and the 400 people who came to say goodbye.

(00:35:00) – The Call That Changed Everything
Jen shares the moment she learned of Teddy’s death—and how her family’s avoidance of grief left her in prolonged shock for nearly three years.

(00:42:00) – Grief Bubble & Delayed Healing
Without the space to grieve immediately, Jen’s own grief journey was stunted. She talks about what it means to be “strong for the family” and the emotional cost of silence.

(00:44:00) – The Pandemic Awakening
It wasn’t until the COVID-19 pandemic that Jen was forced to sit with her thoughts—and finally begin to unpack her trauma and start to heal.

This episode is sponsored by The Surviving Siblings. 

If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health or suicidal thoughts, help is available. Please reach out to a mental health professional or call your local crisis line. You are never alone.

Connect with Jen: 

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jen.hoye

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen.and.pen/

• Website: https://www.jenniferhoye.com/miles

 

Connect with Maya:

• Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/survivingsiblingspodcast/

• Maya's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayaroffler/

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@survivingsiblingspodcast

• Twitter: https://x.com/survivingsibpod

• Website: thesurvivingsiblings.com

• Facebook Group: The Surviving Siblings Podcast

• YouTube: The Surviving Siblings Podcast

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheSurvivingSiblingsPodcast