267 - Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers
Your Stupid Minds
After a contentious bidding war with New Line Cinema, Miramax was determined to revamp the Halloween franchise with this jumbled mess. It's 1995's Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, starring Donald Pleasance, Marianne Hagan, Kim Darby, and Paul Rudd. When Michael Myers and his niece Jamie (J.C. Brandy) are kidnapped by cultists at the end of Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers (don’t worry, we get into the series chronology in the episode), Jamie is forced to give birth to a baby for we assume child sacrifice purposes. She escapes with her newborn but is murdered by Michael; the...
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266 - The Murder Mansion
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds starts its spooktacular October with a Spanish/Italian collab that numerous Letterboxd reviews describe as "giallo meets Scooby Doo," presumably because there's one mask reveal and some Italians are involved. It's 1972's The Murder Mansion! After an "exciting" car/motorcycle chase, speed demon Fred (Andrés Resino) steals comely hitchhiker Laura (Lisa Leonardo) from sweaty creep Mr. Porter (Franco Fantasia). Meanwhile, neurotic divorcee Elsa (Analía Gadé) races off into the foggy night with some other people. They all find themselves lost in the fog (even after Fred asks...
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265 - The Three Musketeers (2011)
Your Stupid Minds
Wirework lover and wife guy Paul W.S. Anderson tries his hand at an adventure classic with 2011’s The Three Musketeers! How is he going to find a way to add Matrix fights, laser traps and exploding airships into this one? Starring Ray Stevenson, Luke Evans, Orlando Bloom, Mads Mikkelsen, Chrisoph Waltz, and, you guessed it, Milla Jovovich. After a successful heist in Venice, the musketeers and Milady manage to steal Leonardo la Vinci’s famous airship plans. Athos (Matthew Macfadyen) uses his classic scuba ninja skills, Aramis (Evans) his Assassin’s Creed cloak-wearing skills, and Porthos...
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264 - Arcade
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds returns to the deep well of Albert Pyun with another cyberspace type 90s movie about an evil VR arcade machine that turns you insane and then kidnaps you and is also Freddy Krueger. It's 1993's Arcade, starring Megan Ward, Peter Billingsley, John de Lancie, and Seth Green as "Stilts." After her mother's suicide, Alex (Ward) is struggling in school. During a visit to their favorite foggy subterranean arcade "Dante's Inferno," Alex and her friends check out a new VR machine called, uninspiringly, "Arcade," that makes you feel like you're INSIDE THE GAME despite it basically...
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263 - Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds returns to computer with a sequel to 1992's cyber thriller The Lawnmower Man. Except 1996's Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (or is it Jobe's War?) is bigger, dumber, and significantly less financially successful, somehow opening at #19 in the box office on 1,600 screens. Starring no one from the original movie except Austin O'Brien. Peter (O'Brien) is an orphaned street urchin on the mean streets of cyberpunk L.A. And when it's cyberpunk L.A. you know what that means! It's perpetually night, it's torrentially raining, and people are warming their hands on fire barrels to...
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262 - War of the Worlds (2025)
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds jumps right on the zeitgeist to cover possibly one of the worst movies of 2025. Released just a week ago on Amazon Prime Video, War of the Worlds (2025) asks the question "have you ever wanted to see the classic H.G. Wells story adapted into a 90 minute Microsoft Teams meeting?" And the answer from the public is a resounding "NO!" We should also note this movie was shot in 2020 using COVID protocols, and it shows. William Radford (Ice Cube) is NSA's only employee. When he isn't using government resources to spy on his daughter Faith's (Iman Benson) fridge, or uninstalling...
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261 - Ryan's Babe
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds continues its loose Canada series with a film that's been regarded as the Canadian equivalent of The Room. It's the aimless Tarantino-esque sex (?) comedy (?) Ryan's Babe (2000)! Ryan (Bill LeVasseur) is a Saskatchewan college student who's so easyGOING. He's held captive by an armed woman emerging from the woods, which gives him an opportunity to tell his entire life's story up to that point through a flashback embedded with yet another flashback. His neighbor Connie (Alix Hayden) has been obsessed with him since childhood. After numerous fruitless attempts to solidify their...
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260 - The Red Maple Leaf
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our first foray into the filmography of Canadian auteur Frank D'Angelo. Off the heels of his infamous Sicilian Vampire, Frank brings back his menagerie of geriatric Hollywood stars to investigate the kidnapping of the American ambassador's daughter in The Red Maple Leaf (2016). The synopsis will be difficult since we suspect Frank locked in his cast before finishing the script, so there are big names with absolutely nothing to do whose scenes could have been excised entirely and it would have made the movie more coherent. Special Agent Alfonso Palermo...
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259 - Independence Day: Resurgence
Your Stupid Minds
My god... this time around Your Stupid Minds covers the legacy sequel of 1996's biggest film. It's Independence Day: Resurgence, which was most definitely not 2016's biggest film. Starring Liam Hemsworth, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, Maika Monroe, and 3,800 other people (but not Mae Whitman). We really have our work cut out for us when describing this plot. It's 20 years after the events of the last film. Earth has commandeered the alien technology and created a Federation-like utopia centered around how cool it was when we kicked those aliens' asses. President Lanford (Sela Ward) is on the...
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258 - The Love Guru
Your Stupid Minds
This time around we’re joined by Vincent Goodwin from to discuss a serviceable sports comedy that just happens to have Mike Myers traipsing around in every frame doing a horrible Indian accent. It’s 2008’s The Love Guru! Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) is a white guy who grew up in India. Guided by the Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley) he moves to LA to become a guru to the stars. His idol and rival Deepak Chopra (playing himself) is the top guru in the world, so Pitka is determined to get on Oprah and overtake him. In order to do this, he will need to have Toronto Maple Leafs star player...
info_outlineOne night in Bangkok makes a soft man mumble! Your Stupid Minds heads to Thailand and returns to the Steven Seagal well with one of his transitional films from theatrical to direct-to-video. It's 2003's Belly of the Beast!
Jake Hopper (Seagal) is an ex-CIA agent whose daughter Jessica (Sara Malakul Lane) is kidnapped by... some group in Thailand. They also, coincidentally, kidnap her friend Sara (Elidh MacQueen), who happens to be the daughter of a United States Senator which sparks a covert international incident.
Hopper tells his dead wife goodbye and immediately plods off to Southeast Asia to find his daughter. The CIA suspects the Islamic fundamentalist group Abu Karaf is behind the kidnapping, but Hopper, based on nothing, already knows it isn’t them. He takes some time to beat up a group of aggro young men menacing sex worker Lulu (Monica Lo), who immediately starts following Hopper around like a lost puppy. He also stops off at a Buddhist temple to meet up with his former partner Sunti (Byron Mann) and boost his mysticism stats in order to fend off Buddhist voodoo from an evil monk, who Hopper also knows about somehow.
What follows is a series of competently directed action set pieces from veteran Hong Kong director Ching Siu-tung. Apparently Ching disagreed with Seagal about how the fight scenes should be directed; Ching wanted them to be interesting and dynamic, while Seagal wanted them to be bad and boring. Ching won this fight and the result is lots of fluid action with coverage of Seagal brought in only when absolutely necessary. The wrapping around these action scenes is a bunch of spy intrigue mumbo jumbo, goofy mysticism, and dialogue where Seagal can show off the phonetic Thai he learned five minutes before the shoot.
Will Hopper find his daughter? Is Abu Karaf behind it? Is this jacked glistening general with a British accent the real bad guy? You’ll have to listen to find out!