Climbing Fish Parenting
Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes, we're just asking our fish to climb trees. If you're an exhausted parent who's tried everything and nothing has worked—this podcast is for you. You're carrying guilt about your parenting. Your child's behaviors don't respond to the typical strategies. The advice from books, friends, and even professionals just... doesn't fit. Here's what I need you to know: You're not failing. You're just using the wrong map. I'm Dr. Kristi, a psychologist and behavior analyst, and I help parents understand their child's unique wiring and use strategies that actually work. Whether your child has a diagnosis or you just know they're wired differently—whether it's ADHD, ASD, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or they're just... not like the parenting books describe—this is for you. No fluff. No shame. Just practical, evidence-based guidance from someone who gets it. Each episode gives you real strategies for real challenges—meltdowns, school struggles, bedtime battles, and everything in between. This is where we stop asking fish to climb trees and start helping them swim.
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Building a Support System When You Feel Totally Alone
01/26/2026
Building a Support System When You Feel Totally Alone
If you're parenting a child who's wired differently and you feel completely alone in it, that's not random and it's not your fault. Maybe family doesn't understand why you do things differently. Maybe friends stopped inviting you places. Maybe you can't find a babysitter who can handle your child's needs, so you haven't had a break in months—or years. Here's the truth: you're not supposed to do this alone, but the support you need looks different than what most people offer. In this episode, you'll discover: Why parents of kids who are wired differently predictably end up isolated (and why it's damaging your capacity to parent) What support you actually need versus what people think you need How to ask for help specifically (so people can actually say yes) Where to find your people—the ones who already speak your language Why some "support" is actually draining you—and how to fire people from your team How to protect your energy by letting go of relationships that deplete you By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to build a support system that can actually help you sustain this marathon—even if it looks nothing like other parents' support systems. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at for a specific script for asking for help that makes it easier for people to say yes—plus instant access to the Frustration Tolerance Scripts & Practice Guide. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Your Nervous System Matters Too: Co-Regulation Starts with Self-Regulation
01/19/2026
Your Nervous System Matters Too: Co-Regulation Starts with Self-Regulation
"Just stay calm." "Be the calm in the storm." Easy to say, impossible to do when you're already depleted from co-regulating through three transitions before breakfast, making seventy decisions, and absorbing your child's anxiety all morning. Here's the truth: you can't lend your child a calm nervous system if yours is running on empty. And trying harder to "stay calm" when you're already dysregulated? That's not a reasonable expectation—it's not even biologically possible. In this episode, you'll discover: Why your child's nervous system is constantly scanning yours for cues of safety or danger What's happening in your body when chronic stress shrinks your "window of tolerance" How to notice your early warning signs before you're already yelling or shut down The micro-moments of regulation (30 seconds to 2 minutes) that actually work in real-time Why repair after dysregulation matters more than perfect calm When you need professional support for your own nervous system (and why that's not weakness) By the end of this episode, you'll understand what's actually happening in your body when your child is dysregulated, why "just stay calm" doesn't work, and what you need to do to regulate yourself so you can help regulate your child. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at for a specific regulation technique that works in under 60 seconds—plus instant access to the Frustration Tolerance Scripts & Practice Guide. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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The Myth of "Doing It All": What Sustainable Parenting Actually Looks Like
01/12/2026
The Myth of "Doing It All": What Sustainable Parenting Actually Looks Like
If you're trying to "do it all"—homemade meals, organized systems, consistent routines, patience, self-care—while parenting a child who's wired differently, I need you to hear this: You're not failing because you're not trying hard enough. You're failing because the goal itself is impossible. That vision of "good parenting" wasn't designed for families managing constant co-regulation, sensory needs, and nervous systems that can't handle typical demands. In this episode, you'll discover: Why you're operating from a scarcity model (and how it's setting you up for collapse) How to identify your real non-negotiables (there should be fewer than you think) The "should audit" that will free up massive amounts of energy immediately Why tight schedules always break—and how to build buffers that actually work How to embrace different seasons of parenting without guilt What "good enough" parenting actually means (and why it's better for your child than perfection) By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly what to stop doing, what actually matters, and how to build a parenting approach you can maintain for years without burning out. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at for this week's exclusive Swim Strategy—a specific question that will help you figure out what to drop immediately. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Why Parenting a Child Who's Wired Differently Is So Exhausting (And It's Not Your Fault)
01/05/2026
Why Parenting a Child Who's Wired Differently Is So Exhausting (And It's Not Your Fault)
If you're completely drained from parenting your child who's wired differently—and wondering if you're just not cut out for this—I need you to hear this: It's not because you're weak or doing it wrong. There are very specific, research-backed reasons why this type of parenting is exponentially more exhausting than typical parenting. And once you understand what's actually happening, you can stop blaming yourself and start protecting your energy. In this episode, you'll discover: Why you're functioning as your child's external regulation system (and what that's doing to your nervous system) How you're making hundreds more decisions every day than other parents—and what to do about decision fatigue The invisible translation work that's draining you (and how to stop doing it alone) Why chronic uncertainty keeps you in a constant state of low-level panic Practical strategies to restore your energy between co-regulation moments How to pace yourself for the marathon, not the sprint By the end of this episode, you'll understand the seven specific reasons parenting your child is so depleting—and have concrete strategies to protect your own capacity so you can keep showing up. Resources mentioned: Sign up for the newsletter at and get your Swimming Strategy for the week - a research finding about co-regulation that didn't make it into this episode. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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The Power of Validation: Why Your Kid Desperately Needs It
12/29/2025
The Power of Validation: Why Your Kid Desperately Needs It
"Great, another therapy word that sounds nice but doesn't actually help when my kid is having a full meltdown in Target." I get it. But here's the thing: validation is one of the most powerful tools you have for reducing meltdowns, building confidence, and teaching your child to trust themselves. And it's way simpler than you think. In this episode, you'll discover: - What validation actually is (hint: it's not agreeing or giving permission) - Why kids who grow up without validation become adults who don't trust themselves - The 5 specific strategies for validating your child in real, messy situations - How to validate feelings while still holding firm boundaries - Examples of validation at every age (toddlers through teens) By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to acknowledge your child's internal experience without approving their behavior—and why this one shift reduces meltdown intensity, shortens duration, and builds the foundation for self-regulation. Get practical strategies at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Grief and the Holidays: How to Help Your Child (And Yourself) Through Loss
12/21/2025
Grief and the Holidays: How to Help Your Child (And Yourself) Through Loss
Your child just asked when Grandma's coming back—for the fifth time this week. Or they're melting down over nothing. Or they seem completely fine while you're barely holding it together. And you're thinking: Am I doing this wrong? Should I hide my tears? Will talking about it make it worse? Here's the truth: Grief during the holidays is complicated—for you AND your kids. And most of us are trying to protect our children from pain in ways that actually make it harder for them to heal. In this episode, you'll discover: Why shielding your kids from grief teaches them that sadness is shameful What grief actually looks like at every age (hint: it doesn't look like adult grief) The question that changes everything: "Am I teaching my child that we erase people when they die?" How to talk about death in age-appropriate ways that are honest but not terrifying Why you MUST talk about your loved one—even when it's hard The exact signs that grief has become concerning and needs professional support How to manage your own grief while still showing up for your kids By the end of this episode, you'll know how to navigate the holidays with grief in a way that honors your loved one, makes space for all the feelings, and teaches your kids that hard emotions are part of being human—not something to hide. Resources mentioned: Get practical strategies at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Why Behavior Gets Worse Before It Gets Better (And How to Survive It)
12/15/2025
Why Behavior Gets Worse Before It Gets Better (And How to Survive It)
You finally implemented a behavior plan. Day one went great. Day two was even better. And then day three hit—and your child didn't just whine, they SCREAMED. They escalated harder than ever before. And you're standing there thinking: "What did I do wrong? This was working!" Here's the truth: You didn't do anything wrong. What you're seeing is proof that your strategy is working. In this episode, you'll discover: - What an extinction burst is (and why it means your plan is actually working) - The three patterns extinction bursts follow (so you know what to expect) - Why most parents quit right before breakthrough (and how to push through) - Real-life examples of what extinction bursts look like with bedtime, homework, and sibling conflict - When to worry that something else might be going on By the end of this episode, you'll understand why behavior spikes right after you change the rules—and exactly how to stay consistent through the hardest week or two without giving up. Get practical strategies at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Backtalk & Defiance: What Your Child Really Means (And How to Respond)
12/08/2025
Backtalk & Defiance: What Your Child Really Means (And How to Respond)
Your child just said "That's not fair!" or "You can't make me!" and you're standing there thinking: Is this disrespect? Should I shut this down? Or am I about to crush my child's voice? Here's the truth: Most of us don't know. We're navigating a massive cultural shift in parenting without a roadmap—trying to teach our kids something we were never taught ourselves. In this episode, you'll discover: - The question that changes everything: "Is this an attack, or is there a need underneath the bad delivery?" - Why boundaries often sound like backtalk when kids lack the skills to express them - How to teach respectful disagreement when you were never taught it yourself - The exact line between advocacy and disrespect (and how to hold it) - Why strong-willed kids need MORE voice, not less By the end of this episode, you'll know how to honor your child's growing voice while still teaching respect—so they become adults who can advocate for themselves AND communicate in ways people will actually listen to. Get practical strategies at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here. -Dr. Kristi
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What's Normal Pushback vs. Actual Disrespect (By Age)
12/01/2025
What's Normal Pushback vs. Actual Disrespect (By Age)
Your child just rolled their eyes at you. Or said "no" for the tenth time today. Or told you your rule is "so unfair." And you're standing there wondering: Is this normal? Or am I raising a disrespectful kid? Here's what you need to know: Most pushback isn't disrespect—it's normal development. But some behavior does cross the line, and you need to know the difference. In this episode, you'll discover: - What's developmentally normal at ages 3-5, 6-9, 10-13, and 14+ (and what actually crosses into disrespect) - Why shutting down ALL pushback teaches your child their voice doesn't matter - How to teach your child to disagree respectfully instead of attacking - The exact language to use when they cross the line - Why kids who can't advocate for themselves become adults who get walked over By the end of this episode, you'll have a clear framework for knowing when to correct disrespect and when to honor normal developmental pushback—so you can raise a child who's both respectful AND able to stand up for themselves. Get practical strategies at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Why Your Boundaries Matter More Than You Think (And How to Set Them)
11/24/2025
Why Your Boundaries Matter More Than You Think (And How to Set Them)
If you struggle to set boundaries with your child—if you say yes when you want to say no, if you give in to avoid conflict, if you feel guilty every time you hold a limit—this episode is for you. Here's the truth: The boundaries you set (or don't set) are directly teaching your child what boundaries are, how they work, and whether they matter. And that lesson will shape their entire life. In this episode, you'll discover: - What a boundary actually is (hint: it's not a rule you impose on someone else) - Why kids who grow up with clear boundaries become adults who can protect themselves - The four reasons boundaries feel so hard (and what to do about each one) - How to state a boundary clearly and follow through every single time - Why your child's discomfort with a boundary is not the same as harm By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to set boundaries without feeling mean or guilty—and why this is some of the most important parenting work you can do. Resources mentioned: - "Set Boundaries, Find Peace" by Nedra Glover Tawwab - "The Book of Boundaries" by Melissa Urban - "The Disease to Please" by Harriet Braiker Sign up for practical strategies at www.lumosbaystate.com/climbingfishparenting Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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How to Handle Thanksgiving Without the Food Fights, Judgment, or Meltdowns
11/20/2025
How to Handle Thanksgiving Without the Food Fights, Judgment, or Meltdowns
Thanksgiving is coming. And you're not worried about the turkey—you're worried about what happens at the table. Your child only eats three foods, none of which are on the menu. Grandma's already making comments. And you're wondering: do we skip it altogether, or bring safe foods and deal with the judgment? Here's what you need to know: The food battles at Thanksgiving aren't about pickiness or defiance. They're about nervous systems, sensory processing, and a fundamental misunderstanding of whose job is what when it comes to eating. In this episode, I sit down with eating disorder specialist Dr. Christy Duffy to talk about how to survive Thanksgiving when food is complicated. You'll discover: Why extreme food selectivity isn't stubbornness—it's neurology The Division of Responsibility: what YOU control and what your CHILD controls (and why getting this wrong makes everything harder) How to protect your child from food pressure without starting a family war Why "bringing safe foods" isn't reinforcing the problem—it's protecting your child's relationship with food The long-term damage that happens when kids who struggle with food are shamed at the table By the end of this episode, you'll know how to make Thanksgiving about connection instead of control—and how to get through the day without the meltdowns, the guilt, or the battles. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Whining Decoded: How to Stop It Without Losing Your Mind
11/17/2025
Whining Decoded: How to Stop It Without Losing Your Mind
That sound. You know the one. That grating, nails-on-a-chalkboard whine that makes your entire nervous system want to crawl out of your skin. "Moooooom, I want a snaaaack." "This is toooooo haaaaard." Here's what you need to know: Whining doesn't just annoy you—it activates your nervous system in a way that very few other sounds do. And your child has learned that this sound gets results. In this episode, you'll discover: - Why whining triggers such an intense reaction (hint: it's evolutionary) - How to regulate yourself when your kid is whining in the middle of Target - The exact response that stops whining without giving in or exploding - What to do when whining escalates into a full meltdown - Why engaging with the whining actually makes it worse By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to stay calm when every fiber of your being wants to either give in or yell—and how to teach your child a better way to communicate their needs. Grab your free Frustration Tolerance Scripts & Practice Guide at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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When Your Teen Can't Handle 'No': Door-Slamming, Silent Treatment, and What Actually Works (BONUS Episode for Parents of Teens and Tweens)
11/13/2025
When Your Teen Can't Handle 'No': Door-Slamming, Silent Treatment, and What Actually Works (BONUS Episode for Parents of Teens and Tweens)
When Your Teen Can't Handle 'No': Door-Slamming, Silent Treatment, and What Actually Works Your teenager just exploded because you said they couldn't go to a party. Or maybe they went silent—giving you the cold shoulder for hours. Or worse, they agreed to your face and then snuck out anyway. If your teen's reaction to disappointment feels like living with a ticking time bomb, you're not imagining it. Here's what most parents don't realize: your teen's brain is actually WORSE at handling frustration than it was a few years ago. The emotional center develops years before the impulse control center—so they feel disappointment more intensely but have less capacity to manage it. Add in hormones, social pressure, and their desperate need for autonomy, and you've got a perfect storm. But here's the harder truth: they're old enough now to walk away, lie to you, or make genuinely risky choices. The stakes are higher—and "because I said so" doesn't work anymore. In this bonus episode, you'll discover: Why adolescent brain development makes frustration tolerance harder (not easier) What low frustration tolerance actually looks like in teens—from door-slamming to deception The critical shift from "empathy first, boundary second" to "validate + explain + offer limited autonomy" How to separate negotiables from non-negotiables so you stop negotiating things you won't budge on Why explaining your reasoning (even when you don't have to) reduces their resistance How to teach your teen to advocate appropriately instead of escalating When to let natural consequences teach—and when not to The repair strategy that builds frustration tolerance over time By the end of this episode, you'll have a framework for holding firm boundaries while giving your teen the autonomy they're biologically driven to seek—without backing down on what matters or losing your mind in the process. Resources mentioned: Grab your free Frustration Tolerance Scripts & Practice Guide at Your teen isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here. -Dr. Kristi
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Frustration Tolerance: When 'No' Triggers World War III
11/10/2025
Frustration Tolerance: When 'No' Triggers World War III
If saying "no" to your child feels like detonating a bomb in your own home, you're not alone. The screaming, the negotiating, the full-body collapse on the floor—it's exhausting. And you're probably wondering if you've somehow spoiled your child or failed as a parent. Here's the truth: Your child isn't manipulating you. They genuinely don't have the skill of frustration tolerance yet—and if they're wired differently, their nervous system makes this even harder. In this episode, you'll discover: - Why modern kids struggle more with frustration than previous generations - The "empathy first, boundary second" framework that changes everything - How to teach frustration tolerance (not just stop the meltdown) - Why you might be accidentally reinforcing the exact behavior you're trying to eliminate - Practical strategies for low-stakes practice that build the skill over time By the end of this episode, you'll know how to hold firm boundaries without breaking your sanity—and how to help your child build the capacity to hear "no" and survive the disappointment. Resources mentioned: Grab your free Frustration Tolerance Scripts & Practice Guide at Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Co-Regulation: How to Actually Help Your Child Calm Down
11/03/2025
Co-Regulation: How to Actually Help Your Child Calm Down
You've said "calm down" a thousand times. It never works. Your child is drowning in their emotions, and you feel completely helpless because nothing you try makes it better. Here's what's actually happening: Your child isn't choosing to stay dysregulated. They literally cannot calm themselves down in that moment. Their thinking brain is offline, and they need YOU to help them regulate. This is called co-regulation—and it's the most important parenting skill you'll ever learn. In this episode, you'll discover: - Why "calm down" makes meltdowns worse (and what actually works) - The neuroscience behind why your child can't think or reason when they're escalated - Exactly how to co-regulate at every age (toddlers through teens) - Why this strategy is a game-changer for ADHD and autistic kids - What to do when your child won't let you near them during a meltdown By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to use your calm nervous system to help your child's dysregulated nervous system settle—and why this is the foundation for every other parenting strategy you'll ever use. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here. Dr. Kristi
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BONUS EPISODE: Halloween Survival Guide for Kids Wired Differently
10/29/2025
BONUS EPISODE: Halloween Survival Guide for Kids Wired Differently
Halloween is supposed to be fun—but if you're dreading tonight instead of looking forward to it, you're not alone. For kids with ADHD, autism, sensory processing challenges, or anxiety, Halloween can be a perfect storm: scratchy costumes, unpredictable social interactions, scary decorations, and complete sensory overload. In this bonus episode, you'll discover: Why Halloween is so overwhelming for neurodivergent kids (hint: it's their nervous system, not bad behavior) How developmental age affects what your child can handle—and why that matters Practical ways to modify costumes, timing, and expectations Permission to skip trick-or-treating entirely (yes, really) How to create new traditions that actually work for YOUR family The goal isn't Instagram-perfect memories. It's keeping your kid regulated and your family intact. There's no "right way" to do Halloween—only what works for your fish. Resources mentioned: Get more practical strategies at www.climbingfishparenting.com Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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Clear Expectations: The Parenting Hack for Kids Who 'Never Listen'
10/27/2025
Clear Expectations: The Parenting Hack for Kids Who 'Never Listen'
If your child "never listens" or you're constantly repeating yourself—the problem might not be defiance. It might be that your expectations aren't clear. "Clean your room." "Be good at Grandma's." "Use good manners." These feel like clear instructions, but to your child's brain, they're guessing games. And when kids don't know exactly what success looks like, they fail—over and over again. In this episode, you'll discover: - Why "clean up" and "be good" set everyone up for failure - The three parts every clear expectation needs (most parents skip part 3) - How to introduce clear expectations if you've been vague for years - Why this strategy is essential for ADHD, autism, and anxious kids - The real-life dinner table expectation that ended chaos in my own home By the end of this episode, you'll know how to set crystal-clear expectations your child can actually follow—and why this one shift reduces power struggles, builds confidence, and teaches life-long executive functioning skills. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees. That's what we fix here.
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First-Time Listening for Parents Who've Tried Everything
10/20/2025
First-Time Listening for Parents Who've Tried Everything
Does your child ignore you until you've repeated yourself five times? You're not alone—and it's not about defiance. In this episode, Dr. Kristi breaks down the 7 reasons kids don't follow directions the first time, including: - Why "get ready" and "be good" confuse their brains - The sneaky ways you're accidentally inviting negotiation - How asking instead of telling undermines your authority - Why they get more attention for NOT listening (and how to flip it) - The exact timing for explanations that eliminates power struggles You'll walk away with concrete strategies you can use today to reset the pattern and get cooperation without repeating yourself. Bonus: Sign up for the newsletter at www.climbingfishparenting.com to get 3 additional first-time listening strategies not covered in this episode. Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes we're just asking our fish to climb trees—and that's what we fix here.
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Trailer: Welcome to Climbing Fish Parenting
10/15/2025
Trailer: Welcome to Climbing Fish Parenting
I'm Dr. Kristi, a psychologist and behavior analyst, and here's what I need you to know: Your kid isn't broken. Your parenting isn't broken. Sometimes, we're just asking our fish to climb trees. If you have a child who's wired differently and just doesn't respond to typical parenting strategies—this show is for you. In every episode, I'm giving you practical, actionable strategies rooted in behavioral science that work WITH your child's unique wiring, not against it. No fluff. No judgment. Just real tools for real parents navigating real challenges. Full episodes launch on October 20th. Hit subscribe now so you don't miss our first episode where we're diving into the real reason your kid doesn't listen the first time (hint: it's probably not what you think). Let's stop trying to make your fish climb trees—and start helping them swim.
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