The Chronicles of Critic
Join two absolute amateurs as we take a look at the highest-grossing film released each week some time between the year of our births, 1989, and today. A cinematic retrospective of the last 35 years of movies... that we don't take too seriously.
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The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (October 2009)
10/31/2025
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (October 2009)
Depending on who you ask, The Boondock Saints was either a gritty cult classic or an over-hyped bar fight, merely proof that nostalgia looks especially "Sean Patrick-flattering" through shamrock-coloured glasses. Regardless of which side of the pew you sit on in that debate, one thing is certain: its follow-up, The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, leaves its viewers praying for a MacManus brothers–style mercy killing faster than you can say Ding Dong. Where do we even begin? Between the unforgivable “accents”, nightmare performances, high-school-locker-room screenplay, a weird (but thankfully, brief) left turn into the manosphere, and a plot with more holes than a rosary has beads, all we can do is thank the saints of cinema that Billy Connolly and Willem Dafoe took pity upon the fans and reprised their roles in this dumpster-fire-at-the-end-of-the-rainbow of a movie. Special thanks also to Norman Reedus for helping keep the dream alive. We’re grateful there were a few moments of flabbergasting, laugh-out-loud stupidity to cling to, but make no mistake, this film remains a black mark on Boston, Ireland, the film industry, perhaps even Bushmills Distillery... and, yes, my own immortal soul. You look like you could use a supersized ofder of freedom fries!
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The Holdovers (October 2023)
10/24/2025
The Holdovers (October 2023)
While we’re not quite ready to wave goodbye to the crunchy leaves and glow of jack-o’-lanterns that close out October, The Holdovers makes a strong case for skipping the pumpkin spice season altogether and diving headfirst into the cozy, boozy melancholy of a 1970s New England Christmas, courtesy of Alexander Payne’s delightfully nostalgic film. Paul Giamatti is the perfect troll of a man to embody the role of curmudgeonly Professor Paul. It's no wonder that Da'Vine Joy Randolph's performance as the "bereaved bridge between two worlds with a stiff upper lip" landed her the Oscar for this role. And as for Dominic Sessa's big-screen debut? Let's just say that he will have us watching his career with great interest (lol) for years to come. We loved this movie for its wry humour, stand-out performances, tight assembly, and overall charm. So fill your coffee mug with an 11 a.m. bourbon and join us as we try to figure out, once and for all, just which of his eyes is the normal one... And remember: the next time you realize you forgot to apply deodorant... Glade! chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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Bedazzled (October 2000)
10/17/2025
Bedazzled (October 2000)
If the devil appeared to me and offered to grant me seven wishes in exchange for my soul, I'd use every last one of them to try and erase the hot garbage that was Harold Ramis's Bedazzled from as many planes of existance as humanly possible. The eternity I'd have to spend roasting in hell would undoubtedly be better than the 90 minutes I spent in the purgatory that was watching this awful movie. Sorry Brendan Fraser, whatever you were going for in this film was agonizingly nauseating to watch. Thank heavens that Elizabeth Hurley's playful and mischievous outing as The Devil provided the occasional moment of reprieve from the cheesegrater that the character of Elliot Richards raked across my mortal soul any time he appeared on screen. I wish they would have dumped the budget of this movie into the Columbian drug lord sequence and produced something that didn't feel like the world's worst Mad TV sketch going on far longer than it had any business to. chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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Frankie & Johnny (October 1991)
10/10/2025
Frankie & Johnny (October 1991)
If someone told me that the 1991's Frankie & Johnny was required viewing for police services and psychotherapists alike, all I could reasonably reply with would be, "Say no more, fam"! Mixed in amidst this movie's snappy quips, world-building, and incredible acting is the story of an absolute lunatic stalking an uncomfortable abuse victim. Seriously, all you have to do is re-jig some of that background music and you could push this October rom-com into slasher movie territory REAL quick. Watching Al Pacino kissing Michelle Pfeiffer is the exact same experience as watching the facehugger scene from Alien, though somehow even more unsettling. Writhing as Johnny pushes boundary after boundary as he spirals deeper into delusional mania makes you wish it had been Ricky J's "No Means No" that had come on Midnight with Marlon that night instead of Clair de Lune. Despite all of the above, this is a really entertaining movie to watch. Just fon't get any ideas for your love life... HOO-AAAH! chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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Kiss The Girls (October 1997)
10/03/2025
Kiss The Girls (October 1997)
We can’t say the title of this movie without immediately hearing our favorite singing crab, but rest assured 1997’s crime-thriller Kiss the Girls is a very different kettle of fish. This movie doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It tries to sell itself as a Se7en / Silence of the Lambs–style crime thriller, but inevitably devolves into “insert-generic-underwhelming-90s-action-thriller-here.” Nothing kills suspense faster than realizing the character we spent a third of the runtime developing is inevitably destined to escape certain doom, per the very premise of the film. Instead, the suspense comes from questions like: “Whose call was it to use those creepy phone voices and bargain-bin gunshot sounds?” Or, “Why is this random non-detective bossing actual cops around in the middle of an active investigation?” And of course: “Exactly how much are this surgeon’s hands insured for, anyway?” All that to say, this might not be remembered as a crown jewel of the genre, but Judd and Freeman bring electric performances, and the campy spiral this film takes keeps things surprisingly fun. And hey—if you enjoyed this one, maybe we’ll cover the sequel faster than Jeremy Piven hitting on an abduction victim.
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Urban Legend (September 1998)
09/26/2025
Urban Legend (September 1998)
I know we've all heard a few "Urban Legends" about our old pal Jared Leto, if you know what I mean, but for now, let us head back to a simpler time, a spookier time, a slashier time! The central premise to this film is quite arguably that one girl is an absolutely abhorent driver and should have her license revoked immediately... no seriously, hear us out. This movie acts as the latest vehicle to spoon feed the audience more slop as it tries (fails?) to milk the cash cow that was the slasher-revival movie of the late-nineties (thanks "Scream"!). Watch as the plot confuses you, the performances annoy you, and as you try to figure out why everyone in this town seems to own the exact same winter parka that they insist on bringing with them everywhere in mid-September. And by god, if someone can tell us what that pesky Dean and his chums got up to with their free weekends back in the day, please do write in... farm animals? Yeesh! chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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The Town (September 2010)
09/19/2025
The Town (September 2010)
Welcome to Charlestown, Baahston! The city where everyone's a bank robber, the women are all on drugs, and all the little children can dream of is an ice rink. Even Fergie's lookin a little rough in this piece! They say if you watch this back-to-back with The Departed, The Boondock Saints, and Good Will Hunting, the mayor of Boston will ship you a key to the city, a box of Bruins jerseys, and a small "Fighting Irish" tattoo will spontaniously appear somewhere on your body. In all seriousness, this movie works harder than a "rock-breaking Townie". The performances are excellent, the stakes are exhilerating, and it was really cool to see Don Draper scream at Batman in an FBI windbreaker. Settle in for some thrills, spills, and stollen dolla' bills - just remember who clipped your nuts for ya!
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The Queen (September 2006)
09/12/2025
The Queen (September 2006)
Aaaand they’re back! This week, we shoot back to 2006 and a movie that left royalists, monarchists, and Anglophiles alike clamoring for more—the award darling, Oscar-bating, The Queen. This film serves up all the hallmarks of British luxury: a picnic in the Cairngorms (featuring a full bar, I might add), Barbour waxed jackets, Land Rovers, gaggles of corgis, flawless diction, painfully rigid protocol, and a curmudgeonly old man taking the Lord’s name in vain while endlessly cursing out “the poors.” Does it get any more British? “Steep” yourself in the “tea” of the Royal Family immediately following the untimely death of Princess Diana, as Helen Mirren and Michael Sheen battle for the heart of a nation. The performances slay, the stakes are… medium… and the 90s nostalgia is at an all-time high. God Save the Screen!
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24 - Last Action Hero (June 1993)
07/12/2025
24 - Last Action Hero (June 1993)
GET DOWN with the latest episode of The Chronicles of Critic where we are taking a look at the highest grossing movie that came out this week way back in 1993. While perhaps oveshadowed by the groundbreaking film that was Jurassic Parc, Last Action Hero came out the next week to... not much fanfair... We thought this movie was the bees knees and arguably holds up even better now that we're all a few decades removed from the peak of all that was "aby-oiled abs and cocaine-induced action movie fever dreams. This has a great story, some wonderful acting, 200 intentional gaffs, three Oscar winners, and more homage that you can keep up with. Its a Riggs, it's a McClean, no it's, JACK SLATER! Hoping this releases just in time for a pleasant drive in the country to the cottage ;) chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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23 - The Bourne Identity (June 2002)
07/04/2025
23 - The Bourne Identity (June 2002)
While Scooby-Doo technically topped the box office this week back in 2002, we made sure to send one of the Treadstone assassins to do to that dog what they did to poor Eamon’s retriever in The Bourne Identity. This one’s our first 10 on the nostalgia-meter — and quite possibly my favourite film. We get to explore the seedy underbelly of international espionage while witnessing a brand-new way to make an action movie, a style and approach that still echoes through the genre over two decades later. Some of our favourite questions upon rewatch: Does amnesia actually work like this? Did Wombosi really think that blackmailing the CIA was a good plan? And why did the world’s top assassin decide the best way to handle one fat, middle-aged, probably out-of-practice Frenchman… was to jump off a building? I love Matt Damon.. but I can't help but wonder whether Burt Reynolds could have just bounced off his immaculate chest hair when hitting the foyer of that appartment building. chroniclesofcritic@gmail.com
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22 - The Mummy (June 2017)
06/26/2025
22 - The Mummy (June 2017)
Ah, The Mummy... sacred, ancient, cinema-treasure of a bygone childhood. While I doubt anyone who saw Tom Cruise's effort at the property when they were nine years old will look back with the same level of nostalgia upon the 2017 version as we do the 1999 edition, we’re pleased to say this effort wasn't a total loss! We went into this expecting that watching it would be like going to the video store to rent Transformers and ending up popping the crappy knock-off Transmorphers into the DVD player instead. Yes, we're in our thirties and remember things like "DVDs" and "video stores." And yes, Transmorphers was a legit movie. Save for the down-your-throat exposition, the late-to-the-game character reveal that will confuse the uninitiated, and the fact that 48% of this movie’s script was allocated to the ambition of a cinematic universe that never went anywhere—this movie is not a complete and utter waste of time. What you get is a crappy Tom Cruise film... but in the same way that “there’s no such thing as bad pizza,” there’s something oddly satisfying about getting “Cruisified”, no matter how low on the list it is. Perhaps the one big criticism we did agree with is that the movie just... lacks a little heart. Maybe they should’ve left that organ intact when they mummified this project, am I right?!? chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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21 - Notting Hill (May 1999)
06/20/2025
21 - Notting Hill (May 1999)
Not sure if this should be called Notting Hill or Nodding Off... I kid — though it does run a bit long — because honestly, it’s hard to fault another Curtis classic brimming with snappy dialogue, charming meet-cutes, and... manic emotional blowouts? Thankfully, Hugh’s signature floppy-haired aloofness, paired with an outstanding turn from “Spike” in the co-pilot seat, brings enough charm and hilarity to smooth over the film’s more noticeable cracks — like the runtime, the vague mechanics of how this romance even lifts off the runway, and, oh right, the small matter of white-washing London. That said, the stellar acting, familiar supporting cast, and warm ’90s rom-com fuzzies are exactly what most people come for — and this movie delivers in spades. What’s not to love?
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20 - The Little Mermaid (May 2023)
06/11/2025
20 - The Little Mermaid (May 2023)
Little did we know that it would actually be the "Disney Live-Action Remake-a-verse", rather than the MCU, that would end up being the bane of our existence when we started this project. But alas, here we are. Why, oh why, did someone decide that this movie needed to be "Part of Our World", when truly, the ideas for this meandering sea slug should have been left "Under the Sea" with the rest of the bottom-feeders? And by that, I mean among actual aquatic animals, not the grumbling execs over at Disney scraping the bottom of the barrel for their next unoriginal remake. Yes, Halle Bailey does a rippin’ job with the songs, but watching her act opposite an eerily photorealistic crab and a male lead who hasn’t figured out he’s not doing actual musical theatre makes me want to impale myself on the bow of a wrecked ship. And even more egregious than somehow managing to add 52 minutes of runtime to a children’s movie is the fact that they yanked my boy René Auberjonois clean out of this movie like the guts of one of his famous hors d’oeuvres. Ursula, grab your quill—I'm ready to sign away my soul to avoid seeing this movie ever again. chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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19 - Mad Max: Fury Road (May 2015)
06/04/2025
19 - Mad Max: Fury Road (May 2015)
At first when we saw that Mel Gibson had left us a voicemail, we were really thrilled... but then we listened to said voicemail. Yikes. What a lovely day it is when you find yourself speeding through a post-apocalyptic wasteland, guzzling mother's milk, guzzoline, and sand... so much sand. Mad Max: Fury Road is a "barely-time-to-stop-and-catch-your-breath" production that manages to divert the energy of two stars nearly coming to blows into something that somehow enhances the experience for all us lowly, water-addicted viewers. The visuals, production design, sets, and stunts are out of this world, and there's no mystery as to why it won the Oscar for Best Editing. Chow down on this pursuit thriller, for this movie really is "a movable feast," if you will. except for you Mel.. no more messages from Mel.
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18 - Longtime Companion (May 1990)
05/29/2025
18 - Longtime Companion (May 1990)
Well... out of respect for the subject matter of this movie, we'll probably keep the horsing around in this description to a minimum. But if the film can open with an intentionally light-hearted, borderline stereotypical depiction of young gay men in the early '80s, then let me just say—what a lifestyle these lads were living at the outset of this film. It was the Top Gun volleyball scene meets the beachy goodness of Weekend at Bernie’s. And are you the "tight-green-banana-hammoc" or "Napa-Valley-chardonnay-in-a-wicker-basket" type of beachgoer? From there, the film does the best it can with its budget and young cast to chronicle the lives—and the heart-breaking experience—of the AIDS crisis as it began to ravage communities through the 1980s. This is a wonderful yet harrowing human story of loyalty, commitment, fear, and love. The movie does an excellent job of introducing the lived experience of a very specific time, place, and culture to the world at large. chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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17 - X2: X-Men United (May 2003)
05/13/2025
17 - X2: X-Men United (May 2003)
In the immortal words of DMX, "X Gon’ Give It 2 Ya!" — and boy, does this movie ever give it to us! The costumes, the miniature work, the sets, the acting, the stunts, and Huge Jacked-Man’s guttural Wolverine yell that sinks Rod Steiger’s 'January Man' yell-acting to the bottom of a medical-grade aquarium faster than a she-ninja full of Adamantium. This might just be the movie that made the studio X-ecs realize the neo-superhero franchise had real potential — launching us into the Marvel-ized world we know today. Or maybe someone just really wanted an "X-cuse" ...an "X-Twose?... to film Hugh Jackman in his birthday suit. We may never know. This movie is fun. Maybe it’s starting to show its age ever so slightly, but a pristinely “X-ecuted” early-aughts action romp worth its salt — and one that still holds up today — will always be a yeah from me, dawg. Oh and Shawn Connery and Chewbacca show up... sort of. chroniclesofcriticpod@gmail.com
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16 - The Avengers (April 2012)
05/04/2025
16 - The Avengers (April 2012)
Well, it finally happened... we’ve stumbled into Martin Scorsese’s favourite innovation in film—the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Before the corporate juggernaut that is Disney began force-feeding us this particular IP ad nauseam, there was a brief period of time known as “Phase 1,” when we all finally got to experience what it would be like to watch the ultimate crossover episode play out in all its glory on the big screen. Great VFX, snappy writing, and the “face that launched a thousand ships” of a movie that would spearhead a sort of gold rush, leading to the domination of superhero movies in cinemas and tv screens for more than a decade (and counting). The Avengers is the ultimate buster of blocks, featuring the hardest of... abs... and I’m here for it. Also, if you’re here to see Sean Connery, Uma Thurman, Ralph Fiennes, Jim Broadbent, Diana Rigg, or Honor Blackman—those are horses of entirely different colours...
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15 - The Jungle Book (April 2016)
04/28/2025
15 - The Jungle Book (April 2016)
A tiger, a bear, a black panther and a man-cub walk into a bar - and manage to re-create the true Disney classic that is... checks notes... The Lion King? Seriously, the number of shot-for-shot recreations of that movie is astounding, considering that the source material for this production was supposed to be some other intelectual property altogether. The visuals are stunning, (voice) acting is mostly there, and everyone and their mums on Rotten Tomatoes seems to think this movie is the bees knees. Shout out to Jon Favreau's commitment to pushing the CGI envelope and providing us with a digital Gigantopithecus that manages to throw shade at both DJT and Marlon Brando all at the same time. Shout out also to the antagonist in this movie for definitely, being absolutely, 100% in the right.. except for when he threw that dog off a cliff.. that sure was pretty ..."ruff"...
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14 - Bridget Jones's Diary (April 2001)
04/21/2025
14 - Bridget Jones's Diary (April 2001)
Bridge... Brijet... Bridjt.. Briget.. how on Earth do you spell this damn name? Oh well, guess I'm illiterate. You know who definitely isn't illiterate? The amazing team of, book-writing, script penning, comedic geniouses that created the razor-sharp and laugh-out-loud movie that may just even be Emily's favourite flick! Expertly acted, the delightfully witty characters fly of the page and onto the screen to deliver us the endlessly entertaining playboy that is Hugh Grant's Daniel Cleaver, the second coming of Mr. Darcy in Colin Firth's Mark Darcy, and the delightfully relatable everywoman that is Renée Zellweger's Bridget Jones. Join us for a wonderful movie we all like to call "Bridget Jones's Diary".... because that is it's name...
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13 - The Girl Next Door & The Alamo (April 2004)
04/10/2025
13 - The Girl Next Door & The Alamo (April 2004)
What, another DOUBLE FEATURE?! What is it about movies from 2004 that makes us itch to watch more than one at a time? Speaking of itching, something tells me a few characters from The Girl Next Door are no strangers to that particularly 'prickly' sensation... Join us as we watch a walking bag of hormones, morning wood, and teenage naïveté, fumble around in the dark trying to land the insert "shallow-as-a-wading-pool, blonde sex-symbol, manic-pixie-dreamgirl archetype" here—in a movie that throws around more uh... "legacied" f-words than a bunch of high school hockey bros in an uncomfortable locker room. It’s crass, it’s crude—but damned if it isn’t a magnificent time capsule and exaggerated snapshot of the early-2000s, all-American high school experience. Oh, and then there’s the other movie, where everything dies at the end… not least of all Ron Howard’s once-ambitious and genuinely promising plans for what had, by all accounts, started off as a really good idea for a compelling film. Woops.
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12 - Godzilla vs. Kong (March 2021)
04/01/2025
12 - Godzilla vs. Kong (March 2021)
Come for the creature fights, stay for the VFX. But don't forget to bring your tomatoes to throw at the screen, because the real monsters in this movie are all the scenes that force you to endure what might be the most expositional dialogue you've ever heard since that time you accidentally turned on "descriptive video" on your TV or "Windows Narrator" on your laptop. And yes, rolling your eyes as the screenwriter crams a step-by-step, pseudo-science, explanation of everything happening right in front of you down your throat—like you're foie gras—is just as frustrating as figuring out how to turn off those aforementioned accessibility features without throwing your laptop down the stairs. You won’t remember any of the characters' names. The random skills and abilities will conveniently manifest for characters out of nowhere, despite their job titles being something like "linguist" or "geologist," will confuse you. But by God—the VFX teams knew the assignment. And hey, while this film didn't win any Oscars, I have heard that it does hold the Guinness World Record for "being part of a franchise with the most films that nobody remembers seeing or hearing about". Everyone, enjoy your Scionic Uplink. Hmm... wasn’t that what happened to Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow's marriage?
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11 - Diabolique (March 1996)
03/27/2025
11 - Diabolique (March 1996)
This movie has the same energy as excitedly going to grab some ice cream from the freezer but discovering that the only flavour left in the neopolitan container is strawberry. Or when you go to chow down on that perfect sandwich you made earlier and have been craving all day, only to take a bite and discover that the tomatoes, pickles, and sauces have made the bread all soggy. Or when you entrust the director of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation to remake a revered French psychological thriller, adored by cinephiles for decades, inspiring the likes of Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho"... Oh wait a minute - that last one is what happened here. Want to bungle Sharon Stone's titanic sex-symbol status in the prime of her carrer? This movie does! Want to hand five Oscar nominees a dogshit screenplay with nothing to work with? This movie does! Want to watch a teacher throw a kid into an e-coli infested swimming pool at school? Sure why not! This movie was...so close. It had it all. The source material, the talent. But in the end, all we got were a few quippy one liners, a weird Catholic-sex thing, and Chazz Palminteri uncomfortably yelling at women in public. I wanted to like it, but I also wanted to be hit in the head with a garden rake and thrown into a swimming pool.
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10 - Four Weddings and a Funeral (March 1994)
03/15/2025
10 - Four Weddings and a Funeral (March 1994)
Get your tea and crumpets ready as we travel back to enjoy the absolute staple of the British institution that is Four Weddings and a Funeral. You may have never realized that the likes of Love Actually, Bridget Jones's Diary, and Notting Hill were all born of this O.G. cultural touchstone and box office smash hit - that's ok because we'll tell you all about it here in excrucuating detail. Never mind the fact that, upon closer inspection, this movie is essentially about two narcissistic, self-absorbed sex addicts who have, without a doubt, shattered the hearts, hopes, and overall faith in humanity of multiple so-called 'friends' along their journey to find whatever version of 'true love' might even be possible for individuals afflicted with their level of antisocial personality disorder. Sheesh, these two characters were made for each other... but my my... that 32-year-old Hugh Grant is charming so it's probably all ok...
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9 - 10,000 BC (March 2008)
03/08/2025
9 - 10,000 BC (March 2008)
This movie will have you asking questions like, "where are we?" and, "is it ethical for white people playing non-white people to have dreadlocks?" or perhaps, "do the dinosaur-deniers have a point?" and maybe even, "how do the druid guys get any slaving done with nails that long?" I don't think that the 'BC' in the title of this movie stands for "Bull-Crap"; but, if it did, it wouldn't be a complete stretch. This movie is like every supermodel that high-school aged teenagers fell in love with. Pretty gorgeous, if not some large percentage artificial, with all of its atributes splayed out on the surface and limited in depth... but maybe that's not fair to the supermodels. This movie is... borderline fine. Looks pretty decent, sounds horrible, and has a plotline so weak it could for sure be confused for one of those historic dramatizations you saw at the last history museum you went to. Come for the wooly mammthos, stay (or leave) for the janky accents and more bronzer than you shake a bone spear at.
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8 - Man of the House (March 1995)
03/03/2025
8 - Man of the House (March 1995)
If there is a limit to how much borderline-problematic representation of native american culture can be stuffed into a single movie, this film makes every attempt to find out. Watching this movie made me feel like I was shot into an alternate universe wherein Jonathan Taylor Thomas is a little shit (dare I say - future serial killer) and Chevy Chase is a bona-fide good, kind, soul. It made my skin crawl. Thank the lords of nostalgia for rollerblades, the yellow Walkman (you know the one) and baggy grunge-era hoodie-forward outfits. Without them, I'm not sure that I could have endured the 'definately-not-Italian' Italian gangster, the scream-at-your-TV bad parenting, the...for some reason... actual clown, and the worst depiction of Home Alone-ing since.. well probably ever, without gouging out my eyes. Someone please explain to me "háu" this script ever got a green light.
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7 - The Number 23 (February 2007)
02/21/2025
7 - The Number 23 (February 2007)
This movie is the third installment of the Ace Ventura franchise, wherein Ace is depressed, lets down his guard, contracts rabies from a rabid dog, and falls into a hallucinatory fever-dream psychosis, and I will die on this hill! From the time where alt-rock bands and the second British invasion were dominating haircuts and fashion, comes a script that could only have been pitched as "too many manic, arbitrary ways to count to 23" intercut with "over-the-top 'noire' detective narrative, initially intended as parody for SNL". Come and watch a lanky white guy hump his way through the least thrilling psychological thriller possible, accompanied by bad parenting choices, an objectively a-moral wife, out of place Carrey improv, and enough plot holes to make you wonder, "How did Carey earn 23 million dollars for this hogwash - maybe I am ok at my job...". Please, someone throw me out a window so I can develope amnesia and forget I ever saw - what I can only assume was - an early attempt at viral marketting for "23andMe".
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6 - Happy Gilmore (February 1996)
02/14/2025
6 - Happy Gilmore (February 1996)
Air humping, butt cracks, questionable breakfast foods, alligator wrestling, glasses of "shut-the-hell-up", Bob Barker's fast hands (thanks Chuck Norris), and - what we feel - is an unforgivable and uninvestigated PR strategist's ploy to ruin a man's life for golf ratings. Happy Gilmore was the cornerstone of immature comedy for young folks in school halls and playgrounds the world over. The number of quotes from this movie that we still say every year is.. not zero. We've all taken a running start at our ball with the "Happy Gilmore" golf swing at one point or another, and when mini putt gets the best of us, we know "it's all in the hips" and that we should "just taaap it in". This is Adam Sandler's best comedic work for which we have "endless love" - and I'll jersey and sock anyone who tries to say otherwise. Head to your "Happy Place" and give this one a listen... ya' jackass!
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5 - The Lego Movie (February 2014)
02/06/2025
5 - The Lego Movie (February 2014)
If before recording this episode you told me this movie came out eleven years ago and I still hadn't seen it... I would have walked right by you without another word because I'm obviously too high-society, snobby, and cultured to waste my time with an animated children's movie based on toys. But now that I'm doing this podcast, my shock and alarm that I let this one slip by me before has my mouth fully agape! The Lego Movie is jaw dropping and more than your average children's movie. This is a genuinely fun ride punctuated by great voice acting, clever jokes, incredible animation, and a 'Song-that-must-not-be-named" for fear of unleashing the ear worm that plagued all of North America until we wrestled it away deep in our unconscious minds forever. Grab your bricks (no, not the ones measured in kilos) and assemble your way onto your double-decker couch for Will Farrell's best vilain work since the likes of "Mugatu" and get ready to count the jokes that will have sailed over the younger audience. Good thing megalomaniacs who "write all the history books" and "control all the voting machines" are just works of fiction right... right?
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4 - You Got Served & The Perfect Score (January 2004)
01/31/2025
4 - You Got Served & The Perfect Score (January 2004)
Wow its a DOUBLE FEATURE! Why? Because this dude cannot abide that a movie about men dancing sensually in the rain while still claiming to be "straight street" and "straight hood" was the highest grossing movie released this week in 2004. And because my nostalgia-meter was off the charts for an MTV Movies production from the heyday of my skateboard-rock teenage years. You Got Served features more montages of wet men than a Rocky/Rocco movie, a cringeworthy grab bag of stereotypes and tropes, and an industrial sized vat of men's hair gel. The Perfect Score gave us another movie cashing in on the fact that American Pie was all any remotely pubescent teen wanted to really watch, that Ocean's 11 was recently cool, and that Scar Jo's agent said "yes" to a full-on crotch shot... Both these movies will leave you hunting through your junk drawer praying to the gods of low-rise jeans that you'll find your old puka-shell necklace. Grab your best B4-4 or Simple Plan CDs baby! We're going back to the Bush years! That's a rap on January!
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3 - Serenity (January 2019)
01/30/2025
3 - Serenity (January 2019)
Serenity! No, not the good 'space' one, the unhinged, Black Mirror-wannabe one released January 25, 2019. The one that has us asking those classic, existential questions like, "What does it all mean?", "What even is reality?", and, "Given the movie's twist, does it make sense that the main character shows as much butt as he does throughout this film?"... Let's discuss how the people are baited (see what I did there) and switched by a thrilling idea fleshed out in the trailer, with a lame twist that stinks like microwaved tunafish. Someone should call Dr. Bob!
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