An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven by Tim Bedore
I am a standup comedian who feels it's time to give back to the audience. So, I want to become your spiritual guru and life coach. What are my qualifications? I have a psych minor and was an altar boy during the last months of the Latin mass in the Catholic church. And if you follow my advice and end up in Hell you or your heirs will receive a full money back refund. You can't lose.
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 112
04/01/2024
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 112
Right after Easter I got pleas for help from clients whose family members wanted to make their Easter dinners more and/or less religious imbued. This is why I am a Life Coach. And I think I have solved the problem for future get togethers on religious holidays. Also, in the Biblical epic The Greatest Story Ever Told why didn't John Wayne play Jesus? Could Jesus fly if He wanted to? I give the elevator pitch for Christianity. What are the best questions you have ever asked for help with? And why did the USA fall to 23rd place in the lastest World Happiness Report? I know who and what to blame. All that in under 15 minutes. So, what else were you going to do with that time? Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 111
03/22/2024
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 111
In this episode I discuss what Catholic nuns and OJ Simspon/Trump-type lawyers have in common as do Purgatory and the Baseball HOF, how to get into Heaven without having accepted Jesus as your personal savior, more on the perils of Artificial Intelligence ruining politics, help a 76 yr. old client update their resume for today's work environment and give kindergartners Life Coach advice via a cautionary fairy tale, as well as describe the worst experience I EVER HAD as a parent and how you can avoid it happening to you, all in under 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 110
02/29/2024
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 110
This episode is either my most audacious or obnoxious effort yet. Perhaps both. YOU DECIDE! I respond to those who say I should quit "this charade," help a client not worry about Biden's age by explaining he is not actually driving the nation's bus and make an elaborate and calming Star Wars analogy as to which of that movie's characters Biden represents, and somehow Bill Clinton, interns, the Communications act of 1996, how FOX became a thing, unintended consequences that drove down our national IQ, Lent and chocolate, Trump's character, an artificial intelligence TV commercial with Jesus Christ endorsing a presidential candidate and more all gets packed into a SFX laden mashup that's over in just 17 minutes. You don't have much to lose. SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 109
02/13/2024
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 109
You've heard of the Emergency Broadcast Sytem? The FCC has chosen my podcast to be part of the Emergency Podcast System and I am very pleased to help out. A client wants to sue after getting into an accident after reading one of those funny road signs some cities and states put up. I give advice. A mother wanted help getting their son's teacher to give him a better grade and I respond. A new client has a morality question about one of the most unique problems I've ever heard concerning playing online poker against an unaware neighbor and binoculars. Ever see an old lady have to crawl away from the communion rail because she couldn't stand up? Is it wrong to find it funny? What would Jesus do? Did Jesus ever make body noise? Would it be funny? What was the worst introduction I was ever given as a comedian? And I use more SFX in this episode than any other. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 108
01/24/2024
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 108
Did you know the Boy Scout Motto is one of my life's guiding concepts but not the Boy Scout Oath? What does trying to save a drowning person and talking to a Trump Supporter have in common? An angry wife whose husband called her an "old bag" on vacation asks for some quick help to save that vacation. I have a solution. What does the Pony Express have to do with the phrase "old bag?" Is it ever good to return a hurtful comment with a hurtful comment? A listenr wonders why their doctor doesn't check his prostate anymore and I try to help explain it. Do you have a prostate exam joke ready to go at your yearly check up? I do. How does your voting history affect whether you get a prostrate exam? Can you raise a moral person without religion? What is the only downside to having raised my daughter without any awareness of God? An evangelical Christian with bowel issues asks if there is any situation where it is OK to lie. Is lying to a spouse the same sin as lying to a stranger on a bus? Does Ohio have a problem? You've got questions. I've got answers. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 107
01/05/2024
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 107
Wouldn't it be nice to know what the future holds? Well, now you can. In this episode I give my annual "They will all come true or your money back, totally guaranteed" predictions for 2024. Find out who will be President, the new changes in baseball, what new crypto currencies to avoid, the next steps in climate change, will Aaron Rodgers ever shut up, will there be a gay float in the Macy's Day Parade and many more bankable prognostications for the next twelve months. I know the future. Now you can, too. Did you ever think I'd find a religion I could recommend? I have and my support for this religion hinges on a friend who played hockey without a cup and how that relates to Deuteronomy 23:1. All this in just 15 minutes. So much to gain, nothing to lose--Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 106
12/21/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 106
In episode 106 I respond to negative feedback about episode 105 and just let me say, to the Uber Left, if you're all about protecting the oppressed... protect me because now I am the oppressed... by you. Also, is religion 'a' or 'the' problem in the world? What is the true meaning of Christmas for Americans? I have audio of my then 6 year old daughter describing exactly what Christmas means and it's adorable. Can a whole ethnicity ever be said to be bad drivers and it not be racist? Does emotion mess up your perception of reality? And would an AI remake of "It's A Wonderful Life" into "It's A Wonderful Lust" starring Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart as you've never seen them before be immoral or the best Christmas movie ever? This is 16 minutes you won't mind wasting. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 105
11/30/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 105
A client has asked his Life Coach/Spiritual Guru (me) to answer the most most provocative question I've ever been asked-"Is today's Uber Left too liberal to be critical of Muslims?" In this episode I take the bait and skate out onto super thin ice to discuss the Left and Right, Muslims and Jews and Christians, Palestine and Israel, hot dogs vs. kabobs, Jesus vs. Muhammed, "The Blues Brothers" movie and the ACLU, the Immaculate Conception, kudzu vines, who owns the moon, maintaining your spot on the coach by saying "saved," why Catholics celebrate the day Jesus was born but not conceived, the funniest thing my daughter has ever said and more in an attempt to answer that question. I sincerely apologize in advance if you hate my answer or for even having attempted one. And all that happens in just 17 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 104
11/14/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 104
In episode #104 I respond to ongoing blowback from younger generations who want me to just "Die Baby Boomer, die." If you hate disco is it because you're racist or homophobic? Or just have good taste? A new client has a dilemma over her daughter's unique name and that name being mocked by a former friend, I try to help by revisting the story of Udo Whonall. Should a woman who stole a man from another woman attend that man's funeral if the woman who had him first insists the home wrecker not be there? Why are Beatles records and funerals inextricably linked in my mind? Another new client wonders if the evil internet is spying on him or is he just being paranoid and what does all that have to do with enlarged prostates and self-examination? All this happens in under 18 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE! Enlightenment is just a click away.
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 103
10/26/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 103
In episode 103 I answer continuing questions from you listeners about my recent memory failings and credibility as a Life Coach and Spiritual Guru. My memory is fine. Can you recall with certainty what you wore to your High School Prom? I can. My pants were the color of Trix breakfast cereal and I have pictures to prove it. Although, I am pretty sure I never opened for the Great Raspini. So, yes, some past memories of mine might be... unfounded. Some of you were offended by my blaming disco for turning America to Reagan-- I explain the connection. And Baby Boomers--are we to blame for the world's ills? Younger generations think so and I set out to prove they are wrong... at least about a lot of us Boomers being the problem as well as which ones are to blame. But, if it's true we Boomers saw the the world's doors as always open to us I think I know why. All that in under 15 minutes. With Sound Effects galore. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 102
10/04/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 102
A shocking new revelation about the past has led me to seriously question my own memory and thus abilities to be a Life Coach. I'm asking myself questions like-Who am I? Do I really exist? Did I really get an archery merit badge while tripping on mescaline? Did I ever open for a magician named The Great Raspini? Can we even marginally trust the jury system and eye witness accounts? And why being a music snob and disc jockey helped me see how disco and the current state of the Republican Party are inextricably linked. Also, if you're dumping on Biden you're a knob. All in 16:16 of snappy paced banter. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 101
09/10/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 101
In this episode I respond to conservatives who believe liberals want to give sex toys to kindergartners, warn them they are going to Hell (if it exists) because of this lie, the what you win/what you lose equation for Drag Queen Story Hour performers reading to kids in libraries, I help a woman whose husband treats her like a verbal punching bag by targeting her with jokes and how to stop it, discuss the traits of resilient people and offer a newsletter tip sheet for unresilient people having trouble living in troubled times and reveal why a great uncle working for the Irish Mob in Chicago may have helped me become a Life Coach, all in under 17 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 100
08/21/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 100
In episode 100 we find out how easy we humans are to manipulate and one techinique to watch out for in particular, I had two women in the same comedy show audience who each shot a moose and what we can learn from them about climate change, I help a Baby Boomer with memory issues, explain why Jewish comics have a built in advanatge and talk from the heart, opening up like I never have before, about some family history and how it led me to being your Life Coach and Spiritual Guru. And it's over before you know it. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 99
07/25/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 99
In episode 99 I talk about some of my all-time favorite words, answer a devout Christian's challenge to Agnosticism and contention that America's divorce rate is high because we've turned our back on God, and warn her not to let her guard down because Satan (if he exists) is everywhere, discuss what it means if your marriage is blessed by God (if He exists), help a client whose comfort animal is a goldfish and needs to fly, advise a woman whose boyfriend is in love but she just likes the sex, and suggest what you should say to your younger self if you ever had the chance PLUS lots of sound effects. All in 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 98
07/09/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 98
In episode 98 I expose the world's greatest evil. His name is Jon Haney and I describe why. Why phone scams might mean the end of civilization. Is NPR a Debbie/Donald/They downer? Is it possible someone's name should disqualify them from being a pilot? Is Hell a dry or humid heat? What does the Bible have to say about that and how could it affect your lifestyle choices? Good intentions gone bad-I have scars. What's mreo important-- your intentions or results? Best punk band name ever? And why I am certainly voting for Biden, again. You have problems, I have solutions. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 97
06/22/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 97
Thanks to you An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven was ranked one the top 15 agnostic podcasts by Feedspot.com. I don't know if they're saying that because it's true or because they want me to subscribe to their "service" to further expand the audience but it's kind of good news/or not. Today--when did I first know I was agnostic, I respond to a sharp listener who pointed out why a parable commencement speakers use is stupid, some listener feedback on composting human bodies, I take on the challenge to say something negative about liberals, discuss the difference between liberal and conservative folk music, why "Puff the Magic Dragon" is such a stupid song and would never have happened the way they said it did, a few ways to determine if you're old, and a response to a woman who resents stereotypes-- all in under 18 minutes. Subscribe and thrive!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 96
06/08/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 96
Did you know at night I fight crime wearing a Batman Halloween costume? It's just another way I am giving back. In episode 95 I gave a commencement address that some thought a tad pessimistic and I respond with ways our grads can change the world. Why am I agnostic? I explain. What would it take for me to believe in a God? What does it mean to be a man? I believe Artificial Intelligence will end the world. I make the argument to ban AI. AI has written symphonies but is really bad at jokes. I have the proof. Would we ever know if we were invaded by aliens? Beyond burials and cremation what can we do to dispose of human bodies? You have questions, I have the answers in 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 95
05/19/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 95
In this episode I hear it from 2nd amendment types on banning Lawn Darts and AR-15s, why some should stay out of the gene pool, could we de-evolve and lose our opposable thumbs, the downside if Trump is in prison, I've ruined someone's relationship with his sons and apologize, should parents be their kids friends, what do dandelions and Jesuits converting native people's have to do with each other, are there places in Hell better than the bowels AND I give the commencement address our graduates need to hear but never do. All in less than 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 94
04/26/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 94
In episode 94 we discuss if any or all the Gods exist and what that means for your weekend. A client worries her kids are addicted to video games and I assure her they are in league with the DEVIL and what she should do about it. Every generation thinks the next generation is destroying the culture. Are we right this time? Why I think the Second Coming (if the God that promised it exists) would be a good thing. Or at least good television. If we could ban lawn darts why can't we ban AR-15's? What does a riot at an Easter Egg hunt tell us about people? Is it fair to be punished for what you did in someone's dream? You have questions. I have answers. And it's all over in a snappy 18 minutes. SUBSCRIBE AND THRIVE!!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 93
04/06/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 93
Just in time for Easter--He IS Risen or He HAS Risen? If we're banning books in schools should we start with THE HOLY BIBLE? I read parts of it that are Hitchcock/Tarantino/50 Shades of Grey territory so you can decide. Can vegetarians opt out of the Lamb of God portions of the liturgy? Should there be peanut butter and mint jelly sandwiches? Are nuns the most vicious women on Earth? I discuss a psych experiement I remember that proved they just might be. You have problems, I have solutions. And in this episode I've taken the overuse of sound effects to an all new level. Best of all, it's all over in 17 minutes. So, who am I hurting? Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 92
03/26/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 92
In episode 92 I help a client who wants to identify as a Sapien instead of a huMAN, what we can learn about non-binary pronoun usage from Japanese people not being able to pronounce L's, why we need gender categories, what to do when your 8 year old sees a racist phrase on a school's bathroom wall, or what to think when a 3td grade teacher breast feeds her baby in class, and I try to help someone whose political ideology has warped their perception of Marjorie Taylor Greene and it's all over in just 17 minutes. It's good and it's good for you. SUBSCRIBE and THRIVE!!!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 91
03/09/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 91
It's Lent. I help a client pick what to give up to honor the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Another client had a DNA test- he is NOT Lutheran but Jewish. I advise on how to proceed. Someone wonders why Jesus appears to be a blue-eyed European and not a Middle Eastern Jew in the paintings. I have a theory. The worst mother-in-law ever! We may have found her. I devise a survival strategy for a new client. And another emailer wants to know if they saw the hand of God or Karma at work and it involves a dead cat. All in under 17 minutes accompanied by too many sound effects. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 90
02/20/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 90
Some of you didn't listen closely enough to EP 89. I was NOT kidnapped by circus animals, as I wrote in my phony autobiography, Forest of Ennui. But thanks for your concern. One of you thinks I should give up on golf, I explain why I can't, we discuss why professional miniature golf was bad TV, why axe throwing in bars is fun but stay away from political arguments, a visit to the Bobblehead Museum in Milwaukee, I tell a lie but the Truth Monitor catches me, I counsel a Jewsih client worried that veggie bacon is an abomination, and guess why a Home Depot clerk reacted poorly to a client who might have been a psycho killer and the advice I gave to them and any angry people who want to shoot up public places all in 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 89
02/06/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 89
In this episode I explain why I don't want patients to have my phone number (I screwed up someone's life), dementia and adult education, if intercourse is making love is foreplay making like, advise some murder mystery podcasters with a serious moral dilemma, discuss is stealing ideas immoral or just show business and read an excerpt from my I-made-up-a-horrible-childhood-backstory-so-you'll-feel-sorry-for-me-and-buy-my-book phony memoir called Forest of Ennui. It only takes 19 minutes you weren't going to be doing much with anyway. Subscribe and THRIVE!!!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 88
01/24/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 88
Episode 88 features my first use of a dirty word, what famous stripper Carol Doda taught me, how fireworks produced our nervous daughter, woke people (over)respond to my road-kill-pigeon-funeral analysis, is a flamethrower totin' guy dressed as The Joker shooting fireballs at cars nuts, the 2nd Amendment, Creeping Charlie, my wife and a friend were stoned in Chinatown, why are actresses nearly naked at the Oscars and my newest client is 23 and has two pregnant girlfriends. You won't find all that anywhere else. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 87
01/08/2023
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 87
In this episode I make my annual you-can-take-them-to-the-bank New Year's predictions-Ukraine, Trump, McCarthy, bacon flavored marijuana, Covid, the Oscars... I know the future and now you can, too. We hear from a client who dosed her mother-in-law with THC Christmas cookies, from someone who, as a child, saw me play emaciated, angey Santa on TV and what happened to them (I still have nightmares), discuss if having a funeral for a roadkill pigeon is too woke and how a baking powder powered submarine bath toy was instrumental in my sexual education. All in 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 86
12/23/2022
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 86
Just in time for the holidays- I give the only true meaning of Christmas and/or holiday season, my best and worst Christmas memories including playing Santa, in costume, very badly on TV and freaking out kids and parents, why when you see the image of Santa I see a dead bat, why a truckload of abandoned potatoes was the best toy ever, playing army with sticks, how to handle a snippy mother-in-law and advise a client on serving THC edibles instead of martinis before a holiday feast, all in 19 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 85
12/13/2022
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 85
In recent episodes I came up with non-cliche things to say at funerals which struck a nerve with some of you. Today, I strike back. Just in time for Xmas I am selling An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven-The Board Game. A client has naked neighbors in a hot tub and his wife wants him to build a fence. Should he? For the first time ever I recommend a divorce. Helicopter parents and what might not be a temporary tattoo on their daughter. A client fears eating the food at the holiday office party. Sick freaks are everywhere and I have advice, all in 17 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 84
11/27/2022
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 84
In ep. 84 I respond to your responses to ep. 83 because some people just can't shut up or be happy, again discuss what to say at funerals, advise a Lutheran client who just found out he's Jewish, discuss if we are our genetics or culture or just who we say we are, anaylze the story of the unluckiest guy in the world, opine on why aliens don't stop to give us advice, help with whether to say "Thank you for your service," describe how we honored my Dad's war injury and more, all in under 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 83
11/07/2022
An Agnostic's Guide to Heaven with Tim Bedore Episode 83
In this episode I help the worst patient I've ever had to endure- a classic "Karen," explain why my lawyer doesn't want me to see patients in person, is ageism the hot new prejudice, wonder if 'with age comes wisdom' is true, did Native American elders screw the pooch when they let the Pilgrims ashore, help a patient determine if her new beau is a real moron or just an idiot and help someone avoid cliches like 'I'm sorry for your loss,' etc. at a funeral but still say something meaningful... hopefully, anyway. All in just 16 minutes. Subscribe and THRIVE!
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