A Thousand Tiny Steps
This podcast is for people who want to experience personal growth. Finding joy in tragic moments is a difficult task, but by listening to the stories of an ordinary woman who goes through extraordinary experiences, you can learn how to get through anything. Hear stories from Barb Higgins, the woman who had a baby at 57, lost her daughter to a brain tumor, dealt with addiction, and so much more. Inside each episode, Barb shares a story from her life and how she got through each tough experience. From lessons learned to how she took her self-care to another level, Barb pulls you into her world of inspiring circumstances and leaves you wondering, how does she do it?
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Molly’s Been Dead for 10 Years
04/07/2026
Molly’s Been Dead for 10 Years
My mom is moving into what has been my office for years, another Molly birthday went by without her here, I’m exhausted from a lack of support, and I’m trying to find myself through it all. So if you also don’t know what you’re doing? Hi, I’m Barb! Join the club. Key Takeaways: [0:00] I bought my house 26 years ago [2:17] We’re moving my mom into my old office and it’s a lotta work [4:20] Molly’s been dead for 10 years [5:26] There’s a shift in the air [7:45] These past 18 months I’ve had to put myself aside for others [9:38] What’s next for the podcast [11:09] Trying to find clarity in who I am or why I’m here [12:01] Movie recommendations Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Not Ready to Step Aside
03/31/2026
Not Ready to Step Aside
I’ve been thinking a lot about aging… and purpose… and what it means to still matter. This is where I’m at right now. Connect with me: Transcript: This is a man with an incredibly high IQ who helped thousands of children in his years as an educator. When I called him up to thank him, he cried, and he said, it's just so nice to feel needed. My good friend David, it's like he's fighting an uphill battle all the time. And, and he remembers that aspect of himself. He is definitely still wanting to contribute to society. He was super helpful with me last week on a school board issue, and so this hurts me, and makes me sad and I'm surrounded by it. I'm now caring for my mother. So I have an older person for whom I have great love, that lives with me. And, and the more I watch her, the more I see where she's, you know, beginning the long walk home, right? Where she's struggling physically, it's a reminder that there's a lot she just can't do by herself. Then I look at Kenny, who's 70, he'll be 71 in September, and all of the myriad health issues he's had, and I worry, am I expecting too much of him? I wake up at night and I'm worried. I have a body that's already showing signs that it isn't what it used to be. I'm 62. I'll be 63 in July. So I'm clearly at a place in life, where I have far less ahead of me than behind me. I just need, support, in my role as an aging human with a little boy and a caretaker to people who are aging much faster than I am. I know on the school board. I'm just another person who doesn't wanna let go of the past. I should move on and let the people 20 years younger than me take over and acknowledgement that I'm not ready to be here. I'm not ready to step aside, nor should I. I have two really good friends from high school. They just don't ever stop remaining connected to their families and my family, we connect, but not at all like these families do. When I wake up in the middle of the night because it's a lot of self-reflection to have I lived a good life? Am I ready to be where I am? You know, if I had not had Jack, what would I be doing? And, I never once didn't think about my age when it came to having Jack, but that was such, that was such a spiritually, emotionally driven time and decision that I know I was supposed to do, that I feel that Jack is my purpose and so he'll help me stay healthy physically and mentally and emotionally and all that - his existence, not him. What am I satisfied with and what do I regret? And of course, someone like me is going to constantly focus on the regret, on the regrets. All the races I lost, all the people I hurt, all the things I failed at, rather than making a list of the things that I accomplished. If I had not had the life I had, would my now time be different? I look at my mother and how, somehow she's living here and like it or not, I'm probably gonna have to rearrange a lot of my house to accommodate her needs sooner than later. She fell yesterday and, you know, banged up her ankle and her skin just cuts open. The skin just gets so thin. I hate when she falls, it scared the crap outta me. The sound of her voice when she was calling for me, she was scared. It reminded me of when we had to walk down Mount Madison in the pitch black when I was seven. She had a tone in her voice that had fear in it. It scared the crap outta me. And I heard it yesterday. Here I am: still wanting to set goals, still wanna go to the CrossFit games. Still want a million people to buy Molly's book. You know, I still want so many things, like I matter, like I'm contributing. I’m not ready to not contribute. I'm at an age where it might be time for me to rethink about what I want. Not give up, not let go, just shift and recreate and see what the world has to offer. I'm pondering my life as somebody old enough to collect social security - on one level, but young enough at heart and body and mind to kick ass in a CrossFit gym on a pretty regular basis. So you know, who am I and why am I here? {OUTRO} I sit out here on my porch a lot and I think about all of this. Usually, it just turns into an episode. But if you wanna sit with me a little longer, I write some extra thoughts down and they end up in my newsletter. Credits: Free music by OlexandrMusic
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He Didn't Know Me
03/24/2026
He Didn't Know Me
I didn’t know what to do. This is a story about the first time I realized something wasn’t right… and how long that moment stays with you. Connect with me: Transcript: It was a sunny summer afternoon in 1979. I was wearing a gold polyester uniform. I was a waitress at Weeks Family Restaurant. It was my first actual real job, and I loved it. Interacting with people, talking to people you would never talk to. I loved the people I worked with. As I looked toward the front of the restaurant, I saw a gentleman come in and sit at the counter. So I went down to give him a menu and see if he wanted coffee or a glass of water. It was my Grampy Max. I said, “hi, Grampy Max!” and he grinned at me. I didn't notice anything at first. “Max, it's me. It's Barbie!” I said to him, to which he responded with a very flirty, inappropriate reply about Barbie dolls. I was looking at somebody I knew and they had no idea who I was. And saw me not as - a grandchild but as, as someone to flirt with. I'm one day post funeral for a neighborhood mom. Neil's mother's name was Mary. Mary was your classic stay at home mom that opened her home to everybody. She lived in three different houses on one block, right near Whites Park in Concord. So I went to the calling hours and I was talking to Neil, and I said, “how are we here? How are we here? I wish it was 1980” and he said, “I wish it was 1987” and that was the year both of us would've been juniors and seniors in high school. We just wanted to go back to a time where we felt grown up enough to enjoy the grownup things. You know, sneaking beer in a field, I guess, but young enough that our whole life was ahead of us. And I know for me, and I think it's true for a lot of people, the aging process happens quickly and all of a sudden you find yourself: caring for my mother. The more I watch her, the more I see, where she's, you know, beginning the long walk home, right? Where she's struggling physically, where she's struggling emotionally, and, and it's a reminder that - there's a lot she just can't do by herself, and that's just the reality of it. Then I look at Kenny, who's 70, he'll be 71 in September. Am I expecting too much of him? Does he sleep late in the morning 'cause he is just exhausted, not because he's trying to be a jerk? Am I asking too much of him around Jack? He has such a good rapport with Jack, but I, I just notice and watch now. I'm watching how things change and they change subtly so you don't notice it right away. This hurts me and makes me sad and I'm surrounded by it. And I was dumbfounded. I was 15 years old, just about to turn 16, and I was horrified - paralyzed. The manager of the restaurant watched this interaction and came over to scold Max, my Grampy, and I said, no, no, no, wait. And walked away with him and told him that it was my step-grandfather, that he didn't know me. We should call my grandmother, which we did, and she came down and got him. She didn't realize he left the house. I was looking at somebody I knew and they had no idea who I was. I didn't know what to do. [OUTRO] I wrote all of this down later, on a crumpled, coffee stained napkin. If you want to see it, it’s in my newsletter. I hope you like it, Grampy Max. Credits: by Clavier-Music
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Underestimated, Overlooked, and Outcast
03/17/2026
Underestimated, Overlooked, and Outcast
As I watched Colin Kaepernick’s documentary, I thought about the times in my life I felt rejected, times I felt underestimated by the men in my life, and the times I felt outcast by different groups and like I’m constantly walking a path trying to find the right one. Key Takeaways: [2:18] Colin Kaepernick's documentary: rejection is not failure, but calibration [4:09] Colin being adopted and feeling like a second choice [6:02] I feel like a second choice in many ways [8:43] What does recalibration and rejection even mean? [12:37] Trust your power, even when they reject you [13:46] I feel rejected on the school board [15:50] How do you find your own path and make a change? [17:46] Colin gave away so many scholarships [20:53] Underestimated, overlooked, and outcast [22:16] Ask the people who are impacted by political choices Resources: Connect with Barb:
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What Street Am I On?
03/10/2026
What Street Am I On?
I read the most wonderful piece of writing that is short, but so impactful because in five chapters it made me think through all the crap in my life that hasn’t gone well, but also to the future and what I could do with it. As I continue into March, I do so with trepidation - and perhaps, just a little hope. Key Takeaways: [1:08] Missing Gracie, keeping time, the CrossFit Open, weight gain, and my newsletter [4:47] An autobiography in five chapters [6:46] Chapter one: traumatic things that have hobbled me [7:43] Chapter two: my weight gain [9:10] Chapter three: my alcohol use [12:02] Chapter four: the Bahai fast [14:04] Chapter five: what I could do with my life [16:02] Coming up with new ways to make money for the foundation [16:57] How do I personally walk down the street? [18:45] Having a hard time with God [20:29] Trying to change behavior [22:55] My newsletter connects to the podcast Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Life Gives More Questions Than Answers
03/03/2026
Life Gives More Questions Than Answers
It’s crazy to think about how many people I’ve connected with and I’ll never meet them. How many times I’ll stand in a subway, wonder if I knew a person from school, and never find out. Because life doesn’t always give us answers, but it always gives us choices. Which ones are right and wrong? Well, I’ll be here with you as I find out. Key Takeaways: [1:23] Is it about the destination or the journey? [3:17] I’m just left pondering and ruminating [6:08] The show Ripple is so reflective of my life right now [11:46] Thinking of how we’re connected to people we’ve never met [13:20] I’m at a turning point in my life [15:21] Stop putting pressure on ourselves to be who we were [17:42] Life sometimes feels like walking in circles - in the mud [19:13] Not every question we have is meant to be answered [20:35] Heading into spring and I can’t fix anything [21:32] Maybe we learn to carry pain with us Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Karma is Fake
02/24/2026
Karma is Fake
I have a lot of anxiety and resentment present in me right now and in my never ending quest to understand how I got here, I turned to something truly holy: memes. They led me where I didn’t expect, which was down a path of contemplation of what karma really means and how what I can get done in 15 minutes changes by the day. Key Takeaways: [0:39] Having a lot of anxiety right now [2:41] Toxic positivity [3:27] Americanized karma is crap [6:51] The Great Law [8:40] The Law of Creation [10:11] The Law of Humility [13:56] The Law of Personal Growth [16:12] The Law of Responsibility [18:05] The Law of Connection [19:45] Hamlin’s Razor [20:43] The Peter Principle [23:19] The Dunning Kruger Effect [26:32] Parinson’s Law [27:43] The Pareto Principle [28:52] What law or principle stood out most for you? Connect with Barb:
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What is Family?
02/17/2026
What is Family?
As usual on nights I can’t sleep I turned on the TV and into the most amazing series on a woman’s children who are kidnapped by the father and the tension that ensues. It made me think about what a family is, how that defines us, the societal rules around it, and what role domestic violence leaves people. Key Takeaways: [0:49] The show: No One Saw Us Leave is amazing! [2:30] The patriarchy in this really struck a chord with me [5:18] Vicarious violence and second order violence [7:26] Equality is not the same thing as equity [10:10] The nuclear family and societal rules [14:01] How this show connects to my job loss and upbringing [18:09] How far should family loyalty go? [19:46] What’s disrupting families [23:25] What does family mean to you? Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Move Over Boomer! I’m a Jones.
02/10/2026
Move Over Boomer! I’m a Jones.
I finally found the term that describes me: Generation Jones. Not a Baby Boomer, but not quite Gen X either. The in-between that’s sandwiched between two generations and as I talked with my friends I realized many of them felt the same way. Key Takeaways: [0:30] So I’m technically a boomer - but I’m not [3:01] I’m a generation Jones [4:35] Biggest difference between baby boomers and gen jones [6:01] The political and technological differences [11:57] Idealists vs realists [14:07] Feeling like you don’t belong in a generation [14:53] Keeping things private versus saying something [17:52] How we manage our emotions [20:19] Being able to talk freely [21:33] The different way we grieve Connect with Barb:
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Barb (okay, Boomer) V.S. Gen Z Gracie
02/03/2026
Barb (okay, Boomer) V.S. Gen Z Gracie
One Boomer. One Gen Z. Who will prevail? In this battle of wits both generations hash out what Riz means, how to use a landline, and if crop tops were truly a move forward in fashion. It’s going to get groovy - with a little turbulence! So hold on to your seats, sit back, put your oxygen mask on first, and enjoy the episode. Key Takeaways: [2:02] How did you find info without the internet? [3:28] Slang: cap, riz, stand on business [6:32] Did you have to rewind a VHS or use a payphone? [7:39] What’s a Tamagotchi? [8:04] How did you entertain yourself on a Saturday morning? [9:50] Were you a latchkey kid? [11:53] How much time do you spend socializing online vs in person socializing? [15:01] Did you have to use a landline? [15:52] How do you feel about being constantly connected with social media? [22:10] What’s the most memorable 80s/90s fashion trend you wore? [24:05] What’s a fashion trend that’s been brought back in popularity? [26:31] What is a walkman and did you have one? [28:02] Who are the biggest influencers in your life? [31:58] What was your first job and how did you apply for it? [35:03] What’s most important in your future career: money, purpose, or balance? [39:05] What is a Rolodex and what is it used for? [40:21] How do you approach talking about mental health in the workplace? [41:36] Generation Gap Trivia: name 3 members of the Spice Girls [42:27] Can you identify a popular TikTok or 80s movie star? [44:45] What was the most significant invention in your lifetime? [46:24] How did you keep in touch with friends without a phone? [46:53] What was your favorite childhood movie, book, or show? [49:33] What age did you think was old when you were a teenager? [50:45] What is the most pointless app on your phone and why? [51:26] What is a fashion trend you think is ridiculous? [53:32] If you had to live without a piece of technology for a week, what would it be? [54:11] What is the biggest misconception about your generation? [56:04] What do you think is uncool about your parents' generation? [58:33] What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever received? [59:28] If you could go back to any era, which one would it be? [1:02:39] What’s a family tradition you hope to pass on? [1:03:14] What’s something we could teach each other? [1:05:08] What’s a movie you wish you could watch for the first time again? [1:06:57] What’s a floppy disk? [1:07:15] What’s a pager? [1:07:45] What did one use 6*7 when making a phone call? [1:07:57] What’s a BOPIT? AOL? WWW? [1:08:58] What’s My Little Pony? American Girl Dolls? Easy Bake Oven? Napster? [1:10:36] Who are the characters of Friends? Gwen Stefani? Fanny packs? [1:11:42] What’s an overhead projector? Mimeograph machine? [1:13:36] The biggest difference between our generations [1:15:30] If you had to describe your generation, how would you? [1:20:47] What generational divide did we forget? Connect with Barb:
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Taking Care of My Aging Mother
01/27/2026
Taking Care of My Aging Mother
As my mother ages and new challenges arise, my life is becoming increasingly complex and overwhelming as I try to find a way forward that preserves my mother’s dignity and my sanity. Part of me feels like there is a reason to charge forward with my work and the other part of me feels like giving up. Key Takeaways: [1:31] The Netflix documentary Empty Rooms [5:58] My mother living with us has been a struggle [9:54] Not having my own space [12:24] My mother has this expectation that she just gets things [16:09] I never thought my adult parent would live with me [19:24] Looking at what I’ve tried and what hasn’t worked [23:03] I feel like I should just give up Resources: Connect with Barb:
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My Most Impactful Guests
01/20/2026
My Most Impactful Guests
As I am still battling the flu, running my household, spending most of my day sleeping, and binge watching TV shows I’ve had time to think. It’s given me time to think about my mindset, where I live, what I’m doing next, and it’s given me time to look over the wonderful guests I’ve had that continue to inspire me. Key Takeaways: [1:23] Binging Stranger Things and realizing the choices in front of me [5:58] Shows involving time travel and grief [9:23] Being sick, sleeping a majority of the day, and calling myself a victim [11:52] Is my environment unhealthy for me? Do I need to change it? [13:55] My previous guests on the podcast and future ones [21:10] My podcast episodes that have profoundly impacted me [24:20] Getting wonderful feedback Connect with Barb:
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I'm Motherless
01/13/2026
I'm Motherless
I feel directionless in life, I don’t know what to choose next, and I need to figure things out. Because in Motherland? I have no other choice. I’ve been goal setting, problem solving, and trying to learn how to take care of myself in an effort to find a solution. But one thing keeps getting in the way. How do I mother others without someone mothering me? Key Takeaways: [1:09] My TV interview and why I chose the title Motherland [3:08] Waiting for things I know won’t happen [4:48] My mom’s losing her independence and I’m left mothering myself [6:52] My psychic, visit from Molly who told me to get rid of manipulators [8:08] Being told to take care of myself and not take things personally [9:39] Being parentified as a child, but wanting to change [12:27] Making outcome based goals makes me feel like a failure [13:22] Working on my mobility is a process goal [16:18] If I stay where I am, how will I change? [18:02] I’ve never really taken good care of myself [19:19] I need to promote my book and figure out my podcast [22:32] I am at a fork in the road and don’t know how to make things happen [23:59] Enjoy whatever your January will be Resources: Connect with Barb:
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A, B, C, D, E, F, G(RACIE)
01/06/2026
A, B, C, D, E, F, G(RACIE)
Gracie and I got together to talk about New Year’s resolutions, Wicked, our favorite swear words, and how we’ve grown. From lessons on not comparing yourself to others to realizing setbacks can actually be an opportunity for growth, listen to us as we come up with the most creative curse words we can think of. G is for the grumbling that I do. R is for the resolutions, toodle-oo. A is very, very asshole-a-ary. C is cunnnnn-tinuing another year to go. I is insomnia that gives no rest. E is existential dread all year… Key Takeaways: [1:10] Letter A [1:58] Letter B [2:36] Letter C [4:09] Letter D [18:02] Letter E [4:46] Letter F [5:32] Letter G [6:23] Letter H [7:20] Letter I [8:00] Letter J [8:38] Letter K [9:20] Letter L [10:00] Letter M [11:21] Letter N [11:58] Letter O [12:56] Letter P [13:45] Letter Q [14:27] Letter R [15:14] Letter S [16:09] Letter T [17:26] Letter U [18:34] Letter V [19:56] Letter W [21:06] Letter X [22:02] Letter Y [22:19] Letter Z [22:44] Gracie’s year has been filled with lots of setbacks and growth [26:10] Gracie’s resolutions for the new year [26:46] I feel like I’m in the middle of everything [30:03] You can’t compare yourself to everybody else Connect with Barb:
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Strategies for Grief During the Holidays
12/30/2025
Strategies for Grief During the Holidays
Grieving during the holidays sucks. I’ll never “be over it” as some people like to say. I will grieve again and again for Molly. My grief has changed how we celebrate holidays, but at the same time having Jack is also changing how we celebrate. I don’t know what’s ahead, but no matter what my message is the same - celebrate the holidays how you want. Key Takeaways: [4:40] Not feeling excited about anything anymore [6:13] The non-profit Compassionate Friends [11:15] Going through the stages of grief over and over again [16:45] I’m never letting go of my feelings of Pain over losing Molly [18:02] Grief takes time [18:46] I think using things like alcohol or drugs can sometimes be necessary [20:39] The different ways you can grieve [21:44] Not celebrating the holidays [23:18] How my grief has impacted Jack [24:17] The anticipation of grief is the worst part [24:48] Acknowledge your pain, take charge of life, and think positively and realistically [27:42] Be patient and kind with others [28:45] Strategies to help cope with grief [30:00] Keeping holiday traditions, changing them, and new ones [31:23] Siblings always get thought of last in grief [34:59] Do what you want for the holidays Resources: Connect with Barb:
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You Can't Sit With Us
12/23/2025
You Can't Sit With Us
The current school board is beginning to feel like… Regina Georgia’s lunch table. It reminds me of previous years on the board, my relationship with Chris Rath, all the emails on my school account, and so many other mistakes I made. One thing's for sure: I need to learn to notice the change in the weather unless I want to sit with more regrets soon. Key Takeaways: [1:34] Wanting to keep things the same and not noticing a change in the weather [3:07] Not becoming president of the school board [5:54] The board is twisting my realities into something it’s not [10:08] Most of the board members have the same demographics [11:36] My separation agreement that wasn’t so confidential [14:01] Filing a lawsuit against Chris Rath [16:35] Putting sensitive information on my school emails [21:49] Requesting time to go to the divorce hearing and being denied [24:42] Speaking out against the demolition of Kimball School [26:20] Fired for testifying at hearings and “giving athletes passing grades” [28:36] Looking back on all my mistakes [31:49] Being setup to fail [33:39] I need to learn to pay attention to subtle cues Connect with Barb:
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If I Interviewed Myself...
12/16/2025
If I Interviewed Myself...
If a clone of me was suddenly created and I interviewed myself here’s what I’d say. Because trust me, I did not want to do another episode where I talk about the sadness of grieving during the holidays. So instead, enjoy as I talk about everything from what I’d tell myself at 18 to the name of my book - if my enemy wrote it. Key Takeaways: [4:23] What people misunderstand about me most [5:30] My biggest failure and what I learned [7:17] What I want to be remembered for [7:53] My favorite holiday movie [9:29] The advice I’d give to my 18 year old self [10:26] The three most influential people in my life [12:15] What health and wellness mean to me [14:26] My self care routine [15:42] How I stay on track with my diet [16:59] My favorite way to stay active [17:43] The turning point to take my health more seriously [18:07] A wellness hack for everyone [18:56] How my perspective on mental health has changed [19:43] My inspiration to stay healthy, what I love, and my best choices [20:48] My favorite social media platform [21:25] My favorite sports [22:19] When I got interested in sports [22:50] My greatest accomplishments in sports [23:35] My favorite sporting icons [24:18] Which player in history I would speak to [24:47] Sports education is important [25:56] Where I would live if I could [26:31] What historical figure I would get coffee with [27:04] My favorite subject in school [27:22] My astrological sign [27:36] What I would do with $10,000,000 [27:53] What I would write a book about [28:08] The one meal I’d eat for the rest of my life [28:28] Name of my book if my enemy wrote it [29:20] My favorite color [29:57] Do you like this episode? Resources: Connect with Barb:
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My Anger Consumes Me
12/09/2025
My Anger Consumes Me
After my job loss, I was invited to do an interview which became the most popular one on our local radio show. A few days ago was the 40th year anniversary of a school shooting in Concord and I talked to one of the students who went through it. In this episode, I go on a trip down memory lane. Key Takeaways: [1:25] I don’t feel like I’ve made a lot of progress [2:12] 40 years ago there was a school shooting in Concord [5:40] The overwhelming grief of the mother [6:34] I talked to one of the students that went through it [8:02] Why is my anger getting in the way? [13:37] My interview on my job loss [18:41] I’m angry, frustrated, and lonely Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Would You Rather...
12/02/2025
Would You Rather...
This week, I’m throwing away toxic gratitude and playing Would You Rather because we all need some fun in our lives. I contemplate knowing when vs knowing how I would die, someone seeing all of my photos or all of my texts, and so many other ponderings. Key Takeaways: [0:28] Throwing away toxic gratitude and playing would you rather [3:17] See a little into the future or a lot? [3:53] The ability to read minds or move things? [4:25] Sing or dance to every song you hear? [4:45] Jail or coma for 5 years? [5:15] Chronically under or overdressed? [5:35] Lose my sight or my memories? [5:55] Universal respect or unlimited power? [6:29] No internet or no air conditioning? [7:09] Never be able to go out in the day or night? [7:30] Personal maid or chef? [7:46] Lead star in a movie that bombs or extra in an Oscar winning one? [8:34] Only text in emoji or not text at all? [8:47] Same socks or same underwear for a week? [9:04] Sing off with Ariana Grande or Rihanna? [9:25] Alone in a forest or a real haunted house? [9:52] Child every year for 20 years or no kids at all? [10:24] Gassy on a first date or your wedding night? [10:46] Hunt for your own meat or never eat meat again? [11:05] People spread lies about you or terrible truths? [11:58] Best at something no one respects or average at something they do? [12:42] Travel the world for free for a year or have $50,000? [13:27] Mullet for a year or bald for 6 months? [13:51] Go back to the past to see dead people or the future to meet grandkids? [14:05] Stay physically how you are forever or financially? [14:32] No phone for a month or no bathing for a month? [14:52] Change the outcome of the last election or decide the next election? [15:27] Lose the ability to read or lose the ability to speak? [15:58] Beautiful and stupid or unattractive and smart? [16:25] Always stuck in traffic but find the perfect parking spot or the opposite? [16:57] Go on tour with Elton John or Cher? [17:20] Win the lottery and spend it in a day or triple your current salary forever? [17:52] Hear a comforting lie or an uncomfortable truth? [18:03] Someone sees all your photos or all your texts? [18:21] 4th of July with Taylor Swift or Christmas Eve with Mariah Carey? [19:13] Peaceful life in a small cabin or drama filled in a mansion? [19:35] Be invisible or fly? [19:50] Be the leader on Earth or start another colony on another planet? [20:11] Back to kindergarten with all my knowledge or know everything now? [22:04] Read minds or predict the future? [22:13] Be an unknown superhero or famous villain? [22:48] Have a third eye or a third ear? [23:13] Wake up naked in a forest 5 miles from home or in your underwear at work? [23:52] Be reincarnated as a fly or just stop existing when dead? [24:11] Close any open door or be unable to open any closed door? [24:32] Work alongside Dwight or Homer? [24:55] Punished for a crime you didn’t commit or credit stolen for a major accomplishment of yours? [25:20] Celine or Eminem perform the soundtrack to your life? [25:38] Bathe in dish water or wash dishes in bath water? [25:50] Have your own theme park or zoo? [26:05] Know when or how you’re going to die? [26:21] Home with no electricity or home with no running water? [26:43] Tea with Queen Elizabeth or beer with Prince Harry? [27:08] Live the same day over for a year or take 3 years off your life? [27:39] Finding balance, gratitude, and what would you rather? Connect with Barb:
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What is Emergence?
11/25/2025
What is Emergence?
Emerging and changing my ways one tiny step at a time is not easy. Between school board, my living situation, my neighbor dying and my desire to keep things the same, but also change can feel like climbing an uphill battle. Key Takeaways: [0:28] We’re supposed to be grateful in November, but I don’t want to be [2:35] What emergence means in my life [7:37] Feeling ignored and not liked on school board [11:24] My desire to change, but keep things the same [18:15] Having no time alone at home, but having to share [21:42] Thinking about what needs to happen for things to change [24:28] My neighbor Brian died Connect with Barb:
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My Nightmare Coaching Job
11/18/2025
My Nightmare Coaching Job
I was fired from my coaching job, dealt with an inappropriate dad, an emotionally unstable teenager, and people that shot me nasty looks. All while having an unsupportive administrative staff that didn’t have my back. This is the story of the ups and downs of my coaching job at Bow. Key Takeaways: [3:21] Being hired at Bow High School as a coach [5:55] The new athletic director hated me [9:42] Our first meeting he chastised me for talking about Molly too much [10:53] Transportation and me having the kids in my personal car became a problem [12:19] Where the trouble began: the twins and Candice [13:47] Using SnapChat to communicate with the students [15:54] Being told not to talk about periods to my athletes [17:11] Being told I couldn’t tie dye shirts with my athletes in my personal yard [20:23] Candice didn’t want to run [21:24] Being told I couldn’t put MollyB on team t-shirts [23:04] Introducing Candice to Gracie and missing the awards ceremony [26:35] Sending my tattoo in the group chat and offending Candice [28:42] Being suspended because of the tattoo photo and the emails sent [38:12] Being fired and Candice’s dad, Doug’s conversations with me [46:38] Sending an angry email and making things personal with MD [49:14] Issues with transportation for the team, activities, and social media [52:47] Bow winning the team title was a big deal [54:38] Being sent an anonymous nasty letter to my home [59:11] I wasn’t inappropriate, but I messed up [1:02:56] Past runners still reach out to me in gratitude [1:04:33] People have stopped talking to me since all this [1:06:49] MD didn’t help me and now I just have mementos to reminisce [1:09:01] The worst part was that Gracie was hurt by all of this Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Re-Air: Ep. 113 - The Power of Friendship
11/11/2025
Re-Air: Ep. 113 - The Power of Friendship
I looked back on the two friends I’ve lost since I recorded this episode and the ones I’ve kept. In this episode, I thought about the people I surrounded myself with, what that meant, and the wonderful support I receive. It’s interesting to look back and see the toxic people I spent time with and how much my life has changed since then. Key Takeaways: [0:00] Getting sucked into a cycle of mistreatment [4:15] Fight, flight, fawn, and freeze [7:02] Susan is someone who brings me so much joy [9:40] Roberta learns so much about me through my podcast [12:30] Deb has been my friend since middle school [16:32] The most important people I’ve been friends with since childhood [17:36] The importance of who I’m surrounding myself with [20:19] Am I facilitating healthy friendships? [24:23] Things have changed 2 years later [25:37] How my friendship with Taylor ended [29:14] How my friendship with Polly ended [35:44] I have strengthened some friendships, but I don’t have many [39:27] Please leave reviews for the podcast [41:21] Where I am now Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Lions, Tigers, and Another Restraining Order… Oh My!
11/04/2025
Lions, Tigers, and Another Restraining Order… Oh My!
I’ve lost count of how many restraining orders have been in my life from either me having to file them, helping others file them, or having them filed against me. At some point it just feels like a circus and an abuse of the system. In this episode, I break down the history of them in my life and question if they really help people. Key Takeaways: [0:00] Does a restraining order actually do anything? [1:57] My restraining order against Science Guy [4:16] Helping Amy get a restraining order and then filing for one against her [12:32] Losing my job and filing for another one [17:58] Filing for protective orders seemed like a game to them [20:23] Roy filing for a restraining order against me [25:18] Thinking about the role that this has played in my life Connect with Barb:
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Science Guy Died
10/28/2025
Science Guy Died
Science Guy was my high school biology teacher who I lost my virginity to. He died a couple of months ago and I only found out a few weeks ago. I’m grieving for him and many people have an opinion on that. But two things can be true: I can realize the good moments we had together and also realize it was inappropriate. Key Takeaways: [0:00] Being sexually abused as a child and being told to be quiet [4:20] Science guy died a few months ago, reeling in the good and bad [11:35] Feeling wanted by an older man and joining track to spend time with him [16:29] I took my post on grieving Bruce down as the comments were ugly [20:57] The relationship was inappropriate, but it wasn’t uncommon [26:08] Part of me is angry that it feels like people tell me how to heal [28:42] Being told I had to tell my story in front of the school board [30:07] Being attacked for this and getting a restraining order [32:10] Still crying over the mix of emotions I feel [34:51] I know there are many more people like me Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Re-Air: Ep. 64 - My Childhood Sexual Abuse
10/21/2025
Re-Air: Ep. 64 - My Childhood Sexual Abuse
I was sexually abused as a child and it still impacts me at almost 60 years old. It took me a long time to be able to tell this story and to look back at the psychological impact that these terrible experiences had on me. It was a confusing time where I lost so much of myself, but telling this story has been cathartic. If you need help there are resources below. Key Takeaways: [2:45] My mom was a stay at home mother and my dad worked a lot [4:20] First instance of sexual abuse [6:46] It happening again and feeling terrible for not saying anything [9:40] First physical incident and the fear it created in me [14:28] Being abused constantly in 5th grade [18:04] Setting fire to my clothing [19:07] My social life began to tank in 5th grade [21:30] Being aware of my sexuality [23:35] Being abused again, but having a better understanding [25:07] Going to the ER for asthma and feeling safe in the hospital [26:32] Being abused in 6th grade and hypervigilance [28:59] Having to get my siblings ready in the morning [31:08] Beginning to understand the full scope of sexual abuse [33:16] The last abuse attempt and telling my mom [35:23] Looking back on the psychological changes in me [37:41] Family history of abuse and generational trauma [39:41] Struggling with sleeping with a lot of people in my early twenties [42:54] Isolating myself, depression, and exhaustion [45:14] Reexperiencing trauma and hypervigilance [47:14] Parental support helped save me [47:44] My response to sexual abuse [50:41] How being abused affected my parenting [52:33] Getting very sick in the hospital and not eating [53:59] The good and the bad in my life [56:18] Releasing these words is cathartic to me [57:14] Victims are not at fault for being assaulted [57:39] Losing parts of myself, but continuing to push forward Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Re-Air: Ep. 55 - The Lows and Highs of my Sophomore Year
10/14/2025
Re-Air: Ep. 55 - The Lows and Highs of my Sophomore Year
My sophomore year was full of ups and downs. I went into the year not knowing where to sit at lunch, and unsure of myself. I ended up going to Germany, quitting gymnastics, joining the cheer team, and becoming a track star. As all these amazing things happened, I spent more time with my teacher, science guy, which quickly became something more. Key Takeaways: [8:30] Going to gymnastics camp again and feeling harassed [11:03] Gymnastics camp giving me a social life [12:36] My eventful first day of 10th grade as a cheerleader [13:58] Mr. Smith made such an impact on my life [17:07] Going to science guy’s class and being humiliated [19:34] Enjoying cheerleading, dances, getting drunk and in trouble [24:35] Quitting gymnastics and struggling with my asthma [26:25] Keeping myself insanely busy and trying to find a new social group [28:39] Starting to spend time with science guy in his apartment [30:28] I struggle with boundaries and where lines can blur with teachers [34:01] Making excuses to spend more and more time with science guy [36:30] Going out for track because of science guy, but struggling with asthma [41:24] Feeling like I fit in, becoming a track star, and getting popular [45:57] Having sex for the first time at 15 and the trauma repeating in my life [50:53] I recreated the abuse and trauma from when I was younger Resources: Connect with Barb:
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The Mental Load of Motherhood
10/07/2025
The Mental Load of Motherhood
As I Mother both my mom and my children at the same time, it made me contemplate what a mother is, all the things I take on, and how that impacts me. It made me think about growing up and how parenting is seen so differently these days. In this episode, I explore how my life has impacted my parenting. Key Takeaways: [0:39] The mental load that mothers have to take on and what it means to be one [4:03] Having to take care of my mom and still be a mom myself [5:56] How my childhood impacted what I think a good mom is [12:02] How the younger generations have changed [14:26] Feeling like I’m always the one making sacrifices [16:56] Doing a Hyrox race and what an amazing community that is [20:15] Stressing out about things I can’t change Connect with Barb:
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Re-Air: Ep. 18 - Trauma Bonds in Grief
09/30/2025
Re-Air: Ep. 18 - Trauma Bonds in Grief
As a result of trauma, boundaries have been a lifelong struggle for me. From my friendship with Robin, my friendship with Steph, and my job loss at Bow boundary crossing has followed me. I explore these 3 events in my life and how trauma has affected them. In this episode, not only do I share my journey with trauma, but also what I have begun to learn about my behavior. Key Takeaways: [1:15] My struggle with setting boundaries as a result of trauma [8:58] My friendship with Robin [15:21] Getting legal support from the wrong person [17:59] How my friendship with Robin also impacted my kids [21:11] Being hired to coach track and field in Bow [25:11] Getting bigger track teams and visiting Molly’s grave with them [26:52] Meeting and supporting a runner who lost a parent [29:08] Butting heads with the administration and parents while feeling unsupported [33:00] Getting a tattoo, showing it to my runners, and getting suspended [39:19] Managing a charter school that failed [41:30] Beginning to understand where my behavior comes from [49:36] Understanding that just because I lost a child doesn’t mean people will be kinder [51:47] What the future holds Resources from this episode: Connect with Barb:
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Slow Down, Barb!
09/23/2025
Slow Down, Barb!
The universe keeps sending me the same message: slow down, Barb! Doing six different things at once and expecting something to change is not working. So we’re still here three years later contemplating self sabotage through old blog posts I’ve written. Key Takeaways: [1:35] Being indecisive, procrastinating, and a whole lot of anger [4:27] Tis the season for Spillin’ The Tea [6:54] Only seeing the bad in life and 3 years later still surrounded by chaos [11:04] Abuse makes it easy to not even notice when things are “off” [12:18] Blogs I wrote that have me reflecting [13:34] The blog: Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones… [14:53] The blog: Who Is Really in Control [28:54] The message is the same again and again: slow down! Resources: Connect with Barb:
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Re-Air: Ep. 67 - I Self Sabotage
09/16/2025
Re-Air: Ep. 67 - I Self Sabotage
I really, really struggle with self sabotage in every aspect of my life. From relationships, to not following through on things, to recreating trauma. It is an endless battle. I am working to better myself by being introspective and examining why I constantly sabotage myself and what I can do to work on it. Key Takeaways: [1:35] Self sabotage and regret in my life [4:09] Physical and emotional stress can make us stronger [6:02] Self sabotaging in an effort to protect myself [9:48] Sabotaging myself to create familiarity and safety [11:05] Drinking to fit in [13:36] Not having a good diet, but exercising [14:53] Teaching even though coaching lite me up [17:17] Having this idea off what I’m supposed to be [18:09] Sabotaging relationships, finding safety in people, and escaping [20:36] Not following through on things [23:13] Hanging on to past relationships [25:47] Reasons for sabotage [27:38] I hate being wrongly accused [29:24] Being in a state of denial and working to better myself [30:41] Recreating trauma and the battle of the brain [31:59] Contemplating why I live my life the way I do [35:37] Thinking about what needs to change in my life [38:23] Checking up on past relationships [42:11] Trying to better myself and my business [44:50] Staying in Concord even though I complain about it [47:21] The struggle with social media Resources: Connect with Barb:
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