Celluloid Zeroes

Mike Carlon and his twin brother Jimmy watched a lot of movies as kids. Unfortunately, they watched a lot of bad movies. Worse still, they remember them. Listen in as the Carlon brothers have fun taking a walk down memory lane while discussing movies that can best be described as Celluloid Zeroes.

Episode 13: No Holds Barred 02/28/2022

Episode 13: No Holds Barred Brother Jimmy and I are joined by our old friend Rob Salminen to discuss the 1989 abomination that is No Holds Barred. What happens when you take one of the most recognizable entertainment figures of the 1980s and pair him with his boss to co-executive produce and write a movie about wrestling? Well, you don't get an Oscar winner, that is for sure. Perhaps the best thing about this movie is the conversation it spurred about what wrestling meant to us as kids and the laughs we had while doing so. To give a callback to a key scene in the movie, this flick is a steaming pile of dookie and worthy of the title Celluloid Zero. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/22281407

Ep 12: Silent Rage 02/13/2022

Ep 12: Silent Rage When God said, “Let there be light,” Chuck Norris said, “Say please!” This is the most dangerous episode of Celluloid Zeroes as Jim and I take on a most formidable opponent—Chuck Norris. However, even Chuck can agree that 1982’s Silent Rage is not his best work. He’s never said as much, but actions speak louder than words and a sequel has never been made, even though the ending of this absolute zero set up a potential franchise. While the movie is pretty terrible, it does bring us back to a simpler time when spinning back kicks are all you need to combat a psychopathic indestructible killer whose body can heal instantaneously. Also, it’s always fun seeing a 1980s take on mad scientists and biker gangs (whose members look as if they all were extras in a Judas Priest video). Listen in as Jim and I ask the big questions such as, “Who in the hell greenlit this thing?” and hypothesize the important role this movie plays in Chuck’s career, which took off just a few years after this film came out. Yes, since then time has been good to Chuck Norris, even though time waits for no man (unless that man is Chuck Norris). /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/22117133

The Nude Bomb 01/29/2022

The Nude Bomb In this first episode of our second season, Mike and Jim discuss the 1980 comedy The Nude Bomb—the first feature film based on the 1960s TV comedy Get Smart. Original creators Mel Brooks and Buck Henry had nothing to do with this film, and it shows. While there are are a number of funny gags in the movie, we just couldn't get behind the premise—a man clad only in pantyhose with sewing thimbles on his finger tips threatens to detonate nude bombs which basically eradicate whatever close anyone is wearing. Despite its title, you might be surprised to know that there is zero frontal nudity in this movie. Listen in as we try to find some redeemable qualities in this certified Celluloid Zero. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/21945650

Episode 10: Action Jackson 11/21/2020

Episode 10: Action Jackson On this episode of Celluloid Zeroes, brother Jimmy and I discuss the 1988 non-classic Action Jackson starring Carl Weathers in the title role of Detective Lt. Jericho "Action" Jackson. Rounding out the cast are Craig T. Nelson playing the antagonist Peter Dellaplane, Vanity as the love interest Sydney, who was clearly using the proceeds to fuel her crack habit, and Sharon Stone, whose exposed rear end in one scene was clearly shot to put other rears in theatre seats. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/16900247

Episode 9: Love at First Bite 10/31/2020

Episode 9: Love at First Bite This movie came out in 1979 and captures that time period in New York with fang like sharpness. Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but unlike many of the other movies we've discussed on this podcast, this one does not smell like the Volga river at low tide. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/16627823

Episode 8: City Heat 10/25/2020

Episode 8: City Heat The year was 1984, Jim and I were ten years old, and our father took us to the movies to see City Heat. The two of us remember this movie as a comedic masterpiece and 36 years later we are questioning our sanity. Set towards the end of prohibition, the action takes place in Kansas City and stars two of the most well known actors of the day; Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood. While the movie has some great one-liners from Eastwood, they aren’t enough from making this a certified Celluloid Zero. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/16539914

Episode 7: Yellowbeard 09/13/2020

Episode 7: Yellowbeard When asked about the movie Yellowbeard, John Cleese said that it was one of the six worst movies ever made. His co-star, and fellow Monty Python Alum, Eric Idle commented that it was one of the worst films he ever made. With those endorsements from the film's stars you know you have a certified Celluloid Zero on your hands, and Yellowbeard is just that. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/15990569

Episode 6: No Retreat, No Surrender 09/05/2020

Episode 6: No Retreat, No Surrender Jim was always a bigger fan of martial arts movies and he lets his fanboyness shine through as we discuss the 1986 less than masterpiece No Retreat, No Surrender. The actors and director certainly took the title to heart as non of them retreated or surrendered from this movie, even though they should have. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/15898319

Episode 5: Oscar (1991) 08/16/2020

Episode 5: Oscar (1991) Filmmaker Joe Indusi joins Mike and Jim as they discuss 1991's Oscar, starring Sylvester Stallone and a relatively unknown actress at the time—Marissa Tomei. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/15629642

Episode 4: The Black Hole 07/25/2020

Episode 4: The Black Hole When Mike and Jim saw this movie in 1979 we thought it was one of the coolest things ever. There were spaceships, robots, lasers and giant red meteors! Oh, and this whirlpool looking black hole that meant almost certain death to anything that got sucked into it. Seeing this movie through adult eyes, however, led to a newfound appreciation of it. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/15350276

Episode 3: MegaForce 07/11/2020

Episode 3: MegaForce When this film came out, Mike and Jim were 8 years old. Looking back, that must have been the prime demographic for this film because it included flying motorcycles, glorified dune buggies with lasers, and men with feathered hair—lots of feathered hair. For all the missiles launched from motorcycles, there we no fatalities in this movie which makes us think that the inspiration was the GI Joe cartoon which was becoming popular around the same time. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/15170492

Episode 2: Hawk the Slayer 07/03/2020

Episode 2: Hawk the Slayer In the second installment of Celluloid Zeroes, the Carlon brothers discuss the 1980 fantasy film Hawk the Slayer and question whether they actually had a happy childhood after all. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/15077987

Episode 1: Zorro The Gay Blade 06/27/2020

Episode 1: Zorro The Gay Blade In this inaugural episode of the Celluloid Zeroes Podcast, the Carlon brothers take a deep dive into the 1981 parody Zorro The Gay Blade starring George Hamilton, Lauren Hutton, and Ron Leibman. /episode/index/show/celluloidzeroes/id/14989886

Celluloid Zeroes

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