Episode 13: No Holds Barred
Celluloid Zeroes
Brother Jimmy and I are joined by our old friend Rob Salminen to discuss the 1989 abomination that is No Holds Barred. What happens when you take one of the most recognizable entertainment figures of the 1980s and pair him with his boss to co-executive produce and write a movie about wrestling? Well, you don't get an Oscar winner, that is for sure. Perhaps the best thing about this movie is the conversation it spurred about what wrestling meant to us as kids and the laughs we had while doing so. To give a callback to a key scene in the movie, this flick is a steaming pile of dookie and worthy...
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Ep 12: Silent Rage
Celluloid Zeroes
When God said, “Let there be light,” Chuck Norris said, “Say please!” This is the most dangerous episode of Celluloid Zeroes as Jim and I take on a most formidable opponent—Chuck Norris. However, even Chuck can agree that 1982’s Silent Rage is not his best work. He’s never said as much, but actions speak louder than words and a sequel has never been made, even though the ending of this absolute zero set up a potential franchise. While the movie is pretty terrible, it does bring us back to a simpler time when spinning back kicks are all you need to combat a psychopathic...
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The Nude Bomb
Celluloid Zeroes
In this first episode of our second season, Mike and Jim discuss the 1980 comedy The Nude Bomb—the first feature film based on the 1960s TV comedy Get Smart. Original creators Mel Brooks and Buck Henry had nothing to do with this film, and it shows. While there are are a number of funny gags in the movie, we just couldn't get behind the premise—a man clad only in pantyhose with sewing thimbles on his finger tips threatens to detonate nude bombs which basically eradicate whatever close anyone is wearing. Despite its title, you might be surprised to know that there is zero frontal...
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Episode 10: Action Jackson
Celluloid Zeroes
On this episode of Celluloid Zeroes, brother Jimmy and I discuss the 1988 non-classic Action Jackson starring Carl Weathers in the title role of Detective Lt. Jericho "Action" Jackson. Rounding out the cast are Craig T. Nelson playing the antagonist Peter Dellaplane, Vanity as the love interest Sydney, who was clearly using the proceeds to fuel her crack habit, and Sharon Stone, whose exposed rear end in one scene was clearly shot to put other rears in theatre seats.
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Episode 9: Love at First Bite
Celluloid Zeroes
This movie came out in 1979 and captures that time period in New York with fang like sharpness. Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but unlike many of the other movies we've discussed on this podcast, this one does not smell like the Volga river at low tide.
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Episode 8: City Heat
Celluloid Zeroes
The year was 1984, Jim and I were ten years old, and our father took us to the movies to see City Heat. The two of us remember this movie as a comedic masterpiece and 36 years later we are questioning our sanity. Set towards the end of prohibition, the action takes place in Kansas City and stars two of the most well known actors of the day; Burt Reynolds and Clint Eastwood. While the movie has some great one-liners from Eastwood, they aren’t enough from making this a certified Celluloid Zero.
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Episode 7: Yellowbeard
Celluloid Zeroes
When asked about the movie Yellowbeard, John Cleese said that it was one of the six worst movies ever made. His co-star, and fellow Monty Python Alum, Eric Idle commented that it was one of the worst films he ever made. With those endorsements from the film's stars you know you have a certified Celluloid Zero on your hands, and Yellowbeard is just that.
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Episode 6: No Retreat, No Surrender
Celluloid Zeroes
Jim was always a bigger fan of martial arts movies and he lets his fanboyness shine through as we discuss the 1986 less than masterpiece No Retreat, No Surrender. The actors and director certainly took the title to heart as non of them retreated or surrendered from this movie, even though they should have.
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Episode 5: Oscar (1991)
Celluloid Zeroes
Filmmaker Joe Indusi joins Mike and Jim as they discuss 1991's Oscar, starring Sylvester Stallone and a relatively unknown actress at the time—Marissa Tomei.
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Episode 4: The Black Hole
Celluloid Zeroes
When Mike and Jim saw this movie in 1979 we thought it was one of the coolest things ever. There were spaceships, robots, lasers and giant red meteors! Oh, and this whirlpool looking black hole that meant almost certain death to anything that got sucked into it. Seeing this movie through adult eyes, however, led to a newfound appreciation of it.
info_outlineJim was always a bigger fan of martial arts movies and he lets his fanboyness shine through as we discuss the 1986 less than masterpiece No Retreat, No Surrender. The actors and director certainly took the title to heart as non of them retreated or surrendered from this movie, even though they should have.
In a Celluloid Zeroes first, Jim walks us through the synopsis of this film (in great detail) and you can hear the passion in his voice build as he does so, all the while you can tell a rant is building—and he does not disappoint!
But we are not movie critics; we use these films as springboards into bigger discussions and this week's include how to deal with bullies, the absence of heroes in modern culture, and why training in the martial arts is good for the mind, body, and soul (and very well may help save humanity from victim culture).
Stay with it till the end to hear Mike and Jim riff on something they call The Woke Dojo.
This episode of Celluloid Zeroes is brought to you by Mike Carlon's book Slippery People, where protagonist Greg James neither retreats nor does he surrender from the dangers an obsessed would-be pop star poses to his life.