Don't Cut Your Own Bangs

Welcome to Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, a Society & Culture podcast where we talk about burnout, big feelings, identity, and the messy middle of modern life—through therapy-informed conversations, personal stories, and a softer way of figuring things out together. Together we're making a cozier corner of the internet.

What You Repeat Is What You Reinforce (And Why That Matters Right Now) 02/09/2026

What You Repeat Is What You Reinforce (And Why That Matters Right Now) If you've been feeling like you need someone to flip on a light switch in a dark room right about now, this episode is for you. And listen, I get it—February can be rough. All that January enthusiasm starts to fade, the Midwest winter is doing its thing (where did the sun go?), and suddenly that phone in your hand feels less like a tool and more like a stain you can't get out of your clothes (or out of your hand). So today, I'm offering what we all need: a little bit of hope. This is a cozy solo cast that's a deep dive into what I'm learning in real-time about habits and what they reinforce. The truth: I've been doom-scrolling between client sessions like it's my job, and my nervous system has some thoughts about that. We're talking about: How to gently take inventory of what you're consuming (media, food, habits, all of it) The homework my therapist gave me that changed how I show up in every relationship What you're actually responsible for (hint: it's less than you think) Why knowing your philosophy matters—whether you're a therapist, a parent, or just a human trying to navigate this wild world Plus, I'm giving you a sneak peek at two incredible interviews coming up this month with Cat Greenleaf (host of the Soberness podcast) and the one and only Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network. If you need someone who makes heavy topics feel like a warm hug, Ashlyn is your person. She's basically the Ted Lasso of emotional work. KEY TAKEAWAYS "The things you repeat are what you reinforce." —James Clear, Atomic Habits This quote is the backbone of the episode. What are you repeating? Is it serving you? If not, what's one small shift you can make? You can't function for the responsibilities of your life if your nervous system is constantly firing. If you're feeling less Cinderella-with-birds-making-your-bed and more like you need to hide under the covers, it might be time to look at what you're consuming. Boundaries aren't just for other people—they're for what you let into your own mind and body. This is the work. What's yours to own? What's not? Getting clear on that changes everything. QUOTES THAT HIT "When you turn on a light in a dark space, the darkness isn't gone. But the darkness can't deny the light." "I wasn't clear on what I was actually responsible for. If I was responsible for their breakthroughs, then was I also responsible for what they didn't understand?" "Happiness can also look like having a lollipop for breakfast, lunch, and dinner—and then that creates a whole other issue." COMING UP THIS MONTH Cat Greenleaf from the Soberness podcast—talking celebrity sobriety, digital content, and constantly evolving Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network—bringing the heart-centered wisdom with humor and warmth YOUR HOMEWORK (IF YOU WANT IT) Grab a journal, go for a walk, or just sit with these questions: What am I repeating? What is that reinforcing for me? Do I like what I'm reinforcing? If not, what's one subtle adjustment I can make? And if you need a place to process all of this? The Treasured Journal was made for exactly these moments. It's got prompts, sentence stems, and space for you to dig a little deeper with a little more safety and context. Link's in the show notes. THINGS THAT WILL MAKE MY WHOLE WEEK Rate and review the podcast wherever you're listening—it helps more people find this cozy corner of the internet Subscribe so you never miss an episode (we've got some good ones coming up!) Share this episode with someone who needs a little bit of hope right now Your time and attention mean everything to me. Thank you for being here. Now go have an incredible day. You've got this. —Danielle RESOURCES MENTIONED Atomic Habits by James Clear Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings (my children's book!) The Treasured Journal (for all your processing needs) CONNECT WITH DANIELLE (links) Listen on Spotify: Listen on Apple Podcasts: Watch on YouTube: Website: Children's Book: The Treasured Journal: Substack: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/40021535

Self-Compassion, Fertility, and Trusting Your Body Again 02/02/2026

Self-Compassion, Fertility, and Trusting Your Body Again If you’re a capable, driven woman who’s doing everything “right” — and still feeling exhausted, stuck, or quietly blaming your body — this episode is for you. In this deeply meaningful conversation, I sit down with Dr. Erica Bove, double board certified physician, fertility specialist, and founder of Love & Science Fertility, to talk about what happens when high-achieving women bring the same hustle-and-push mindset into their bodies… and why fertility, healing, and clarity ask for something different. We explore how self-compassion, nervous system regulation, and trust aren’t “soft skills” — they’re foundational tools for healing, decision-making, and moving forward with more ease and confidence. This episode blends science, lived experience, and real talk — with humor, honesty, and a few moments that might make you pause and say, oh… that’s me. In this episode, we cover: Why trying harder often backfires in fertility and healing How hypervigilance and chronic stress impact the body What it actually means to trust your body again The difference between the inner critic and the inner coach Why creativity can calm anxiety faster than “trying to relax” Dr. Erica’s powerful Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs moment Key takeaways: Healing responds to safety, not pressure Your thoughts and feelings are data, not flaws Self-compassion improves clarity and follow-through You’re not broken — your body is communicating with you Quotes from the episode: “Trying harder doesn’t work in fertility — safety does.” “Your thoughts and feelings are data.” “The inner coach is so much better than the inner critic.” Resources mentioned: The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook by Dr. Kristin Neff Stand With Minnesota: Links & Resources Connect with Dr. Erica Bove Connect with Danielle Podcast (Spotify): Podcast (Apple): YouTube: Website: Children’s Book: The Treasured Journal: Substack: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39924900

Sustainable Self-Care: A Better Way to Actually Feel Better 01/26/2026

Sustainable Self-Care: A Better Way to Actually Feel Better Hello friends—welcome back to Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, the cozy corner of the internet where we let our tender, imperfect selves exist. This week we’re talking about sustainable self-care—not the kind that turns into a color-coded assignment, but the kind that actually supports you in real life. I’m sharing two simple processes you can use anytime (even if you’re burnt out, busy, or running on the last 3% of your battery). Plus: a few examples to help you rethink what “self-care” can look like when it’s truly working. In this episode, we explore: What makes self-care sustainable (and why “a list of habits” often backfires) A quick “ideal day” exercise that helps you tune into what you actually need A simple somatic body-scan practice (hello, nervous system support) How to tell if a self-care practice is helping: before / during / after Real-life examples—from travel planning to solitude to tap dancing Key takeaways Self-care is only self-care if it’s working—and “working” can change by season. Sustainable self-care is a process, not a perfection plan. Your body gives honest feedback—sometimes before your brain catches up. A couple of great lines from the episode “There’s a difference between what I knew… and what I was actually embodying.” “We deserve calm without having to earn it.” Quick encouragement If self-care has felt like one more thing to do “correctly,” let this be your reminder: you don’t need a perfect routine. You need a kinder relationship with your needs. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, review, and subscribe—it helps this cozy little corner grow and find the people who need it. Episode Links: Podcast (Spotify): Podcast (Apple): YouTube: Website: Substack: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: Children’s Book: The Treasured Journal: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39827665

Planting Good Seeds (A Gentle Start to 2026) 01/12/2026

Planting Good Seeds (A Gentle Start to 2026) Hello hello — I'm Danielle Ireland, and you’re catching an episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, the cozy corner of the internet where we answer the timeless question: Do I really want bangs… or do I just need to talk about my feelings? (Spoiler: it’s often the feelings. And also sometimes bangs. We can be multidimensional.) In today’s episode, we’re talking about planting good seeds — not the aggressive “new year, new you, fix your entire personality by Tuesday” energy, but the soft, intentional, nervous-system-friendly kind of reset. Because if January were in charge of its own PR? It would be branded as recovery + reflection + gentle reorientation, not a monthly audition for your worthiness. We use a seed metaphor (because nature gets it), talk about rest as a generative space, and explore why the opposite of anxiety isn’t necessarily calm… it might actually be creativity. I also share a very humbling moment at acupuncture where my body had a lot to say and I hadn't been listening. In this episode, we talk about: Why the beginning of the year is a great time to set intentions, not punish yourself with “perfect” Rest as resistance (and why your body is not a machine) The surprising idea: the opposite of anxiety is creativity Micro-rest: how to make space for yourself even in a busy life The 4 questions that can reveal where you’ve lost your spark: When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? When did you stop feeling enchanted by stories? When did you stop sitting in stillness? How breadcrumbs (like a screenshot of a dance class) can lead you back to yourself A gentle reminder: you are the expert in you — advice is useful, but you’re not required to outsource your inner knowing A couple quotes from the episode: “Plant the seed… and then leave it alone. Give it the space and grace it needs to thrive.” “Rest is a generative space. There is information for your healing in the dream space.” “The opposite of anxiety is not calm — it’s creativity.” “Knowing something and doing something are not the same.” (…my acupuncture appointment would like to cosign this.) Gentle invitation for the week: Pick one small “good seed” to plant — a tiny act of rest, wonder, play, or creativity — and let it be enough. Links + Resources Mentioned: The Nap Ministry: Martha Beck: YouTube Channel: Website: Children’s Book: The Treasured Journal: Substack: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: Want to talk to me directly? Email me at and put “bangs” in the subject line — questions, stories, topics you want on the pod… I’m in. And yes, I really will respond. Free Gift: Grab my free meditation here: Quick favor (it helps more than you know): If this episode felt like a deep exhale, please rate, review, and subscribe — and send it to the friend who’s been treating January like a final exam. 💛 /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39679250

Reimagining January: Reflection Over Reinvention 01/05/2026

Reimagining January: Reflection Over Reinvention Reimagining January: Reflection, Creativity, and the Messy Middle Happy New Year — and welcome to the very first episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs in 2026. If you’re feeling a little tender, tired, hopeful, unsure, or all of the above… you’re in exactly the right place. This episode is not about reinvention. It’s about reflection and reimagining. In this solo conversation, I’m sharing why I believe the beginning of a new year isn’t meant for pressure, perfection, or becoming a brand-new person overnight. Instead, it’s a powerful opportunity to pause, look back with honesty, and gently reimagine what you want more of — and less of — as the year unfolds. I reflect on the journey of this podcast, the role creativity has played in my life (from ballroom dance to therapy to children’s books), and why making things for joy — not productivity — has been one of the most grounding decisions I’ve ever made. We also talk about: vulnerability and creativity anxiety and burnout why “do I need bangs or do I need to talk about my feelings?” is actually a very real question and how slowing down can literally change your experience of time (hello, Andromeda Paradox ✨) This episode is an invitation — to breathe, to soften, to stop attacking your goals, and instead commit to what matters. No resolutions required. Key Takeaways Why January is better for reflection than reinvention How creativity can calm anxiety and clarify decision-making The real meaning behind “Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs” Why we’re not as alone as we think (and why that matters) How slowing down can change your experience of time and overwhelm Quotes to Remember “You don’t need to start from scratch. You’re allowed to carry yourself forward.” “If it isn’t joy, it isn’t right.” “We are not unique in the things we fear — and thank God for that.” A Note Before You Go If this episode made you feel a little more grounded, a little less alone, or helped you exhale — please rate, review, and subscribe. It’s how this podcast continues to grow and reach people who need it. And if a friend popped into your mind while listening, share it with them. The best things in life are shared. You can email me questions for the podcast at - subject line (Bangs). /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39615715

Finding Joy in Uncertainty (Best Lessons of the Year Finale) 12/29/2025

Finding Joy in Uncertainty (Best Lessons of the Year Finale) Today’s episode is the final part of our Best Lessons of the Year series, and it’s dedicated to the part of you that’s exhausted trying to figure it all out… because some seasons don’t come with clean answers (rude). In this episode, we talk about surrendering the outcome—not in a giving up kind of way, but in a coming back to life as it is kind of way. You’ll hear a powerful perspective from Dr. Tasha Faruqui on living in the gray when even science doesn’t have the answers. And then I’ll walk you through practical “anchors for your energy”—small, doable supports you can return to when you’re depleted, overwhelmed, or stuck living for “after.” If you’ve been telling yourself, “Once things calm down, then I’ll breathe,” this is your gentle reminder: you don’t have to wait for life to be fully resolved to feel a moment of peace. In this episode, we talk about: Why “after” can drive survival-mode What it means to surrender control without surrendering hope How uncertainty can drain your energy (and how to reclaim it) Choosing joy intentionally (without forcing toxic positivity) Anchors for your energy: small practices that stabilize you during turbulence Quotes to remember: “Some seasons don’t come with clean answers.” “Surrendering the outcome doesn’t mean surrendering your hope.” “Joy often doesn’t arrive… it’s something we pursue.” “Burnout isn’t a symptom of failure. It’s a symptom of fatigue.” Key takeaways: Surrender = reclaiming energy you were spending trying to control what you can’t. Joy can be a practice, not a mood you wait for. Anchors create stability in turbulence—pick one kind thing and return to it. A “one-degree shift” today can change how you land later. Your gentle invitation for the week: Pick one anchor: a walk outside, a one-minute pause, water before coffee, a phone boundary, or one brave little no. Try it. Keep it kind. Let it count. Full episodes from today’s clips: Mentioned: Sarah’s Substack (recipes + joy + your new secret ingredient): Free meditation gift from Danielle: RATE • REVIEW • SUBSCRIBE Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe, you help more people find this community—and it also helps me keep making the show better (for real). Thank you for being here. Connect with Danielle: YouTube: Website: Substack: The Treasured Journal: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39515520

Why You’re So Tired — And What Actually Helps 12/22/2025

Why You’re So Tired — And What Actually Helps If you’ve ever ended the day completely wiped out and thought, “Why am I this tired? I didn’t even do anything that big…” — hi. Same. And this episode is for you. In Week 4 of our Best Lessons of the Year countdown, we’re revisiting two of my favorite conversations because they speak to a very real modern experience: carrying a thousand invisible things… and then wondering why your nervous system feels like it’s running a marathon in jeans. First, we dip back into my Solo Cast on the invisible mental load — that constant background hum of remembering, planning, worrying, organizing, anticipating, and basically being the “tabs open in your brain” person. Then, we revisit my conversation with Jordan Arogeti (co-founder of Support Now) to talk about Support Languages — a framework that helps us understand how we give support, how we receive it, how to read the room, and how to repair when we didn’t show up the way we wish we had. So if you’re listening while wrapping gifts, doing dishes, working out, or hiding in the car for five minutes of peace… welcome. You’re in the right place. In this episode, you’ll hear: Why the invisible mental load is exhausting even when your calendar “doesn’t look that full” A tiny practice that helps an anxious brain actually tolerate stillness (yes, even for one minute) How your body often says “no” before your mouth does What Support Languages are (and why support isn’t one-size-fits-all) The lost art of reading the room (and remembering you’re not the main character in every chapter 😅) Why repair matters more than perfection when it comes to care and connection A few key takeaways: Your emotions aren’t a character flaw — they’re information One-minute pauses can be a one-degree shift that changes everything over time The goal isn’t “perfect support” — it’s real support You’re allowed to need help, ask for help, and receive help without earning it Quotes you’ll want to save: “You’re not exhausted because you’re weak. You’re exhausted because you’ve been carrying a lot — often silently.” “Tiny, imperfect support still counts. And you’re allowed to receive it, too.” “Your emotions are information — not proof you’re failing.” A little extra support (because you deserve it): FREE guided meditation gift: Bring more joy + ease into your kitchen with Sarah Kleinknecht: Sarah’s Substack (includes a free 30-minute consultation with an annual subscription): Connect with Danielle (and join the community): Website: Podcast hub: The Treasured Journal: Substack: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: Rate, Review, Subscribe Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. If this episode soothed something in you, made you feel seen, or made you go “OH… that’s what’s happening,” please rate, review, and subscribe. It truly helps grow our community and connects these conversations with people who need them — people just like you. 💛 /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39460600

When Winning Means Losing & Wonder Brings You Back: Highlights with Eli Martinez 12/15/2025

When Winning Means Losing & Wonder Brings You Back: Highlights with Eli Martinez Hello, hello! In this week’s “Best Lessons of the Year” recap, we’re diving into two surprisingly connected themes: How easy it is to lose ourselves in conflict How possible it is to find ourselves in nature We start with a clip from my solo cast, Winning Isn’t Everything, where I break down what really happens when our nervous system floods and suddenly our partner becomes… the enemy. (Yes, even if 10 minutes ago they were our favorite person.) Then we shift into wide-open wonder with adventurer and wildlife guide Eli Martinez, who reminds us that reconnecting with the natural world isn’t just “nice” — it’s an actual portal back to intuition, presence, and our truest selves. Some quote that stand out “Stepping out of win-lose dynamics isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.” “When we stop fighting for control, we start listening — and that’s when we find our way back to ourselves.” “Wonder cracks us open in ways certainty never can.” Key Takeaways Winning in conflict often means both people lose. We aren’t built for battles in our closest relationships. Curiosity is a superpower — in conversation, in conflict, in connection. Nature resets the nervous system. Watching a sunset can be more therapeutic than a dozen self-help books. Adventure and intimacy feel the same in the body. Fear + excitement + vulnerability = transformation. The real lesson? Learning to trust yourself is a practice, not a one-time achievement. Full Episodes Featured Exploring the Wild with Eli Martinez Winning Isn’t Everything Rate, Review & Subscribe If this episode sparked something in you — a whisper, a nudge, a little “Oof… that’s for me” — please rate, review, and subscribe. It helps the show grow and helps conversations like this reach people who need them. Connect with Danielle Podcast: Spotify: Apple: YouTube: Community: Substack: Instagram: Facebook: TikTok: Books & Journals: Treasured Journal: Wrestling a Walrus (Children’s Book): Website: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39374165

When Learning Gets Messy & “No” Sets You Free — Best Lessons of the Year: Week 2 12/08/2025

When Frustration Speaks and Magic Answers: Best Of Week 1 12/01/2025

Choose Ease, Not Urgency: with life coach LaShell Wooten 11/24/2025

Regulate Your Nervous System, Rewrite Your Story 11/17/2025

Regulate Your Nervous System, Rewrite Your Story This week on Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I welcome back one of the most impactful guests in the show’s history — Marianne Talkovski, emotional wellbeing strategist, acupuncturist, Chinese medicine practitioner, author, coach, and the creator of The Wellbeing Code. Marianne has been one of the most trusted practitioners in my personal healing journey, and in this conversation she breaks down the deep connection between our emotions, our physical body, and how burnout and anxiety take root when we ignore what we feel. Through her lens of Chinese medicine, emotional intelligence, and nervous-system regulation, Marianne helps us understand: 💛 Key Takeaways Why regulating your nervous system is the first step to healing burnout How emotional suppression shows up in the body as symptoms, stagnation, and stress What the five Chinese elements reveal about your personality type and emotional patterns How to know the difference between striving from fear vs striving from wisdom Why travel, adventure, and stepping outside your “operating life” can spark profound clarity The four-part Wellbeing Code: Regulate, Rewire, Resync, Radiate Why belonging to yourself is the foundation for belonging anywhere else One of my favorite quotes from the episode: “You can’t outthink your emotions. Regulation has to happen before transformation.” Whether you're recovering from burnout, craving emotional clarity, or learning how to trust yourself again — this episode will gently guide you back home. Connect with Marianne Talkovski Website: Instagram: Marianne’s Books: Connect with Danielle YouTube: Website: The Treasured Journal: Instagram: Facebook: Listen on Apple Podcasts: Listen on Spotify: If this episode resonated… Please rate, review, and subscribe — it helps the show reach more people who need this work. And as always, thank you for being here. You belong here. /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/39039125

Saying the Name, Sharing the Story: Jessica Fein on Grief & Love 11/10/2025

Calm, Cozy, and Present 11/03/2025

From Stressed to Steady with Dr Kate Lund 10/27/2025

Saying No with Kindness and Calm 10/17/2025

Saying No with Kindness and Calm The holiday season is here, and with it comes an avalanche of invitations, requests, and expectations. Parties, bake sales, family gatherings, end-of-year deadlines—it’s the season of “yes.” And before I know it, my energy tank starts flashing empty. In this final episode of Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress, I wanted to end on one of the most important themes of the entire series: boundaries—and how to say no kindly, clearly, and without guilt. If the word no gets caught in your throat or you find yourself agreeing to things you never actually wanted to do, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too. Saying no can feel like disappointing people or breaking some invisible rule about being “nice.” But I’ve learned that boundaries aren’t about rejection—they’re about clarity. They’re not a way of shutting people out; they’re a way of keeping myself grounded and connected. In this episode, I share why it’s so hard to say no, what our early attachment patterns have to do with it, and how we can begin to change that story. Many of us—especially women —were conditioned to be accommodating, pleasing, and available. But constantly saying yes doesn’t make us generous; it makes us exhausted. I’ll walk you through a few of my favorite tools and gentle language swaps to make “no” feel a little lighter, including: “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t commit right now.” “I don’t have the capacity, but here’s another option.” “No, thank you.” (Yes, that’s a full sentence!) I also talk about one of my favorite practices: treating boundaries as an act of self-partnership. I imagine my past and future self as teammates. The version of me from three days ago who blocked out time on the calendar, made lunch plans at home, or said no to something that would’ve drained me—she was taking care of me. And the me right now? I’m doing the same for the future version who’ll thank me later. Boundaries aren’t punishment; they’re protection. And when I honor my energy first, I can show up more fully for the things and people that truly matter. If you’ve ever felt the pressure to do it all, to say yes to every request, or to overexplain your “no,” I hope this episode feels like permission to breathe again. Saying no with kindness and calm is one of the most loving things we can do—for ourselves and for everyone around us. Resources Mentioned: – : A 7-part guided journal and meditation series to help you reset before burnout sets in. – : A playful tool for helping kids (and grown-ups) name and navigate big emotions with compassion. Connect with Danielle: If this conversation helps you take one deep breath or say one kinder no, share it with a friend who might need the same reminder. Because you deserve calm—without having to earn it. /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/38621520

Plan A or Bust: Martha Hoover on Bold Pivots and Change 10/13/2025

Plan A or Bust: Martha Hoover on Bold Pivots and Change “If Plan A is meaningful enough, there should not be a Plan B and a Plan C.” Martha Hoover joins me for a wide-ranging, candid convo on vision, hospitality, change, and unapologetically starting your “second rodeo.” We talk about building something distinctive, even if the world isn’t ready for it, parenting and businesses growing up like “twins,” learning to say "no", and why perfection is a trap. Martha shares stories—from sexism at the bank to learning stick shift in one afternoon—that show how courage, clarity, and follow-through beat “shoulda-coulda-woulda” every time. In this episode, we cover: Hospitality is its own “superpower”: making people feel truly welcomed in your sacred spaces Creating what you wanted—and trusting others want it, too Change as the only constant (and how to lean into it) Energy budgeting: non-negotiables, boundaries, and saying no without guilt Parenting, business, and growth on parallel timelines Ageism, relevance, and launching a “Second Rodeo” in your 70s Failing with joy, learning publicly, and persisting without a Plan B 3 Key Takeaways Define and defend your non-negotiables. Write them down, communicate them, and hold them—because expectations go both ways. Change isn’t the enemy—resistance is. Treat pivots as progress: if something doesn’t work, you’ve learned… and you can change again. Commit to Plan A. When the goal matters, ditch the escape hatches. Commitment calms the noise and focuses your energy. Links & Mentions helping women thrive in life and business (Formerly known as the Patachou Foundation) (audiobook recommended) (Hurley) — a blueprint for learning anything Connect with Danielle: If this episode made you braver about your next chapter, share it with a friend and subscribe, so you don’t miss the next conversation. /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/38514425

Stress Symptoms You’re Ignoring (and What They’re Really Saying) 10/06/2025

Learning to Trust Your Intuition with Angie Arkin 09/29/2025

Learning to Trust Your Intuition with Angie Arkin In this week’s episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I sit down with the radiant and insightful Angie Arkin — an internationally known intuitive healer and psychic channel whose work has guided clients around the world. Angie and I talk about what it means to trust your intuition, how to distinguish between the critical inner voice and the deeper truth inside of you, and why healing often begins by simply asking, “What do I need right now?” Whether you’re brand-new to the world of energy work or already well on your way in your spiritual practice, this conversation offers gentle entry points, grounded wisdom, and plenty of heart. Plus, Angie shares a don’t cut your own bangs moment you won’t forget — complete with dolphins and a near-miss with a shark! 🐬🦈 ✨ Three Key Takeaways 1. Intuition is a muscle. “Our intuition is literally always talking to us, but it’s like a radio station we may or may not be used to tuning into.” Like any muscle, the more you practice listening to your intuition, the stronger and clearer it becomes. 2. The truth feels good — even when it’s hard. “The truth always feels peaceful in the body. If it feels heavy, critical, or defensive, that’s not the truth.” A big aha may also come with an “oh no, now I have to face this,” but the body recognizes truth as relief and clarity. 3. Healing begins with self-trust. “I never want to know more about someone than they want to know about themselves. My role is to help them walk through the door they’re already willing to open.” Real empowerment happens when you learn to trust your own knowing — not outsource it entirely to someone else. Connect with RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/38342215

Too Loud to Think: Turn Down Burnout Volume 09/22/2025

Too Loud to Think: Turn Down Burnout Volume Burnout doesn’t just wear you out physically—it scrambles your thoughts, blurs your focus, and leaves you feeling lost in life. Even on days when “nothing big” happened, you can still feel completely drained, overstimulated, and like you’re drowning emotionally. In this solo episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I share a personal story of navigating one of those days when the noise of burnout got way too loud—and the small but powerful shifts that helped me reclaim clarity and calm. This conversation is part of my Put Down the Panic: A Kinder Guide to Stress mini-series, created to help you lower the volume on burnout, quiet the noise, and make space to hear your own voice again. Three Key Takeaways 1. Overstimulation fuels burnout more than we realize. “It’s so easy for overstimulation to fuel the burnout we’re trying to avoid.” Our brains weren’t built for nonstop notifications, interruptions, and mental multitasking. Recognizing overstimulation is the first step toward recovery. 2. Tiny resets create big clarity. “One little notch down in the volume makes it that much easier for you to hear yourself—the truth of your own experience." Even a one-minute pause or a few minutes of “sensory white space” without screens can help you reset and reconnect. 3. Rest and repair are not weaknesses. “The break I gave myself didn’t reinvigorate me—it repaired me. And that was exactly what I needed.” Repair days protect you from deeper burnout. They’re just as valuable as days when you feel fully energized. Resources Mentioned The Treasure Journal – a 7-part guided journal and meditation series → Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings – my children’s book to help kids (and adults) navigate emotions → If you’ve been feeling lost in life or thinking, “I feel like I’m drowning emotionally,” I hope this episode offers you a breath of fresh air and a gentle reminder: you don’t have to earn your peace—it’s waiting for you in the pause. Don’t forget to subscribe to Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs wherever you listen to podcasts, and share this episode with someone who might need a moment of calm today. /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/38257765

Baking Dreams Into Reality: an interview with Asia Coffee 09/14/2025

Baking Dreams Into Reality: an interview with Asia Coffee This week on Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, I’m joined by the incredibly talented (and incredibly sweet!) Asia Coffee—award-winning cake artist, YouTube creator with over 100,000 subscribers, Food Network alum (Holiday Wars, Season 3), and “Sugar Angel” with Icing Smiles. Asia’s journey is inspiring, relatable, and sprinkled with wisdom. From overcoming imposter syndrome to navigating burnout after the spotlight, she shares how consistency, creativity, and a dash of grace helped her grow a thriving business and community. Consistency beats perfection — “It wasn’t about making it perfect, it was about showing up anyway.” Imposter syndrome doesn’t get the final say — “The best is yet to come—keep going, things will change for the better.” Grace is part of growth — “I can do hard things. But I also get to ask—how hard do I want to make them for myself?” If you’ve ever wondered whether you started too late, felt like you didn’t belong, or questioned your creative path—Asia’s story will remind you it’s never too late to begin. Visit the links to Asia’s work, her YouTube channel, and the incredible nonprofit she volunteers with, Icing Smiles. YouTube Channel: Sweet Treats Blog: Website: Instagram: RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/38132355

I Hit the Wall—Here’s How I Climbed Back 09/08/2025

I Hit the Wall—Here’s How I Climbed Back Ever felt like you’re low-level drowning, even though everything looks “fine” on paper? That’s burnout—and it doesn’t show up with fireworks. It creeps in quietly until suddenly you’ve hit a wall and wonder: How in the heck did I get here? In this solo episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs (episode 2 of the Put Down the Panic: A Kind Guide to Stress mini-series), Danielle shares what burnout really looks like, how to spot the sneaky signs early, and the surprisingly gentle ways you can climb back without guilt—or another mountain of “shoulds.” Grab your tea, light a candle, and let’s walk through this together. Because you deserve calm without having to earn it. Recognize the early signs — “When the little things that normally bring you joy don’t anymore, that’s a red flag your body is waving.” Rest is not optional — “Burnout recovery is like a broken bone. You wouldn’t skip the cast—so don’t skip rest.” Anchor back to yourself — “Anchors are small daily choices—like a walk outside, drinking water before coffee, or asking for help—that root you in calm instead of chaos.” If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who might need the reminder that burnout isn’t failure—it’s just your body’s way of saying: enough, please. Resources Mentioned: – Danielle’s guided journal for self-reflection – A children’s book for little (and big) people with big feelings Connect with Danielle: RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/38072890

Support Now with Jordan Arogeti: Why Support Makes Us Stronger 09/01/2025

Support Now with Jordan Arogeti: Why Support Makes Us Stronger We’ve all been there — someone we love is struggling, and we desperately want to help… but we don’t know how. Do we step in? Step back? Offer words? Bring dinner? Sometimes, the hardest part of supporting someone is figuring out what support actually looks like. In this heartfelt conversation, Jordan Arogeti, co-founder of Support Now and speaker of a powerful TED Talk explains why knowing someone’s Support Language is the key to giving the kind of help that actually makes a difference & introduces the idea of Support Languages — a way to identify and honor the unique ways people want and need care. She shares her personal journey through motherhood, identity shifts, and invisible labor, and why learning to give and receive support has changed everything. Together, we unpack the myths of “having it all,” the weight women silently carry, and why support isn’t a sign of weakness — it’s one of the bravest, strongest choices we can make. ✨ What you’ll hear in this episode: Why “having it all” leaves women exhausted and unfulfilled How Support Languages make offering help easier and more meaningful The invisible mental load most of us never name — but always feel Jordan’s path to co-founding Support Now and reimagining care for families Why asking for and receiving help is an act of strength, not failure “Support isn’t weakness — it’s the strongest choice we can make.” Connect with Jordan: RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37966155

The Invisible Mental Load: Why You’re So Tired (Even When Nothing Big Happened) 08/25/2025

The Invisible Mental Load: Why You’re So Tired (Even When Nothing Big Happened) Ever feel completely drained at the end of the day… but can’t point to one big thing that explains it? That’s the invisible mental load - at work, at home, in life. In this solo episode of Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs, Danielle Ireland unpacks the unseen weight of constant remembering, planning, and worrying—and how small, doable shifts can lighten that load. ✨ This is part of the Put the Panic Down mini-series, a kind guide to stress—because you deserve calm without having to earn it. 🔑 In this episode: What the invisible mental load is (and how it shows up in your day) Why “chasing your to-do list” drains you more than it helps How a one-minute pause can reset your whole system Listening to your body’s cues for when it’s time to stop, delegate, or ask for help Three gentle shifts you can start practicing today to ease stress 💬 Quotes to remember: “You don’t have to do more to deserve a break. You are worthy of rest right now.” “The root of exhaustion isn’t doing more—it’s noticing when the chasing is draining you.” 👉 If this episode resonates, share it with a friend who might also need this reminder. And don’t forget to subscribe so new episodes find you—no chasing required. 📚 Mentioned in this episode: Wrestling a Walrus: For Little People with Big Feelings – Danielle’s children’s book on emotions RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: 00:00 Introduction and Series Overview 02:52 The Invisible Mental Load 06:59 Practical Tips for Mindfulness 12:36 Recognizing and Communicating Needs 23:10 Final Thoughts and Encouragement /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37913875

Suck the Joy Out of Life: Lessons in Love, Loss, and Letting Go with Dr. Tasha Faruqui 08/18/2025

Suck the Joy Out of Life: Lessons in Love, Loss, and Letting Go with Dr. Tasha Faruqui When life doesn’t go as planned, how do you keep going — and still find joy along the way? In this moving conversation, pediatrician, rare disease advocate, and author Dr. Tasha Faruki joins me to share her extraordinary journey as a mother navigating her daughter’s complex medical needs. From the first whispers that something was different, to the raw reality of “failure to thrive,” to redefining joy through Make-A-Wish surfboards in Hawaii, Dr. Tasha’s story is one of grit, surrender, and radical love. We talk about: Trusting your instincts when everyone says “don’t worry” Letting go of the plan you thought your life would follow Siblings, family repair, and the unspoken challenges behind the scenes The power of asking “Why not?” instead of “Why me?” Living by the family motto: Suck the joy out of life Some quotes from the episode: "Our children carry the medicine we need." "I had to stop waiting for joy to fall into my lap and start intentionally finding it." "It’s incredibly brutal and it’s incredibly beautiful — and both can be true." 📖 Pre-order Dr. Tasha’s memoir Keep Your Head Up — proceeds benefit children’s organizations. 📌 Follow Dr. Tasha’s work and connect through the links below. Whether you’re a parent, a caregiver, or simply someone learning to make space for big feelings, this episode will meet you in the messy middle — where it’s incredibly brutal and incredibly beautiful, often at the same time. Pre-order her book here: Dr. Tasha Faruqui: RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 01:08 Introducing Dr. Tasha Fari 04:22 Dr. Tasha's Journey Begins 05:24 Early Signs and Medical Challenges 07:21 Navigating Medical Advice and Doubts 09:36 The Breaking Point and Advocacy 12:05 Diagnosis and Urgency 14:36 Facing the Unknown and Seeking Answers 16:12 The Emotional Toll and Medical System Challenges 18:44 A Mother's Intuition and Medical Advocacy 20:21 The Long Road Ahead 20:52 Military Life and Medical Support 23:23 Preparing for the Next Steps 36:36 Emotional Appointment and Medical Decisions 38:22 Surrendering to Uncertainty 41:44 The Role of Joy and Acceptance 44:14 Make-A-Wish and Family Transformation 46:24 Balancing Family and Medical Challenges 50:32 Parenting and Personal Growth 55:06 The Decision to Have a Third Child 01:00:26 Repairing Relationships with Children 01:05:34 Final Reflections and Lessons Learned 01:10:58 Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Moment /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37824890

Tech Sweat & Relationship Spirals: Embracing the Learning Process. 08/11/2025

Tech Sweat & Relationship Spirals: Embracing the Learning Process. Welcome to a solo cast episode of ‘Don't Cut Your Own Bangs'! In this episode, I dive into tackling my tech nightmares, facing limiting beliefs and how my experience connects to a client’s deeper understanding of their relationship patterns. I share relatable stories and actionable takeaways to help you navigate your own learning process: 1) The consistency of the learning process - a question or obstacle always initiates it. 2) The importance of compassionate curiosity - shifting 'Why' questions to 'How' and 'What' questions. 3) Embracing the spiral nature of progress - each iteration helps us move closer to our goals. Join me in making big feelings feel less scary and more approachable. As I say, 'The process of learning is always the same, and it often starts with discomfort.' Tune in and let's unlearn to relearn together! 00:00 Introduction and Podcast Intentions 03:36 The Learning Process: Personal Tech Challenges 14:45 Client Story: Relationship Patterns and Learning 19:13 Embracing Discomfort and Growth 21:19 Conclusion and Listener Engagement RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: Learning Process solocast [00:00:00] [00:00:08] [00:00:08] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching a solo cast of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And I wanted to hop on quickly because I had a killer session with a client that had some awesome takeaways that I think everybody could benefit from hearing and I've had a lesson repeatedly coming up in my life that also mirrors what my client was experiencing. [00:00:31] And I think the. The two stories together may offer something to you. So that's the hope. That's what we're gonna do. And the other thing I wanted to do was reintroduce the intention and the concept of this podcast, which is to make big feelings, feel less scary and more approachable, interpreting the information of our emotions to help guide us. [00:00:54] Into making the next right step for ourselves. Shrinking the gap between knowing what we feel and knowing what we wanna do with that feeling is where a lot of tension lives. So I wanna help shrink that gap, and then I wanna do it in a way that helps us feel light and. Maybe even have some knowing laughter in the face of our big feelings, because when we are met with truth, there's an opening and expanding clarity, and sometimes there are tears, which I think can keep people maybe stuck from looking at them because we don't wanna cry, which I get. [00:01:27] But the other thing I wish everyone could experience is the deep, profound belly laugh that happens in therapy sessions, in treatment rooms, in group therapy, in addiction groups, in. The profoundly just meaningful, vulnerable conversations between friends. The feelings we so often run from are the birthplace of a deeper, more meaningful connection and so much laughter and joy, and that's the hope here. [00:02:03] I want to have conversations like that with my guests. I want to have conversations like that with you. [00:02:08] [00:02:12] [00:03:27] [00:03:30] I wanna offer a couple of stories, a couple of key takeaways, and then we're all gonna go on with our day. The process of learning, the process of learning is always the same. The process of learning is always the same, and I'm saying this multiple times for myself as much as anyone else because it seems particularly for me when it comes to technology. [00:03:55] I have a story about myself in approaching tech. My story is technology is hard and I'm not good at technology and I don't always read directions, and then I get tech sweat and I get in my head and I either want to abandon the tech altogether, I wanna abandon the project altogether. I wanna distract myself with something else more familiar and comfortable, which working from home can be chores or I'll find a way to busy myself to avoid the thing that makes me so deeply and profoundly uncomfortable. This story that I've been telling myself about tech, I have also disproven and I have plenty of evidence to the contrary many times over. [00:04:34] This isn't about unpacking the story or worrying about where the story comes from. That can be another podcast for another time. But today it is about looking at the process of learning. It is always the same. It is often uncomfortable. And I have a story about a client who has gone through in her own way, a similar iteration with my tech story, with relationships and it's different experiences, but the lesson and the through line of what it really means to learn something new about yourself and carry that information forward. [00:05:13] It's a simple process to say. It is harder to see when it's happening to you, and that is my hope in sharing it with you here today, is that you can see yourselves and my story or in an aspect of my clients, and then apply it to yourself and it won't be so hard for you when it comes up. [00:05:30] The process of learning starts with a question, a problem, or an obstacle. The question of how do I figure this thing out in my case? I have been converting my podcast to video. Very exciting. Hello, if you're watching, thanks for watching. Converting the podcast to video has added many layers of new technology and excerpt cut to me excessively sweating in a corner, thinking about how in the hill am I gonna figure this out? [00:06:00] Every podcast I have had a new challenge. I've met the challenge and I figured it out. And also every podcast I'm looking at the previous one, thinking, oh God, I could have done that. I could have done that. And this particular challenge for me earlier this week was I had recorded it in Zoom. [00:06:18] There was an issue I didn't save it in the way that I needed to save it, to make it more manageable and malleable. So I'm left with a block of video that is a very thin landscape within a landscape, which is not ideal, and had to find several workarounds to make it look correct in the format of. [00:06:42] The YouTube channel. And then of course it can't be the same like every credit card machine has its own freaking process. Had to figure out how do I then get it to convert into clips that look appropriate for social media? Because social media doesn't want it horizontal, they want it vertical. [00:07:02] I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but I'm pretty sure this is not an exaggeration. It took me about three hours to figure out a workaround with the raw material of the video I had and how to get it to actually fill the horizontal space for the YouTube channel correctly and then figure out how to work around, flip it and reverse it and make it work for the vertical. [00:07:25] I am just grinding my gears, trying to figure this out, but to bring it into the process of learning is the same every time. It started with, I have a problem and my problem is my video isn't filling out the view of the format correctly. [00:07:42] How do I do that? How is a great question. Not, why can't I figure this out? Why isn't this working? Why does this always happen to me? But once I'm in the process of learning, it almost always starts with a what if? What if this were possible? How could I make it possible? What do I need to do? [00:07:59] What And how are great questions to activate this process if you're stuck in a spiral? But since we're in the process of learning itself. It starts with a how? How do I figure this out? That led me to a series of Google searches and YouTube videos, and then my brain was saturated with information. Then I try to take that information and distill it into figuring it out one slow, heavy click of the keyboard at a time. Little by little, I'm actually starting to get something that looks closer to the way that I want it to look and. [00:08:33] Just side note, it still looks like amateur hour in comparison to people who have been doing this for a really long time. But I'm also super proud of myself. Both things can be true. I can be an amateur and a novice, which I am in many ways, and I can also be really proud of what I've learned so far, which has been a fuck ton. [00:08:49] I have something that's much closer to what I wanted the end product to be. And I figured out actually some really cool functions within the software that I use called D Script to try to record my video podcasts. [00:09:03] I figured out a lot of interesting workarounds and tools and functions that I would've otherwise never known existed had I not tried to solve this problem. So the process of learning is always the same, only always the same. Forever. It starts with a problem, an obstacle, a need. Then it leads to a question, a form of curiosity. [00:09:26] How would I approach this? How could I figure this out? What if I was able to do this? Is it possible for me to do this? And then I go through the process, the next step after the question is where 90% of the discomfort lives. Because you're actually muscling through something brand new that you've never done before. [00:09:47] Postulating a question that actually is almost more romantic and fun. It's brainstormy. Not that there can't be energy and output put into the question, but in the actual execution of trying to do the damn thing, it's awkward and uncomfortable. And sweaty, and at the end of that three hour chunk after already having worked several hours on other things that were a little bit more practiced in me, I was spent, but then I immediately, and this is new for me, after shutting the computer down, sitting back, I had one thought, which was, damn. [00:10:27] That took. Forever. And then the other was, I know a lot now. I was able to, almost in the same moment, think, oh, that was really freaking hard and. I know so much more about this. I bet I'm going to be able to do the next one that much better. Knowing what I know. I know how to save. [00:10:52] I know how to record. I know how to set up my guest. Better for success I know that if, God forbid, all these other things fall apart I'm also able to now carry this workaround into that with more confidence because I know how to do it now. [00:11:09] I know what the functions are. I know all the mistakes I made that I won't make again and. I was actually really proud of myself. The elements of the learning process that have always been true, they start with a question and a curiosity, and then the discomfort of figuring it out. The part that I wanna share and because I'm excited about it 'cause it's newer, for me, is I really allowed that effort to inform my new sense of confidence. [00:11:38] Moving into the next project. And do you know what, the uncomfortable day was three days ago, and I was able to actually prove myself correct yesterday, like this is very, very recent. [00:11:51] Now I'm sitting again with raw material. Raw editing material that I'm gonna have to do the exact same workaround that I did on Monday, but I know how to do it. I'm halfway done and it has taken a fourth, like a fraction of the time. It took me the first time, and it's only the second time I've had to do this. [00:12:10] Knowing what I know now . I know with a much deeper, more profound sense of knowing that I am capable of figuring this out. I am working with technology that my old story is really just that an old story. [00:12:24] It's old news, and I have new information now that I also need to allow to exist because it is true at one point in time technology. Was really hard for me. I don't know where the origin story came from. But the new element to this process of unlearning for me is adding the other things that are true in a way that is kind and compassionate to myself, which is, Hey, you figured it out. It was hard and uncomfortable, and no, you don't wanna do it that way again, but you figured it out. [00:12:56] You know the discomfort of this moment will inform future setups and give you that much more of a push to ensure that you follow the steps that can make your life easier. That's really good information to have. That's good experience to have, and. The process of getting there was uncomfortable. [00:13:16] I share this because it is so easy to look at lessons in hindsight and only want to reflect on the learnings and takeaways and not actually when you are in that sweaty, uncomfortable, is this ever going to come together? Am I ever gonna get their ? [00:13:34] It's so easy to feel alone in that process. It's so easy to feel incredibly stuck because in some ways you may be stuck. It's like trying to move through mud, up to your knees and trying to get one foot in front of the other. It's just feels so damn slow, and that's not a personality trait if you are having a hard time in that active learning process. [00:13:56] That is just true of you're forming new neural pathways. It is a new pattern in you, and so the neurons haven't fired in the same way the practiced behaviors in you or the practiced stories in you. They're like a super highway. that's freshly paved, blacktop, and perfectly smooth. [00:14:14] That's just your mind knows how to operate in that pattern. It doesn't know how to operate in this new way. So comparing, smooth blacktop, super highway to a little pebbled path in a patch of woods behind your house maybe gonna get to your intended destination, but the path of getting there is gonna look and feel a lot different. [00:14:36] Having that information in my peripheral vision as I was experiencing the discomfort earlier this week helped me out a lot. I then had the benefit of today sitting in a therapy session with a client that I've worked with for a really long time, and there is a relationship pattern that this person has found themself in, where faces have changed, names have changed, but the way that they're treated and the relationship has, and particularly in conflict, has felt very familiar and. [00:15:12] Each time, and I wanna highlight this image 'cause it's important. Each time that this is experienced, what my client has done is another iteration of this learning process. [00:15:23] The process of once we get through either the more shame or stress or anxiety inducing questions like, why am I not enough? Why isn't this working? Why is this always happening? When we shift that type of questioning to. How do I want to be treated? How do I want to feel? [00:15:40] Am I treating myself with the kindness and respect that I am expecting of them? Am I treating myself the way I wanna be treated? And each step that is. Positioned through the lens of compassionate curiosity. It's more actionable. It also leads to a more tangible step it leads you to a new understanding. The progress with that type of questioning and self-examination. [00:16:10] When we make progress or we come out of a hard situation, what we want to think is that relationships look like stair steps just like this. So if you're watching on YouTube, you can see the Post-It note I'm holding up. But if you're listening, we want it to be like a stair step. We move up, we learn something new, we move forward, we never have that mistake again, and then we move up and learn something new and then we move forward. [00:16:31] We never have that situation again. Wouldn't that be great? But. The truth with a capital T, is that learning something new feels more like this and I'm holding up a post-it note that shows a little spiral. Each time we go through the same situation again or the same learning again. For me, it's every time I'm approaching a new piece of technology. [00:16:55] In my client's case, we're reflecting on a romantic relationship. What I'm actually measuring my progress on is not that, oh, I'm confronting new technology and feeling stressed. Ugh, I'm failing. Because if I'm looking at it from the stair step point of view, that's when it's gonna feel like I'm sliding backwards. [00:17:13] But from the lens of the spiral, each time I go deeper, deeper into the spiral, I am able to make the connection sooner. I'm able to see the situation clearer, sooner the fear spike that I may have when approaching this new project because I have more experience and therefore confidence behind me to know that I've done this before, I'll probably have a better chance of figuring it out. [00:17:39] It shrinks the gap of. Having the feeling of discomfort, and knowing what to do with that feeling of discomfort. And in this case, and if you're not watching on YouTube, I'm holding my hands together. And so each iteration of the spiral, my hands are getting closer and closer together. [00:17:53] That gap is getting smaller. And my client had this experience today at the end of a relationship with someone they love and loved dearly, the love doesn't just go away. They realized with this new profound sense of clarity and confidence that this relationship was progressed by every standard of where they had been before. [00:18:19] What they know now, the information they hold now and how they want to that information to inform their life moving forward. This relationship no longer serves them now, just like my story about technology doesn't serve me anymore because it's not entirely true or nor is it true at all. And in this case, with my client sitting in the discomfort and then allowing that compassionate curiosity of. [00:18:43] How do I wanna be treated? How do I wanna feel? What if I treated myself with the same respect that I'm wanting this other person to treat me? Moved them forward with new information. The relationship ending while hard, because it always is, it's never easy. The relationship ending was a beautiful and tender goodbye. If there was anything to take away from either my example or the example of my client, it's that if you are in your own version of a struggle or very active learning process right now where it feels so slow, like you're moving through mud, remembering that. The perspective. [00:19:32] That's why I try to hold the image of the spiral up as often as possible. So maybe grab your own post-it note and just draw like a little spor spiral circle where it just gets tighter and tighter. 'cause for me, seeing the struggle as this is a moment in a process versus a problem, that this is a challenge that I'm meeting in a much larger process that is going to lead me in the end to a new outcome. [00:20:00] Whatever that outcome is. I don't know. I'm not there yet because I'm in this part of the process, but knowing that that's all this is, gives me a sense of relief because what my fear is often telling me is that my pain and discomfort are permanent. This will always be hard. This will never get easier. [00:20:20] This will never work out, and remembering, okay, this discomfort. Is very real and it is a part of a larger process that's gonna lead me to something new. And that new something will hopefully help me make a better, quicker, more gentle decision in the future. I hope my story is proof of progress that. Your old stories, they may always be a part of you a little bit. Oh, there's that old story coming up. There it is, and I'm feeling the discomfort of that. But ask yourself some other questions like, is it true? [00:20:55] Is it really true? Is it the same as it was last time? Is it exactly the same? How is it a little different?... /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37608525

We’ve got you: The Inspiring Journey of City Moms founder, Jeanine Bobenmoyer 08/04/2025

We’ve got you: The Inspiring Journey of City Moms founder, Jeanine Bobenmoyer Join me, Danielle Ireland, on this week’s episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs as I chat with Jeanine Bobenmoyer, the founder of City Moms. Jeanine shares her journey from feeling isolated in a new city to building a thriving community for moms that is expanding nationwide. We dive into the power of community building, the importance of saying 'no,' and how City Moms grew from a local network to a national movement. This conversation is filled with heartfelt moments, laughter, and invaluable lessons on self-trust and service to others. Tune in to learn how Jeanine's mission evolved and how you can connect with this incredible community of supportive moms. Don't miss Jeanine's own 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs' moment—it's a story of transformation you won't want to miss! 00:00 Introduction and Guest Overview 01:11 Jeanine's Background and City Moms Origin 02:46 Early Challenges and Community Building 04:39 Meeting Sarah and Business Growth 10:32 Drew Barrymore Show and Indianapolis Love 13:54 Content Strategy and Community Engagement 20:59 COVID Impact and National Expansion 23:05 Expanding the City Moms Community 24:17 Building a Female-Led Team 26:15 Listening to City Moms 28:50 Storytelling Over Sales 36:02 Launching a New Membership Experience 38:32 A Personal Story of Change 50:11 Conclusion and Final Thoughts RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Jeanine: Website: Join our membership waitlist: Instagram:@ TikTok: @ Pinterest: @ Connect with Danielle: Transcript [00:00:00] [00:00:08] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. [00:00:13] And today I have the opportunity to sit down with city moms founder, janine Bobmeyer. Janine is a mom of teens, a yoga addict, a Michigan native, and an avid reader. Her dream vacation includes hiking in national parks with her family and a cup of hot chai. And do we get into the tea in this episode? [00:00:34] But RT is super heartfelt, heart led, and based on community building and vulnerability. If that's the stuff that you're into, then oh, you are gonna love this conversation. Of all the things I took from this episode, what Janine embodies and what you are able to learn from as well is what it means to trust yourself, and that in the process of honoring yourself, giving a wholehearted loving no or saying yes to adventure, it is leading you to something that is not only in service of you. [00:01:09] But in service of others. Janine has founded a community city moms and started as a local community that she built based on her own need in Indianapolis. But it has grown and it is popping up in cities all over the country. We get into the early days and please stay tuned if there was ever a, don't cut your own bang moment to really not wanna miss. [00:01:31] This is a good one. It actually, it bookends the episode perfectly because we start by talking about her business and the community and company that she started, but we understand the why, the deep, profound, heartfelt, why that inspired it all. What I believe to be true that when we act in service of ourself it ultimately rises everybody up with you. [00:01:56] Everything we have leaving up to it is also just equally beautiful, sweet, funny, and endearing. [00:02:03] Thank you for being here. Thank you, Janine, for this beautiful conversation. And I can't wait for you to sit back, relax, or put in your AirPods and go for a walk however you like to listen and enjoy. [00:02:18] Danielle: Janine Bobmeyer. It's such a pleasure to have you on the Don't Cut Your Own Banks podcast. You are the chief executive officer and co-founder of City Moms, and it is the largest growing lifestyle brand in the Midwest. [00:02:31] So I am just so honored to spend some time with you and share all of what you do and what you offer women and mothers in the Midwest, to the Don't Cut Your own Bangs. Listeners, thank you for being here. [00:02:43] Jeanine: Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. [00:02:46] Danielle: Yeah, so fun fact on how we connected, if I'm remembering this correctly, a couple of years ago, city moms reached out to me to feature Don't cut your own bank podcast in, one of your, articles or newsletters just featuring local podcasts in Indie. [00:03:03] And that was so lovely. That was at a time where I was just starting and didn't know who was listening. It was such a, it was so validating and a real confidence boost for me. So I first wanna just say thank you. [00:03:14] Jeanine: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I remember that article. We were. [00:03:18] Pulling, I think it was the top 10 podcasts you should be listening to in Indianapolis. Specifically founded by females. And you were one of the first that came to mind, because I know you were just launching at the time. You were like, well, hello. Of course you need to be listed on this. [00:03:32] Danielle: When you're just getting something off the ground, there is such a. There's so much space between where you are, right, where you imagine yourself to be or where you wanna be. [00:03:43] And whatever you can do to just keep getting one foot in front of the other, or even getting started takes so much energy and it's vulnerable. And so you and your best friend and business partner Sarah Hawker, are sitting on top of this really beautiful community that you have built. I think community building is just a magic skill. [00:04:06] And so I wanna go back to the early days of City Moms. You have some language on your site that I love. You need a village. We have it. Yeah, I was thinking that we don't need super women. We need supported women. Right. [00:04:20] I've also learned that what we offer others usually starts with the healing we need it. And so you're a mom of teens now? Yeah. So can you tell me a little bit about like the origin of city moms and how you went from I'm imagining having a good idea with your girlfriend to sitting where you're sitting today, being featured on the Drew Barrymore show. [00:04:39] Jeanine: Yeah, I was new to Indianapolis in 2011, so we had moved to the city from Detroit. I'm originally from Michigan, but my husband's from Indy. And in moving here to be closer to his family, I didn't know anybody. And you know, my husband wonderfully, having grown up here, has a lot of friends that are still here, but he's like, let's go out with Davis and let's have, lunch with Johnson. [00:05:02] I was like, I don't wanna do any of that, like . I'm a mom and at the time I had a 1-year-old and a 4-year-old. So you're just trying to keep, your life together in those moments of motherhood anyway. So to be in a new city, and just not know One Soul was really, I mean, just adds more challenges on top of what you're already facing. [00:05:20] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:05:20] Jeanine: So we had been here and just before I moved, a friend of mine in Detroit said, have you checked out Meetup? And I was like, no, what is this? And so she's telling me about Meetup and you can go on, you can kind of filter based on your interests and find a local community. And so I did and I found a couple moms groups that were in the Indianapolis area. [00:05:43] I found that, most of the majority of moms communities that we find really across the nation, even today, are tied to one of two things. It's churches [00:05:51] Danielle: or it's schools. [00:05:52] And we [00:05:52] Jeanine: didn't have either. I decided that that was the moment to potentially launch, my own community. [00:05:58] One that was just open to all moms across Indianapolis, that didn't have those specific kind of school or church affiliation, and we had a hundred members sign up on the first day. [00:06:09] Danielle: Whoa. I I have to pause for just a moment. Yeah. So you were seeking to meet your own need. Yes. And I find that so interesting that's really telling about you. [00:06:20] Just as a person and how you move through the world is you saw a gap for your own experience and then immediately connected it to what? Like, how do I expand this beyond me? Yes. As opposed to like, how do I find my community? How do I find my people? You're like, oh, there aren't people or communities, so I'm gonna build one. [00:06:40] That's really interesting. [00:06:42] Jeanine: Yeah. And for me it was because, I desperately needed community. I desperately was seeking that out. I had never been, shy to creating that myself in prior iterations. I was coming out of the advertising industry in Detroit and even in this really large advertising agency, had found my little corner of people. [00:07:04] At the time, had founded a tiny, I forget exactly what we called ourselves, but we were almost like our cheerleading community of the agency itself, where we started to put on little events for this large agency. And it started just because, we saw that at the workplace, it was just constant go, go, go. [00:07:21] In advertising. And there wasn't that pause to connect with, you know, your your desk mate or a team member. And so that for me, is just something that I've always loved doing. [00:07:31] But in coming to Indianapolis recognized, I also needed a community here and without kids in school, without having a church home, without even having, a neighborhood that I was close to. Just that gap existed and I realized it was something I needed to fill. [00:07:48] Danielle: Yeah. And not only did you, it sounds like fill that for yourself, but then you met a need that many other women in the community had too. Now, how did this, so was Sarah somebody that came with you from Michigan? Did you meet her here? How did that connection happen? [00:08:04] Jeanine: Yeah, so Sarah, my business partner and one of my dearest dearest, I actually met her. [00:08:08] We've known each other seven years now. [00:08:10] Danielle: Hmm. [00:08:10] Jeanine: The city moms community. And membership was running for years. [00:08:15] Danielle: Oh. [00:08:15] Jeanine: I was introduced to her, through a mutual friend. It was such a funny experience because we were at this mutual friend's house for a dinner, and immediately upon meeting her I was like, well, this is someone I obviously need to know forever. [00:08:30] She just has one of the most dynamic personalities. She's so engaging. She just pulls you right in. And she asked me a question about, a dress I was wearing. It was from anthropology. And she was like, oh yeah, I have that dress. I think I have that in black. And you're, you wearing it in like a green. [00:08:45] And I was like, boy. Yes. [00:08:47] Danielle: Yes. It's like that scene in stepbrothers, it's like 1, 2, 3 anthropology. [00:08:51] Jeanine: Yes. Exactly. [00:08:52] Danielle: Exactly. And I [00:08:53] Jeanine: was like, oh, well, we're obviously besties. Yeah. Yeah. At the time, she was in the process of, quitting her nursing job. [00:09:02] Danielle: She said, [00:09:02] Jeanine: yes, I'm really, I think my last day is going to be August 31st, and that happens to be my son's birthday. [00:09:09] And she said, I'm just, I've been working so hard, I making this change. I'm going to start my own company. And I just, I've needed this push for a long time. And I said, I am going to text or call you on August 31st and find out how it's going. And she was like, are you really? [00:09:27] And so there we are two months later. I texted her and I said, how's it going? Did you start your own company? Are you making this next move? And she was like, yes. And this is amazing that you remembered. And we just have been close ever since. So she's one of my absolute favorite people, and as the city moms has evolved, so has her role. [00:09:47] First as a member, then she was a member of our content team, which I'm sure we'll chat about here a little bit. And now she's, my business partner. [00:09:55] Danielle: Wow. That's so beautiful. I find that, women who work together, play together, raise kids alongside each other, it's like in the way that women can change hats in life. [00:10:08] They can do that within relationships. I've just seen really well, is it, I think that there's that old paradigm of which I've never really bought into, which is, check your feelings at the door or leave work at the door. It's like we're all one person. The day where we have all these different parts and that's so beautiful. [00:10:26] How. That sounds like this friendship has grown as well as the business growth. [00:10:30] Jeanine: Yes. [00:10:31] Absolutely. And, you've hinted at the Drew Barrymore Show which was an opportunity that came out in COVID complete surprise. [00:10:40] Danielle: Yeah. [00:10:40] Jeanine: To receive an email from the producers in set by, actually this was like end of July, 2021. [00:10:46] And they said, with COVID having really tampered down, a lot of the programming we're able to do for this show, we're not allowed to travel as much. We are launching a new kind of mini segment inside the show itself. We would love to chat with you about the one that we would like to do in Indianapolis. [00:11:02] We noticed that you're based there. Would you have any interest? And of course, Sarah was my first phone call because [00:11:08] I just like, ah, I need someone to scream with for a moment. Yeah. And because we had no idea or context what the segment specifically was about. And so I called and scream with her and then, immediately called the producers. [00:11:19] And they said, well, what we're looking to do is have two best friends in the city showcase the city together. And what makes your city unique? [00:11:28] Danielle: I mean, who better to do it? [00:11:30] Jeanine: And we were like, Indianapolis is such a incredible city and community to begin with. In just the 14 years that we've been here to see the growth that this area has had. [00:11:40] Just all of the changes downtown, all of these incredible like national events that they bring in, like this weekend being WNBA All Star Weekend. [00:11:49] The city has just shown up for this. They've had the final four. They've had US Olympics pre swim trials. This city knows how to put on, a really incredible display on a national level. [00:12:01] Danielle: Do you know, what you're making me think about is, so in the work I do in therapy, particularly when I'm working, with someone on their relationship, that the longer you've been with someone, or, and you could even, insert really any topic, a job, a place you live in this case, a relationship, it's easy to take for granted what you think. [00:12:23] About them and you lose access to maybe the curiosity and the wonder that allows you to continue to discover. I have lived in Indianapolis my entire life. You mentioned living here 14 years, but when I was preparing for this interview and seeing all the places that you're highlighting, there are places I have never been, and I've been here my whole entire life. [00:12:44] Just because I think I know, like this is where I live. Of course, I know there is so much that I don't know and we're talking about community and we're obviously highlighting City moms, but I think that there are takeaways that can be applied to so many walks of life, which is just when you think you know something, for sure. [00:13:02] Allow yourself a little bit more space. There's this little bit room for a little bit more wonder and curiosity. [00:13:09] Jeanine: Yeah, absolutely. I think that takes it back even to the origin of the city moms, in a big piece of that mission was I wanted to get out and explore this new city and community that we were in. [00:13:21] Just didn't have the roots quite yet to do that. And I wanted to do it alongside people [00:13:25] as opposed to on my own. And, we're talking about all these big events that the city puts on. But the other beautiful thing is that the real fabric of the city lives in its people and those that are here, we see so many that are coming in from other communities. [00:13:41] We see a lot like you that have lived here for forever. But there's such an incredible mix of people in this city that really make it as special as it is. And I love that. [00:13:51] Danielle: Thank you that's such a great response. And your love for the city is so felt. And I, I'm curious about when you're in your content, which by the way, for any, everyone listening, everything is linked in the show notes, all the social media platforms, city moms, where you can join the wait list for their membership program. [00:14:09] All of that is accessible to you in the show notes. So press pause, sign up, follow all the things and then come back. 'Cause the other thing I love about your content is you layer in a lot of humor and, even though it's not maybe spoken this way, there's this quality of, yeah, girl, I've been like, this is messy. [00:14:28] And I'm also wiping up my own mess. I also have coffee stains. I also have food in my teeth. Can we just laugh at the ridiculousness of how hard this is sometimes? And I'm curious about how intentional is it? [00:14:39] Are there like pillars that you try to hit when you put content out? Like it must hit these notes and if so, I wanna know what they are. [00:14:47] Jeanine: Yeah, we really do because I think you're absolutely right for us. And I'll just share a little bit behind the scenes for the city moms, in terms of the tone and voice that we are always after in virtually every piece of our content. [00:14:59] I think this also comes out of my marketing and advertising background, but, the voice and the tone in the brand that we are always aspiring to be. Is your best friend growing up and your best friend growing up was the person you confided everything to Similar to me, screaming at Sarah about Drew Barrymore. [00:15:18] This is the pers there's your first call, that's your first call, your first text. But your best friend's sister, her older sister growing up was the coolest girl that you ever met. She was the girl that had the full pull out posters on her wall. She had the Dr. Pepper lip smackers, she was watching the Hills, and she was the girl that you're like, I wanna be her when I grow up. [00:15:40] She's the person that is just a few steps ahead from where you are , in your current life. [00:15:45] Danielle: Yeah. [00:15:45] Jeanine: stage. And you are constantly keeping an eye on her. That voice, that older sister is the one that we always aspire our city moms brand to be. Because we have been there, we have sat in those shoes. We have experienced a lot of the mess. [00:16:00] But that doesn't mean that we are completely. Removed and away from it. It means that we are just a couple days ahead of where our city mom might be and all of our content will always ladder into that voice to say, yeah, we know it sucks 'cause we've been there. [00:16:17] For us, I think what's so critical when we're selecting what content we wanna put out, so the humor that you see in a lot of our Instagram content . Is something that really is a great way to be super relatable and just, share a lot of those similar moments. The one we posted yesterday, [00:16:33] but, in case anyone wants to go back, either the reel that we posted yesterday is from a... /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37579100

"Magic saved my life," with John Kippen: a tumor, a trickster and TRUE healing 07/28/2025

"Magic saved my life," with John Kippen: a tumor, a trickster and TRUE healing In this episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' host Danielle Ireland introduces John Kippen, a resilience and empowerment coach, magician, and motivational speaker. John shares his incredible journey of overcoming a life-threatening brain tumor and how it transformed his life and career. Throughout the episode, John discusses his healing journey, the power of vulnerability, and the importance of facing one's limiting beliefs. He also reveals the origins of his unique phrase 'impossible really means I am possible' and offers a special gift to listeners. Tune in to uncover valuable wisdom nuggets and be inspired by John's story of triumph over adversity. 00:00 Introduction to the Episode 00:40 Meet John Kippen: A Multihyphenate Talent 01:23 John's Life-Altering Diagnosis 05:46 The Surgery and Its Aftermath 08:04 The Road to Recovery 13:30 Embracing the New Normal 17:29 The Power of Truth and Magic 29:14 The Power of Magic and Connection 29:31 Introducing Treasured: A Journal for Self-Discovery 30:44 The Magic of Personal Connection 32:59 Overcoming Personal Struggles Through Magic 34:38 The Journey to Self-Acceptance 35:42 The Importance of Asking and Vulnerability 50:24 The TED Talk Experience 54:34 Final Thoughts and Encouragement RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. JOHN KIPPEN: https://www.ted.com/talks/john_kippen_being_different_is_my_super_power_magic_saved_my_life https://www.johnkippen.com DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dontcutyourownbangspod?_t=ZP-8yFHmVNPKtq&_r=1 Transcript: John Kippen Edited Interview [00:00:00] [00:00:07] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I have the great pleasure of introducing you to someone I can now call a new friend John Kippen. John is a multihyphenate. He has had quite a life and he's an excellent storyteller. So this episode you're gonna wanna buckle up. [00:00:31] It is so good. Get those AirPods in, go on your walk, get safely in your car, get ready to listen because this is just an absolutely beautiful episode. But let me tell you a little bit about John. John is a resilience and empowerment coach. He was and is the CEO of a very successful IT company. [00:00:49] He was a main stage performer at the Magic Castle in Los Angeles, so if that just gives you a little insight, is the level of his magic. He is a motivational speaker. He's a life coach, and. He has a TED talk that has received over a million views. And the heartbeat of this TED talk is how he triumphs over tragedy with a diagnosis of a tumor the size of a golf ball that is separating his brainstem and the procedure he needed to save his life, changed his life forever. [00:01:23] Doing the work of healing does not come easily to anyone, but as John so beautifully puts in this episode, if John can do it, you can do it. He's using his stories, his vulnerable and raw experiences, and talking about not only what happened to him, but how he moved through the impossible. [00:01:45] He actually coins a phrase that I love and I'm going to keep. Which is that impossible really means I am possible. So the ultimate magic trick, the ultimate illusion is what your limiting beliefs are about yourself, and how do you use facing those fears and those limiting beliefs to transform your life. [00:02:08] And in John's case, he takes that healing and offers it as a gift to us. As listeners to his clients and his coaching practice to the readers of his book, he has authored a book The Forward by None other than the Jamie Lee Curtis from all of the places. You know her most recently. The Bear where she won an Emmy, but everything everywhere, all at once. [00:02:32] She and John are buds, and she believes in him and believes in his work, and as a champion of that work, it just adds a little extra sparkle and fairy dust to the beautiful work that he's already doing to say that he's been vetted by someone who is so sparkly and magnetic and also deeply entrenched in holding space for the truth and honoring the truth. [00:02:52] This is a heartfelt episode, so what I would recommend. If you're in a place to do so is you might wanna jot some notes down because John drops some beautiful wisdom nuggets in this episode. And the book that he authored is playing The Hand You're Dealt. And what I wanna share too, we talk about it in the episode, but I wanna highlight this 'cause it's really important. [00:03:12] John is giving everyone who listens to the episode a free gift, but it is not linked in the show notes. It is only available to those of you who listen. It's a special little surprise embedded in the episode that you have to listen to find, but it is a free gift from him to you. So without further ado, get ready to sit back, relax, and enjoy the beautiful wisdom of John Kippen. [00:03:35] [00:03:36] Kippen, multihyphenate resilience and empowerment, coach magician, keynote speaker, author, and all around. Nice guy. Thank you for joining me today on the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs podcast. [00:03:47] Danielle: Hollywood legend wrote the forward of his beautiful book, playing the Hand You're Dealt Forward by the one and Only Take It Away, John, Jamie [00:03:58] John: Lee Curtis. [00:03:59] Danielle: Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes. So you have to stay and listen to the entire episode because he's going to tease out a special little giveaway that will only be revealed in the audio. [00:04:10] So you gotta listen. It's not gonna be linked in the show notes, folks. So buckle up, sit down. This is gonna be a great episode with a fun gift for you, a special little dose of magic hidden inside. So, John, you, I mean, all the different fun things that we listed about what you do. You're a magician, you're a motivational speaker, you're a coach. [00:04:30] What I know doing the work I do as a therapist is the skills and trade that you're building your life on. Those were skills that they were. Hard one, like nobody chooses, in my opinion and in my experience, no one chooses to go into a helping profession that hasn't needed help in their life. It's like the, our healing becomes our medicine. [00:04:54] And I really wanna learn about not just what you offer, but your healing journey that put you in the unique position you're in to do the work you do. So, welcome and I'd love to hear from you. [00:05:05] John: So just quickly, the Reader's Digest version of my backstory. Grew up Los Angeles, middle class family, two great parents loving, no sisters or brothers, had everything I needed. [00:05:18] They sent me to a nice school and, I got into theater, started doing theater, in college. I studied theater and became the big man on campus because pretty much I grabbed every opportunity that presented itself. Started a computer company out of college. 'cause I'm a creative problem solver. [00:05:38] That's the thread that goes through everything I do in my life. [00:05:42] Mm-hmm. [00:05:42] John: I look at a problem, I say, how am I gonna solve that? [00:05:45] Mm-hmm. [00:05:46] John: And then in June of July of 2002, I was diagnosed with a four half centimeter brain tumor called an acoustic neuroma. [00:05:55] Danielle: Yes. And this was, so it was slowly severing your brainstem? Correct. [00:05:59] John: It was displacing the brainstem. Causing not only hearing issues, but dizziness upon standing or walking. [00:06:07] Mm-hmm. [00:06:08] John: I had to have something done with it. I would not have survived. [00:06:12] Mm-hmm. [00:06:14] John: And. It was a whirlwind , I went and saw the doctor who finally diagnosed it after seeing him the MRI films, and he, he had no bedside manner. [00:06:25] I remember sitting on the examining room table, right. And the, the tissue paper is crinkling under my butt. Mm-hmm. I could feel the, I could sense the temperature. I'm heightened sensitivity. [00:06:37] And he looks up at the MRI after talking to a neurosurgeon, and he turns around and says, John, you have a four and a half centimeter brain tumor. [00:06:46] It's killing you. We're operating you on Friday. You're gonna go deaf in your left ear, and there's a possibility for some facial weakness. We're gonna do everything we can to prevent that. And he left [00:07:01] Danielle: the room. So he knew, and in his own. Brash in abrupt way, essentially prepared you for the outcome and challenges that would come assuming the surgery was a success? [00:07:17] John: Yeah. He is a world renowned acoustic neuroma surgeon. He's one of the guys you go to, when you have this kind of tumor and that's all he does. Wow. But he literally left the room and I'm sitting there and I didn't bring anybody in and [00:07:31] yeah. [00:07:32] John: A tip to anyone who's potentially going in for a serious diagnosis. [00:07:36] Yeah. [00:07:37] John: Bring a friend or a family member. [00:07:39] Because it goes in one ear and out the other, you're in shock. Right. Right. When you get home and you say, wait a minute, he said that surgery gonna be four hours or 14 hours or 20. How, how long ago and you have all these questions. Yeah. And you know, getting ahold of the doctor to ask them again is just not the way our medical system works. [00:08:01] He's back to back, to back to back patients. [00:08:04] So, I checked in the night before, they did blood tests and I tried to get an hour or two sleep, 6:00 AM my clockwork the orderly came in and said, okay, get naked, get on this cold gurney. What a sheet over you and we're going take you to the operating room. [00:08:21] Danielle: I wanna pause your story for a moment. 'cause there's a couple things that I, I wanna tease out a little. So one is you, the way that you tell your story, so well probably because you've told it on stages, you've shared it with others, you've written about it. There is something about a trauma. [00:08:37] That really marks the sort of BCAD of life. And the way you shared, I felt like I was in the room with you when you were getting this bomb of news dropped on you so you were theater trained, theater kid, a creative person, a creative problem solver, and a business owner. [00:08:57] Like I, I think about that often when people are experiencing trauma. What, what was life sort of the, the illusion of normalcy. The, the, you know, the predictability of this is my life and this is my to-do list and this is my calendar. So before that moment, you were just a guy on the west coast running a business. [00:09:17] Is that right? [00:09:18] John: Very successful business. [00:09:19] Danielle: And I, I just wanna share briefly too, I haven't met too many other only children. Theater background 'cause that's me too. [00:09:30] John: Oh, really? [00:09:31] Danielle: I'm an only child and I was a theater major and started acting when I was 13, so before. But, the creative problem solver, God, my theater background has paid dividends in ways I didn't know at the time. [00:09:42] I didn't know that when I was preparing for this interview, but now that you've said that, it's like that thing that I couldn't put my finger on has clicked into place. [00:09:49] John: I love doing improv. [00:09:51] Improv is the, you know, everybody talks about being in the moment. [00:09:57] Yeah. [00:09:57] John: What does that really mean, being in the moment? [00:10:00] When you do improv, you have to be in the moment. Otherwise you fall flat. And everybody, you're doing improv looks at you going. Well, it's your turn. [00:10:10] Danielle: You've tapped in. Now you've gotta say something. How are you gonna move the story forward? [00:10:14] Exactly. I feel most alive when I'm engaged in moments like that. And I, it's, I'm not a, a adrenaline junkie, but I would say that's my high, it's the, rush of connecting with somebody like that. So you were running a very successful business. This bomb has dropped. [00:10:32] You can barely remember what you were told and what your life is likely going to be. Assuming everything goes well, what is going to happen when you wake up off your op? And how long was your operation? [00:10:46] John: 15 hours. [00:10:48] Danielle: And the surgery was a success. They were able to remove the golf ice tumor. [00:10:52] Yeah. So they removed the fall sized tumor. [00:10:54] John: I didn't have time to think, you know, I got one of my guys who worked for me told him that he was gonna be running the company for a month or two. He agreed. [00:11:05] Mm-hmm. [00:11:05] John: Had to shovel up some more money to get him to do it, but, you know, it is what it is. You do what you have to do. [00:11:11] Yeah. And then,, I just tried to think positively, hope for the best. Plan for the worst. You know, I had someone gonna stay with me the first week, make food because I just wanted to recover and I didn't know what it was gonna be like. [00:11:27] Danielle: Yeah. You're like, I just need a week to recover, and then I'm just gonna hop back into life, hopefully. [00:11:31] John: Rolling the gurney into the surgical, prep area. [00:11:35] The nurse saying, Hey John, you know, we know we have to shape after your head. You want me to do it now or after you're under. [00:11:42] Danielle: So you didn't even know that they were gonna shave your head. Well, I didn't think about it. [00:11:48] John: I mean, if I had thought about it, I got a shaved part of my head. [00:11:51] Danielle: Right. [00:11:52] John: I said to her, please. [00:11:56] Danielle: Yeah. [00:11:58] John: And so, they roll me into the operating room. You got these really bright lights, , blinding you, and you're laying there and they're like, okay, you're gonna count back toward five. [00:12:09] The next thing I know, I hear faint voices and it was like I was 30 meters deep in a pool. Struggling to get to the surface. And I remember this like it was yesterday, literally trying to swim to the service to regain consciousness. [00:12:26] And finally when I got enough, I realized that my dad was sitting on the edge of my bed holding my hand, [00:12:34] and [00:12:34] John: he was smiling at me, but I didn't see my mom. [00:12:40] So I asked my dad for my glasses and he handed me the glasses. And I remember trying to put the, and then I realized my head's bandage. [00:12:48] Danielle: Oh, right. [00:12:50] John: So I had to figure out how to get the glasses in Cockeye to get 'em on my face, right? [00:12:55] And the look on her face was one of horror. What did these butchers do to my son's face? And at that point, I didn't know my face was paralyzed. Because I have full feeling, I just can't move it. [00:13:10] Danielle: So you currently, you still have full feeling in your face. You just lost mobility, [00:13:14] John: so I didn't really understand what that look was. [00:13:18] Danielle: Right. How could you? [00:13:19] John: And then my mom handed me her compact makeup. [00:13:22] And I opened it up and I'm like, holy crap. And then, I'm still getting [00:13:30] accustomed to, the one thing I noticed is leading into surgery, I was constantly dizzy and that dizziness was gone. [00:13:38] Danielle: Wow. [00:13:39] John: And that was like, oh my God, what a relief. [00:13:42] Mm-hmm. [00:13:43] John: So the doctor finally made his way in and I was like, so when's my face gonna move? And he said, John, we were, successful. [00:13:50] The tumors removed. Right when we were close the incision, your face stopped moving. But we think it's just to do the swelling, and once the swelling goes down, your face should start moving again. So I'm like, okay. I can handle that. That's a, it's not a permanent thing. I can deal with it. [00:14:05] So I'm in the hospital a week and, they're like, when you can do three laps around the hospital floor, without a walker, we'll send you home. [00:14:16] So that became my goal. I remember getting outta bed and then they said, no, no, no. Wait for the, I said, no. The doctor said that I need to rock three laps around. [00:14:26] I want to get the hell out of here [00:14:28] Five days I got home. My dad drove me home and I sat on my couch and now I'm like, okay, I can start healing and check email here and there. And I was taking lots of naps. And then I coughed and I touched the back of my neck and it was wet. [00:14:45] Mm. [00:14:47] John: Oh, it was a spinal fluid leak on the base of the incision. [00:14:51] Whew. [00:14:53] John: So immediately I called the doctor's office and the said, oh, get your ass back here. And I went back to the hospital three times with them to redo the bandaging to try to prevent the leak. [00:15:05] Danielle: Wait, you call the hospital. Hey, their spinal fluid leaking out of my surgical incision. And they're like, yeah, you should get in a car and drive yourself to the hospital. [00:15:16] John: They didn't say how I should get to the hospital. [00:15:19] Danielle: Okay. Fair, fair. But that, [00:15:22] okay. Wow. ' [00:15:24] John: cause that's not good. [00:15:25] And there was potential for getting, spinal meningitis in that. From what I understand is one of the most extreme pains out there. [00:15:35] Okay. [00:15:35] John: I went back and forth three different times over that week. [00:15:39] They tried to, it was just as right behind my ear, right at the base of the incision. So, there was no way that they were going to be able to, put a pressure manage to keep that and so it could start healing. [00:15:51] Danielle: Mm-hmm. [00:15:52] John: So they finally said, all right, tomorrow you're gonna come in and we're gonna, redo the incision and pull more belly fat outta your belly to fill the hole. [00:16:01] And Yeah. This time they used staples, man, thick Frankenstein. [00:16:07] All the way up. [00:16:08] But then I'm like, I was only in the hospital for a day. And then, and I'm like, okay, I can relax. I remember getting up and brushing my teeth, you know, and I'm looking at the mirror and God, , I don't recognize that guy. [00:16:24] Yeah. And I got rid of all the mirrors in my house. [00:16:30] I didn't want a constant reminder. [00:16:33] My face was screwed up. [00:16:34] Danielle: I, there's so much specificity to what is uniquely your story. [00:16:46] Mm-hmm. [00:16:47] Danielle: But what I have found is when people. Are able to share elements of their experience. It's when you go into the specificity of what you experienced. I can see myself in so many elements of your story in my own, like when we get in deeper, it becomes somehow more accessible and universal. [00:17:16] And in that way, you're not alone, even though it happened to you and that detail about your removing the mirrors from your home. It, it brings me to something I really wanted to ask you about. You share by saying, and then also , by, actually demonstrating in your TED talk that, once you began the healing process of really addressing your depression after your operation, that, the story, it led you to magic, literally. And I also think in a more magical way, beyond performing an illusion. And I know not to call it a trick, I learned that from arrested... /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37507700

What is your frustration telling you? A solocast. 07/21/2025

What is your frustration telling you? A solocast. In this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland dives deep into the often overwhelming world of frustration. With recent personal anecdotes, Danielle tells you how to interpret and process frustration to improve relationships with others, and yourself - through self-reflection, journaling, and open conversations. Learn how to turn frustration into a guiding force for personal growth. Jump into the episode with Danielle for insightful, real-time processing and discover how to handle life's inevitable hiccups! 00:00 Introduction and Purpose of the Episode 00:32 Understanding and Processing Frustration 01:09 Personal Examples of Frustration 04:05 Methods to Address Frustration 10:19 Journaling and Self-Reflection 11:29 Recent Frustrating Experience 15:39 Final Thoughts and Conclusion RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: Transcription [00:00:01] hello? Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you are catching an episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. A solo cast, a little snack cast. Man, I just had a frustrating situation happen and frustration happens if you are alive on this earth and interacting with other people, places, and or things. So nouns, if you're interacting with this world, you are going to feel this emotion. [00:00:23] You're gonna have this experience of frustration. And so I thought, let me hop on, let me channel this energy into something productive. 'cause it always makes me feel better about it. And we're gonna process in real time so let's talk about frustration. Let's talk about what frustration is telling you, what you can do about it, how you can process or explore it through a conversation or a journal. Using emotions and interpreting them like information , because they are, our emotions are our internal compass, our internal guidance system, and the way we emotionally respond to life is information that is, it's like a roadmap guiding us through the next right step. [00:01:04] So together we're gonna talk about what frustration is. What you can do about it, what it could be telling you. I'll share a little bit about what my frustration was recently. And I have another example too that's a little less fresh. But I think we can get conceptual, but then we also need to see it in context to really understand it. Frustration is always telling you something. It is always telling you something. It's never standing alone. You're never just frustrated. There is always, I am frustrated because I'm frustrated and feeling blank. It's always informing something every single time. [00:01:40] Oftentimes, especially if we're talking about relationships frustration is generally connected with either the other person, this other person didn't meet a need that they did or didn't know you had? [00:01:53] And that's fricking frustrating. [00:01:54] But either way, the frustration still stands. So it can either be informing something about a relationship. Someone canceling plans, someone changing plans last minute, someone no showing, someone ghosting you and not talking to you, or, somebody maybe. [00:02:08] Making jokes that you don't find particularly funny. Using sarcasm as a way to avoid having a real conversation. These are the examples that are fresher in my mind, but you can expand upon it in your own. Then there's also within frustration, there's the external interpretation, and then there's also an internal one, which is I am not doing something. [00:02:31] Necessary for me. I'm not speaking a truth out loud that needs to be said. I am not, either making time or space for myself in a way that's good for me. Sometimes frustration can come from. The emotion for me, for example, I was just talking to my husband the other day about the last family trip we took, I experienced a lot of frustration on that trip and what I know now more than I did. [00:02:57] Then again, frustration right before growth, right before expansion, right before clarity. Even though logically and cognitively, I knew that this is a family trip, not a vacation. You may or may not get downtime for yourself, but you do have help and resources. [00:03:14] So take the time where you can, your kids are gonna be okay. Everyone is gonna have their own experience. It's not your job to make sure everybody's happy, fulfilled, and it's not your job to make sure that nobody feels any discomfort. About every 15 minutes I was up checking on the kids. [00:03:29] I felt like I was the. Ticker time monitor of, okay, it's 30 minutes before snack. It's, 45 minutes before nap. And so my mind could never turn off and I never felt rested. I didn't believe that there was a way that I could make time or space for myself. And I'll be honest I didn't go into the trip thinking to myself that, it is your job to make sure everyone is happy, comfortable, and settled. [00:03:56] But what I felt on the trip was this frustration, irritation. I was irritated at everyone. I was exhausted. I felt trapped. So I used the method that I'm gonna talk about here to try to. Get a better look at what my frustration was informing, which has really empowered me for , weekends with the family or it, it's made the, I have had much better experiences since this particularly frustrating family trip because of what I now know through processing the frustration. [00:04:28] I wanna share this one with you. So I'm feeling frustrated about. Blank. Not getting time for myself, not being able to feel like I can step away, feeling like I have to be responsible all the time. I feel trapped. So the first thing is I'm frustrated about, and then you specify the element that is frustrating. [00:04:47] Then identify the emotion. I feel trapped. So when I sit with that and I get curious about the emotion of feeling trapped, well, where is that coming from? So this is another statement that I wanna offer you, that saying this aloud when the frustration as you're funneling through the process of understanding your frustration and what it could be informing for you. [00:05:12] The thing that I like to say to myself in a journal or out loud is some version of this, make it your own, knowing that I can never change other people and that I am the one who is responsible for me, I can. I want, I need, I will, and I use those sentence stems, but in some version of this process, after letting myself name the frustration exactly in the way I feel it. [00:05:40] I'm frustrated at so and so for never seeming to pick up the pace when, , knowing what needs to happen with the kids' schedule. I'll be as specific as I need to be. I'll vent, complain. Say it exactly how I feel it, and then ask another layer, right? So there's, that's the bob, and then the lure, I feel trapped because if I really look at the truth of that, I'm, I'm not trapped. [00:06:06] I'm at a family trip at a resort, in many cases if I really sit with that and open and access curiosity. There were many times where people were asking me, what do you need? Do you wanna go do blank? Do you wanna go do blank? And I was so caught up in my own narrative at the time that I felt trapped and I felt like I couldn't say yes. [00:06:29] And so who, who's responsible for that? Me. I can hold the discomfort of accepting help I want. To have 30 minutes to read a book uninterrupted. I want to go for a walk by myself on the beach. I need to exercise the practice of identifying my needs before jumping in and rescuing. And I'm using, I'm using air quotes here when I say rescuing, rescuing everybody from feeling any discomfort, because that's not my job and I will. [00:07:07] Be a better steward for myself in these moments. And then, then I could even if I wanted to take that context into a conversation with somebody and. Brainstorm. Okay, what could that look like in reality? So what would be a little commitment? Every morning I'm gonna give myself this 15 minute block, this 20 minute block. [00:07:32] I will commit to letting that be inconvenient for someone. The point is that your frustration is valid. Your frustration is real, it is being experienced by you. Therefore, the resolve, the action, the places you go, the conversations you have, or just the new informed way that you have of moving forward with that, it's uniquely yours. [00:08:01] That doesn't mean don't talk about it, don't share it with others, but it means that your frustration is yours and you are the steward. Of your wellbeing. So taking that responsibility lovingly and kindly can really help what not only make you feel more free to move through the world in a way that actually serves you. [00:08:22] It also makes you, I think, a safer partner, a safer friend, a safer ally coworker to other people because the more you know that you can identify your own needs. The easier it is to communicate them and honor them, even if I am the only one feeling frustrated by feeling trapped, going back to my example, the other people on the trip, even though they didn't know how I was feeling, maybe they didn't even know I was frustrated, I'm sure they could tell I wasn't operating at my best. [00:08:53] I might have been more clipped, more short, more, , tight smiled. The way that I was showing up and interacting with other people was felt. So this goes back to, and I don't like the, I need to think of a better example than this, but it is appropriate in this case, by not putting my mask on, I was losing air and it was sucking the air out of the interactions I was having with other people on this family trip. [00:09:16] Putting my mask on first, taking care of myself, and honestly honoring that there is room for me. It's okay for me to take up room and space. It's okay for my needs to be a priority before somebody else's. and so now as we're planning our next family trip, David and I I'm taking this context, I'm taking this memory, this experience, and the old feeling of frustration. [00:09:41] That discomfort was just strong enough for me to not forget it so that I remember to honor it. In that way too, the discomfort of some of the, I'll say less yummy feeling emotions that they have their place to be honored in that they are uncomfortable in a way that makes you pay attention. [00:10:01] And so my hope is always when I'm doing my own work is. How can I learn the lesson a little clearer, a little sooner, a little gentler? How can I become more in tune with the experience I'm having so that it doesn't have to get as uncomfortable as it got before? [00:10:19] Danielle: ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:10:38] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:10:57] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:11:16] So my hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:11:29] The example that just happened recently, an appointment was made, the person. Forgot it, lost it on their calendar. That happens. It does. And not being totally uptight and rigid about people missing appointments that has actually made my life easier, particularly in my personal life. [00:11:49] Because , it seems like as soon as I get up in arms about what I can and cannot accept from somebody else, it almost seems like within the week, karma knocks me upside the head and I end up making the same. Big mistake that I was so indignant about somebody else doing. So this isn't about, you don't wanna get self-righteous. [00:12:10] And in this particular case, a couple weeks later, it gets rescheduled and the same thing happened again. [00:12:19] And so what this is informing for me is a few different things. And this is in real time. 'cause this is actually pretty fresh. I'm frustrated about my time not being honored. I feel, what's another word that's not frustrated? I feel, disappointed. I feel hurt. I feel. Tender and I also feel creative, believe it or not, like that experience happening was part of what helped jumpstart this solo cast for existing. [00:12:48] So there can be multiple things true at the same time. And knowing that I can never change this other person, it's not my responsibility, and I actually hold no ill will against them. And I am the one that is responsible for me. What can I do? I can choose or not choose to reengage with them in the capacity that we were intending to work together. [00:13:07] What I want is to honor my own time. That's what I feel like I'm doing now. Things didn't go the way I planned, but there was still something meaningful that I could do with the time that was allocated before. So here we now sit, which is great. So that's something that actually is moving me forward. [00:13:20] I wanna honor my own time. And then also I think the thing like I need, and I will, I had, and this is a little vulnerable to admit, but it's true. I had this little inkling, this little spidey sense that this may or may not work, but because of other reasons. [00:13:43] There were exciting things. That I felt would be beneficial for me professionally. , Shiny things, I'll say maybe more ego-based, although not invalid, but ego-based things that working with this person might help support me in my work. I was maybe a little quick to overlook and dismiss the seeming lack of respect for my time by sidestepping that. [00:14:13] And just hoping it would work out, and that was my participation in it. I had a feeling sometimes you kind of get feelings about things, but I bulldozed over those because it was like a soft little speed hump. And I was like, no, no, there's all these features and benefits of why this should be a really good situation. [00:14:35] Don't read too much into it. Don't be negative. And so the first, the first cancellation happened, it happens. That is life. Now the second ones happen in a different way, in a slightly different package, but still like the same shitty gift. And now I have new information but I also have power and decide how I wanna move forward. [00:14:58] I'm channeling it into frustration. As a teacher, what is your frustration telling you? I'm channeling it into this podcast and I'm honoring my own time. Because if what I want is for someone else to respect my time, well, I'm really the one that needs to respect my time. And this can also help me become an even clearer communicator when I'm scheduling with someone, helping with reminders, double checking. [00:15:21] If that little whisper is persistently coming up that, hey, something smells a little fishy or something feels a little off, I don't have to maybe know in the fullest extent of the word what that means, but also don't ignore it, and that is what I did. [00:15:38] That's it. Whether your frustration is informing something about a relationship or a dynamic, or whether it's informing something about yourself and the way you're showing up in the world. Either way, it, one, it's okay if you're feeling frustration in real time and not being able to handle this process yet. [00:15:53] That's all right. Feel the feelings first. Revisit it second, but I hope that this little nugget, this little snap cast is. A companion for you that you can save, download, revisit any time you find yourself feeling frustration and know that though it is uncomfortable, it's, it's almost like itchy. It's like something scratchy. [00:16:17] Scratch the itch. Feel it. But then go back. Don't ignore it. Don't bulldoze past it. Revisit it and ask it. What is it wanting you to know? So I'm feeling frustrated about not getting any time to myself on a family trip. [00:16:33] I feel trapped knowing that I can never change other people. It is not my job, not my responsibility, and it is impossible. I am the person who takes care of me so I can. Plan ahead, get up 15 minutes earlier to have a couple of moments to breathe before everybody wakes up. I want to have a little bit of breathing room once or twice a day, usually, probably before a meal and after a meal. [00:17:02] I need to commit to this and hold this at the forefront of my mind so that it isn't forgotten, because I'm gonna be the only one that can make that happen for myself, and I will. Bring this new understanding to my husband or to whomever I'm traveling with, to hold myself accountable because I've said the thing out loud. [00:17:22] I can, I want, I need, I will. And then the little quote that I left at the end of this was more of a personal note for me, but I'll share it with you just because we're here doing this together. There is room enough for me. There is room enough for me. There is enough for me, there's enough space for me, there is enough time for me. [00:17:42] My stress and anxiety are almost always rooted in either not being enough, not having enough, not doing enough. And so this is a new practice, a new mantra that I'm saying for myself to help soothe that tender little one inside. Who needs to know that she's enough? Her feelings matter. [00:18:01] They're allowed to take up space and. She's got this. There's room enough for me, so I will leave you with that. Thank you so much for joining me in this little snack cast, solo cast of don't cut your own bangs. As always, it is a pleasure to sit and spend time here with you and in case you're new here too, because there are new visitors all the time. [00:18:20] I work by day as a therapist, and then by other parts of the day, because let me be honest, I don't work at night, but by other parts of day I have this podcast, which is one of my absolute favorite communities, places to process and to share insights I learned from my therapy practice with you in real time. [00:18:38] So that's what the solo cast are here for. But I hope you catch me next time on an interview. I interview creatives. Professionals, adventurers. People who are doing beautiful and amazing things in the world. Because what I wanna know is between the highlights, between the highlight reels on social media, between the big successes and milestones. [00:18:57] What happened when didn't, things didn't work out? What did you do when you faced out? What happened when you maybe failed 10 times before you got your first success? What did it look like when it was hard? And how can we all learn from that? Because that is what I'm struggling. What helps me is not just... /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37359725

Unlock the Power of Self-Validation. A solocast. 07/14/2025

Unlock the Power of Self-Validation. A solocast. Unlock the Power of Self-Validation Inspired by a recent therapy session, in this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland explores the practice of self-validation. She shares insights on how to validate your own experiences, calm your nervous system, and push back against self-doubt. The episode includes practical examples, journaling tips, and real-life applications, making it a valuable resource for anyone looking to strengthen their self-awareness and emotional well-being. RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO “DON’T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS” Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that’s new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 00:12 Understanding Self-Validation 01:00 Practical Examples of Validation 02:12 Benefits of Validation 03:11 Self-Validation Techniques 05:39 Journaling for Self-Discovery 06:49 Client Story and Real-Life Application 07:57 Navigating Uncertainty with Self-Validation 10:22 The Power of Truth in Self-Validation 15:41 Children's Book and Emotional Education 16:56 Conclusion and Listener Engagement Self Validation Solocast [00:00:00] Danielle: Hello. Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I'm coming at you [00:00:07] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I'm coming at you with a tasty little treat, a little snack of a solo cast, we're gonna talk about validating the self, how this is a practice that you can do on your own, in your mind, in a journal. You can take this anywhere with you, and it is a fabulous tool to regulate the nervous system. [00:00:32] To calm down the chatter of self-doubt, those that overwhelming spiraling self-talk that we can get lost in. And I'm gonna talk about what validation is and what it's not, and how you can actually practice this in your own life. It came out of a really powerful therapy session that I gave this week, and almost as soon as I signed off of that call, my first thought was, oh dang, I need to share this. [00:00:56] So here we are validating the self. Simply put it is naming your experience. If we were thinking about it in terms of relationships, if it was me communicating with somebody else, validation is that I can hold space. I can see the reality and the truth of your experience, and I can honor that as true for you. [00:01:22] So for example, if. With my four, my 4-year-old daughter, for example, I can see for her experience, you really want a Popsicle. You really want a Popsicle right now, and I'm telling you it's time to go down for a nap. You're really upset that I told you you're not gonna get a Popsicle, and I can see how hard that is for you. [00:01:43] I'm validating that you are having an emotional experience that is different from me. In this moment, even though we're having, we're in the same room, right? We're breathing the same air, but you're having a very different experience than me, and I can see that is true and that is real for you. That is just a silly, small example. [00:02:05] Although it's based on very real, very real experiences. But that is how we can offer validation for somebody else. The benefit of doing that for someone else is it lets them know that they're not crazy. It's not just in their head. It's all of the invalidating language that I'm sure we are all very familiar with. [00:02:26] Like you're being dramatic. You're being over the top. Calm down. It's not that big a deal. You just need to get over it. You're not being logical, too emotional. Those are all ways that we can be invalidated, that we have been invalidated, and that we can invalidate somebody else. So to repeat what validation is, is I can see the truth of your experiences based on the circumstances that are before you. [00:02:55] You, there's something you really want. There's something that you didn't get your experiences, you're disappointed and upset. You're telling me you don't wanna go to bed, and I can see that is true for you, and I can hold space for myself for having a different experience. So now we're talking about validating the self, and I'll talk about how you can also do that outside of an interaction with somebody. [00:03:18] In my experience, my daughter's upset. She's screaming about a Popsicle. She's telling me she doesn't wanna go down for a nap. She's telling me she's not tired. And then here's my experience. Here's what I know. What I know is it's 1230 I. You normally go down for a nap at 12, you're already getting tired. [00:03:36] I've seen you rubbing your eyes. I've been down this road with you many times before. I know it's hard for you to stop having fun when you wanna keep having fun, and I also know I'll pay for it later. If I don't get you down for a nap. There's likely gonna be a meltdown later. So my experience is I'm witnessing the emotional eruption and upheaval. [00:04:00] Of having to tell you, no, you can't have a Popsicle, and yes, you are going down for a nap. That's stressful for me. This isn't what I want either. What I want is to just give you what you want so that I can go chill and read my book [00:04:14] I don't wanna deal with a tantrum. This is hard for me to, I know that it's the right thing to do, so I'm going to do it anyway. And I also know that you are for. And your brain is only developed four years, and your job is to want what you want. And my job is to do the best I can to take care of your beautiful brain and body. [00:04:35] So I can honor that. That is my experience, and I'm not making her responsible for my experience because she's entitled to have her own. And it's very different than mine, even though we're breathing the same air, we're in the same space. I can regulate myself and I can regulate my own nervous system. [00:04:53] By honoring, you're doing what you know is right, you're doing the best you can in this moment. You're frustrated too. You're disappointed too. You don't like dealing with this either. You wish this were easier, all of those things that are true. And each time I allow myself to acknowledge the truth of my experience to myself, even if it's just in my own mind. [00:05:19] I can feel what I actually physiologically experience, I physically experience like tingles in my legs. That must be a way that my nervous system is letting me know that it's calming down, but I breathe and I'm speaking the truth for myself to myself. That always puts me in a clearer frame of mind. [00:05:39] If you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:05:58] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:06:17] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:06:36] My hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:06:49] Danielle: so in this session with a client where this concept came out, this was one of those moments where. My client, had just made a really, really hard decision about her life and her family, and she was in that really tender early stage of making a new decision where there's a fork in the road and you're starting down this new path based on the new choice that you've just made. [00:07:18] You're not so far down the road. It's like you're almost walking parallel paths before they really start to split off into a v and I'm making these new steps forward, but it's hard and it's scary and it's new. [00:07:33] This is definitely unknown. And then I can still see the well worn path next to me that I. Could have been on if I had just stayed the same. And it's in that space where validating the self can be. If you find yourself in a similar couple steps past a fork in the road moment, this too may be really impactful for you. [00:07:57] And it's not about knowing. The outcome of your choice, because that is impossible. It's so easy to just try to get our hooks into something that feels safe and sturdy and stable. But all you know, I'm here. I've made this decision. This is hard. This is scary, this is new. [00:08:22] And even though you're not making a false promise to yourself, and you may actually be admitting something that's hard, like this is really challenging, I feel really uncertain. I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. I feel lost those statements. It's not false hope, and it's not toxic positivity. [00:08:42] You're not trying to spin the truth into something palatable. You're letting the truth exist, and you're also making the statement with a period at the end of the sentence, I feel lost. I don't know what to do tomorrow. I'm here. I've done it. I'm scared. It's a statement and then it, there's a period at the end of that sentence. [00:09:07] Each time you do your own version of that, which is self validation, your nervous system calms down. There is this activation that can happen with anxiety and self-doubt, especially when we feel lost. Our mind is looking for certainty, and so it'll start asking us questions and in particular questions like, why? [00:09:35] Why did this happen to me? Why are they doing this? Why aren't they calling me back? Why aren't they texting me? And the problem with those types of questions phrased in that particular way, you're asking yourself questions that you can't know the answer to. That will activate more anxiety because more questions you can't know the answer to will lead to more questions you can't know the answer to, and you will start to experience that as dread and doom and or you will also very likely, and this is referencing Brene Brown, here, you will insert your worst fear with your uncertainty, like your uncertainty gaps of knowledge and understanding. [00:10:13] I'm just gonna insert the worst fears I have about myself or the worst possible outcome I can think of. This does not help your nervous system. This does not help you feel safe. Validating the self. It's not false hope, it's not toxic positivity. It is to the simplest, most base way you can say it. [00:10:31] What is the truest thing? The truest thing about what you're experiencing in this moment and let it exist. Take a breath. [00:10:40] Say the thing, and it might be a hard thing. It also might be a simple thing. It might be, I don't know, but even saying you don't know is radically different for your brain and body in terms of being able to regulate and deescalate. Saying you don't know is different than asking a question you cannot answer and. [00:11:04] Sometimes, I don't know, is the truest thing you can access, but I can guarantee you, even though I probably shouldn't be making a guarantee, I can guarantee you, you say you don't know and you take a beat. You follow up with, well, what do I know? You will have an answer. I promise you will have an answer. [00:11:25] What I know is I can't go back. What I know is I made the best possible decision I could in the moment. What I know is I'm here. What I know is I'm breathing. I'm sitting in a chair. What I know is I can feel my blanket on my lap whatever it is. If you sit with the unknown and you let it exist for just a couple of breaths, something will reveal itself to you, and this is why self validation can be so powerful. [00:12:00] Your body responds to truth. So just a little information about lie detector tests. They don't detect lies. There's actually no way to measure physiologically a lie. What lie detectors measure is your body's stress response. Most of us, not all, some people can hijack the system, especially if people have low empathy. [00:12:22] That are affected by lies or it's not practiced out of them. But I would say for the majority of us, when we speak something that isn't true in our mind or allowed, our heart rate will raise, perspiration will increase, and your body will have a reaction to stress. So when you speak the truth, whatever that truth may be, there is a reason why. [00:12:50] When I am in a session with somebody and either it comes out of my mouth or it's their own knowing in the moment when the truth is known, it stabilizes you. And sometimes it is a really hard hard truth, but the truth, no matter how hard it's the right kind of hard and arguably more. Certain and more safe than any well told pretty half truth. [00:13:24] And if anybody who has either been in therapy or had, you know what Oprah calls an aha moment, it's like you go, oh, that's what it is. That's the thing I haven't let myself see for so long. That's the thing I've been afraid to admit or say for years, and now it's here. And there's often work to do after, but what we're talking about is in that moment when the truth is spoken, your body relaxes. [00:13:56] The shoulders come down the jaw on clinches, the pressure in the chest releases the legs. For me, tingle a little. The truth is settling and calming to the nervous system. And what validation is not is feeling somebody else's feelings, knowing somebody's experience For them, it is acknowledging that there can be more than one truth that exists in any given moment, and yours matters as much as anybody else's, but validating the self. [00:14:33] We're really just talking about you. There is a truth to your experience that only you know, and when you admit that truth to yourself, it will set you free. What I encourage you to do, grab a journal, a blank piece of paper, or take a voice memo app on your phone and go for a walk if there is something that you're wrestling with a conversation you keep having with somebody in your mind, or a memory that your mind keeps going back to, there's almost always a thought that catches up to us when we're in those calm, relaxed, stable moments. [00:15:07] So when a thought like that sneaks up on you, grab your pen and paper, grab your journal. Maybe it's the Treasure Journal. [00:15:13] Take a breath and ask yourself what is true about this for me? If the answer is you don't know, that's okay. Start with you don't know. I don't know. I don't know yet. I don't know. I'm gonna figure it out though. I don't know. But what if I did know? If I had to say something about this, what would that be? [00:15:37] Then take another breath and see what comes. [00:15:41] When I set out to write a book, I only knew two things. One was I wanted to make big feelings, feel less scary and more approachable, and I wanted to bring some lightness to the feelings themselves. What I know to be true as a therapist is that emotions are energy in motion. They have information to tell you to inform the next right step to take and self-doubt, fear, anxiety, live in that space between knowing and not knowing. [00:16:05] The second thing I knew was that I wanted to have fun in the process of making. This thing. The result is this wrestling a walrus for little people with big feelings, beautifully illustrated children's book that has a glossary at the end for some of the bigger feeling words. What this story does in a light and loving way is create context for those relationships. [00:16:25] You can't change those people that you wish would treat you different. The things in life that we cannot control and yet we face that are hard. This book, it's a conversation starter for any littles in your life. Who want to create more safety and love and patience for some of those experiences. So hop one over to the show notes. [00:16:43] You can pick it up@amazon.com, barge de noble.com or my website. I hope that you do because I believe in this little book. I freaking love this little book, and I cannot wait to hear your experience with it. Thanks so much for listening and get back to the episode. [00:16:56] Danielle: Thank you so much for joining me on this little nugget episode of Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. I love sharing these insights here with you and your time and attention here mean more to me than you could possibly know. This is such. Such a joy and such a pleasure. [00:17:13] So I want to hear from you. Let me know. What did you think of this concept? What questions do you have about it that you would like me to help answer? I want to continue to grow this conversation with you. The best things in life are shared, and so being able to share this space is an absolute joy for me. [00:17:31] A 10 outta 10. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. And before you hop off, I wanna invite you to take a look at the show notes because there are always links and resources for you. Whether it's resources that I offer or when I'm in interviews with other guests, links to their amazing content too. [00:17:47] So make sure to check that out before you hop away. And please remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast. It is the best way to help this podcast reach other people that could benefit from it too. It helps it grow and we can just continue to build things together. Thank you so much for being here, and I hope that you continue to have a wonderful day. [00:18:05] /episode/index/show/dontcutyourownbangs/id/37241295

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