A recorded version of the Impressionista blog published by Sheevani Desai
info_outline Every Pity Party is a Shitty Party 08/22/2023
Every Pity Party is a Shitty Party Going through life without recognizing your privilege is not my jam. In this post, I talk about my own ways of ghosting my personal pity parties and the folks in my life who inspired this way of life. Enjoy!
info_outline Welcome Week - The Real Story 12/29/2022
Welcome Week - The Real Story When I went away to college, I was filled with such jumbled emotions that ranged from guilt to unbridled enthusiasm. Thinking I knew exactly who I wanted "college Sheevani" to be, I dove in headfirst the very first night - going to a party and hooking up with a guy. The imposter syndrome was heavy that night and I learned an important lesson about having patience with myself and my identity. This wasn't an easy experience to share, but since it serves as a touchstone for me whenever I feel a bit lost, I thought it could be helpful to others.
info_outline Welcome Week 09/28/2022
Welcome Week Seeing pictures of my first college roommate's son going off to college was shocking on so many levels (am I that old??), but also took me back to my first week away at Michigan State University. I decided to write a short story inspired by true events and idealistic wishes.
info_outline Where You Lead, I Will Follow... & Then Eventually Lead 03/29/2022
Where You Lead, I Will Follow... & Then Eventually Lead Following was my jam for so long and I had fooled myself into thinking that I wasn't a natural leader, no matter how much my father tried to convince me from the age of 10. As life took the twists and turns that it tends to do, I realized my avoidance of leadership had a lot to do with conditioned beliefs; true leaders only existed in business, politics or some other worthy and impressive arena. Turns out, when I allowed myself to pursue areas of personal passion, I can lead like a mother*cker.
info_outline Promotion Commotion 02/25/2022
Promotion Commotion Choosing a career where I have to promote myself as a "brand" makes me cringe, but in order to have any success, it's a necessity. In this post, I discuss my reservations about self-promotion and how they stem from issues, both societal and personal. Enjoy!
info_outline Pride & Prejudice - Indian Style 02/01/2022
Pride & Prejudice - Indian Style When you grow up a person of color with immigrant parents, being proud of what makes you different can be a really complicated concept. In this post, I explore my knee-jerk judgmental reaction to a fellow first-generation Indian woman's expression of Indian embarrassment and how my own path to finding joy in my culture is more nuanced than I first thought.
info_outline Bod Squad 01/25/2022
Bod Squad Becoming an active person was always on my to-do list, especially after my body started going through the natural changes that bodies tend to go through. In this post, I tell you why I knew I would have to stop making excuses and put in the effort. I may not have a lot of things figured out, but I'm proud to say I have finally become an active person who thrives on breaking a sweat!
info_outline Whine Country 01/11/2022
Whine Country We're taught that aging is an enemy. The amount of times I've enjoyed some version of, "Oh, this is my 15th 21st birthday, har har har har!!" rivals the number of times I've considered a Goop detox... which is to say never. Why fight or deny that we're getting older? It's the biggest human commonality, so rather than long for the days of my youth, I try to embrace the years as they come... that doesn't mean it doesn't sting every now and then.
info_outline Tone Deaf 12/06/2021
Tone Deaf When I get emotional and need to discuss an issue, it doesn't always come out the right way. I've lost count of how many times I've had to apologize to people because I've blown up about something that I've held in for so long. Learning to effectively communicate, especially in my marriage, has been tough... but I know it's necessary so I can be heard. I just don't want my husband to be plugging his ears to shield from the yelling.
info_outline Busy Beaver and Beyonce 11/02/2021
Busy Beaver and Beyonce Being busy isn't a badge of honor in my book, mostly because I've shied away from too many commitments since I've never been great at juggling a lot in my life. But, life has a sneaky way of teaching you things and before you know it, you can multi-task with the best of them. Plus, Beyonce is all-knowing and inspiring for life.
info_outline Allowed and Proud 10/13/2021
Allowed and Proud This post is one of my favorites because it was truly a spur of the moment logging of my thoughts. Feeling proud of myself isn't a common theme for me, but I'm trying to be better about recognizing my accomplishments... hell, I spend enough time dwelling on my disappointments, right? Don't we all? I'll never stop reminding myself that I'm allowed to be proud.
info_outline Marriage Scoreboard 10/07/2021
Marriage Scoreboard I've never been one to play sports so a score is meaningless to me, yet I would always attempt to keep score in my marriage; who got more personal time, who was more involved in the kids lives, who had the power due to income. All that would do is lead me down a path to misery and depression. I'm trying to express my feelings to my husband more often, so he is aware of some of the imbalances I'm feeling so we can work together to achieve a harmony that works for both of us... it may not be 50/50 in a mathematical sense, but we are striving for a mutually emotional balance. And that's been working better than a scoreboard.
info_outline Sheevani < Perfect Indian Daughter 09/22/2021
Sheevani < Perfect Indian Daughter Growing up in the Indian community meant being held to a set of standards that felt incongruent to my strengths, but I was held to them nonetheless. Falling short of being a Perfect Indian Daughter is something I have grappled with for a long time. For anyone whose sense of worth has been defined by very stringent rules, recognizing the otherness in you will always be a complicated venture, but if you're anything like me, you'll eventually realize those tired old rules were the limits you were always supposed to break through.
info_outline Bharati Desai 09/15/2021
Bharati Desai A tribute to the wonderful woman who gave me life. As I get older and experience so many life changes as a woman, wife and mother... I find myself seeking out the stories of my own mother to guide me through. She certainly doesn't think her story is anything special, but I do and I wanted to share it.
info_outline Sexual Healing 03/17/2021
Sexual Healing I always wanted to avoid becoming a cliche, but when I found myself in pretty much a sex-less marriage after having kids, I felt like the damn mayor of Cliche Town. Even though it's a common phase of marriage, I felt so incredibly alone and ashamed about my lack of libido... and I had to forgive myself first in order to make any changes.
info_outline Peace Be With Me... And Also With Me 02/01/2021
Peace Be With Me... And Also With Me Evolution is so necessary in our lives and sometimes we have to accept changes in our dreams in order for that to happen. Sure, I don't think my dream of being on SNL will happen now, but I've tweaked my goals to what is possible for my own talent. With that, I know I can find inner peace.
info_outline Tripped Advisor 01/25/2021
Tripped Advisor My daughter has reached the "mean girls" stage in her life and I find myself struggling with advice to offer her. Lately I've been trying to figure out my approach that will both comfort her... and give her tools to deal with the inevitable bitches.
info_outline I'm Taking a Ride with My Best Friend 09/01/2020
I'm Taking a Ride with My Best Friend When my best friend in the whole world didn't ask me to be her maid of honor, something I had taken for granted our entire friendship, I needed to understand why. I was forced to look into my track record as a bad friend. It was not easy, but I'm thankful for the lesson.
info_outline The Good Wife 08/06/2020
The Good Wife By the time I realized how much I had let myself go in my relationship, my heart was too broken to allow my mind to change course. As I re-evaluated my self-worth, I needed to face the fact that the imbalance in power in my marriage was caused by my fixation on who made most of the cash. After a decade of marriage, I had to change that mindset in order to feel good again.
info_outline Why So Seriousaaahhh?? 07/17/2020
Why So Seriousaaahhh?? Being a grown-up can be a lot of fun, but we inevitably fall victim to all the boring shit that comes along with adding more rings to our trunks. I'm trying to keep that inner child alive at all times as a form of self-care that doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
info_outline Old Yeller 04/14/2020
Old Yeller Yelling has been a release my whole life, but not one that I'm proud of. When I married my husband, my yelling background became a problem and even more-so after I had children. My struggle with finding the calm when I want to yell is ongoing, but necessary. Deeeeep breaths.
info_outline Forever Front-Butt 02/17/2020
Forever Front-Butt After the age of 18, my body started to do what bodies do as we age. While I think I'm doing a fabulous job with health and fitness, I find myself disappointed that I'm not seeing a reflection akin to my younger self. This is an area where my mindset is as stubborn as my metabolism.