Sex, Love, and Addiction
On Sex, Love, and Addiction, Dr. Rob Weiss, sex therapist and author of a dozen books on sex and relationship healing, interviews global experts like Dr’s. Sue Johnson, Harville Hendrix, Dr. Stan Tatkin, and Helen Fisher, Dr. Kenneth Adams among others. This podcast features robust discussions focused on healing from chronic infidelity, cheating, porn, and sex addiction, along with the pain of relationship betrayal. Dr. Rob is Chief Clinical Officer for Seeking integrity Treatment Centers. He is a 30-year licensed therapist, a Ph.D. sexologist, and author Sex Addiction 101, Prodependence, and Out of the Doghouse, among other books. This podcast is dedicated to bringing information, advice, and direction from experts around the world to those seeking answers to some of life’s most challenging questions.
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What Does Female Sex and Love Addiction Look Like?
05/03/2024
What Does Female Sex and Love Addiction Look Like?
Heather Cronemiller and Lacy Bentley join Dr. Rob to talk about female sex addiction and the damage it can cause families. Both Lacy and Heather share their personal experience with being the ‘other woman’ and how, despite it going against everything they believed in, they still continued down a path of destruction. When it comes to any form of addiction, what we're really fighting against is deeply broken attachment wounds. Find out more on today’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [2:40] A little bit about Lacy and how she got introduced with Dr. Rob. [3:20] A little bit about Heather and how she met Dr. Rob. [5:30] Despite being married, Heather felt like she wasn’t with her soul mate. Everything she thought love was, was wrong. [6:15] What does mature love feel like? [8:55] Heather realized through her own recovery, her husband is a wonderful man and replacing him with the ‘flavor of the month’ won’t fix the problem. [13:35] What is polygamy and does it actually exist? Is it just a mask for sex addiction? [21:00] Why is sex ‘never enough’ when working with sex addicts? [23:35] What does it look like to work with someone like Lacy as a female sex addict? [25:00] Heather shares her personal experience working with Lacy and how it helped her move forward and on a healthier path of recovery. [26:15] Heather talks about her recovery journey and what that looks like for her. [30:15] Lucy and Heather talk about their upcoming book, Going Deeper for Women! [38:15] How does addiction bleed into other aspects of our lives? [41:10] Heather shares why their book is going to help any woman going through addiction. [47:10] There are nasty names we call women that we don’t call men, despite them both doing the same actions. [50:50] Dr. Rob has met very few men who understand the experience of a woman and what she has to deal with when she goes out into the world. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “Mature love is a choice and that can be complicated to say because it doesn’t feel like a choice.” “How many partners do you need for it to be ‘enough’? In sex addiction, it’s never enough.” “We are dealing with attachment wounds. We are dealing with childhood trauma. We’re not dealing with a woman who has a fully functional relational brain..”
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Part 2: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
03/16/2024
Part 2: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was actually going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. This episode is part two of these two women sharing their very personal story of how they found out about their husbands’ addictions and how they got through it. TAKEAWAYS: [3:15] Hindsight is 20/20. These are real and raw emotions and unfortunately, it’s difficult to hide or protect your children from what’s happening within your household. [4:20] Melissa shares the reactions her friends and family had after they realized what was going on in her marriage. [4:45] Annie found out that she had friends who loved her, but this topic was very difficult for them to handle. [6:45] Did Annie’s husband’s porn use affect their intimate life? [12:55] When Melissa joined a support group, it was the first time she felt validated and like she wasn’t going through this journey alone. [23:45] Guess what, an addict can lie to their therapist! And some therapists eat it all up. [30:50] Melissa knew for many years something was wrong but she just didn’t know what. Those years were painful; to constantly doubt herself. [33:40] The work betrayed spouses have to go through to heal is very different from what an addict has to go through to make amends. [39:15] How did Melissa and Annie meet? They’re so grateful for each other and their support! RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “You trust your spouse and it’s something that you never expected to happen. I never expected to find what I found.” “I knew my friends were trustworthy, but I couldn’t go to my friends and be like, ‘guess what I discovered now’. At least, I couldn’t.” “I will never be grateful this happened to me, but I am grateful that because it happened to me, I have made life-long friends.”
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Part 1: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
03/15/2024
Part 1: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
Annie and Melissa are two women who have experienced deep marital betrayal in their relationship. The signs weren’t always clear as to what was going on, but when the wool had been pulled over their eyes, the amount of emotions, judgment, and pain they experienced took a long time to recover from. These two women share their stories and also share why they decided to stay with their husbands and support them in their addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [2:15] Today we hear from two women who have gone through painful marital betrayal. [2:45] Why did these two women agree to come on and share their painful story today? [3:50] When Melissa first found out about the betrayal, she didn’t see light at the end of the tunnel. Today, she does. [6:25] Melissa really felt like everything in her relationship was good…until it wasn’t. [13:00] What made Melissa throw her husband out of the house? [14:50] What is betrayal trauma and why do so many partners experience it after finding out about their spouses affairs? [20:00] Why did Annie stay in her relationship? [20:55] When discovery happened, Annie had been married nearly 29 years. [27:25] Dr. Rob defines what ‘porn’ means these days. It’s not just looking at a naked image anymore! [28:50] Guys look at porn, what’s the big deal? [31:15] Melissa’s husband would minimize her concerns when he was ‘out late’. She knew something was wrong, but couldn’t quite put her finger on why or what. [32:45] Melissa’s husband is now upset at himself that he missed so much of his children’s lives because of his addiction. [36:40] Annie shares that when people found out about her husband’s addiction, all the attention went to him. That’s when she felt so alone. [38:30] Annie felt a second betrayal from her husband’s CSAT. She was dismissed in her feelings and she had no support! [40:40] Melissa knew in her gut that something was wrong, so she snooped through his phone. When she found out all the lies and betrayal, she screamed so loud at him that it woke her children up. [41:15] Melissa found out that their couple’s therapist knew about some of his betrayals and kept this information from her. Dr. Rob said this behavior was a violation of trust for a couple’s therapist. If you’re a therapist, don’t do this! RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “Anything that’s kept secret from the relationship is a betrayal. It doesn’t matter if it’s with a person or not. It’s all kept secrets and it’s all painful.” “Decades ago, when women left their husbands, they were scorned. Now, when we stay, they don’t understand.” “Just because he screws up doesn’t mean I’m going to throw my lift under a bus.”
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Going to Therapy Doesn’t Have to Be Impossible with Jason VanRuler
02/15/2024
Going to Therapy Doesn’t Have to Be Impossible with Jason VanRuler
Jason VanRuler is a therapist, coach, speaker, and author dedicated to impacting those who make an impact. His first book, Get Past Your Past, is all about establishing a mindset of emotional health and resilience to find lasting wholeness. In this episode, Jason shares his personal self-development journey, why going to therapy is so difficult for so many people, and why our natural inclination is to hurt others; intentionally or not. TAKEAWAYS: [4:15] A little bit about Jason and how he became a therapist. [10:10] Due to Jason’s rough upbringing, he knew he had to work on himself first before helping others. [14:40] Jason explains the reason why he likes to host outdoor retreats and how it helps with the healing process. [21:30] Best way to change your past and maladaptive behaviors is by surrounding yourself with different people. [22:05] It’s important to be honest with yourself and really benchmark where you’re currently are. [25:15] The more successful we get, the less likely we become surrounded by people who tell us the truth. [30:15] Therapists are truth tellers and this is why going to therapy is so hard. [37:45] There was a time in Jason’s life where going to therapy seemed impossible. [38:45] What can we do today that empowers a better story? [40:45] Have a question for Jason? Reach out! RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “We aspire to have something that only a different community will give us. If don’t have a different community, our current one just keeps us in the same spot.” “Be honest with where you’re at. So many times we fantasize how we want it to look.” “I think people always hurt people. Always. I don’t think people have gotten out of life without hurting other people, sometimes it’s intentional and sometimes it’s not. ”
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Part 2: Porn, What’s The Big Deal? with Dr. Sandra Shachar
02/08/2024
Part 2: Porn, What’s The Big Deal? with Dr. Sandra Shachar
Sandra A. Shachar, Ph.D., is a Licensed Psychologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and has over thirty years of clinical experience working with individuals, couples and families affected by Betrayal Trauma. She is also the author of The Porn Solution, which dives into the world of betrayal through porn use and what partners can do to navigate themselves through it. In this episode, Dr. Sandra talks about PTSD, intentional listening to your partner, and how to regain your partner’s trust. TAKEAWAYS: [1:50] How could I compete with a porn star? [3:40] Women feel like if he’s watching porn, he’s checked out of the relationship. [5:05] Can this sort of betrayal cause PTSD? Dr. Sandra believes so. [11:40] How can you create meaningful dialogue when talking about something so difficult? [14:20] You can create intentional listening while putting ‘guard rails’ on it. [15:25] If your relationship is in crisis right now, it’s going to be okay. It doesn’t mean that’s where you’re going to end up. [19:10] How can you rebuild trust again? [25:30] If you have children, the reason to heal your relationship should be at the forefront of your mind. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “We depend on other human beings for our very survival. In order to survive as a human being, we need intimate connection with at least one other human being.” “What matters most in an intimate relationship is to feel seen, heard, and understood by your partner.” “If you have children, this affects them. The keeping of secrets, they feel all of that.”
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Part 1: Porn, What’s The Big Deal? with Dr. Sandra Shachar
02/01/2024
Part 1: Porn, What’s The Big Deal? with Dr. Sandra Shachar
Sandra A. Shachar, Ph.D., is a Licensed Psychologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and has over thirty years of clinical experience working with individuals, couples and families affected by Betrayal Trauma. She is also the author of The Porn Solution, which dives into the world of betrayal through porn use and what partners can do to navigate themselves through it. In this episode, Dr. Sandra talks about the definition of betrayal, why porn affects so many people, and why it’s okay to ask for your needs to be met. TAKEAWAYS: [3:20] Is porn cheating? [3:55] Why did Dr. Sandra write the book, The Porn Solution? [7:10] What is the definition of a betrayal? [12:05] Porn, what’s the big deal? I’m not cheating on you! [18:10] Why does porn betrayal affect women so deeply? [22:35] How can we regain a partner’s trust after a betrayal? [24:30] You have a right to ask for your needs to be met. It’s okay to have needs! [29:15] What is a problem for one person, is a problem for both people. [29:55] Porn isn’t the issue, it’s the trust! RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “When I talk to spouses about their experience of whether porn felt like a betrayal to the relationship, we got up to 80%. We have a population of female spouses who say it’s a big deal.” “It’s not the act of what you’re doing specifically, it’s the deception. It’s what you’ve hidden me that constitutes as the betrayal.” “It makes absolute sense why you’re reacting the way you are. This is normal under these abnormal circumstances.”
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BONUS: Why Should I Write Down All My Anger and Hurt?
01/04/2024
BONUS: Why Should I Write Down All My Anger and Hurt?
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about the healing properties a journal practice can have. A listener wrote that her therapist wants her to journal out the resentment and anger that her SA has caused her, but the mere thought of doing this gets her re-triggered and angry all over again. Is there really a point to all of this aside from re-remembering the betrayal? TAKEAWAYS: [:25] My SA husband’s entire family has suffered from some sort of sexual addiction or abuse. Is all of this hereditary? [8:30] How can intermittent reward cause or enhance relationship addiction? [16:15] What’s the point of writing my betrayal down? I feel so angry just thinking about it. [18:50] If you have a lot of anger inside you, a journal practice can be very healing. [19:45] My addict is weaseling out of our initial agreement. What should I do? [26:05] If you’re not doing the work, then it doesn’t matter what you say or do. [26:15] He’s sober but still can’t be intimate with me. He says he feels shame. Is this just an excuse? RESOURCES: Email Tami:
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BONUS: Am I Just Having Fun, or Is This a Full-Blown Addiction?
12/21/2023
BONUS: Am I Just Having Fun, or Is This a Full-Blown Addiction?
Dr. Rob and Tami break down the gray area between just having fun, being “at-risk” for an addiction, and being a full-blown addict. It can be difficult to define the line fully when you’re in the middle of a “good time.” Dr. Rob offers various considerations for you to think about to determine whether you’re barely teetering the line or if you’re in a bad and unsustainable place. TAKEAWAYS: [:35] I believe my partner is a narcissist and a sex addict. He’s hurting me but I can’t seem to walk away. How can I just leave him? [8:40] Have a three-circle plan! You need a healthy plan that will value you. [10:50] Can you become addicted to friendships? [15:50] My betrayed partner doesn’t believe me anymore, even when I’m telling her the truth. Do I just agree with her? [22:30] Is there an in-between stage where someone can be between “at-risk” for an addiction vs. being a complete addict? [26:55] Do I need to do yet another formal disclosure with my addict? We just don’t have the money for another therapist right now. RESOURCES: Email Tami:
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Discover and Connect with Your Own Inner Voice Again with Lucy Beresford
11/30/2023
Discover and Connect with Your Own Inner Voice Again with Lucy Beresford
Lucy Beresford hosts LBC Radio’s Sex and Relationships show and she’s the author of 4 books, including the global best-seller Happy Relationships. She works as a psychotherapist at The Grace Clinic, London and from time to time at The Delhi Psychiatry Centre in India under Dr. Sunil Mittal. In this episode, Lucy talks about refinding your voice again after a betrayal, how to create a deeper connection with a partner, and what are the steps forward if you continue to stay in a marriage that had a betrayal in it. TAKEAWAYS: [5:00] Lucy shares a time where she lost her voice and had to rediscover it again. [6:10] How can you show up for yourself? How can you own your own voice? [7:30] What does Lucy mean to ‘have a voice’? [10:15] It’s very hard for women who have experienced betrayal to have a voice. [12:10] When women get into relationships, their sense of self often gets drowned out. [19:40] It’s so hard to stay committed to someone when you’ve had a small fight; much less a betrayal. [24:50] Unfortunately for addicts, they’ve hurt their best friend and partner and so they can not depend on this person (right now) for emotional support. [31:10] What do we unwillingly enable in someone else because of our own baggage and history? [34:35] You’ve consciously chosen to stay, now what? [40:45] Lucy talks about disclosed non-monogamy and what that means for a couple. [46:15] If your personality is being crushed and you’re becoming a former version of yourself, when should you stop everything and listen? [50:00] A little bit about Lucy and her work/books. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “I didn’t know I had permission not to have children. It showed me there are people out there who are making choices in their life for other people.” “What’s the impact of you living authentically? It’s one thing to be sad about the life you had, it’s another to assist in that sadness.” “How do I retain a sense of me while celebrating and nourishing ‘we’?”
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How to Heal After a Betrayal: Dr. Monique Thompson on Navigating Infidelity
11/16/2023
How to Heal After a Betrayal: Dr. Monique Thompson on Navigating Infidelity
Dr. Monique Thompson is a Psychotherapist in Dallas, Texas. She has seen over 1,000 couples in her counseling practice over the years and now shares tips and tools for couples to help recover from infidelity. She recently wrote a workbook for couples who are looking to recover from infidelity and shares her industry insights with Dr. Rob on today’s episode. After infidelity, many couples are unconsciously going to war with one another. Dr. Monique shares how you can get back to peaceful territory once again. TAKEAWAYS: [3:40] Why did Dr. Monique decide to write a book about infidelity recovery? [7:20] What responsibilities or accountability should the non-affair partner take on? [10:55] When you choose to stay, you have to mentally keep in mind you’re going to war. You’re no longer in a time of peace. [11:25] Some couples never consciously choose to stay. They just didn’t get divorced and that is not the same. [15:35] Why did Dr. Monique write the Infidelity Recovery Workbook for Couples? [20:30] Your own healing comes from a place of healing within yourself. Your partner won’t be able to help you with that. [24:30] Are you compelled to set down ultimatums in hopes your partner will change? [32:25] Dr. Monique shares why it’s important to take a deep breath in and reset your mindset. [36:00] Sometimes people cheat because they can’t be themselves. What happens when someone finally reveals their ‘true’ persona and their partner still wants to leave? [39:55] Does Dr. Monique have a different approach for a young couple vs. an older couple? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “If you’re choosing to stay, you’re choosing to go off to war. You’re not at home during peace time.” “Sometimes, people really didn’t choose to stay, they just didn’t get a divorce. That’s not the same.” “I ask couples if they are willing to set a peace treaty down for a period of time to be able to begin the work.”
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Foundation of Hope: The 12 Steps Way to Healing from Trauma with Dr. Jamie Marich and Dr. Stephen Dansiger
09/28/2023
Foundation of Hope: The 12 Steps Way to Healing from Trauma with Dr. Jamie Marich and Dr. Stephen Dansiger
Dr. Jamie Marich is a facilitator of transformative experiences. A clinical trauma specialist, expressive artist, writer, yoga teacher, performer, short filmmaker, Reiki master, TEDx speaker, and recovery advocate. Marich has taught conscious dance seminars at various conferences nationally, internationally, and online, and has trained more than 500 facilitators in the Dancing Mindfulness practice. She is also the author of several books including the original Trauma and the 12 Steps. Dr. Stephen Dansiger is a master EMDR therapist and provider of EMDR Basic Training and Advanced Topics Courses with the Institute for Creative Mindfulness, and has helped set up the premiere Buddhist addictions rehab center, Refuge Recovery Centers. He has been practicing Buddhist mindfulness for almost 30 years (including a one year residency at a Zen monastery), and teaches dharma classes regularly in Los Angeles and other centers internationally. TAKEAWAYS: [3:40] Why did Dr. Jamie and Dr. Stephen write a Trauma and the 12 Steps workbook? [6:40] Dr. Jamie loves writing books because it’s accessible for everyone, especially those who might not be able to afford therapy. [7:35] What made Dr. Stephen excited to collaborate with Dr. Jamie? [11:55] How do people heal their trauma while they’re also reliving it? [13:40] What is the greatest gift about being a therapist specializing in trauma? [17:00] Why throw 12-step practices into this mix of trauma and healing? [21:00] People enjoy the structure that 12 Steps brings and it makes it easier for them to follow a healing journey if they know what to expect. [30:00] Dr. Jamie talks about Step 6 and how it can perpetuate feelings of shame. [33:40] Now that you know about your trauma, what are the next steps? It’s important not to fall into a victim mindset. [43:30] What is mindfulness, really? [47:55] Many people who have come into a 12-step program have been wounded by God, and end up missing out on a wealth of knowledge and healing. [50:20] What books should you start with first? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “There is not a separation between trauma therapy and 12 Steps, and Buddhist practice. It all goes together.” “Hurt people hurt people, but how I really like to reframe that is trauma is this phononym where you can bleed all over each other.” “Yes I am responsible for adult behavior but I am not a bad person. I wasn’t responsible for what happened to me, but how I learned to adapt and survive, I am responsible for.”
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Part 2: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin
09/07/2023
Part 2: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin
Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In this episode, Dr. Stan discusses the 5 things that break a relationship apart, how to recover from a betrayal, and how to live a pro-relationship life. TAKEAWAYS: [1:45] How do you recover from a betrayal? [6:00] In a society, we are forced to grow up for the betterment of our tribe. [7:25] What do couples complain the most about? [11:25] People will commit the same mistakes over and over because they don’t understand the internal errors that they’re making. [15:25] What happens if you’re stuck in a relationship ‘role’ that you don’t like? [18:20] What does it mean to be pro-relationship? [20:35] Your attachment needs are not rooted in love. Dr. Stan explains why. [26:00] Want to know more about Dr. Stan? Link in the show notes! RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “There are cultures where it’s emphatically insistent and people do grow up because the culture demands that you operate with each other.” “We do the same things that mess up relationships, no matter what kind of relationships they are, and we always will if we don’t understand our nature.” “Everything I am talking about is inline with being selfish. Being pro-relationship is being pro-self. They are one and the same.”
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Part 1: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin
08/31/2023
Part 1: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin
Dr. Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, and developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice. In this episode, Dr. Stan discusses what really is the glue that keeps relationships together, why they are so messy, and how you can better define it with the person you love. TAKEAWAYS: [3:50] Let’s talk about conflict in a relationship. [5:05] What do people actually view as ‘important’? [7:05] People have the ability to ‘make things up’, so it’s important that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to a relationship. [9:25] Someone might be something you’ve always wanted, but they’re also going to be a lot of things that ‘you don’t want’. It’s important to navigate through that. [11:20] There has to be a reason why two people join together and it has to be for more than just love. [18:50] How can you move through a relationship consciously? [23:00] When you’re in the middle of conflict, how do you resolve it or go through it in a healthy way? [28:35] Sometimes, you need to fall on your sword so that you and your partner can find a way to communicate again. It’s a team sport. [32:40] Like with everything, good conflict resolution is a skill that anybody can learn. As you learn, you’ll make mistakes, you won’t be perfect, but you will get better at it. [33:30] How do you have agreement when there’s been a betrayal? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “Conflict is a very human thing. If you’re a human primate, you’re going to get into conflict.” “In a relationship that we are creating, we have to define it. We have to make sure that we are creating the same picture in our heads.” “Love and attraction wanes. A lot goes. But we’re still accountable if we’re going to play fair and work together.”
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Part 2: Sex + Porn Addicts Share About Their Healing Journey with Dr Rob, Larry and Jay
08/17/2023
Part 2: Sex + Porn Addicts Share About Their Healing Journey with Dr Rob, Larry and Jay
Dr. Rob continues his discussion with Jay and Larry, two men in recovery, to help people understand that addiction is a lot more complex than it seems on the surface. The opinion you have of yourself can keep you stuck in destructive patterns. It’s so important to consciously put yourself in healthy and positive environments, like in a recovery or group program, if you ever wish to break free from the power of addiction. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] Larry had this internal dialogue going through his head, “This is just who you are.” [3:20] Larry’s wife found out about him acting out at least 4-5 times. He shares how it completely tore her about. [6:55] Larry didn’t realize all of his lies were causing his wife PTSD. [7:25] If there was anything that Larry could change, it would be to tell the truth and to tell it faster. [8:45] Jay was living in a fantasy world and he didn’t realize it was destroying the people who loved and cared for him. [13:05] Why did Jay go to a residential program? Wasn’t group therapy enough? [15:45] Jay was able to prove through actions that he was taking his recovery seriously. [18:00] Larry’s experience with Dr. Rob was life changing. [22:15] Mentorship is a very important piece to recovery. Jay has taken this on as part of his recovery and healing journey. [24:00] When you lose trust with the people you love, then you lose what really defines the relationship. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “What other people don’t know won’t hurt them; is probably the biggest lie in addiction.” “I would think I was telling the truth, but I wasn’t. I’d change a slight detail.” “A residential program accelerated my recovery. I was surrounded by people who were experts in the field and at the same time I had peers who made me feel safe.”
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Part 1: Sex + Porn Addicts Share About Their Healing Journey with Dr Rob, Larry and Jay
08/03/2023
Part 1: Sex + Porn Addicts Share About Their Healing Journey with Dr Rob, Larry and Jay
Dr. Rob speaks with two people in recovery, Jay and Larry, about their addiction and the type of damage it has caused their families. Jay and Larry also talk about why they felt comfort in their addictions and how their lives have been improved now that they are sober and aware of their problem. TAKEAWAYS: [2:25] Why did Jay seek help and go to treatment? [4:15] Jay was frustrated that he couldn’t fix himself on his own. [5:25] Larry shares his experience with addiction. [6:05] Larry was so afraid of connecting with people, which is why he found comfort with porn. [9:15] At first, Larry thought it was his wife’s problem on why they were having issues. It turned out, it was his addiction that was the problem. [12:30] Why did it take Jay 45 years to seek professional help? [15:50] Jay’s first therapist did not believe in sex addiction. She thought he was just a liar. [18:55] Why did Larry keep telling his wife about the slips he had with porn? Why didn’t he just keep it a secret? [21:15] Larry knew it was unhealthy, and Larry knew it was terrible, but he couldn’t stop. [26:15] Jay talks a little bit about his childhood, and why he found comfort in sex with strangers. [30:00] When Jay would travel, it would trigger him because he was so lonely and he wanted to act out to fill the void. [32:35] Jay would try to use willpower for it to go away, but he just couldn’t sustain it. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “I tried to do this on my own, but it wasn’t until I got group therapy where I was able to get through my shame.” “Just going to a weekly meeting wasn’t enough. It wasn’t working. I was in a state of denial.” “I never realized what I was doing was part of an addiction. I thought I was just being a guy.”
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Part 2: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler
07/20/2023
Part 2: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler
Dr. Rob speaks with Alcohol Counselor Gary Seidler about the long-term effects children experience when living in an alcoholic home. Gary and Dr. Rob talks about trauma, the importance of storytelling and the ability to vocalize some of your unique experiences with addiction, and they offer clarification on what is considered a true addiction in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [2:45] At the root of every addiction, there is some form of trauma. [4:25] What is the difference between big T and little T trauma? [7:30] More and more people are talking about the traumas they grew up with. [9:40] How do you know if you have an addiction? Isn’t technically everything an addiction? [14:00] Children of alcoholics are completely focused on the other person. [14:45] Gary is currently writing a book for adult children of sex addicts. What are some of the similarities/differences Gary sees among this group? [17:20] Adult children of sex addicts often carry a lot of shame about their own sexual behavior and sexuality. [19:30] These adult children have a very unique lens of extremes. Gary expands on what this means. [22:10] How do these adult children deal with intimacy? [23:30] With the internet, you’re just one click away from seeing whatever sexual content you want. [26:45] Unfortunately, young children are learning about sex from porn. [31:05] Are you sure you don’t need help? Remember that denial is the enemy. [33:30] Sex addiction feels so personal to the family even though it’s not the spouse or children’s fault. [36:05] Your internal shame can slowly go away by talking about it in a support group. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “When our family [appears] perfect or you don’t talk about it, we don’t learn.” “Nobody comes to treatment to grow personally. People come in because they’re in crisis.” “We adapt to situations that are intolerable when we love somebody.”
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Part 1: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler
07/13/2023
Part 1: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler
Dr. Rob speaks with Alcohol Counselor Gary Seidler about the long-term effects children experience when living in an alcoholic home. What happens to these children when they become older? Should children know about their parent’s substance abuse and sex addiction issues? And what should adult children be aware of now that they’re no longer in an alcoholic home? All these questions and more are answered on this week’s podcast. TAKEAWAYS: [3:55] A little bit about Gary and his work in the mental health field. [5:55] Why did Gary pursue this work with adult children of alcoholics? [12:00] What are the symptoms of these adult children who grew up around or in alcoholic homes? [16:30] Why was there such a need for young adults of alcoholics to have a rooms program? [21:10] Addiction is a family issue. No one is truly suffering alone. [22:20] Gary shares some of the people he admires over the years that have done great things in this field. [24:30] In the early days of these adult children of alcoholic conferences, it was the first time some of these people could voice their pain and hurt with others who also understood. [25:20] Addiction is passed on generationally. It doesn’t just stop at the addict. [30:10] Remember, going into rehab is only the beginning of your rehab journey. [31:25] Gary shares his own personal experience with addiction and recovery. [37:25] What does recovery mean to Gary? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “John Bradshaw brought to the public consciousness the idea the dysfunction is not just in the addict, it spreads to the entire family.” “Addiction is really a family affair.” “For every addict, there are 3, 4, 5 people who are deeply affected.”
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Part 1: Religion and Spirituality in Recovery with Jason Swilling MDiv
06/29/2023
Part 1: Religion and Spirituality in Recovery with Jason Swilling MDiv
Dr. Rob invites Spiritual Counselor and Pastor, Jason Swilling, on to the podcast today. Jason works with Dr. Rob at the Seeking Integrity clinic. It doesn’t matter what religion you believe in, or do not believe in, this is a great podcast episode for anyone who wants to understand their connection to a higher power and what that might mean for you. It doesn’t matter if you are Muslim, Christian, or even an Atheist, Dr. Rob and Jason have some answers for you. TAKEAWAYS: [2:05] A little bit about Jason and how he found Dr. Rob and his clinic. [3:00] Although Jason studied Christianity and comes from that background. How does he work with people of other faiths? [5:55] How does Jason help people work with some of their regrets and the things they did that went against their religious and moral beliefs? [7:40] It’s not about failing God, it’s about failing yourself. [11:05] How do you find your way back to God/religion? [17:25] What about the people who do not have any religion or faith? How does Jason navigate that? [18:00] In the 12-step program, you need some kind of faith. How do atheists manage or stay sober? [23:20] It all comes down to your connection with others. Unfortunately, a lot of religious communities have forgotten this aspect. [29:20] Dr. Rob feels like a lot of people are not welcomed in their religious communities and people then feel compelled to hide their shame and imperfections. [35:15] As you share your secrets in a safe community, people in recovery get to experience something really beautiful for the first time. [39:25] Your recovery program works if you work it. Jason is proof of that. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “The spirituality of 12-step recovery is all inclusive. There is no discrimination against certain religions.” “Often times a spirituality of a person is that it’s just me and God alone. I can take God off the shelf and I can put God on the shelf. And usually I put God on the shelf whenever I act out.” “I have friends who are atheists who are long-time sober and don’t believe in God. Religion or any of that, is not necessary to work the recovery program to stay sober.”
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The Road to Forgiveness with Dr. Rob Weiss
05/11/2023
The Road to Forgiveness with Dr. Rob Weiss
Dr. Rob joins this week’s podcast in a solo episode to talk about the concept of forgiveness. The truth is, there is no true deadline or timeframe as to when you should forgive someone for all the hurt and damage they’ve caused you, so how do you move forward? Dr. Rob shares the stages of forgiveness and offers context and support on why you might still be resentful and/or revengeful towards the person that hurt you the most. TAKEAWAYS: [2:30] How do you forgive someone you do not trust? [3:45] Many people believe they don’t think they could ever forgive or forget the damage their addict has caused them. [4:20] Forgiving and forgetting are not the same thing. [9:30] Other people were able to see it, so why couldn’t you? Dr. Rob shares why. [13:20] There are many stages of grief and we can flutter in between each of them back and forth. [17:15] You have the right to be upset! You have the right to be furious! [20:20] No one is truly ready to forgive. You can’t just say ‘now is the time’. [23:30] How do you not hold a grudge/be resentful when your addict is on their path to recovery? [28:15] If someone doesn’t want to act with empathy and to think of the other person, then they shouldn’t be in a relationship. [33:00] It’s so attractive and validating to want to punish your addict for all the transgressions they’ve done to you. [36:10] What are the stages of forgiveness? [37:35] You can get stuck during the forgiveness process. This isn’t an easy thing to do. RESOURCES: QUOTES: “The whole idea of forgiveness creates conflict within us because we feel we need to reach a ‘certain point’ and at that point, we’re ready to forgive” “A lot of us struggle with forgiveness because, in part, we blame ourselves. We say, ‘We should have known.’ and that’s when forgiveness becomes complicated.” “There’s a great reality of this loss and its effects. We can’t deny them, we can’t push them away, and we can’t say to ourselves ‘it’s time to forgive’.”
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Part 2: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?
04/27/2023
Part 2: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?
Dr. Jessica Higgins is a licensed Psychologist with two graduate degrees in psychology and today she continues her discussion around forgiveness in part two of this episode. Dr. Rob and Dr. Jessica talk about why expressing vulnerability is not a weakness but an opening to a better relationship future, how to recover after a conflict and speak your peace, and why emotional unavailability and lack of connection tend to be more painful than the actual act of cheating in itself. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] It is possible to communicate healthy agreements on what is acceptable and unacceptable in your relationship. [3:30] Sometimes therapists assume or expect that the betrayed spouse will know how to react or talk to their spouse who is struggling with addiction. [7:10] Instead of complaining to your spouse right away, there are benefits to journaling or writing down your thoughts about what their actions meant to you and how you perceived it. [9:10] If we share vulnerability, your partner is more likely going to respond positively to that than if you were to act aggressively or accusatory. [11:30] After reading hundreds of letters from betrayed spouses, it was never the cheating that hurt them the most. It was the emotional unavailability. [14:30] You can show up in little ways and it will begin you on the path of having your betrayed partner feel valued again. [18:20] The most important part to relationships is how you repair after a conflict or mistake. [22:20] What are some indicators that a relationship is completely done? [25:30] Interested in working with Dr. Jessica? Link to her website is in the show notes. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “There’s an attempt to control your partner [when feeling hurt], this is understandable to want to feel that protection, to help your partnership, but it’s counterintuitive. It’s going to create a false sense of trust.” “Almost every time, betrayed partners write about how [their partner] felt unavailable. Didn’t think about how much I really needed you. You didn’t open up to me and I felt alone.” “The harm people cause each other is not the important part of this whole picture. We make mistakes. The important part is all in the repair. It’s not that you make a mistake, it’s you going back and saying you didn’t do that right.”
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Part 1: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?
04/20/2023
Part 1: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?
After a huge betrayal, it can be nearly impossible to come back to the center and find forgiveness. Some couples are ready to move forward and to forgive, but they keep getting stuck in the negative patterns of their betrayal, hurt, and distrust. Is there a healthy way to move forward? Should you even forgive in the first place? Dr. Jessica Higgins is a licensed Psychologist with two graduate degrees in psychology. She explains how you can move through these emotions and reach a place of repair within your relationship in this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] A little bit about Dr. Jessica. [4:55] How do you help someone find peace after a deep betrayal? [8:45] There is no guarantee around not being betrayed. [10:35] It’s a different feeling when someone shows up to the relationship with intentionally vs. passivity. [14:00] How do you move a couple forward from being stuck in a place of anger? [18:45] Would it be helpful for the addict to explain their childhood to their partner? [23:35] When will the betrayed spouse forgive me? [25:40] Some people feel like if they remain resentful, they’re teaching the other person a lesson. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “A lot of spouses are looking for a guarantee. What you’re doing [today] isn’t really real and I want you to prove it.” “There is a part of me that really wants to trust you and feel like I’m not managing you.” “There are 350 definitions of forgiveness. There are some nuances and it can be hard to pin down what you’re dealing with.”
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Part 2: Financial Infidelity and Career Suicide: Can You Recover? with Debra L. Kaplan
04/06/2023
Part 2: Financial Infidelity and Career Suicide: Can You Recover? with Debra L. Kaplan
After a successful career on Wall Street, where issues regarding sex, money, and power are legendary, Debra L. Kaplan merged her fascination with narcissism, sex, power, and control with her studies in psychology. Debra’s book, For Love and Money, became the inspiration for her groundbreaking clinical work. In part 2 of this episode, Debra continues her discussion around infidelity and money, how to heal after a financial betrayal, and what compromise looks like. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] The way a couple handles money is how they handle other issues in their relationship. [4:35] What should couples do when they’re in crisis and are trying to regain control of their finances? [5:35] Sit down and come up with a game plan on what you both want out of this relationship and its future [6:45] How can couples begin to work towards healing? [9:15] Dr. Rob shares a personal story around the challenge between recovery and money. [11:40] As an addict through and through, and being in recovery, you have to learn how to not be selfish. [18:45] What’s Debra’s new book about? [21:15] Not everyone can afford therapy, but Debra created this book for couples who need the help. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “If there’s been infidelity, secret keeping, and lies around money, absolutely seek help.” “I had to say no to something I wanted and every time I saw that [dream] car in the street, I feel bad, but I did the right thing.” “You don’t have to be talking about money, you can be talking about ‘coupleship’ like raising your kids, but money is the biggest one.”
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Part 1: Financial Infidelity and Career Suicide: Can You Recover? with Debra L. Kaplan
03/30/2023
Part 1: Financial Infidelity and Career Suicide: Can You Recover? with Debra L. Kaplan
After a successful career on Wall Street, where issues regarding sex, money, and power are legendary, Debra L. Kaplan merged her fascination with narcissism, sex, power, and control with her studies in psychology. Debra’s book, For Love and Money, inspired her groundbreaking clinical work. In this episode, Debra talks about the connection between money and our trauma, what the conversations around money mean, and how money is the biggest reason for our relationship's demise. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] A little bit about Debra. [4:10] We argue about money, but underneath all of that we argue about our trauma. [9:00] All couples argue about money. [14:30] Money carries the greatest impact on the health and demise of a relationship. [15:00] Do men and women see money/treat money differently? [18:20] Addicts take power without permission, which means they use the family’s money through whatever means necessary. [22:40] What is financial infidelity? [28:50] How should you approach a conversation around money when an addict has betrayed your trust? [31:10] The addict destroys their finances, but can also destroy their career reputation and earning potential. [33:00] After a betrayal, it’s important spouses get the help and support, and education they need to move forward. [35:50] How can couples have a unified relationship with their money? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “Money is the number one factor in divorce and in relational demise.” “Financial infidelity is I’m not going to tell you, I’m going to do what I want to do, and you’re not going to know. It’s the same as emotional and sexual infidelity.” “When there’s betrayal and infidelity, get informed. Hire professionals who will help you. Hire an accountant.” “Even though we argue about money, there is a path out.”
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Part 1: Financial Infidelity and Career Suicide: Can You Recover? with Debra L. Kaplan
03/30/2023
Part 1: Financial Infidelity and Career Suicide: Can You Recover? with Debra L. Kaplan
After a successful career on Wall Street, where issues regarding sex, money, and power are legendary, Debra L. Kaplan merged her fascination with narcissism, sex, power, and control with her studies in psychology. Debra’s book, For Love and Money, inspired her groundbreaking clinical work. In this episode, Debra talks about the connection between money and our trauma, what the conversations around money mean, and how money is the biggest reason for our relationship's demise. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] A little bit about Debra. [4:10] We argue about money, but underneath all of that we argue about our trauma. [9:00] All couples argue about money. [14:30] Money carries the greatest impact on the health and demise of a relationship. [15:00] Do men and women see money/treat money differently? [18:20] Addicts take power without permission, which means they use the family’s money through whatever means necessary. [22:40] What is financial infidelity? [28:50] How should you approach a conversation around money when an addict has betrayed your trust? [31:10] The addict destroys their finances, but can also destroy their career reputation and earning potential. [33:00] After a betrayal, it’s important spouses get the help and support, and education they need to move forward. [35:50] How can couples have a unified relationship with their money? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “Money is the number one factor in divorce and in relational demise.” “Financial infidelity is I’m not going to tell you, I’m going to do what I want to do, and you’re not going to know. It’s the same as emotional and sexual infidelity.” “When there’s betrayal and infidelity, get informed. Hire professionals who will help you. Hire an accountant.” “Even though we argue about money, there is a path out.”
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The Ripples Effects of Adult Children of Sex Addicts with Dr. Ken Adams
03/02/2023
The Ripples Effects of Adult Children of Sex Addicts with Dr. Ken Adams
Dr. Ken M. Adams began his professional career in 1981 treating children, adolescents, and their families. In 1985 he began private practice with the Children of Alcoholic Parents program, an outpatient program for the treatment of adults who had grown up in alcoholic families. He is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), a CSAT supervisor, and CSAT training facilitator as well as an EMDR practitioner. In this episode, Dr. Ken gives an overview on what an enmeshment relationship looks like, his latest book catered specifically for adult children of sex addicts, and talks about how to recover from a broken home. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] A little bit about Dr. Ken. [4:25] What happens to children that allow them to struggle later on in life? [7:20] What’s so wrong with having a good relationship with your parents? [9:15] Empathic children deeply worry about their parents and often, enmeshment happens because the parent did not set proper or clear boundaries. [16:10] Dr. Ken is out with a new book, A Light in the Dark. Why did he decide to write it? [22:10] All the children surveyed said they were negatively impacted by what their sex addict parent did. [25:55] Adult children are often confused about what’s a normal sexual experience. [30:35] Children aren’t stupid. They know what’s going on and often get put in a bad position where they have to protect their mother or father’s anger towards the sex addict. [33:40] How should a sex addict tell their children about their problems? [37:25] The shame that these adult children carry, it is not their shame to carry. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “The romantic partner always becomes second tier to the enmeshed man or woman’s parents.” “It’s always the parent’s job that they stay in charge of what is a normal love affair between parent and child.” “Your children are not your children. They’re life’s longing for itself. They come through you, but not from you.” “88% of children were aware or witnessed their parent’s sexually addicted behavior.”
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Addiction: Nature or Nurture? with Dr. Evelyn Higgins
02/23/2023
Addiction: Nature or Nurture? with Dr. Evelyn Higgins
Dr. Evelyn Higgins is the Founder and CEO of Wired for Addiction. She is a recognized expert in addiction and has 25 years of clinical practice as well as dedicated over 16 years of research and development in the science of addiction recovery. In this week’s episode, Dr. Higgins talks the environment vs. genes and how it shows up in addiction, explores the idea of an ‘addiction cure’, and so much more on this week’s episode. TAKEAWAYS: [2:00] A little bit about Dr. Higgins. [4:20] What is considered an addiction? [6:35] No one sets out to becoming an addict. [6:55] Our environment has a big impact on us…but our genetics also play a part. [7:45] Are we biologically/genetically wired to become addicts? [11:40] Why can’t you cure addiction? [16:50] You can make healthy choices! The first step is understanding your stressors. [20:45] Dr. Weiss has seen people in recovery who still keep struggling. They’re ‘white knuckling’ it. [26:40] Unfortunately, what might work for one person, might not work for another. [27:20] How do we teach the public to better understand addiction? [34:40] The medical community is very subjective because it’s based on vocabulary (what the patient says) instead of blood tests and body chemistry results. [36:25] There’s still quite a bit of inequity in the medical field, but there are small steps forward happening. [39:35] What are the next steps for someone who wants to stay sober? RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “The stigma is that this is actually a mental health disease and no one sets out to ruin their life and have all these other reactions from society.” “We all strive to make our lives easier.” “We now know we can change the expression of genes. That’s so powerful. We can make changes in someone’s life.” “No one [in congress] wanted their names on these bills because of the stigma around mental health.”
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Part 2: Addiction , Mental Health, and Psychology with the President of the Society of Addiction Psychology. Dr. Aaron Weiner
02/09/2023
Part 2: Addiction , Mental Health, and Psychology with the President of the Society of Addiction Psychology. Dr. Aaron Weiner
Dr. Aaron Weiner, Ph.D., ABPP is a board-certified Psychologist and addiction specialist and speaks nationally on the topics of addiction, behavioral health, and the impact of drug policy on public health. In this episode, Dr. Aaron talks about childhood trauma, whether addicts are inherently bad people and the pain that people often hold deep down that they’ve suppressed and compartmentalized. TAKEAWAYS: [2:11] Why does relapse even happen? If the addict really loves me, why can’t they just stop? [3:10] Your betrayed partner is hurt, but they love you and they don’t want to see you in pain. [5:45] How do you tell a partner that you’ve relapsed or have a slip? [6:35] Many spouses feel so disconnected from their addict. [9:15] You may continue with your addiction, but it will never be the same. You will always hurt your family. [11:00] Are addicts bad people? Are they just going to keep hurting people? [15:20] Do addictive personalities exist? [16:40] Childhood trauma disrupts your entire worldview. [21:35] People often want to know why this is happening, but it’s equally important to understand how it’s happening and how to stop. [27:00] We are going to get stressed and it’s natural that you want to hide from that stress, but there are better ways to solve that problem. [30:10] Can you fix addiction? [32:45] Dr. Aaron offers some helpful workbooks and solutions to help you with your recovery journey. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “I’m an addict and I don’t want to see it. I don’t want to be reminded of it. Addicts will jump over the problem.” “One of the things I see betrayed partner’s looking for is empathy. The addict gets into recovery, but they’re still assholes.” “Almost every client that comes to Seeking Integrity wants to know ‘why’. I can show you why, but you really need to learn how to stop.” “We are always going to be faced with stressors in our life and we are always going to want to feel better.”
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Part 1: Addiction , Mental Health, and Psychology with the President of the Society of Addiction Psychology. Dr. Aaron Weiner
02/02/2023
Part 1: Addiction , Mental Health, and Psychology with the President of the Society of Addiction Psychology. Dr. Aaron Weiner
Dr. Aaron Weiner, Ph.D., ABPP is a board-certified Psychologist and addiction specialist and speaks nationally on the topics of addiction, behavioral health, and the impact of drug policy on public health. His perspective is informed by years of experience growing and directing addiction service lines for hospitals and healthcare systems, the current state of medical and psychological research, and his own observations in private practice. In this episode. Dr. Aaron talks about process addictions and how they differ from substance addictions. TAKEAWAYS: [1:40] A little bit about Dr. Aaron and his career. [4:10] Addictions and addictive behaviors are very misunderstood. [7:00] Why do these ‘non-substance’ addictions exist? [9:10] Sexual content is so easily accessible. [10:50] Social media apps want to be addicting. Dr. Aaron ran an experiment and moved his icons around so that he wouldn’t click on the same addictive apps over and over again. [13:00] How do I know if I have a process addiction? [16:00] It’s easy to lie to yourself to avoid the discomfort or the consequences of your actions. [18:10] There is a normalization in process behaviors. People want you to ‘binge’ on movies or ‘be addicted’ to video games. [22:55] Insurance companies will pay for food-eating disorders but won’t consider a gaming disorder. [25:40] What is an FMRI? [27:30] A lot of therapists like to pretend the body doesn’t exist from the neck down. Dr. Aaron explains what he means. [29:50] An addiction forms because the person is just trying to find some way for peace and stability. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “Someone’s life can be completely bulldozed by an addiction that has nothing to do with a chemical you put in your body.” “When it comes to process addictions and where we draw the line unless we’re having an anger point with consequences, it’s societally defined.” “You can see when brains change when someone is compulsive vs. not. It’s very clear that the brain works differently when someone is addicted.” “I view addictive behaviors simply as overgrown or malignant coping mechanisms.”
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When You Put in the Work, You Will See the Benefits
01/19/2023
When You Put in the Work, You Will See the Benefits
Dr. Rob and Tami talk about how betrayed spouses can take care of themselves, especially if their addict is not showing up in a way that they need to. They also answer a question from an emotional man, who has been in recovery for the last two years, and use it as a showcase on why recovery really does work when you put in the work. When you commit 100%, you will see the results. TAKEAWAYS: [:45] My SA husband never wants to have sex. What gives? [6:10] As a betrayed partner, you need to do self-healing work. Your partner has lied to you for over 2 decades. [7:20] It’s common for addicts to gaslight you and confuse you whenever you stand up for yourself. [10:25] My betrayed spouse doesn’t seem as invested in this recovery journey as I am. I am trying my best, what can I do? [13:10] I’m interested in taking the Out of the Doghouse course. When does it start? [15:50] I’ve been in recovery for two years. I’m more emotional than ever, and my wife thinks this is strange. How can I help her understand what’s happening? [20:30] ADHD and addiction? Is there a connection? RESOURCES: Email Tami:
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Part 2 - Healing Work, Healing Home, Healing Me with Doug Tieman
12/29/2022
Part 2 - Healing Work, Healing Home, Healing Me with Doug Tieman
Doug Tieman got his start in the treatment field over 40 years ago at the Hazelden Foundation. During his time there, he served as Executive Vice President of Marketing & Development. In 1995, he joined Caron Treatment centers as the President and CEO, a position he’s currently held for 28 years. In part 2 of this episode, Doug shares his own recovery journey and why his wife continued to stay by his side despite the bad reputation and betrayal he caused in active addiction. Doug and Dr. Rob also share when to seek out help if you’re struggling with a substance problem. TAKEAWAYS: [1:25] Why did Doug’s wife stay by his side? [2:10] This is an illness. [2:55] As a way to repair the relationship, Doug started dating his wife again. [5:20] Doug felt so much guilt that he had failed his family. He decided to put 100% on his recovery, even if it meant working 14 hours on this to do so. [7:45] How could Doug love his wife and at the same time act out and be a sex & love addict? [9:10] Doug has a book out, Flying Over the Pigpen. What’s it about? [14:00] How do you find a good treatment facility? [16:00] What kind of questions should you be asking before you enter into a treatment facility? [17:25] What are the signs you need help? [19:10] With addiction, it only escalates. RESOURCES: Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss QUOTES: “For anyone who suffers from an addiction, that is our first and foremost love affair. We are incapable of having a lasting, meaningful relationship.” “I was incapable of a true loving relationship with my wife even though I wanted to because of my substance use and my sex and love addiction.” “I always loved my wife, but I was incapable of showing it in a true and meaningful way until I got into recovery.” “In addiction, you draw the line and then you redraw it because you cross it. When that happens, get help.”
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