Sunshine Parenting

Summer Camp Director, Mom to 5 young adults, Author, and Speaker Audrey "Sunshine" Monke and others discuss raising thriving future adults, being thriving adults and ideas for living more connected and happier lives.

EP. 188 [Tough Twenties] Series Wrap Up with Gretchen (age 30) & Owen (age 20) 01/04/2024

EP. 187: [Tough Twenties] The Defining Decade - Meg Jay, PhD 12/21/2023

EP. 186: [Tough Twenties] Being an Excellent Employee 12/07/2023

EP. 185 [Tough Twenties] Myths that Might be Holding You Back from Living Your Best Life 11/23/2023

EP. 185 [Tough Twenties] Myths that Might be Holding You Back from Living Your Best Life In this episode, I share about some myths that can hold you back from living your best life. It's easy to get caught up in the pressure to conform and meet expectations of others. We can find ourselves striving for success based on societal standards or seeking validation from those around us. To live our best lives, it's essential to explore our unique strengths and follow our own path. During this episode I share about five myths many adults base their lives on, truths that counter those myths, and what you can do now to start living your best life. It took me a long time to learn these lessons, and I really wish someone would have talked with me about them when I was launching into adulthood. Myths that Might Be Holding You Back Everyone (or certain people) need to approve of our job/career for it to be “successful.” Truth: Some of the older adults that you think of as being successful are not happy with their lives and regret not pursuing something they were really interested in but didn’t have the same level of prestige/income associated with it. What to do: Chase your strengths/interests. Spend time learning about yourself and talk through ideas with a friend or trusted mentor. Some tools you might use: We have to make really big changes in order to reach our goals. Truth: The tiny, consistent habits are the way most people eventually reach their goals. This is true for both vocational goals and physical goals. “Cramming on something for a couple of hours once in a while as just a slow, steady progression, a little at a time. What to do: Break down an impossible-seeming goal and break it down into the tiniest step possible. Ex: Read one page of a book about a topic you want to learn more about. I need to start really big and do something huge for my first career-type job. “I want to write a book.” “I want to start a non-profit organization.” What to do: Figure out what’s the first, very small step towards XYZ (starting a non-profit in a particular area). Example first step: Do a Google search of the non-profit food providers in your area. Example next step: Volunteer a few hours at one of the food providers. Get an accountability partner! Brainstorm together Is this step small enough? Circle back in a week and report on your first step, discuss your next step. Once I _________, then I’ll be happy. Truths: We actually miss a lot of the great moments in life when we’re spending all of our thoughts on this thing out there in the future. It does feel good to accomplish things, but sometimes we feel bad after we reach the goal. What to do: Figure out your current “Once I…” statement that you’re believing in too much. What’s something you can replace that with? Like, what is it about your life right now that you’re really enjoying? What are you grateful for in this season? I’ll get to ______ later, when I have more time. Truth: Regardless of life stage, your time will get filled by things you can’t control but there’s always some discretionary time. Sometimes we’re not aware of it, because we default to spending time doing things that don’t lead to better well-being. What to do: Recognize that you have the same amount of time as everyone else. Figure out what you want to prioritize and schedule it in. Cal Newport Deep Life Podcast - . One more idea: You can make time more meaningful and things more memorable by putting a little more effort into it. Laura Vanderkam’s In conclusion, discovering our unique strengths and path is essential for living a fulfilling and thriving life. It requires us to challenge the myth that we need others' approval or validation for our choices. Instead, we must invest time and effort in self-discovery, exploring our interests, and understanding our strengths. By embracing our uniqueness and following our own path, we can find true happiness and fulfillment. Remember, success is not measured by societal standards but by the alignment between our passions, strengths, and purpose. Get in touch Resources /episode/index/show/sunshineparenting/id/28715438

EP. 184: [Tough Twenties] Creating Community and Connections with Owen, Age 20 11/16/2023

EP. 184: [Tough Twenties] Creating Community and Connections with Owen, Age 20 In the Tough Twenties series, I'm interviewing young adults, answering questions submitted by listeners, and sharing resources and tips related to thriving in young adulthood and beyond. Whether you're an adolescent or a young adult in your twenties, or you're parenting a young adult, I know you'll be encouraged by this series. In this episode I'm chatting with my son, Owen, who has just entered into his twenties. We discuss building connections and relationships in young adulthood and how unplugging from technology can help foster those connections. Owen shares his experiences as a sophomore at San Diego State University. Highlights Unplug to Connect: Owen suggests that taking breaks from technology and unplugging can be beneficial for establishing and nurturing connections. Unplugging also allows for reflection, goal-setting, and engaging in activities that can lead to shared experiences and stronger connections. Focus on developing "weak ties" socially, as well (see Meg Jay quote below). Develop some daily habits including activities like exercising and reading. For reading, you might consider some focused reading on a topic you want to learn more about. You can become an "expert" by reading five books written by five experts in the field. Take advantage of brain plasticity and learn new skills you're interested in, like learning to play guitar in Owen's case. Get in touch Links & Resources "As a result, brain regions that support executive, social, and emotional functions appear to be particularly malleable and responsive to the environment during early adolescence, as plasticity occurs later in development." “Information and opportunity spread farther and faster through weak ties than through close friends because weak ties have fewer overlapping contacts. Weak ties are like bridges you cannot see all the way across, so there is no telling where they might lead.” , Meg Jay – Mentioned when Sunshine couldn't come up with the appropriate acronym NPC (non-player character), or what some students seem to act like as they walk across campus with headphones on, heads down, and not interacting with other humans. /episode/index/show/sunshineparenting/id/28617643

Ep. 183: [Tough Twenties] Foundational Health Habits with Charlotte, Age 25 11/09/2023

Ep. 183: [Tough Twenties] Foundational Health Habits with Charlotte, Age 25 In the Tough Twenties series, I'm interviewing young adults, answering questions submitted by listeners, and sharing resources and tips related to thriving in young adulthood and beyond. Whether you're an adolescent or a young adult in your twenties, or you're parenting a young adult, I know you'll be encouraged by this series. In this episode my daughter Charlotte, age 25, and I talk about one area that can be challenging during the transition to adulthood - taking care of health. This episode was motivated by the following listener question: How do I manage the transition from college to the "real world"? If you have a question or topic you'd like us to cover on the Tough Twenties series, "We all are allotted 24 hours in the day, and we're choosing how we spend every one of those hours...What are you doing in some of those hours that you could cut down on slightly?" -Charlotte Foundational Habit #1: Sleep "Going to bed early is sleeping in for adults." "For adults, getting less than seven hours of sleep a night on a regular basis has been linked with poor health, including weight gain, having a body mass index of 30 or higher, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and depression." "Experts recommend that adults sleep between 7 and 9 hours a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours a night may have more health issues than those who sleep 7 or more hours a night." Foundational Habit #2: Nutrition Eat your breakfast! Managing blood sugar Foundational Habit #3: Exercise "Find an exercise routine that you enjoy and that's fun for you." Charlotte "Call a friend while you're on a walk." Charlotte "Find something to get your body moving, and if you can be outside and get some fresh air and vitamin D while you're doing that, it's even better." Charlotte Foundational Habit #4: Manage Alcohol & Drug Use "It's important to evaluate what your relationship with alcohol is." -Charlotte Related Posts & Episodes: Links: (Charlotte's Holistic Health & Wellness Instagram) /episode/index/show/sunshineparenting/id/28559720

Ep. 182: [Tough Twenties] Gretchen, Age 29, on Relationships 11/02/2023

Ep. 181: Tough Twenties - Ready for Adulthood 10/26/2023

Ep. 180: Tough Twenties - Charlotte, Age 25 10/19/2023

Ep. 179: Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell 08/03/2023

Ep. 178: Connecting More Deeply with Gretchen Ruch 01/20/2023

Ep. 178: Connecting More Deeply with Gretchen Ruch is now available on ! for resources and ideas for happier, more connected families. In Episode 178, my daughter Gretchen and I share a few tips for connecting more deeply with friends, co-workers, family, and people we just met. Have a bold, specific purpose for every gathering In Priya Parker's The Art of Gathering (which I recently listened to on a two-day binge), Parker talks about the importance of being really clear on why we're gathering - whether it's a work meeting, a birthday celebration, or a walk with a friend or two - and to have a specific, bold purpose for every gathering we host. "Celebrating a birthday" or "Having a weekly check-in meeting" are not bold purposes, but are what Parker calls "categories." She makes a compelling argument that as hosts we often spend so much time and energy on food, decor, and logistics but we neglect determining why we are gathering. And that purpose or why is what makes the event memorable. Here are some examples I've come up with with for events with more specific purposes: Having dinner together to celebrate the past year and share our best tip for the next one. Sharing our projects for the next week and setting up accountability and encouragement partners. Telling stories about ourselves that others don't know so that we can get to know each other better. Celebrating a birthday by bringing (and reading aloud) notes of what we appreciate about the person. Parker notes that it's important to tell guests the specific purpose before the gathering, so as not to put anyone on the spot. A simple inclusion on the invitation will suffice. How are you really doing? In this episode of Greg McKeown's podcast, he talks about simple tweaks on the normal "How are you?" question that help get us beyond the usual, "fine," or "great!" He suggests instead using either, How are you really doing? or a three-part series: How are you doing on the surface? How are you doing in the middle? How are you doing deep down? Ask (or provide) Great Questions One of the most important skills for making and keeping friends is asking questions. I've written and talked extensively on the topic (see links below). In my book Happy Campers I provide a resource list of questions that are great to use with groups of kids (including in your own family). These are questions we provide to our camp counselors as we train them to connect with their campers and help campers connect with one another. You can read more in & access the free PDF here. Even with people we are close to, there are still things we don't know about them. Consider using good questions - and great listening - to grow deeper connections. Audrey & Gretchen's other chats Links , Priya Parker , Greg McKeown (Free audio chapter from Happy Campers) /episode/index/show/sunshineparenting/id/25593213

[Encore] Ep. 119: Year-End Reflection Activities 12/09/2022

[ENCORE] Ep. 63: Growing Gratitude with Sara Kuljis 11/18/2022

Ep. 177: Story Teaching with Sarah R. Moore 11/11/2022

Ep. 176: Summer Camp & COVID with Dr. Heather Silverberg 07/13/2022

[ENCORE] Ep. 37: 8 Tips for First-Time Camp Parents 05/13/2022

[ENCORE] Ep. 111: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World 04/23/2022

[ENCORE] Ep. 111: Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World In this episode, I'm talking with Debbie Reber, creator of TiLT Parenting, the host of the TiLT Parenting Podcast, and the author of . While this book was written mainly for parents that need extra support, I think it will resonate with all parents of all kids. Big Ideas Every child deserves to be understood and accepted for who they are. We are all wired differently. Some differences are more visible than others. Each kid needs different tools to thrive in life and we can help them figure out what they need for their individual journey. When parents and children communicate their needs and explain their differences to others, people are more understanding and accepting. 3 Key Take-Aways: Find a community and resources Find the right kind of support (parent coach, couples counselor, online communities) Embrace and accept kids' strengths; teach them to articulate their needs. Gifted kids also have special needs that can be addressed and supported in schools and at home. As a parent, set aside what you think your child's (social, academic, physical) life should look like, and respect your child's own timeline. Quotes Audrey: "Sometimes people are just kind of under the radar. Maybe they aren't diagnosed with something, but their parents just sort of know that they don't move through life the same way that other people do." Debbie: "Many of the kids in my community may not have a formal diagnosis but a lot of them are extra sensitive, have heightened anxiety and are more tuned in and the world is an intense place for them." Debbie: "I wanted to cast a wide net and include any sort of narrow atypicality because there are so many of us. But when we stay in our little buckets, we don't get to tap into the collective and recognize the power in our numbers and why things really do need to change." Audrey: "Sometimes our biggest challenges become our biggest gifts." Audrey: "You did this journey together with your son, learning how to help him navigate the world and then how to help you navigate the world as a parent. You figured out how to embrace your son and all of his strengths and his uniqueness and help him become his best self. And you helped him be able to articulate to the world who he is and what he needs." Audrey: "I've always loved delving into all the personality type inventories that just help us learn how the way we see the world or react to things is different from other people and being a little more empathetic and understanding of that as opposed to thinking it's wrong." Debbie: "We're really looking at this person as an individual human on their own incredible journey. I think it can be really hard when we're just kind of on this treadmill of life, doing what everybody else is doing. Take a conscious step back and say, 'wait a minute--who is this kid and what do they need to do to really thrive?'" Debbie: "It's not easy to take that pause and to really shift your focus." Audrey: "Even for people with different interests, the concept that there is one path is so flawed. Kids who aren't academically inclined or school isn't their thing are left feeling like they don't fit in. Often, it beats them down to the point where they don't have the opportunity to explore their interests." Audrey: "The impact of not letting kids be who they really are and exploring that is coming out in the rise of mental health disorders, substance abuse, and suicide among adolescents and young adults. All of these things can be traced back to the same idea that if you don't fit into some prescribed thing, the world is hard." Audrey: "We all have a lot of parental shame, insecurity, guilt, worry and often loneliness when we are kind of embarrassed by our kids' behavior or confused or just don't get it." Debbie: "There's a lot of judging in parenting. It's pervasive and it's really harmful. It hurts us and when people are judging it is triggering their own insecurities. I think it's so important to find safe spaces to connect and to share." Debbie: "It's important to get clear and remember what the core goal is and that is to support these kids in becoming who they are." Debbie: "One of the ways we can bolster our foundation is to surround ourselves with people who fully support our family. When we do this, we relax, our kids relax, and we all get to go about our business from a place of confidence. Community changes everything. It lifts us up. It deepens our well of resources. It fuels our bravery. It allows us to be our authentic selves. It reminds me that we and our children are not alone. It's time we ditched the doubters, skeptics, and those will never get it and instead surround ourselves with our people." (, pg. 217) Debbie: "Part of the process is for us to speak openly, without fear or shame or worry. That's part of the accepting process of knowing that there is no one way to be normal." Debbie: "I imagine we are going to create a more accepting society if we stop shaming certain behaviors, ostracizing people, or making them feel like they're aberrations when really it's just a different way of being." Debbie: "One of the biggest gifts we can give a kid is the opportunity to truly know themselves and understand how their brain works and what's going on and then how to advocate for themselves, how to speak up." Debbie: "When people understand, it changes everything. People are afraid of what they don't understand. In a society that puts so much weight on conforming and fitting in, when we don't understand something, we tend to make up stories about it or push it aside." Audrey: "For more typically-wired kids, it teaches them super important character traits like kindness, empathy, and compassion." Debbie: "As parents, we can really spin out and get concerned if what we're seeing in our own family isn't matching our idea of what this should look like. Every child is on their own timeline. Everyone is growing in strengths and may have some lagging skills but they even out eventually. If we can keep our eye on the goal to raise a responsible human being who knows themselves, who understands what they need and has the tools to reach their potential, that's what we're going for." Resources Learn more about Debbie Reber and : TiLT Parenting on http://www.twitter.com/tiltparenting Related Posts/Podcasts If you liked this episode, listen to /episode/index/show/sunshineparenting/id/11771459