Your Parenting Long Game
This podcast is for parents who not only want to short-term tips for handling current kids' behaviors and moods, but who are exhausted from addressing the same situation over and over and want to find solutions that last much longer into the future. Because you will receive plans and step-by-step tools, it's also for parents who crave feeling in control -- and who do much better with structure than the chaos traditionally associated with parenting.
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Episode 325: Do This If You Want Your Words To Have More Impact and Influence
09/26/2024
Episode 325: Do This If You Want Your Words To Have More Impact and Influence
There is nothing worse than feeling helpless as a parent, and it’s easy to feel powerless or out of control when our kids won’t listen to what we have to say. Often when we feel powerless, we end up trying to control our children more… which only reduces our influence! Fortunately, there is a simple strategy that can help you improve the impact of your words so your children can actually hear the lessons you’re trying to teach them. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why most people dig their heels in when people try to change them How to give our kids with big emotions what they need to be able to hear us A simple strategy to increase our influence that requires us to spend less energy, not more -- Your personalized next step: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/202 Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/325-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 324: Why Motivators Work Better Than Punishments for Kids With Big Emotions
09/19/2024
Episode 324: Why Motivators Work Better Than Punishments for Kids With Big Emotions
Often when we ask our kids with big emotions to do things they have to do, instead of doing what we ask, they resist, negotiate, or even become disrespectful to us (or themselves!). And when we feel helpless and stuck, we often then fall back on strategies that our parents used with us… which tends to make things worse. So how can we motivate responsible and respectful behavior when our attempts seem to just lead to more drama? In this episode, you’ll learn: Two reasons why rewards and punishments don’t work for kids with big emotions Common reasons why children struggle (and how we can identify these reasons when our kids are having a hard time) How to go beneath kids’ behavior to motivate more positive behaviors, moods, and attitudes with less resistance
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Episode 323: When Children Melt Down When Things Don’t Go Their Way
09/05/2024
Episode 323: When Children Melt Down When Things Don’t Go Their Way
One of the defining qualities of children with "big emotions" is that they have a hard time when things don't go their way. But explaining to them why they need to be more flexible doesn't seem to work, and it only frustrates them and us more! The good news is that we can help our children handle frustration and disappointment when we shift from telling children WHY they need to be more flexible to teaching them HOW to be more flexible. In this episode, you'll learn: Why we reduce our influence when we try to get children to accept that things won't always go their way What they truly need in order to become more adaptable A simple formula (with examples!) to teach them to maturely handle the fact that things will go differently than they expected -- even if they are currently resistant to talk about this --- Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/323-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 322: How to Validate Your Child’s Feelings Without Condoning Their Behavior
08/29/2024
Episode 322: How to Validate Your Child’s Feelings Without Condoning Their Behavior
We want our children to feel respected, and we know that it’s important to connect with them and validate their feelings. But when they’ve behaved in an unacceptable way, it’s easy to wonder if, when you’re connecting with them, you’re letting them “get away” with negative behavior. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why our influence does depend on being able to balance both validation and firmness A simple formula (with examples!) to show our kids that we sincerely care about what they’re going through without condoning negative behavior --- Summary of this episode with examples: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/199 Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/322-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 321: Supporting Children Who Struggle With Change: Starting a New School Year & Beyond
08/15/2024
Episode 321: Supporting Children Who Struggle With Change: Starting a New School Year & Beyond
Changes and new situations – especially a new school year! – can create a lot of worry for our kids with big emotions. But no matter what the change is, or what their worries are, we can empower children to handle hard things. In this episode, you’ll learn: Simple steps to help kids get ready for a new school year (or any other situation that they’re nervous about) How to make it less likely that they’ll worry about changes and transitions How to help them feel more in control of situations that they are anxious about -- Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/198 Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/321-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 320: Have a Child Who Acts Spoiled or Entitled? Here’s What’s Really Going On
08/01/2024
Episode 320: Have a Child Who Acts Spoiled or Entitled? Here’s What’s Really Going On
Many children with big emotions can seem spoiled or entitled at times -- like they expect to get everything they want, all of the time. And even though it can be tempting to give in for the sake of family peace, there are better ways to help our children in these situations… so they can learn how to handle not getting their way in the future. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids with big emotions seem to always want more, more, more What we can ask ourselves to know if we’re giving our children what they truly need (or just want they want) One thing all parents can give their kids so they don’t keep asking for more -- Summary of this episode: Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/320-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 319: Influencing Your Child To Be More Open to Feedback and Talking About Emotions
07/25/2024
Episode 319: Influencing Your Child To Be More Open to Feedback and Talking About Emotions
Despite the fact that they experience emotions very intensely, it’s very common for children who feel strongly to NOT want to talk about their emotions. But in order to address negative behavior, moods, and attitudes, we need to have these conversations! The good news is that using specific phrases will allow us to improve our influence with our children so they are open to hearing us, rather than trying to avoid us. In this episode, you’ll learn: The real reasons why our children tend to avoid talking about their emotions How to start conversations with our kids (without triggering their resistance) How we can help our kids handle their discomfort more effectively and maturely -- Summary of this episode: Transcript of this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 318: Teaching HOW: A Key Component of Fostering Resilience
07/11/2024
Episode 318: Teaching HOW: A Key Component of Fostering Resilience
We ask our children to do things all the time, and (of course) we assume that they know how to do what we ask. Why wouldn’t they? In reality, a lot of negative behavior stems from skills that children are missing – which means they actually don’t know how to do what we ask. In order to improve our influence and their resilience, all we need to do is teach them a few strategies for success. In this episode, you’ll learn: What actually stops children from doing what we want them to do How one simple shift can decrease our frustration and our exhaustion What it’s like to be a child who wants to do better… but can’t -- Summary of this episode: Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/318-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 317: When You Want Your Child to Change More Quickly
07/04/2024
Episode 317: When You Want Your Child to Change More Quickly
It can be exhausting to parent children with big emotions -- especially when it feels like our efforts to improve behavior, moods, and attitudes take longer than we would like. Even if we understand (in our minds) that it takes time for our kids to learn how to deal with their discomfort and develop new skills, that doesn’t always make us stop wishing they would feel and act better more quickly! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why wanting things to go more quickly actually slows things down One question we can ask ourselves to change our perspective and our attitude (so progress does happen faster) The key to less frustration if children do take time to change -- Summary of this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/194 Transcript of this episode: https://rachel-bailey.com/317-transcript/ Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 316: Trouble Getting Your Child Off of Screens? Here's What It May Be Like For Them
06/27/2024
Episode 316: Trouble Getting Your Child Off of Screens? Here's What It May Be Like For Them
One of the most common reasons for big emotions in our homes is related to asking our children to get off of their devices. And let's be real: They DO have to learn to get off of their devices without acting like it's the end of the world! But most of the time, we attempt to make this happen makes things worse, not better. When we get into our children’s world, we can often understand why our attempts aren’t effective – and what we can do instead. In this episode, you’ll learn: What it’s like from a child’s perspective to have to get off of screens Why his parents’ (very logical) attempts to address his behavior don’t work How getting into your child’s shoes can help bring peace to your home --- Transcript of this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 315: How to Handle Screens in the Summer With Children With Big Emotions
06/20/2024
Episode 315: How to Handle Screens in the Summer With Children With Big Emotions
This time of year, navigating the use of screens can be a real challenge -- especially when you’re raising children with big emotions. The summer can start off feeling more relaxed, but then come the power struggles over how long children can be on screens and the meltdowns when they have to get off of their devices. Fortunately, a few simple changes can reduce the drama, even during those times when children are even more likely to turn to screens as entertainment. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why kids with big emotions struggle with screen time limits How to increase your influence to reduce screen time drama How to give your kids the skills THEY need to get off of screens more easily (helping them deal with transitions and boredom!) __ FREE 1:1 CONVERSATION: Want to talk to Rachel about what's causing YOUR screen time drama? Send an email to with the word "Screens" in the subject line! Free summary of this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 314: Plug An “Influence Leak”: Stop Trying to Get Your Child to See Why What They’re Doing is Wrong
06/13/2024
Episode 314: Plug An “Influence Leak”: Stop Trying to Get Your Child to See Why What They’re Doing is Wrong
Of course we want our children to listen to us when we ask them to do what they’re supposed to do or when we ask them to act maturely in situations that don’t go their way. But often when we try to get our kids to listen to us, we do it in ways that actually decrease our influence. This is especially true when we try to get our children to see why we are right and they are wrong. Of course it’s not that we shouldn’t try to motivate better behavior! Rather, we can just do it in more effective ways. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why telling children what they’ve done wrong doesn’t lead to them doing what’s right Exactly how to approach your child to increase your influence Why this non-permissive strategy not only increases your influence, but strengthens your relationship -- FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call Free summary of this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 313: Plugging an “Influence Leak” - Lack of Predictability
06/06/2024
Episode 313: Plugging an “Influence Leak” - Lack of Predictability
As parents, we want to be able to influence our children. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we try to help our kids feel or act better… and we can’t make it happen. One of the most common ways that we “leak” influence happens on a day-to-day basis in the way we ask our kids to do things and in the way we respond to their requests. Once you become aware of this leak, you can make a simple change and increase your influence immediately! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why some of our our requests and our responses immediately put our kids into fight-or-flight (and make them more resistant to us) An example that illustrates what this is like for your child that you will be able to relate to Simple strategies to increase your influence and improve your relationship with your child -- FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/191 Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 312: Plugging an “Influence Leak” - Recognizing Your Expectations
05/23/2024
Episode 312: Plugging an “Influence Leak” - Recognizing Your Expectations
As parents, we want to be able to motivate our kids to act more responsible and handle situations more effectively. And we can feel helpless and out of control when we aren’t able to make that happen. Unfortunately, we will feel helpless and out of control because we often (unknowingly) “leak” influence by the way we think about and respond to situations. One of the most common influence leaks happens when we set unrealistic expectations and aren't even aware that we're doing that. In this episode, you’ll learn: How setting realistic expectations increases our influence with our children A simple question that will help you set expectations and handle previously-difficult situations more effectively The benefits (for us and our kids!) when we plug influence leaks -- FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 311: A Simplified Roadmap to Peace, Resilience, and Confidence (Step 2 of 2)
05/16/2024
Episode 311: A Simplified Roadmap to Peace, Resilience, and Confidence (Step 2 of 2)
We want to be able to influence our kids. We want them to listen to us, and we want to be able to calm them down so they can work through situations with less drama. So it can be challenging when our attempts to influence them don't work… or even make things worse! In this second episode of a two-part series, we’ll discuss what's needed to become a powerful positive influence with your children so you can bring more peace to your home, even if that seems impossible now. In this episode, you’ll learn: The type of influence we usually have with our children – and why it doesn’t motivate better behavior, moods, and attitudes The two qualities that you need if you want your children to listen more readily and calm down more easily What it looks like when you do improve your influence (even if your children don’t realize it’s happened) --- FREE ASSESSMENT + 30-MINUTE CALL WITH RACHEL: https://rachel-bailey.com/call Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 310: A Simplified Roadmap to Peace, Resilience, and Confidence (Step 1 of 2)
05/09/2024
Episode 310: A Simplified Roadmap to Peace, Resilience, and Confidence (Step 1 of 2)
Most of us crave more calm in our homes. But what do we do when there is drama on an almost-daily basis and nothing we try makes a difference in our child’s behavior? Is it possible to reduce the drama and feel more confident in our parenting without damaging our relationship with our children? The good news is you can bring more peace to your family while increasing your children’s resilience and self-esteem. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why our current parenting strategies don’t change behavior, moods, or attitudes The differences between Band Aid Parenting and Long Game Parenting What our kids really need from us when they’re struggling (and the long-term benefits of meeting their needs rather than addressing negative behavior with punishments and rewards) Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions:
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Episode 309: Using Yuck Dumps for Kids to Improve Behaviors, Moods, Attitudes
04/25/2024
Episode 309: Using Yuck Dumps for Kids to Improve Behaviors, Moods, Attitudes
It’s natural to want our kids’ negative behaviors, moods, and behaviors to stop. But what happens when nothing we do seems to end the drama? How can we break out of the cycles of negativity? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “quick fix” methods don’t help our kids feel better (and often make things worse) Why Yuck Dumps are NOT the same as wallowing, and how these Dumps actually build resilience Simple ways to help children release their negativity and frustration --- Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: Live "make your plan" sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/
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Episode 308: How to Stop Using Willpower to Try to Stay Calm (When You’re Actually Upset With Your Kids)
04/11/2024
Episode 308: How to Stop Using Willpower to Try to Stay Calm (When You’re Actually Upset With Your Kids)
We know it’s better to stay calm when our children have big feelings, but it seems like some days, we can only hold on for so long when they are complaining, crying, or melting down. How can we help our kids handle their discomfort when their behavior triggers our own Yuck? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why we need to set realistic expectations for our children What it looks like when we’re using willpower to stay calm (and why willpower never seems to last long enough) How to shift from artificial calm to genuine emotional regulation --- Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: "Make Your Long Game Plan" live sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/
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Episode 307: Why You’re Not A Failure (What’s Really Going On Instead)
04/04/2024
Episode 307: Why You’re Not A Failure (What’s Really Going On Instead)
Most of us have an idea of how we'd like to interact with our kids. But often when we're tired or frustrated, we don't react in a way that feels good. And when situations with our kids frequently spiral out of control, it’s natural to feel like we are failing at parenting! In this episode, you’ll learn: Tips that will help any time you feel like a failure One mindset shift that can reduce guilt immediately How simple steps we take can positively impact our kids --- Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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Episode 306: When Your Child Gets Upset When Others Are Upset
03/28/2024
Episode 306: When Your Child Gets Upset When Others Are Upset
We talk a lot about BIG reactions when our kids have big feelings, but what about quiet, sensitive children who struggle when other people around them are upset? Often these children will do anything they can in order to make others feel better. To keep the peace, they will also disregard their own needs – even when we encourage them to stand up for themselves! In this episode, you’ll learn: Why many parenting strategies don’t work with our sensitive children (and may even make things worse) How to help our kids deal with discomfort -- without hurting their self-esteem How we can help "sensitive" children become confident, resilient kids who know how to advocate for themselves in difficult situations -- Notes from this episode: Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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Episode 305: You'll Lose Your Cool Less Often When You Do This
03/21/2024
Episode 305: You'll Lose Your Cool Less Often When You Do This
When we’re raising kids with big feelings, it can be hard to stay emotionally regulated all of the time. How can we be the parent we want to be when it’s hard not to lose our cool? How can we teach our kids how to stay calm when we’re struggling with staying calm ourselves? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why we get stuck in a “cycle of Yuck” (and feel guilty and ashamed) How your ability to regulate yourself impacts your influence with your child A simple tool you can use in the moment to get unstuck - even when your children are complaining or melting down -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/183 Facebook group: Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/
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Episode 304: When Family Members Get Caught In Negative Cycles
03/07/2024
Episode 304: When Family Members Get Caught In Negative Cycles
We want our days to be filled with peace and connection, but those of us raising kids with big emotions know that’s not always the reality. Even when we try hard to fix the arguing, complaining, and general resistance to our requests, it can feel like nothing reduces the drama long-term -- and sometimes, it seems like our efforts are actually making things worse. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why some of your current parenting strategies may not be working, despite your best efforts The real reasons behind seemingly-unbreakable cycles -- and what to do about it! The lifelong benefits (for us and our kids) of breaking negative cycles for good -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/182 Free coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 303: A Strategy to Decode Children’s Confusing Reactions
02/29/2024
Episode 303: A Strategy to Decode Children’s Confusing Reactions
It can be overwhelming navigating the constantly-changing emotions and reactions of children who feel things strongly. One minute they’re happy and the next, they are melting down about something that’s not even a big deal! We want to reduce the drama and be a powerful positive influence with our kids, but how do we do that when we don’t really understand what’s driving their reactions? In this episode, you’ll learn: What to check first when kids have unpredictable behavior How to “see” inside our children’s brains, so we can approach them with compassion instead of judgment The benefits of changing our perspective when kids have confusing reactions -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/181 Free coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 302: Micro-Deposits: Strengthen Your Relationship & Influence, Even If Your Child Is Resistant
02/22/2024
Episode 302: Micro-Deposits: Strengthen Your Relationship & Influence, Even If Your Child Is Resistant
Even when you try to make deposits with your children, sometimes you run into obstacles. You may feel particularly stuck if your child resists the attempts you are trying to make to connect with them! When that happens, using micro-deposits can help you get unstuck and shift things back to a more positive direction. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to address common obstacles to making deposits Why children with big emotions pull away or push back when we’re trying to spend time with them Easy-to-implement “micro” deposits -- simple actions that don’t take much time but have a BIG impact on your relationship -- Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/180 Free coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 301: Raise Children Who Are Resilient, Not Entitled
02/15/2024
Episode 301: Raise Children Who Are Resilient, Not Entitled
Because our children struggle with challenging situations and feelings, we want to give them what they need to be resilient. But if we’re being honest, sometimes it's easier in the moment to give them what they WANT instead of what they NEED to be able to handle the obstacles they will inevitably face in life. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to know whether we’re meeting our kids’ wants or needs -- and when we need to make a change! What our children actually need from us to become more resilient The easiest way to meet our kids’ emotional needs (with examples!) for stronger self-esteem and healthier relationships -- Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence Free coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 300: Sharing Details About My Life
02/08/2024
Episode 300: Sharing Details About My Life
Today we are celebrating our 300th episode with a more personal episode as I respond to listener-submitted questions. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a little more than the parenting tips I share, you’ll be able to do that now! In this episode, you’ll hear: What I was like as a child - including the worst thing I ever did! How and why I started a business helping parents Some quotes that inspire me, both as a parent and as a person -- Free video series for parents raising children with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/ Coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 299: Stop Trying to Get Your Children to Change Their Behavior or Moods
01/25/2024
Episode 299: Stop Trying to Get Your Children to Change Their Behavior or Moods
When our children are having big emotions or behaviors, it’s natural to want those big feelings and behaviors to stop so that there is more fighting, no more disrespectful attitudes, no more drama. Unfortunately, there’s one problem: We can’t control how our kids feel or how they behave. And when we try, we just make the situation worse (and we feel worse). Fortunately, there is an alternative that leads to a better outcome – AND doesn’t require us to give in to them. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why our need to control others leaves us exhausted How to address big feelings without trying to change other people A simple shift that will reduce resentment and lead to more peace and influence with our children -- Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence Coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 298: How to be a Powerful Positive Influence When Your Child Is Upset or Not Listening
01/18/2024
Episode 298: How to be a Powerful Positive Influence When Your Child Is Upset or Not Listening
Why do some kids listen more to one parent than another? Why do some kids seem to calm down more quickly around one parent than another? Often the difference is that one parent is a powerful positive influence, while the other isn’t. The good news is that any parent can learn to be a powerful positive influence. In this episode, you’ll learn: What we need to give our kids if we want to be more influential How becoming a Powerful Positive Influence can motivate better behavior and healthier self-esteem -- without yelling, punishing, or shaming Two necessary qualities that will help you become a Powerful Positive Influence with your children -- Apply to join the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program: Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence Coaching calls: Facebook group:
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Episode 297: Why Our Kids With Big Emotions Need Us to Have Firm Boundaries
01/11/2024
Episode 297: Why Our Kids With Big Emotions Need Us to Have Firm Boundaries
Many people confuse “respectful parenting” with permissive parenting, thinking that respectful parents give into the whims of their children to make them feel good. But caving to our kids’ feelings and reactions is not respectful…to them or to us. Believe it or not, firm boundaries are a hallmark of respect-based parenting. And firm boundaries are what our children with big emotions really need. In this episode, you’ll learn: What firm parenting boundaries look like Reasons why setting limits can be uncomfortable for us (and how to deal with the discomfort) How to respond to our children’s big emotions respectfully -- Free coaching calls: Facebook group: Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
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Episode 296: My Parenting "Fails" (And What I Do When They Happen)
12/28/2023
Episode 296: My Parenting "Fails" (And What I Do When They Happen)
Sometimes people assume that because I teach parenting strategies for a living, I’m always parenting the way I want to. I actually think that assumption is dangerous, so I wanted to offer just a few of my parenting regrets... some of which you may be able to relate to! In this episode, I’ll share: Some of my personal parenting fails How I handle those fails – sometimes “successfully,” sometimes not What I do when I recognize that I’m not parenting the way I want to -- Free coaching calls: Facebook group: Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/
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