Practice and Pursuit of Ihsan-Lecture9

Ihsan towards parents and the challenges of multigenerational relationships.

The story of an ideal family:

• The contract of a parent is time-limited till the child reaches the age of 21.
• Age 0-7: build a relationship of trust with the child. 
• Age 7-14: train the child in life skills. 
• Age 14-21: act as a consultant.
• Age 21 onwards: a parent’s duty is now discharged to God.

Continuing responsibilities after the age of 21:

• Children are still entitled to respect and care.
• Children still need advice but they should be treated as adults.

Status that Allah has given parents seen in the light of the Holy Quran:

• Children are first supposed to spend on parents.
• Children must not do shirk and must do Ihsan.
• Parents are the second closest relationship for children after God.
• Children must pray for their parents and serve them.
• The responsibilities of children towards parents grow much more as the latter get older.
• Children must not show any sign of disdain or frustration towards their parents.
• Children must show compassion and humility towards their parents.
• According to Hadith, a mother who dies whilst serving her family is given the same status as a martyr on the Day of Judgement. 
• A mother has jannah under her feet- she is their first Rabb.

How should parents deal with children who have made mistakes:

• Pardon them and ask pardon for them.
• Consult and advise them gently.
• Build relationships with your children.

Responsibilities of children towards their parents:

• Children’s duties towards parents increase as the latter age.
• As children become stronger parents are heading towards a decline.
• A healthy multi-generational relationship is good for all generations.
• Show pleasure at taking care of parents.

Four keys to having strong inter-generational relationships:

1. Respect the other person even if they have an outlook different from yours.
2. Reciprocity: treat one another in a kind manner.
3. Resilience.
4. Real communication.

LINKS:

SURAH BAQARAH VERSE 215

SURAH NISA VERSE 36

SURAH IBRAHIM VERSE 41

SURAH ISRA VERSE 23, 24

SURAH ANKABUT VERSE 8

SURAH LUQMAN VERSE 14

SURAH AHQAF VERSE 15, 16, 17

SURAH NUH VERSE 28

SURAH ALI’ IMRAN VERSE 159

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