146 - Jessica Fern - Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Release Date: 01/20/2021
279 - Ted Rau, Part 1 - Leading Therapy Practices to a New Future Through Collective Governance
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Change may be inevitable, but it’s far from easy. That’s especially true in the therapy field. Part of my own shift is a greater focus (on this podcast and IRL) on system-wide transformation, especially in the group practice realm. How do we bridge the gap between employees and owners when both feel overworked and underpaid? Sociocracy could be the answer. But first, what the heck is sociocracy? Ted Rau, PhD., co-founded Sociocracy For All (SoFA), a nonprofit that makes decentralized, consent-based governance accessible to workplaces, organizations, and communities. He knows a lot...
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278 - Judith Herman - Activism is the Antidote to Despair
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
In the words of my esteemed co-host, Anne Remy, “There’s a difference between an elder and a person who is older than you.” Judith Lewis Herman, MD, is wise––a psychiatrist, professor, researcher, author, and advocate who helped establish the diagnosis of PTSD back before many of us were born. In addition to her work with veterans and children, Judith fundamentally altered the discourse around women’s traumatic experiences and pioneered subsequent treatments for victims of abuse. How’s that for street-cred sagacity!? I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that this is Anne...
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277 - Ki Smith - Why Curiosity is the Best Catalyst for Change
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
There's no denying that our systems and selves are at a crossroads. So, my fellow therapists, will we accept the universe's invitation to evolve, or will the profession regress beyond the point of no return? Ki Smith believes in the potential of the collective to transform and transcend our current fractured moment. They're a psychotherapist, coach, mediator, and facilitator of power-conscious nonviolent communication and an affiliated teacher with the Right Use Of Power Institute. The two of us explore what it means to foster personal and professional relationships in which collective...
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276 - Elle McAlpine - An Intimacy Coordinator Sets the Stage for Consent and Authentic Connection on Screen and in Real Life
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Let’s play fill-in-the-blank: Sex is _____ . The possibilities are endless! But, my word of choice is intimate. It’s a perfect shorthand for the spectrum of desires, experiences, and, yes, traumas that inform every sexual encounter––even if the act in question is fake. As in: part of an acclaimed Hollywood film in which sex represents the main character’s evolving agency. Intimacy Coordinator Elle McAlpine has worked on some impressive projects, including the award-winning film, Poor Things and the award-winning Netflix series Baby Reindeer. Co-host Anne Remy engages Elle in a...
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275 - Marc Mathys - Uniting the Collective Beyond Right and Wrong Despite Disagreement
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Oh, fellow therapists, how I love you! That said, I'm super-concerned about our capacity to move through interpersonal challenges exacerbated by, among other things, a volatile election season. My question is: How do we model being with folks outside the profession––even those we disagree with––if we can't make space for complexities of thought and motivation within our own community? Marc Mathys considers Spiral Dynamics a solid foundation on which to build. You may have already guessed that Marc and I spent the bulk of this episode exploring the trajectory of the collective. What...
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274 - Jo Darling - How to Honor Healing as a Collaborative Act
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Self-care is a basic human right. Sadly, intuitive healing practices like acupuncture are often dismissed, especially in Western society, as woo-woo or pseudoscientific time-wasters. Thank goodness for practitioners like the delightful Jo Darling in Brighton, UK! Jo is passionate about women’s health and healing, and she’s also co-host Anne Remy’s acupuncturist, so we’ll finally get to the core of Anne’s cross liver sitch. Are you curious about how acupuncture works and why this Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) has stood the test of time? Jo offers clear, supportive...
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273 - Deborah Ooten - How to Make Sense of These Tenuous Times Using the Enneagram and Spiral Dynamics
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Discomfort doesn’t automatically denote danger. Identifying the difference and holding those nuances takes practice. Let this episode be part of the lesson plan. Deborah Ooten, PhD., is the founder/director of the Conscious Living Center, and she’s the first person to successfully merge the teachings of the Enneagram with the Spiral Dynamics evolutionary model. I’m a fan of both models; my co-host Anne Remy isn’t. Friction can rub us the wrong way AND expand our capacity for complex conversations. As Anne says, it’s possible to engage with concepts that you vehemently disagree...
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272 - Alex Jones - A Digital Storyteller Connects With Strangers to Find the Soul of Humanity
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Disclaimer: No! Anne’s conversation isn’t with that Alex Jones. Instead, it’s with Alex Jones, the creator of Humans of Brighton And Hove, an Instagram account featuring candid street photos and stories of folks in the UK’s eclectic, beloved seaside village. While Alex’s photography is stunning, the captions create a broader community of compassion. They’re real, raw glimpses into the subject’s world. And they reveal how kindred humans are despite the manufactured divisions of race, religion, or economic status. GUEST BIO Alex Jones is a storyteller, interviewer, and...
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271 - Tiffany Konyen - Student Loan Debt is a Social Justice Issue!
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
If you’re one of the 43 million Americans currently living under the crushing weight of student loan debt, that’s by design, not personal failure. Under our late-stage capitalist system, the cost of a college degree has far outpaced the wages offered to pay for it. Tiffany Konyen, a Doctoral Candidate in the Anthropology and Social Change department at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco, wants to change how America thinks about financing education for its citizens. Their research offers insight into the impacts of student loan debt on material life...
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270 - Carolynn Bain - How a Black Independent Bookseller Celebrates Cultural Representation and Self-Care
Conversations With a Wounded Healer
Independent bookshops are magical places. But building that mix of quiet corners and convivial community doesn’t come without a lot of sweat equity. Indie bookshops thrive because of the booksellers behind them, real live humans who concentrate on more than just commerce. Carolynn Bain, founder, and owner of Afrori Books in Brighton, UK, is “that” indie bookseller, an award-winning entrepreneur whose meticulously curated titles and culturally focused events define what it means to be an indispensable neighborhood resource. Since opening in October 2021, Afrori Books has become...
info_outline“I think as therapists, there is no such thing as true neutrality, right?...The importance is knowing and owning your bias so that we can prevent it from doing harm.” ~Jessica Fern
Polyamory. Well, now that I have your attention…let’s get into it, shall we? Ohhh, y’all, this episode is meaty with material courtesy of the brilliant Jessica Fern, psychotherapist, coach, public speaker, relationship expert, and author. Her new book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy* explores healthy attachments through a refreshingly non-traditional lens.
But hold up, monogamy-minded folks! You’ll want to pay close attention as insecure attachment styles can sabotage any relationship; we either feel safe and secure within them, within ourselves, or we don’t.
We can, however, foster securely functioning relationships - no matter the number of participants.
Still, too many therapists disregard the validity of monogamy, incorrectly citing it as a byproduct of childhood misattunement rather than a healthy way of being. Jessica points out that “people who are nonmonogamous are not doing nonmonogamy because they’re insecurely attached.” Instead, they’re committed to working at their relationships often with a therapist, a practice that many monogamous couples could learn from.
There’s plenty more to my conversation with Jessica including definitions! acronyms! NARM talk! Awesome links! and everyone’s favorite healer questions! Give this one a listen no matter your preferred relationship style.
Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker and trauma and relationship expert. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Jessica is the author of the book Polysecure: Attachment Trauma and NonMonogmamy and you can learn more about Jessica and her work at JessicaFern.com.
*Affiliate link:
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For full show notes, resources, and links to connect with our guest, visit: http://www.headhearttherapy.com/podcast
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