Establish common ground 29:46

Continuing with our series on inspiration from the Holy Quran for engaging in discussion and dispute, the verse today is from Sura Ankabut where Allah (swt) says: 

 

And dispute not with the People of the Book, save in the most virtuous manner, unless it be those of them who have done wrong. And say, “We believe in that which was sent down unto us and was sent down unto you; our God and your God are one, and unto Him are we submitters.” [Holy Quran 29:46]

 

This verse is an injunction to the Prophet and Muslims to not argue with Jews and Christians, except in a beautiful manner that calls them through God’s signs and draws evidence from God’s proofs or in a manner that invites them to good, as in the verse we discussed yesterday [16:125: Call unto the way of thy Lord with wisdom and goodly exhortation. And dispute with them in the most virtuous manner] which taught us that even if others speak poorly, Muslims should still speak well. 

 

Today’s verse from Sura Ankabut adds another principle for debate and dispute: establish common ground by reminding the other side of what you share in common. In this verse, the Holy Prophet [saw] is asked to remind them that he believes in their revelation and that they both share a common deity of worship. 

 

Muslims are ordered to declare the fundamental similarities between the revelations sent to them and those sent to previous religious communities, as in 2:136: Say, “We believe in God, and in that which was sent down to us, and in that which was sent down to Abraham, Ishmael, Isaac, Jacob, and the Tribes, and in what Moses and Jesus were given, and in what the prophets were given from their Lord. We make no distinction among any of them, and unto Him we submit” (cf. 3:84). 

 

In a world that is focused on differences between people, in what makes one superior over another and the divides therein, this verse establishes a very important principle of communicating with those we disagree with: instead of focusing on what separates us, establish a common ground that you can agree on. 

 

A study of psychology reveals why this is such an important and effective way to communicate. 

We all come from different backgrounds and as a result, we see things differently and hold different beliefs.

But this doesn’t mean it’s impossible to agree, or at least be amicable and respectful. By finding common ground, we can see eye-to-eye with someone else for a moment. It then becomes easier to see eye-to-eye on other topics you previously didn’t agree on at all. 

When we focus on differences, the other is likely to become defensive and much more stubborn in their position. Pointing out what you have in common and can agree on, validates them, puts them at ease and makes it more likely that they may listen to your point of view. 

 

Of course, this does not mean that we will always convince the other person of our point of view. When people realize that there are at least some areas of agreement, it builds trust and both can walk away feeling less diametrically opposed. And it is more likely that you can work together toward common goals.

Reflection: 

When was the last time you were in disagreement with someone about a matter or belief or value? Did you walk away with a deeper understanding or a feeling of further distance and dissatisfaction? 

 

Implementation:

Next time you find yourself in disagreement, remember this verse and try establishing common ground, some area of agreement. This is not as hard as it sounds. We can often disagree about details but agree on the bigger picture. For example, as Muslims, we can all agree about the importance of the Holy Prophet [saw] and emulating his way of life, even if we disagree on the details of what that looks like. 

 

Communication experts recommend the following to foster communication between people on opposing sides of an issue:

1. Know your subject and why you believe what you do. When we are not sure of why we belief what we do, we are more likely to get defensive.

2. Try to see it from their perspective. Seeing from another perspective does not mean that we give up our beliefs. It does mean that we build bridges of mutual respect and understanding. When we can present the other person’s argument to them, it immediately builds trust and respect because they know we get it, even if we do not agree. 

3. Seeing from another perspective begins by listening and asking questions to deepen our understanding. Not only does this foster greater understanding, it also allows people to reflect on their own beliefs and biases.

4. Be aware of your own biases and maybe even announce them. We are all products of our environment and upbringing and this impacts how we think and what we belief. We can be humble about this without changing our beliefs if they are working for us.

5. Keep the issue under discussion separate from the person who is arguing it. This means we never ever attack another human being’s character or personality. Doing do will only ensure that they do the same and will block out your arguments. 

 

1. Appeal to reason and ask [rhetorical] questions [36:77-79]

One of the methods frequently used by the Quran to convince the reader of its arguments is the use of logic and rhetorical questioning. Researchers into Quranic linguists assert that such rhetorical questions are used in more than a thousand verses of the Quran and each use is an invitation for the reader to shift their thinking paradigm. 

Let us remind ourselves that a rhetorical question is one that is asked without expecting or needing an answer but for the sake of emphasis or effect. Linguists say that a rhetorical question is “a forceful statement which has the form of a question but which does not expect an answer.’’ i.e., the rhetorical question has an interrogative structure but does not seek information. The speaker has some purpose in his mind, either to give a command or to make a statement indirectly. 

In the Holy Quran, Allah [swt] uses such questions to 

emphasize a point, 

to show the logic of the argument

and to jolt the reader into reflecting

to help the reader understand the point 

and to convince the reader with the sound logic presented. 

Why use this method of discussion? Scholars explain that the Holy Quran addresses its readers as sentient, articulate and rational human beings. It reminds us that we have been given the faculty of reason and logic. We have the ability to weigh things up, to make considered judgements. We are not asked to follow blindly or to agree to something which does not appeal to our reason. And so, by presenting convincing arguments, we are invited to be utterly convinced, deep down, in our heart and soul, that what is revealed in the Quran is the Truth, and that the truth can stand up to any scrutiny.

Example: One of the frequent challenges that came up for the Holy Prophet [saw] was the belief in resurrection and the hereafter. In the following verses, the Quran uses rhetorical questions to help us reflect and come to logical conclusions:

Has man not seen that We created him from a drop, and behold, he is a manifest adversary?
And he has set forth for Us a parable and forgotten his own creation, saying, "Who revives these bones, decayed as they are?" 
Say, "He will revive them Who brought them forth the first time, and He knows every creation [Quran 36:77-79]

These questions are posed to those who rejected the resurrection and final accounting. Their argument was: how can we be recreated if our bones have already turned to dust? The counter-argument presented through rhetorical questions is that the recreation cannot be harder than the original creation. He who created you in the first place, can He not bring you back? If He could create from nothingness, what can stop Him from recreating from the bones that have turned to dust?

Implementing this verse in our discussions and arguments requires a level of confidence and grounded-ness. 

When we find ourselves in disputed arguments, it is so easy to get emotional and entrenched in our views. Excellent communicators, however, learn how and when to use logic and reason to put their points across. Using such questions is also deeply respectful of your opponent as you are appealing to their innate sense of reason and logic.