317 Arlina Celebrates 30 Years Sober, Her Best Advice for The Newly Sober and Long Term Sobriety

Thank you for downloading the episode! If you’re new here, my name is Arlina and I’ll be your host, and if you’re a long time listener, welcome back!

 

At the time of this recording which is 4/23 - I am celebrating 30 years of continuous sobriety! It feels a little surreal to be honest, but mostly I feel deeply grateful. Grateful that I was able to stay sober with the help of so many people, grateful for my relentless curiosity about all things self-help and personal development, and all of the experiences I’ve had as a sober woman.

 

So I’m going to do something a little bit different today. 

 

Typically I interview guests about their recovery journey and ask them to share the solutions that helped them get sober, but today, I wanted to share some things that will help people just starting out, some solutions for people who are focused on staying sober, and some of the practices that I use today to address my own mental health.

 

As a disclaimer, if you are physically addicted to any substance, please consult with a medical professional. I am not a doctor, and I don’t play one on the internet. This is for educational purposes based on my own personal experiences.

 

With that out of the way…

 

First, for those who are thinking about quitting drinking. I’d like to cover some basics that will help you get started. I actually have a free guide called “How to quit drinking, 30 tips for your first 30 days” that you can download for free at soberlifeschool.com but I’ll go into a little more depth here if you are in the contemplation stage.

 

I think the first step involves coming to the conclusion if you can moderate or not. Like being 100% brutally honest with yourself. You don’t even have to tell anyone yet, but that is a question that you have to answer for yourself.

 

What I mean by moderation is, can you create a drinking plan that you can stick to? If you decide you want to drink no more than 2 glasses in an evening, and you fail, that is a sign that you cannot moderate. But what about if you can do it some of the time? I would say that if you cannot stick to it 100% of the time, you cannot moderate. 

 

Especially if you experience blackouts, vomiting, interrupted sleep, hangovers, and do or say things under the influence that create problems in relationships, work, or in your finances. 

 

If you are not sure, I suggest you run the experiment. Give yourself a plan, a time frame, and give it a shot because you need to know that you cannot moderate if you are going to practice abstinence. 

 

If you have enough evidence without having to run the experiment, then it’s time to move to the next phase which is getting prepared. I recommend you start by prepping your environment. Take out all the temptation. I don’t care if you pour it down the drain, give it away or put it in the trash, but just get it out of your house.

 

After you do that, it’s time to let people know. Keep in mind that people receive information with the same intensity and energy that you deliver it. So depending on who you tell, you can keep it light and say something like “hey, I’m focusing on my health right now and creating better habits, so I’m going to go alcohol free for 30 days and I could use your support.” Or there might be people close to you who you feel safe with to say, “I don't think I should drink anymore, and I could really use your support.” The point it to let people know so you don’t walk into a situation with friends or family who expect you to drink, and try to have that conversation then. It’s better to give people a heads up so it’s not so awkward in the moment.

 

As a side note, you might want to think about what specific support you want. It could be asking someone not to offer you a drink, or drink in front of you. It could be that you ask someone not to lecture you or tease you about it in front of others. It could be that you have a friend that can run interference for you  in social situations, like if someone offers you a drink or tries to pressure you into drinking. 

 

After you clean up your environment, and let someone know, it’s time to set a date. There will never be a perfect time, but I encourage you to trust your instincts and decide on a date that works for you. 

 

Once you’ve picked a date, then I would start thinking about what you will do to replace drinking. Make a list of things you can do to relax, to have fun, to give yourself as a treat, and to de-stress, especially at the end of the day. If you don’t know what you can do instead, the temptation to drink will be too strong to resist.

 

One thing to note, you can expect to feel a little bored or empty at first. THIS IS NORMAL, but it won’t last. Keep in mind that your brain is healing from being overloaded with dopamine. It needs a little time to heal, so don’t panic into thinking this will be how you feel forever. It won’t.

 

Also, I highly recommend starting a morning self-care practice. I like to use the 5 minute journal because it incorporates gratitude, setting your intention for the day and a positive affirmation for inspiration. Exercise is huge during this time because it is a great way to reset your neural transmitter circuit that will help you deal with stress, feel better and give you more reserve to resist temptation.

 

So if you’ve been listening to the podcast, you’ll know I’m a huge fan of support groups. I have a private women’s group you can join if you’re a woman, there are 12 step groups you join and you can join anonymously online to start if you want, or go in person. There are tons of sober facebook groups online too. The point of these groups is to connect with others who are going through the same challenges and feelings that you are too so you don’t feel so alone. They can really make a difference in helping you to get through the hard times.

 

The next thing I wanted to share are solutions for those that are focused on staying sober.

 

Outside of support groups, which are peer based, I highly recommend professional help. I want to cover some of the treatment modalities that are available because there are so many and different treatments can offer different results depending on what you are dealing with. And just for reference, I have personally tried all of these that I’ll be covering.

 

So let’s start with the basics. I would highly recommend that you find someone who specializes in substance use disorders or you might find providers who are addiction specialists. I think it’s important to find someone who understands all of the nuances you’ll be facing. 

 

These people can practice CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapy or DBT dialectical behavior therapy, which generally speaking is talk therapy. 

 

There are a couple of forms of trauma therapy you might want to consider like EMDR, which is eye movement desensitization reprocessing. It helps to heal the underlying causes of addiction by reframing past traumatic experiences that are hard to metabolize, and that leave you with negative feelings about who you are as a person. 

 

IFS is internal family systems, which is also amazing at addressing the root cause. You can think of it as doing “parts work”. You have parts within you that drive your behavior, so this is a way to heal the inner child, to calm your protective parts that may show up as self-sabotaging behaviors, and strengthen your higher self so you can be more intentional about creating the life you want instead of being reactive. 

 

Of course as a certified hypnotist, I have to recommend hypnosis for a variety of issues such as developing self-esteem, self-worth, releasing subconscious limiting beliefs, and if you are in long term sobriety struggling with “character defects” this is a drug free process to reprogram your subconscious mind to connect with character assets. It’s especially helpful for people in sobriety who need drug free pain management. It is so effective, I could literally do a whole episode on the benefits of hypnosis. There are actually a ton of good videos on YouTube if you want to try it out at home, but nothing beats a personalized session. 

 

So, I hope this episode gives you some ideas to think about and some resources to try.

 

This is obviously not an exhaustive list of things to try to quit drinking, or to stay stopped but it should give you some direction. I realize that is a lot of information to absorb, so if you are feeling a little overwhelmed, just know you are not alone. If you want to talk through some of this stuff and come up with a plan, you can actually book a free strategy call with me. There’s no obligation to hire me, it’s literally my purpose in life to help, so don’t be shy. You can put some time on my calendar by visiting soberlifeschool.com and I’d be happy to talk with you, man or woman. I realize a lot of my marketing is aimed at women, but honestly, I’m happy to support the men too!

 

If you’ve found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend. Or let me know on social media, and I will do more of these in the future.

 

Thank you for spending time with me today. Thank you for supporting the podcast and just know I am sending you all the love and peace you can handle… bye for now!