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Episode 33: The Mental Load in Physician Families: Fair Play Framework Explained

Supporting Physician Spouses

Release Date: 01/13/2026

Episode 35: Fair Play Part 3 - Time Equality, Provider Pressure, and Being a True Partner at Home with Dr. Adrian Harvey show art Episode 35: Fair Play Part 3 - Time Equality, Provider Pressure, and Being a True Partner at Home with Dr. Adrian Harvey

Supporting Physician Spouses

In Part 3 of our Fair Play series, Kendra sits down with her husband, Dr. Adrian Harvey, to talk candidly about what it looks like for a physician husband to move from “helping” to complete ownership at home. They unpack the provider-role pressure, the mindset shift required to truly value time equally, and how shared ownership can deepen connection with both spouse and kids, even in a demanding medical career. In this episode, we discuss: Dr. Adrian’s first reaction to Fair Play, and what changed over time What “peer marriage” looks like in a physician household The provider...

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Supporting Physician Spouses

Physician families do not need a “perfect” division of labor, they need a realistic one. In Part 2 of our Fair Play conversation, we move from concepts into application and talk about how to make the Fair Play framework work when medicine does not cooperate with routines, predictability, or a normal workweek. We name the reality that 60, 70, 80-hour weeks are not “flexible hours,” and also the important question that follows: when the physician is home, what happens during those hours? We talk about the difference between needing to decompress (human) and becoming consistently...

info_outline Episode 33: The Mental Load in Physician Families: Fair Play Framework Explained show art Episode 33: The Mental Load in Physician Families: Fair Play Framework Explained

Supporting Physician Spouses

When one partner is working 60, 70, 80+ hours a week, it is easy to default into, “I’ll just handle everything at home.” On the surface, it looks supportive. Over time, it often turns into resentment, disconnection, and a physician who feels like a guest in their own home, while the at-home partner feels like they can never step away from being the household CEO. In Part 1 of our Fair Play series, we break down the core ideas from Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, and translate the framework into the reality of physician family life. This episode is about the concepts and language you need before...

info_outline Episode 32: Honoring Your Seasons: Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Always Work for Physician Spouses show art Episode 32: Honoring Your Seasons: Why New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Always Work for Physician Spouses

Supporting Physician Spouses

If you’re married to a physician, the “New Year, new you” pressure can feel extra exhausting, especially when your life is already running on a high-demand schedule. In this episode, Kendra and Katie offer you something better than resolutions: permission to honor your current season and work with your real energy, not an arbitrary calendar date.  In this episode, we cover Why January 1 can be a terrible “starting line” (and why nature is resting when we’re told to sprint) The seasons framework, using a farming metaphor: Winter: planning, rest, reflection Spring:...

info_outline Episode 31: End-of-Year Wrap Up for Physician Spouses: Favorite Episodes, Listener Stories, and What’s Coming in 2026 show art Episode 31: End-of-Year Wrap Up for Physician Spouses: Favorite Episodes, Listener Stories, and What’s Coming in 2026

Supporting Physician Spouses

If you’re married to a physician and you’ve been holding a lot this year, this one is for you. Katie and Kendra share highlights from our first year, read reviews from listeners, and tease what’s ahead in 2026, including a Fair Play series and conversations about your family’s ecosystem. As we head into a new year, we’re looking back on the first year of the Supporting Physician Spouses podcast, how it began, what resonated most, and what we’re building next. If you’ve been listening quietly, this is your invitation to step closer. Leave a review, send a DM, or email us with what...

info_outline Episode 30: Do We Even Have Traditions? Holiday Life as a Physician Family show art Episode 30: Do We Even Have Traditions? Holiday Life as a Physician Family

Supporting Physician Spouses

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info_outline Episode 29: Balancing Holiday Stress and Rest for Physician Spouses show art Episode 29: Balancing Holiday Stress and Rest for Physician Spouses

Supporting Physician Spouses

Today we’re talking about the kind of rest physician spouses actually need during the holidays—especially when the whole world seems to slow down while your home ramps up. If you’re carrying the family load while navigating your spouse’s demanding end-of-year schedule, this episode was made for you. Today we’re talking about… Rest—not the “add another task to your list” kind, but the biological, necessary kind that helps you survive and stay present during an already overwhelming season. In this episode, we talk about: The three types of rest most depleted in physician...

info_outline Episode 28: The Solo Holiday Season: What You & Your Family Really Need From You show art Episode 28: The Solo Holiday Season: What You & Your Family Really Need From You

Supporting Physician Spouses

In this episode, Katie and Kendra talk honestly about what it’s like to attend holiday events solo as a physician spouse. From classroom parties to winter concerts, this season often highlights the unique pressures physician families face. We normalize the mixed emotions, offer simple ways to reduce the pressure to “perform,” and share strategies to stay connected with your partner and present with your kids—even when you’re the only adult who can be there. ✨ Key Takeaways Your presence matters more than perfection. Kids remember how it felt, not whether two parents were in the...

info_outline Episode 27: Making the Season Lighter: A December Re-frame for Physician Spouses show art Episode 27: Making the Season Lighter: A December Re-frame for Physician Spouses

Supporting Physician Spouses

In this honest solo episode, Katie shares what’s coming up for her as December begins—resistance, overwhelm, perfectionism, small-space stress, seasonal energy dips, and the pressure to “make magic” during the holidays. Instead of powering through it, she slows down and walks through the SEE–SAY–FEEL–DO framework in real time to bring intention, clarity, and compassion into the season. If you’re feeling behind, heavy, stretched thin, or unsure how to make the holidays feel good for you, this episode will feel like a breath of fresh air. Listen In If You’ve Ever Felt: ...

info_outline Episode 26: Holiday Expectations for Physician Spouses: Ditch the Date, Ditch the Pressure, Keep the Magic show art Episode 26: Holiday Expectations for Physician Spouses: Ditch the Date, Ditch the Pressure, Keep the Magic

Supporting Physician Spouses

In this episode, Katie and Kendra talk honestly about navigating holidays in medical families—when schedules rarely match the calendar, traditions shift, and expectations don’t go as planned.  Listen If You’ve Ever Felt… Sad or frustrated celebrating without your spouse Guilty for not doing “traditional” holidays Tired of explaining your family’s reality Worried your kids are missing out Unsure how to create meaning when nothing feels normal What We Cover The mindset shift that removes holiday pressure Creating flexible, meaningful traditions Splitting...

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When one partner is working 60, 70, 80+ hours a week, it is easy to default into, “I’ll just handle everything at home.” On the surface, it looks supportive. Over time, it often turns into resentment, disconnection, and a physician who feels like a guest in their own home, while the at-home partner feels like they can never step away from being the household CEO.

In Part 1 of our Fair Play series, we break down the core ideas from Fair Play by Eve Rodsky, and translate the framework into the reality of physician family life. This episode is about the concepts and language you need before you can make anything practical.

In this episode, we cover

  • Why “I’ll do it all” starts as love, and ends as resentment

  • How control can quietly become the coping strategy (and why it costs you)

  • The invisible work that drains you most: planning, remembering, anticipating

  • Why “Can you help with…” keeps one partner as the manager, and the other as the assistant

  • The Fair Play card deck concept: making the invisible labor visible

  • The game-changing framework: conception to completion

  • The conversation most couples skip: defining the minimum standard of care

  • A key reframe for physician families: fair does not mean equal, and all time matters

Key takeaways

  • Resentment is often a signal that a pattern no longer fits, and you do not know how to get out of it yet.

  • Doing “everything” at home can unintentionally push the physician partner out of meaningful contribution at home.

  • Ownership is different than helping. Ownership means the task is fully yours, without being asked, reminded, or managed.

  • “Good enough” has to be defined. Otherwise, everyone is guessing, and conflict is inevitable.

  • In physician families, the workload may never be 50/50, but value can still be equal.

Reflection question

Do you believe your time is equal to your physician spouse’s time?

What’s next in this series

  • Episode 34: Applying Fair Play to physician family life (how this can work with call, rotations, and unpredictable schedules)

  • Then, in epsidoe 35 and 36, we’ll bring in both of our spouses to share what the process felt like from their perspective, including the messy parts and what actually helped.

Resources mentioned

  • Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

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