Instagram Followers Don't Make You a Lawyer
White Collar Advice
I'd rather be in prison than on a fast boat in the ocean, but my kids love it and I love my kids. When I got off the boat in the Bahamas I had a kind text from a guy who scheduled a call with me for Monday. He asked me to review his indictment and his potential plea agreement before we talk. I won't, and here's why. A consultant in Florida who has been to prison twice told someone he might as well go to trial, because if he loses the sentence is the same either way. That guy got nine or 10 years. Another guy, apparently because he has some followers on Instagram, told a doctor to take the deal...
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What Chipper Told My Best Friend Over a Drink
White Collar Advice
I saw Chipper Jones at dinner in the Bahamas and it took me back to 1999. I'm not comparing myself to a Hall of Famer, the second greatest switch hitter of all time behind Mickey Mantle, but it shows what one conversation can do. My best friend Brad Fulmer, who came to my sentencing hearing and visited me twice a month in prison, was in his second year with the Montreal Expos. He finished third or fourth in Rookie of the Year voting the year before, then got off to a bad start and felt the manager wasn't a fan and wouldn't play him against lefties. I was in Montreal watching the Braves play...
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Stop Playing Director in Your Own Mind
White Collar Advice
Back from the Bahamas, wrecked. I got a text that said please call me immediately, so I opened a Coke Zero and called. He told me I didn't know him, that he was on my live YouTube video two weeks ago and made a note of something I said, and that it proved why his judge gave him an extra two years. What I said was that a judge may give a longer sentence to account for the reductions: a year off from the First Step Act, another year to offset the drug program, and up to 12 months in the halfway house for good conduct. Three years with FSA, RDAP, and halfway house. He said that's exactly what...
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I Was Just Sentenced, What Should I Do Now
White Collar Advice
Someone left the courthouse and texted me: I was just sentenced, what should I do now? I don't know if he's married, if he has children, how old he is, or the length of the sentence, so I answered on a macro level for anyone who was just sentenced. Start with gratitude. You will serve time with men who were taken into custody at their guilty plea, remanded that day, and never saw freedom again. You're free, and that's your chance to prepare. Make sure your judgment and commitment order is correct. Did your lawyer ask for a specific prison, not the closest prison to your home, which could be...
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How to Get Nine More Months in 30 Seconds
White Collar Advice
A case study in 30 seconds on how to get a longer federal prison sentence, probably nine months longer. Your victim, someone you hurt mentally, financially, and emotionally, is speaking to your very cynical judge who used to run the fraud division. They're describing the damage you caused. Don't shake your head. Don't give a look of disgust, because the judge will interrupt the victim, chastise you, let the victim continue, and then give you an extra nine months in prison.
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He Shook His Head and Got Nine More Months
White Collar Advice
Did you ever see Animal House? Thank you sir, may I have another. Someone asked me why a defendant would shake his head in front of the judge while the victim was speaking, and why the judge gave him an extra nine months for it. He had had enough. He didn't believe the victim was actually a victim. Think about what was stacked up behind that head shake: a plea agreement he didn't agree with, Department of Justice press releases that were made up, banks firing him, losing his job, losing friends, not working well with his lawyer, not vested in the probation report, the sentencing memorandum, a...
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Learn to Read the Damn Room
White Collar Advice
A guy on his second day at Montgomery federal prison camp stood in the chow hall and complained. The judge said at his sentencing it was clear he would never return to another courtroom. He paid his lawyer around $800,000, a former prosecutor who ran the fraud division and knows the judge and the prosecutor. His guidelines were 41 to 51 months and he got 18. He wanted to know why he wasn't home working and paying taxes, why he was in prison at all. He said all of it in front of men who had been in there five, 10, 15, 20 years for nonviolent drug crimes. A buddy called me from Montgomery to...
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Before Prison I Said Lock Them All Up
White Collar Advice
Before I went to prison, if you had asked me about people in prison I would have said they're all bad, lock them up, they're felons, they're criminals. Then I went, and I saw guys working hard who never had the opportunities I had and squandered. Prison Professors gives you a way to help people going to prison and to document your own journey. More than 9,000 people have done it, and there are more than 14 million words on the website. You can share that work with your judge, with probation officers, and with the halfway house when you need a job approved, whether it's KFC or something else,...
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Three Mistakes in Seven Pages of Undisputed Truth
White Collar Advice
Three takeaways from the first seven pages of Mike Tyson's autobiography, Undisputed Truth. One, he wrote that from his character reference letters you would have thought he came up with a cure for cancer, had a plan for peace in the Middle East, and nursed sick kittens back to health. He knew the letters were a lie and said nothing about his character. Two, he wrote that he was so arrogant in the courtroom during the trial that there was no way they were going to give him a break. He knew it was off putting to the judge and he couldn't help it. Three, he told Don King, his former promoter, at...
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At Least Skeletor Tells You He Cheats
White Collar Advice
I read something this morning, then wasted time watching Masters of the Universe, and Skeletor's line at the end took me right back to what I read. Someone home from prison, prosecuted under the Biden DOJ, asked for my thoughts on his indictment. I told him I'm not a lawyer but I would read it. What I read made me sick. The DOJ convicts most people. They have endless resources. Your name versus the United States of America, and people thin slice it, they form a snap judgment, that's a wrap. So why lie? In this indictment a cooperating informant got the executive to say he would help raise...
info_outlineA case study in 30 seconds on how to get a longer federal prison sentence, probably nine months longer. Your victim, someone you hurt mentally, financially, and emotionally, is speaking to your very cynical judge who used to run the fraud division. They're describing the damage you caused. Don't shake your head. Don't give a look of disgust, because the judge will interrupt the victim, chastise you, let the victim continue, and then give you an extra nine months in prison.