Language Matters - MAC087

In Episode 085 (https://www.managingacareer.com/85), I covered techniques to build confidence.  This week I'd like to talk about how you can use the words you say to project that confidence to those around you.

 

When you speak with others, in order to project confidence, you should pay attention to the negative qualifiers that you use when stating your ideas.  Those negative qualifiers typically fall into five categories. 

• They can undermine your ideas such as "I think".
• They can undermine your self such as "Sorry" or "I could be wrong, but…".
• They can undermine your audience such as finishing with "Does that make sense?"
• They can undermine your intelligence such as "I have a doubt"
• They can make you seem uncommitted such as "I'll try"

 

When you use phrases such as "I think", you weaken your message.  Instead, just drop the qualifier and state your idea clearly.  You are a professional and paid to be an expert in your field; own your ideas.  Consider these phrasing pairs:

• I think we should explore the new technology.  OR…
• The new technology is the best course of action.

The first option comes across as a suggestion looking for someone else to take the lead.  The second option conveys the same message but gives little room for doubt that your idea is the one to follow.

 

When you make statements that diminish your self, you leave room for others to be the dominant voice in the room.  I'm not suggesting that you be loud or vocally bullying, but if your goal is to be seen as a confident leader, you should be one of the more dominant voices in the room.  Consider these phrasing pairs:

• I could be wrong, but our customers are looking for us to deliver this feature.  OR…
• My perspective is that the new feature will drive additional customer upgrades.

The first option lacks certainty.  The second option doesn't apologize for your thoughts and presents a better case for why the team should proceed in the direction you suggest.

 

It can be very off-putting when someone questions your intelligence.  Using phrases that undermine your audience will have them deciding to support ideas from others.  In order to gain their support you should avoid phrases such as "Does that make sense?" and instead use something along the lines of "If anyone needs more detail on that, let me know."  The first questions their ability to understand whereas the second offers clarification for those that request it.

 

Phrases that undermine your intelligence will kill any credibility you have with your audience.  It's fine not to know something, but instead of saying "I don't know" say "I'll find out".  Don't try to misrepresent your knowledge, but show your willingness to learn and grow.  When you don't understand something, instead of saying "I have a doubt" say "Can you explain that".  Using "I" language places the burden of ignorance on you and using "you" language places the burden of explanation on them.

 

The last qualifier is "I'll try".  Using this type of phrase doesn't express your commitment to the results.  If what is being asked is within your abilities, just be direct and say "I will".  Or if you are unsure of your ability to deliver, be clear and confident in what you can do and explain what areas may be problematic.  For example, instead of "I'll try to get sign-off by the end of the week" say something like "I will send an email request for approval today and if I haven't received sign-off by Thursday, I will follow up in person."

 

While I've been referring to these statements in terms of speaking, but the same holds true for written communication.  Since written communication gives you more time to review and compose what you are sending, it may be easier to start there.  Go back through your recent emails and look for these types of phrases.  How could you have reworded them to present as stronger and more confident?

 

If you have access to AI bots that can transcribe your meetings, record your meetings and pay attention to who uses strong language and who uses weak language.  Are those the same people that are viewed as thought leaders?  How often are you using weaker language?  Do you find yourself using stronger language with certain audiences or in certain meetings but weaker language with different audiences or meetings?

 

As we've seen this week, what you say and how you say it can play a big part in how others perceive you.  Using the right phrasing will have others viewing you as confident and competent.  And as I covered in Episode 085, confidence builds confidence.  So, as you speak more confidently, your confidence in yourself will also grow.

 

In past episodes, I've brought up people that I follow on LinkedIn whose content I feel can set you up for career success.  This week, I'd like to turn your attention to Nausheen Chen (https://www.linkedin.com/in/nausheenichen/).  Nausheen is a public speaking coach.  Now some of you may think to yourself that you never intend to speak on a stage, but hear me out.  Speaking on a stage is about learning to speak with confidence and many of the same tips for public speaking apply to your day to day life, too.  She not only covers the type of content that I've shared today but many more tips that can help be a better and more confident speaker, both on and off the stage.  Go and give her a follow.