Mattering: How to Feel Valued and Add Value with Jennifer Breheny Wallace
Release Date: 02/18/2026
Can I Come to You Like This? Eli Harwood on Secure Attachment
Dealing with Feeling
Some kids look “easy” because they’re safe and supported. Some kids look “easy” because they learned to scan the room, manage the adults, and keep their real feelings out of the way. In this episode, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with therapist and educator Eli Harwood (Attachment Nerd) to talk about what secure attachment actually looks like in real life, especially in the moments that make us uncomfortable. If you’ve ever wondered why “calm” can be misleading, why certain emotions feel like too much, or why parenting can bring your own childhood rushing back, this conversation...
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Mattering: How to Feel Valued and Add Value with Jennifer Breheny Wallace
Dealing with Feeling
“Feeling like you matter” often gets treated like a nice idea. Something soft. Something optional. In reality, it is a core human need, and when it’s missing, the consequences show up everywhere, from disengagement at work to loneliness at home. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what mattering really means, why it’s not about ego or achievement, and how everyday interactions quietly shape whether people feel valued and able to add value. In this conversation: What researchers actually mean...
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When “Be Patient” Protects the System, with Dr. Christina Cipriano
Dealing with Feeling
“Be patient” gets treated like a virtue in every system. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is the line that keeps unfairness in place, because it asks the people carrying the cost to stay quiet so everyone else can stay comfortable. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Christina “Chris” Cipriano on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what patience looks like when it is wisdom, and what it looks like when it becomes compliance. They also talk about how to interrupt harm without turning it into humiliation. In this conversation: When “be patient” supports growth, and when it protects...
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“Just Breathe” Isn’t a Plan: SOUL COLE on Stress, Masculinity, and Stillness
Dealing with Feeling
We call it “being productive,” but for a lot of us it’s a nervous system stuck in go mode. Always on. Always bracing. Then someone says “just breathe” and it sounds like a joke. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with former NFL wide receiver and mindfulness facilitator Brandon “SOUL COLE” Coleman to talk about what happens when performance mode becomes your identity and stillness starts to feel unsafe. In this conversation: The identity crash after injury and why it can trigger anxiety, depression, and shutdown Why five minutes a day can actually change your patterns if you stick with...
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Doomscrolling, Group Chats, and Burnout: Dr. Elisha Goldstein on Breaking the Stress Cycle
Dealing with Feeling
We call it “normal life.” But for most of us, it’s a low-grade chronic stress loop. News alerts. Group chats. Doomscrolling. Constant urgency. In this episode of Dealing With Feeling, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Elisha Goldstein to explore how tiny emotional shifts can interrupt stress patterns, strengthen relationships, and change the trajectory of our health over time. This is a conversation about emotional longevity — and what it means to stop living in permanent survival mode. In this conversation: Why anxiety is not your identity, but a...
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Gaslighting in Relationships and How to Stop Second-Guessing Yourself with Dr. Robin Stern
Dealing with Feeling
Gaslighting is not just an argument. It is a slow erosion of identity. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with his longtime friend and colleague Dr. Robin Stern to unpack The Gaslight Effect, how anxiety fuels both the gaslighter and the gaslightee, and what it takes to rebuild self-trust. They explore how people don’t lose their reality overnight. They lose it in inches, one second-guess at a time. In this conversation: What gaslighting really is and why it is so disorienting The three stages of The Gaslight Effect: disbelief, defense, depression That first “maybe it wasn’t that bad”...
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What Most Parents Say That Shuts Teens Down with Jamie Lockwood & Liz Fletcher
Dealing with Feeling
Teens have language for anxiety. Most adults never got language for their own feelings. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Jamie Lockwood and Liz Fletcher to talk about what it means to raise and teach teens in this mental health moment. Together, they explore why more “mental health talk” hasn’t solved the crisis, what teens actually need from adults, and how to support big feelings without shutting down, fixing, or turning everything into a performance. In this conversation: Why teen mental health is declining even with more “mental health talk” The adolescent brain “under...
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The Happiness Trap, and Why 'More' Never Feels like Enough with Dr. Laurie Santos
Dealing with Feeling
We turned happiness into a checklist. Then wondered why it never feels like enough. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Laurie Santos to unpack the “happiness trap” and the quiet ways we chase the wrong things. They talk about miswanting, why we get obsessed with the future, and how a life that looks good on paper can still feel empty on the inside. You’ll hear what the research actually says helps, and the small shifts that make happiness feel more real and more sustainable. In this conversation: Why our brains are so bad at predicting what will make us happy The “hyper-focus on the...
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The Anxiety Loop Explained, and How to Interrupt It with Dr. Judson Brewer
Dealing with Feeling
The worst part of anxiety is not the feeling. It’s the loop. The “what if” that keeps feeding itself until it feels like truth. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Judson Brewer to unpack how worry becomes a habit, why reassurance and mental debate often backfire, and how curiosity can disrupt the cycle without forcing you to “think positive.” In this conversation: How anxiety becomes a loop: trigger → worry → short relief → more worry Why worrying feels like control even when it isn’t Curiosity as the interrupt that changes the pattern Anxiety vs stress vs overwhelm and...
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The 5 Parenting Principles That Actually Hold Up Under Stress with Dr. Aliza Pressman
Dealing with Feeling
Most of us aren’t trying to raise perfect kids. We’re trying to raise kids who can handle life without falling apart. The problem is… adults are drowning too. Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with Dr. Aliza Pressman on Dealing With Feeling to break down what emotionally healthy parenting actually looks like in real time—especially when your child is melting down, you’re depleted, and every instinct is telling you to control the moment. In this conversation: The difference between boundaries and harshness Why “all feelings are welcome” doesn’t mean all behaviors are The five...
info_outline“Feeling like you matter” often gets treated like a nice idea. Something soft. Something optional. In reality, it is a core human need, and when it’s missing, the consequences show up everywhere, from disengagement at work to loneliness at home.
Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with journalist and bestselling author Jennifer Breheny Wallace on Dealing With Feeling to talk about what mattering really means, why it’s not about ego or achievement, and how everyday interactions quietly shape whether people feel valued and able to add value.
In this conversation:
- What researchers actually mean by “mattering,” and why it has two essential parts
- The SAID framework and how it shows up in daily relationships
- Why disengagement is often a sign of pain, not laziness
- How life transitions can collapse our sense of mattering, and how to rebuild it
- Parenting for healthy mattering without tying worth to performance
- Intrinsic vs extrinsic values, and what they do to well-being over time
- Why workplaces that ignore mattering struggle with retention and productivity
About the guest:
Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and the author of the New York Times bestselling books Never Enough and Mattering. Her work focuses on achievement culture, connection, and how individuals and institutions can build environments where people feel valued and able to add value.
Connect with Jennifer Breheny Wallace:
Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett
Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett’s books:
Explore Marc Brackett’s work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.