10: When Bright Girls Underperform: What We Can Miss About Exam Stress
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
Release Date: 01/22/2026
11: When Exam Advice Goes Wrong - and the 4 Key Revision Styles You Need to Know
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
Traditional exam advice can often assume all students are naturally organised and respond well to structure and pressure. That describes about 25% of students. And even for them, 'work harder, push through' often accelerates them towards burnout rather than success. If your capable daughter is struggling with revision despite following all the school's advice, this episode explains why. The standard guidance — detailed timetables, 45-minute study blocks, remove distractions, push through — was designed with one type of nervous system in mind. But when that advice lands on a different...
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10: When Bright Girls Underperform: What We Can Miss About Exam Stress
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
"Exam anxiety isn't a motivation problem. It's a nervous system problem. And once you understand that, everything about how you support her changes." If you have a daughter facing major exams, you've likely already seen anxiety showing up — and with girls, it often hits earlier and harder. But exam pressure is fundamentally different from everyday teenage stress, and what works for friendship drama often backfires during exam season. In this episode, I explain what makes exam anxiety unique, introduce the three distinct patterns it takes in teenage girls, and share what your daughter...
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09: Is She Overwhelmed—Or Just Avoiding? How to Tell the Difference
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
"When you understand the difference between overwhelm and avoidance, you stop guessing—and start responding with exactly what she needs." One of the hardest questions we face as mothers of teenagers is knowing what our daughters need in the moment: Do they need us to step in, or step back? Push gently, or pull right back? In this episode, I share what anxiety actually looks like in teenage girls—both the loud, visible kind and the quiet, easily-missed kind—and give you a practical framework for knowing whether your daughter is genuinely overwhelmed (and needs you to pull back) or...
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08: One Goal-Setting Shift That Helps You Both Feel Motivated (More Than Pressured)
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
The first week of January brings a unique kind of pressure—the expectation to set ambitious goals, to feel motivated, to transform. But what if that pressure isn't motivation at all, but comparison disguised as inspiration? In this episode, I share what happened when my family and I tried the TCUP framework over Christmas, then explore why intention-setting (rather than goal-setting) might be the kinder, more sustainable path forward—for both you and your teenage daughter. You'll learn a practical 5-step Sophrology-based practice for setting intentions that honour where you actually are,...
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07: The One Thing Your Daughter Needs to See You Do This Christmas
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
How stating your needs models the self-advocacy you want your daughter to have The Christmas Reality Picture mid-December: presents to coordinate, work deadlines, teenagers on different time zones suddenly in your space constantly, extended family with expectations, and the emotional load of orchestrating everything. By the time Christmas arrives, you're already exhausted. During our research with 21 mothers of teenagers, Christmas came up again and again as the most challenging time of year. One mother said: "The only reason I haven't tried a calmer approach is general exhaustion. When you're...
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06: What Does Your Daughter Really Want This Holiday?
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
What your daughter wants most this holiday isn't more activities or a full agenda. After years of asking teenage girls this exact question, their answer surprised me every single time. The Swiss Boarding School Discovery Each year as term ended, I asked: "What are you most looking forward to over the holidays?" These were students from some of the wealthiest families in the world—with access to luxury holidays and amazing experiences. But their answer was always the same: "Do nothing. Be at home. Just relax." What they were craving wasn't excitement but presence. Low expectations....
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05 - What If She Can Only Imagine Things Going Wrong?
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
If your daughter can't see things going well, her brain literally won't let her move towards them. The Moment That Changed Everything Just before bedtime one winter evening in the boarding house, I'd led a group of girls through a visualisation exercise—helping them see themselves confident and ready for upcoming exams. As they filed out, one girl stayed behind. "Miss," she said quietly, "I could only see it going wrong. I couldn't see the good version where it all goes well." That moment stopped me in my tracks. This teenage girl's mind was so locked into negative default mode that she...
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04: The Art of Co-Regulation: Is It More Powerful Than Your Words?
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
What if the key to your daughter's wellbeing lies not in what you say to her, but in your own emotional state when you're with her? The Moment Everything Changed A few years ago, Kate was working as Housemistress at a UK boarding school—teaching, leading wellbeing sessions, supporting 50 teenage girls, all while running on adrenaline and caffeine. She was teaching stress management whilst barely keeping up herself. After burnout forced her to step back, she returned and did something different. Instead of broadcasting capability, she sat with her girls and showed them her human side—the...
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03 Teen Parenting Strategy That Works: Stop Fixing, Start Coaching
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
Teen Parenting Strategy That Works: Stop Fixing, Start Coaching Episode Description Your daughter comes home upset. You can see exactly what she needs to do. So you offer clear, kind advice that would absolutely work—if only she'd follow it. She nods. Says "okay." But something in her voice tells you she has no intention of doing what you've suggested. And a week later, nothing has changed. If this sounds painfully familiar, you're not alone. The parenting approach that worked beautifully when she was younger simply doesn't land anymore. In this episode, I share what I learned from...
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02: When "Fine" Means Anything But: Opening Real Conversations
Coaching Motherhood: Conversations For Our Daughters
You ask "How was your day?" and she says "Fine." You try again. Same wall. Sound familiar? In this episode, I share why that invisible barrier goes up the moment you ask questions—and the simple neuroscience-backed shift that changes everything. Before you can coach, calm, or create anything new with your daughter, you must first connect. And connection isn't about words—it's about presence. Discover the 10-second pause that signals safety, why the teenage brain reads questions as interrogation, and the practical tool you can use this week to invite real conversation. This is the first...
info_outline"Exam anxiety isn't a motivation problem. It's a nervous system problem. And once you understand that, everything about how you support her changes."
If you have a daughter facing major exams, you've likely already seen anxiety showing up — and with girls, it often hits earlier and harder. But exam pressure is fundamentally different from everyday teenage stress, and what works for friendship drama often backfires during exam season.
In this episode, I explain what makes exam anxiety unique, introduce the three distinct patterns it takes in teenage girls, and share what your daughter actually needs from you in each case — because what she's asking for and what she truly needs are rarely the same thing.
KEY TOPICS COVERED
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Why exam anxiety is different: time-bound, high-stakes, relentless
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The three patterns exam anxiety takes in teenage girls
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What your daughter actually needs versus what she's asking for
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The simple awareness practice that changes how you respond
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Preview: The four revision styles framework (coming next week)
THE THREE EXAM ANXIETY PATTERNS
PATTERN 1: THE VISIBLE SPIRAL
What You're Seeing: Panic attacks, crying at the kitchen table, "I'm going to fail," sometimes shouting that the pressure is too much
What She Actually Needs: Your calm presence (not solutions), your ability to stay regulated when she's dysregulated, your quiet confidence she'll be okay
Not: Dismissing her feelings OR getting pulled into the spiral
PATTERN 2: THE QUIET WITHDRAWAL
What You're Seeing: Goes silent about school, retreats to room, says "I'm fine" when she's clearly not, hours at desk but unclear if actually revising
The Danger: Easy to miss until too late. Underneath calm surface, her nervous system may be in shutdown mode.
What She Actually Needs: Gentle connection without interrogation, brief check-ins (cup of tea left wordlessly), small acts showing "I see you, I'm here"
Not: Leaving her completely alone OR needing her to talk
PATTERN 3: THE PERFECTIONIST BURNOUT
What You're Seeing: Colour-coded timetables, working every hour, refusing breaks ("I don't have time"), looks like she's got it together
The Danger: Often crashes right before exams — through illness, breakdown, or performance below capability
What She Actually Needs: Permission not to be perfect, active encouragement to rest (sometimes insist), simple offers (walk, watch something, favourite meal), fun and social connection
"The biggest gift we can give them is awareness—that they're not broken but experiencing stress. This is normal—and this is how their mind and body are choosing to respond."
YOUR PRACTICE THIS WEEK
Just Notice: Which pattern are you seeing? No need to fix it.
WHAT'S COMING NEXT WEEK
The 4 Major Revision Styles
The girl who can't start because she's paralysed needs something completely different from the one who can't stop until she crashes. Same words ("she's struggling") but opposite interventions.
CONNECT WITH KATE
Newsletter: Get weekly episodes and exam support resources at coachingmotherhood.com
Email: Questions or topics to cover? hello@coachingmotherhood.com
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Important: This podcast is for educational purposes only, not medical advice. If your daughter is experiencing severe anxiety, please consult qualified healthcare professionals.