Denial - Lesson 1 | Pastor Jeno Orchard CR

Denial

 

Principle 1: Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

 

 “Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor.” (Matthew 5:3)

 

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors, that our lives had become unmanageable.

 

 “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:18)

 

What is Denial?
Denial is a false system of beliefs not based on reality. It is a self‑protecting behavior that keeps us from honestly facing the truth. Denial promises safety, but it actually keeps us stuck.

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1. Past Failures Can Trip Me Up

“Let us strip off anything that slows us down or holds us back, and especially those sins that wrap themselves so tightly around our feet and trip us up; and let us run with patience the particular race that God has set before us.” — Hebrews 12:1 (TLB)

Principle:

I cannot run God’s race while carrying yesterday’s baggage.

God has a unique race for each of us—a plan for good, not a life dominated by addictions, dependencies, or obsessions. But past failures often cling to us like weights on a runner’s ankles.

Illustration:

Imagine trying to run a marathon wearing a backpack filled with bricks labeled guilt, resentment, shame, and regret. You might start the race, but eventually those weights will slow you down, trip you up, or stop you altogether.

Application:

• Some of us are stuck in bitterness over what others have done to us.
• We replay the hurt and refuse to forgive.
• Others are bound by guilt for the ways we have hurt people.

Holding on to the hurt doesn’t punish the offender—it imprisons us.

God gives us willingness to forgive. Forgiveness is a process, and through it God brings freedom.

You may believe:

• “No one could love the real me.”
• “What I’ve done is unforgivable.”

That is denial speaking. God already knows everything about you—and Jesus still went to the cross. Many people around you have faced similar failures and now live in freedom. They are here to support you.

“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” — Philippians 3:13 (TLB)

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” — Isaiah 43:18

Bottom line: If we want freedom from guilt, grudges, grief, and shame, we must release the past—through forgiveness or amends—and move forward.

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2. Fear of the Future Can Freeze Me

“The Lord is my Helper, and I am not afraid of anything that mere man can do to me.” — Hebrews 13:6 (TLB)

Principle:

Fear keeps me frozen, but faith moves me forward.

Fear often disguises itself as caution or control, but its real effect is paralysis.

Illustration:

Like headlights on a dark road, fear can cause us to freeze in place instead of steering forward. We may stop moving altogether because we are afraid of what might happen next.

Common Recovery Fears:

• Losing my identity
• Losing control
• “What if recovery doesn’t work?”
• “Who will I be without my substance or behavior?”
• “What if people get angry when I stop enabling?”
• “What relationships or habits will I have to give up?”
• Re‑opening old wounds
• Believing I deserve pain

God does not want us frozen in unhealthy patterns. He wants us healed.

“Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear.” — 1 John 4:18 (NCV)

You are not here by accident. Recovery works. If it worked for others, it can work for you.

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3. The Mask of Denial Can Hold Me Back

Principle:

I cannot heal what I refuse to admit.

Denial often wears a mask. It tells us:

• “I don’t really belong here.”
• “My hurt, habit, or hang‑up isn’t that bad.”
• “I can fix this myself.”

That mask feels safe—but it keeps us sick.

Illustration:

Denial is like covering a broken bone with a long sleeve and saying, “It’s fine.” The arm may look okay on the outside, but without treatment, it will never heal correctly.

Denial walks hand‑in‑hand with guilt and shame.

Do These Sound Familiar?

• “If we don’t talk about it, it will go away.”
• “Talking only makes it worse.”
• “It’s not really that bad.”
• “Other people are worse than me.”
• “I only do this because you make me angry.”
• “I deserve this.”

That’s denial.

“You can’t heal a wound by saying it’s not there!” — Jeremiah 6:14 (TLB)

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Final Truth

Before we can take the first step of recovery, we must face and admit our denial. Freedom begins when we stop pretending and start telling the truth—first to God, then to ourselves, and then to others.

Admit it. Face it. Release it. Move forward.

 

Effects of Denial — DENIAL Acrostic (with Principles)

D — Denial DISABLES our feelings

Hiding our feelings and living in denial freezes our emotions and binds us. Freedom begins when we allow ourselves to honestly feel what is going on inside.

Feelings are not good or bad—they are signals. I can feel the feeling without having to escape it or numb it.

Personal test:

“I’m free to feel this, and I don’t need to use __________.”

Denial promises relief but delivers bondage.

“They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of destructive habits—for a person is a slave of anything that has conquered him.” — 2 Peter 2:19 (GNB)

Principle: What I refuse to feel, I will eventually numb.

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E — Denial causes ENERGY loss

One of the greatest side effects of denial is anxiety. Anxiety wastes enormous amounts of emotional, mental, and spiritual energy.

We lose energy by:

·       Managing secrets

·       Replaying past hurts

·       Living in fear of being found out

Change can only happen in the present. When we live trapped in the past or terrified of the future, we miss what God wants to do today.

“He frees the prisoners and lifts the burdens from those bent down beneath their loads.” — Psalm 146:7 (TLB)

Letting go of the burden of hiding—or trying to prove myself—opens the door to God’s freedom to love myself and others in healthier ways.

Principle: Hiding the truth drains the strength God wants to restore.

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N — Denial NEGATES growth

We are only as sick as our secrets. Growth requires honesty, and denial blocks honesty.

God never wastes a hurt. God never wastes darkness. But He cannot heal what we refuse to bring into the light.

“They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and he rescued them! He led them from the darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains.” — Psalm 107:13–14 (TLB)

Denial keeps us stuck. Truth allows God to transform our pain into purpose.

Principle: Secrets keep me sick, but truth sets me free.

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I — Denial ISOLATES us from God

After Adam and Eve sinned, their secret separated them from God. They hid because they felt naked and ashamed.

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked.” — Genesis 3:7

God is light. Denial keeps us in darkness.

“God is light; in him there is no darkness at all… If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus… purifies us from all sin.” — 1 John 1:5–7

Denial does not protect our relationship with God—it weakens it.

Principle: Shame hides from God, but grace invites us closer.

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A — Denial ALIENATES us from others

Denial damages relationships by:

·       Keeping us from helping ourselves or those we love

·       Making us judgmental toward others with similar struggles

·       Preventing us from being honest and vulnerable

To protect our secrets, we isolate ourselves. We reduce the risk of exposure—but at a terrible cost: the loss of meaningful connection.

“Stop lying to each other; tell the truth, for we are parts of each other, and when we lie to each other we are hurting ourselves.” — Ephesians 4:25 (TLB)

It is always better to tell the ugly truth than to live a beautiful lie.

Principle: I cannot be fully known or fully loved while I am hiding.

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L — Denial LENGTHENS the pain

We often believe denial protects us from pain. In reality, denial allows pain to grow, fester, and turn into shame and guilt.

Denial doesn’t reduce pain—it multiplies it.

Truth may hurt at first, like surgery, but it heals.

“I will give you back your health again and heal your wounds.” — Jeremiah 30:17 (TLB)

Principle: What I delay dealing with, I extend.

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Wrap-Up

Walking out of denial is one of the hardest things you will ever do.

Because denial feels safe.
The mask feels protective.
Hiding feels like survival.

Everything inside of you whispers, “Don’t do it. Don’t tell. Don’t open that door. It’s not safe.”

But hear this clearly tonight:

It is safe here.

You are not surrounded by judges.
You are surrounded by people who once hid just like you do now.
People who were afraid just like you are afraid.
People who discovered that the truth didn’t destroy them—it saved them.

Denial says, “If they really knew me, they would leave.”
Jesus says, “I already know you—and I stayed.”

He saw your worst day before you ever lived it.
He carried your shame to the cross before you ever felt it.
And He didn’t come to expose you—He came to heal you.

Tonight, you don’t have to fix anything.
You don’t have to explain everything.
You don’t have to clean yourself up first.

You just have to stop pretending.

Because freedom doesn’t begin when the pain is gone.
Freedom begins the moment you stop hiding it.

Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Not shame you.
Not crush you.
Not reject you.

Free you.

So tonight, take off the mask.
Step out of the shadows.
Let the light in.

This is not the end of your story.
This is the beginning of healing.
This is the first step toward freedom.

And you are not walking it alone.