Episode 134--The Dame Who Made a Difference

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 134 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you that you can live a joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice, life.  

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!  

What is today’s show about?

Today’s show is about a dame. But first, thank you to…

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So, welcome to December Ya’ll! It’s a tough month for us as childless people, but never you fear, have I got a story for you?! But first I want to thank you so much for your support this year. Thanks for listening to episodes, and thanks for reaching out to let me know how the episodes, the podcast, is helping you. 

I hear from a lot of you on Instagram, how cool right? Remember, you can find and follow me @joyandrelevance on Instagram. I’m also on Pinterest, Civilla Morgan. 

Sooo, January is already recorded! I can’t wait for you to hear my conversation with Sarah Roberts. It is just the perfect way to start a new year! Be sure to tune in. Hey, tune in all year. And don’t be a stranger. Your feedback really is a real source of encouragement. 

 I’m a history buff. I mean I love anything history. World history, the history of humanity, medieval history, art history. I mean I love history! In fact, one of my favorite podcasts is all about women throughout history.  So imagine my shock and surprise when I heard about this amazing woman! 

You see, the woman I’m talking about today was childless and husbandless, like many of us. And that’s what caught my eye. She had been mentioned on social media on the anniversary of her death. I believe it was a Google Doodle. I like to read the story behind Google Doodles because well, I love history and historical facts. But when they said she never married or had children, well, me too! 

The timing of it all was quite interesting too. I had been reading lots of posts on IG, about the treatment by society of those of us who never married and never had children, in earnest, the last couple of months. I mean it’s a thing, I’m living it, and have been for many years. But I had not heard much talk about it until the last few months as of this recording.  The pain in the posts was palpable. 

Well, after a little digging, I found one book on Amazon which I promptly ordered. I had to wait a little bit for the book, which made me a little nervous, but it finally came. It is an interesting read. Information on the book in the show notes, as well as some additional informational links on this lady! 

So here’s the thing:  Childless, husbandless, and a dame. Mary Eugenia Charles’ father started his life as a mason and then a farmer. He was snubbed by the elite, but that did not get in the way of his goals. He quietly went about the business of amassing wealth while the community looked down on him until he surpassed them in wealth. Her farmer father turned banker for the everyday person.

His plan was to send his four children to the best schools. Two of them became doctors, one became a nun, against her parent's wishes. And Eugenia went to law school. Then she got into politics. 

Oh, but imagine a woman getting into politics in the 1960s. You think it’s a man’s world now.

She had to create a tough exterior to deal with men who definitely did not want her in their presence. They felt she was a deviant because she never married and never had children. They felt she belonged in a lower class because her father had to work his way up the class ladder. 

She has been listed in Guida-Myrl Jackson-Laufer’s list of ‘Women Rulers Throughout the Ages’, listed among women such as Cleopatra, Mary Queen of Scots, and Isabella Queen of Spain; just to name a few.  

But hey, she gave as good as she got, although it had to be tough to hear that she was sterile, wore cheap underwear, really? Ignored when she fainted in the midst of these sharks. But she survived. 

She was indeed so successful at turning her country around, she ruled for 15 years, even surviving two attempted coups. Some of you may remember the invasion of Grenada back in the 1980s? She was an integral part of that. She brought battling factions in her country Dominica, not to be confused with The Dominican Republic. Two very different places.  together, and put strong people in her cabinet; which tells me she had a healthy level of self-confidence. Something I personally like in people I surround myself with. Just an aside. 

Intriguing right?  I mean aside from the obvious that she was childless and husbandless? It is said that she never married because she never met anyone she wanted to marry. 

These aren’t the days of arranged marriage right? So she just never met anyone and sometimes that’s just the way it is. Yet she made things happen despite the treatment she received, and despite not adhering to society’s ‘norms’. I mean some people marry so that they are not lonely. Some people opt not to marry if they can’t marry for love. Oh, this diehard romantic was shocked when I found out in my younger years that people married for all types of reasons and that love was just one of the reasons! The shock!  I also came to the realization that for me, I had no intention of marrying for anything less than love because when the going gets tough I have to know I love this person.  But that’s me.

So, how are you making stuff happen despite being childless or childless and husbandless? How do you deal with the people who watch you faint and ignore you? Or the people who accuse you of wearing cheap underwear? What about the people who spread assumptions about you? How will you deal? How do you deal? 

Let me remind you...

Those of us who are husbandless and childless are a family unit unto ourselves. I’ve said it before, a family is not only parents and kids, or husband and wife no kids. It can be you, just you. Human, worthy, single, childless, beautiful you. 

Remember that this holiday season. You deserve a place at the adult table just as much as the couple or the parents. Your sleeping arrangements should not be an afterthought.  

Now look, I realize you don’t want to create drama at the family gatherings, and I don’t want you to either. But I bet that’s why some families believe they can treat the single childless family member as an afterthought. They don’t believe you will make a scene. And you don’t have to. If there is a problem, kindly pull the host aside and have a civil conversation. If you feel the conversation is going nowhere, feel free to adult and make alternate plans some years. 

Look, we all want to see our family members, we all want to belong. But we have to decide if we want to belong so much we are willing to accept bad treatment gathering after gathering after gathering. Making alternate plans sometimes shows that you love and respect yourself.

Please, love and respect yourself. Until you do, no one else will. 

We are living in unbelievably difficult times. I mean family gatherings were difficult pre-pandemic. Now, everything has changed. Life as we knew it is no longer, no matter how much we want it to be all back to normal.  Normal is going to be different. And I believe the reason some of us are having a difficult time acclimating is that we are not moving ahead, but looking backward. 

There was good back there, but there was also bad back there. There was dysfunction, there was petty behavior at family gatherings. And yes, there are good memories from back there. 

But ahead, are good memories and good times. Especially when you create those moments and exercise those kind but firm boundaries. Trust your decisions. Trust your heart. Trust yourself. And have a lovely Holiday Season.

Details of her life:

 Mary Eugenia Charles, DBE was a Dominican politician who was Prime Minister of Dominica from 21 July 1980 until 14 June 1995. The first woman lawyer in Dominica, she was Dominica's first, and to date only, female prime minister. Wikipedia

Born: May 15, 1919, Pointe Michel, Dominica

Died: September 6, 2005, Fort-de-France, Martinique

Nationality: Dominican

Previous office: Prime Minister of Dominica (1980–1995)

Education: University of Toronto, London School of Economics and Political Science

Organization founded: Dominica Freedom Party

 

[email protected]

www.marylandattorneyatlaw.com; 301-218-9400

Articles/links of interest:

 

https://www.thegrenadarevolutiononline.com/damecharles.html

 

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Eugenia-Charles

 

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Research links:

Articles/links of interest:

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-85-adenomyosis-in-april

 

https://21stcenturyhannah.libsyn.com/episode-120-lets-talk-about-it

Special thank you to:

Everyone who reached out the last few months, including 2020.  I received several pieces of feedback on Instagram Messenger from people who advised the podcast has helped them quite a bit. I have put links to the episodes mentioned in the feedback here in the show notes. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to hear from you when an episode or the podcast on a whole, has helped you on your childless not by choice journey. Podcasters do not ask for feedback because we are narcissistic. Feedback is an engine for us. I like to give you all little tidbits of insight into the world of podcasting from time to time. And in the world of podcasting, feedback is part of the engine that keeps us going. When I first started podcasting and I was not getting tons of downloads, I would sometimes ask myself why exactly I was doing this. No one is listening, I would tell myself. I am not hearing from anyone. And just then, so many times, just then, I would get an email, a message in Facebook Messenger, or an Instagram post from a listener thanking me for what I do. It never failed. Those messages helped. So when you send a message, know that I read it. In fact, I have responded to every piece of feedback I’ve received. Thank you!  

My contact information:
Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan
Twitter: @civilla1
Instagram: @joyandrelevance
Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM
LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM
https://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice