Childless not by Choice
Childless not by Choice Podcast is the story of an entire segment of society that goes largely ignored and misunderstood as we hide in plain sight. I lived that story. I am living the story. Childless not by Choice is a podcast about the woman and man who wanted but could not have children. Of course, I invite everyone to listen. Because this is also a podcast that was created to bring awareness and conversation. It is a message for everyone: we are all walking the journey called life. But our paths are not the same. When we realize this, our minds will open up to the realization that we can treat each other with understanding, empathy, and grace, regardless of our journey, our paths.
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Episode 112--Childless not by Choice Caregivers
08/26/2019
Episode 112--Childless not by Choice Caregivers
Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 112! Well, I am recording this episode from Podcast Movement 2019, Orlando, FL. I have been having a great time, learning quite a bit, as usual; and looking forward to implementing a lot of what I have learned. A great big thank you to Talk Shoe for providing the opportunity to record live, (mention the microphone being used). TalkShoe is a community-building podcast platform that offers storage, streaming, global call-in capabilities, and state-of-the-art tools you need to get noticed online. Thank you Talkshoe and Retro Voice EV microphones! Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com or civilla@civillamorgan.com Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Sub intro: Well, here is the episode I’ve been working on, replete with info from the poll I took within our platform. I really felt like I had read or heard somewhere that most childless not by choice adult children end up becoming caregivers for their parents, but when I went searching for the information I could not find it. I engaged the members of the childless not by choice Facebook group, my local research librarian, and even another Facebook group that I belong to. Everyone seemed to have heard it said, but we just could not find it. A great big thank you to everyone in the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan and Childless not by Choice Supporters with Civilla Morgan Facebook group for responding to the poll. You helped me immensely. A great big thank you also to the group of childless women who maintain help other childless women! Before we continue, I would like to thank my Patrons! Patreon: These are the people who contribute to the platform financially every month via the Patreon platform. If you go to the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, the Patreon link can now be found on the website. Click on it, it will take you to the patreon website, and there you may choose the level of contribution that you would like to make on a monthly basis. Anywhere from $5.00 on up. Your contribution pays the website manager, the podcast producer, the podcast host, and the general maintenance of the platform. A great big Thank you to my patrons, you are appreciated! Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Magnum Opus: So, here are the poll results from within the Facebook groups: There were two initial questions, and then a third one was added by one of the group members. And I appreciate that because of course, it helped to better quantify the original questions: Have you cared for an elderly parent or family member in the past? yes=39% Are you currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=25% Never cared for an elderly parent or family member.=36% Here are the responses based on a total number of respondents: Question 1= Have you cared for an elderly parent/family member in the past?=17 (39%) Question 2= Currently caring for an elderly parent or family member?=12 (27%) Question 3= No= 16 (36%)= Remember in episode 111 I said I would not be surprised by the response? I still wish I could find whatever it was I had read on this subject though. If you have read or heard that most or many childless not by choice women and men are caregivers for their parents or another family member, please let me know along with the citation. It would be greatly appreciated. Knowing my brain, I will be subconsciously searching until I find it! So, I came to Podcast Movement 2019 thinking I would be back for a second year of meeting new people, possibly getting some new people to interview or being interviewed. But a funny thing happens when you make plans: those plans get turned on their ear! What happened, and is happening, is I am now feeling a pivot. I have no idea what that pivot will be, but I feel just as we would feel the wind blowing, that it is time for change. Last year I mentioned going to the next level. And I talked about ‘the next level’ again this year, until the first day of this year’s event. Something has changed and I honestly do not know what it is yet. I am being encouraged by a new friend I met at the convention, to remain open and it will come to me. So I am doing just that. I have had conversations at this event that I have not had in the past. I started the process a month or so ago, for something that will strengthen the reputation of the platform. When the process is complete I will let you know! So, in the last couple of episodes and in this one, the discussion has been on grieving. I have been transparent about my loss, (episode 110), talked about how the brain handles grief, (episode 111), and I was hoping to close out the three episodes with an interview. But it did not work out that way. This episode will be the third for this series on loss and grief. If I am able to finally obtain an interview I will let you know where that interview can be found. As we continue on with our subject matter here on the podcast, I will continue to take suggestions in the background, from those who have gone down this path before me: to lean into the grief, to feel all five of those stages of grief, and to allow myself to cry in front of others if that is when the tears come. And to take grief counseling. I am doing all of the above. Well in the first link below under ‘Links used for this article,' There is an eye-opening article on the NCBI--National Center for Biotechnology Information website. The title of the article is ‘Bereavement after Caregiving’. In this article, they discuss ‘Caregivers at risk for poor bereavement outcomes’ and ‘Diagnosis and treatment of complicated grief’, amongst other issues. One thing that stood out to me in the article was that complicated grief could include a form of PTSD--post-traumatic stress disorder. This article is worth the read if you are dealing with loss that may include as they call it, ‘complicated grief’. They not only provide the symptoms of complicated grief, but they discuss how to deal with it, and who is most susceptible. There was a surprise in that portion of the article. I will let you read it and see if you see it. I will say this to give you a hint: I believe how people deal with grief and grieving can be cultural. I did not say one culture deals correctly or incorrectly with grief, I am simply saying the differences can be cultural. And yet within each culture grief can be exhibited differently by personality and upbringing. In fact, I had a wonderful conversation with a lady here at PM19 who lost her mom a year ago. She was telling me that in her culture people talk about their loss openly. But we both came to the conclusion that Western culture seems to look the other way out of fear of hurting the person who is grieving. Lest I go down a rabbit hole, I will leave this here and continue on. It’s a short but very deep read. I hope you check out the article. Be sure to also check out the links under Links used for this episode, and the episodes mentioned in this episode.’ The show notes are there just for you! Articles you might find interesting: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/11/08/adult-caregiving-often-seen-as-very-meaningful-by-those-who-do-it/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries https://rtd.rt.com/stories/childfree-movement-birth-rate-voluntary-childlessness/ https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/info-2017/ptsd-trauma-caregiver-support-fd.html Links used for this episode: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2790185/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0091743506001629 (leisure-time exercise for caregivers v. non-caregivers) https://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/caregiver-grief-and-bereavement#1 https://www.caregiver.org/caregiver-statistics-demographics https://www.statista.com/statistics/241535/percentage-of-childless-women-in-the-us-by-age/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322403630_Childlessness_and_upward_intergenerational_support_cross-national_evidence_from_11_European_countries Episodes mentioned in this episode and suggested episodes: https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-101-ivf-versus-ptsd/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-110-tribute-to-my-mother/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-111-our-brains-are-simply-amazing/ Closing: Thank you for tuning in today. Remember, if you find value in this podcast, stop by Apple Podcast, formerly known as iTunes, and leave me a review. Reviews, um five-star reviews, help draw attention to a podcast. I believe drawing attention helps to get the word out and I am all about making sure childless not by choice women and men know they are not alone in their journey. So help me get the word out! My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 111 Our Brains are Simply Amazing!
07/15/2019
Episode 111 Our Brains are Simply Amazing!
You know We all grieve in different ways. Some people grieve inwardly, some grieve outwardly. Let’s allow everyone to process in their way. The reason I say this is because it is easy for us to say ‘hey, I don’t think that person is as sad about their loss as they should be’. We don’t know that. And no one should have to prove that they are grieving. I’m kinda going off on a tangent, but I really want to get this thought out there.
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Episode 110-Tribute to my mother
06/19/2019
Episode 110-Tribute to my mother
Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 110! Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Well, this is a special episode. I will do my very best to get through it without breaking down. You may wonder why I’m doing this while everything is so fresh, so raw, but I believe now is the time. I need to do this to move on. Bear with me. So, here’s the thing: I got my first real job when I was 14 years old. It was a summer job helping build the set for a play that would be performed that summer by members of our community, including my school’s swim class teacher. The play was called Guys and Dolls. I could not begin to tell you much about the job or the summer, but I will always remember the tune to the title song of the play. I have found myself humming it from time to time over the years. But I also remember one incident. My swimming teacher was apparently also a set designer. She was painting backdrops and I was positioning the backdrops. The only thing I remember her saying to me that summer was ‘ did you tell your parents?’ I responded ‘no.’ Within hours of my response to my teacher, and making my way home after work, I was confronted by my very upset parents, asking how I could not tell them such a thing. Ugh, she had told on me, and somehow, even at age 15, I knew she was doing the right thing, and probably also covering the school of any backlash and I totally got it. I don’t recall being mad at her. What did I not tell my parents? Well, some time near the end of the school year I had stayed after school for intramurals and was trying to be cool, jumping into the deep end of the pool knowing full well I could not swim. I nearly drowned. Someone had run and called the teacher that was covering intramurals that day. All I remember was feeling two really strong hands grab me from behind and pull me out of the pool, and my coughing embarrassingly on the pool deck. He was just in time too, because I had begun to run out of energy from flailing around, and had started to drift to the bottom of the pool. As a deeply shy and introverted 15-year-old, I wonder even now, if I had properly thanked those two teachers. I hope so. That was the second time in my life I almost died. There was one previous incident when I was nine, and there would be one more when I was in my early 20’s. I’m wondering why I’m thinking about that long ago swimming pool event in particular. I’m not sure. Maybe because at that point in my life I believed my parents would be around forever? But of course, that is not the case for anyone. We all die don’t we? All of these years later, the last time I saw my sweet mom, my best friend in the whole wide world was the evening of Sunday, May 5th as I got her ready for bed. By the morning of May 6th, she had exited this world leaving behind chronic pain, and chronic illness. I miss her terribly. What breaks my heart the most is I did not have a chance to say goodbye. My heart aches for my dad as June 5th--a month to the day after she died--would have been their 54th wedding anniversary. They loved each other so. I watched them all my life, through the ups and downs, thick and thin, flat broke, and money in the bank. They stuck it out. We don’t see many couples sticking it out through thick and thin these days. We hear a lot of ‘I don’t love him or her anymore’, ‘we’ve fallen out of love’, ‘we just can’t see eye to eye on anything anymore’. How exactly does one fall out of love? And could it be that couples don’t see eye to eye because no one wants to give in once in a while? Or maybe the same person is always giving in and the other person just doesn’t get that it can’t always be their way? Hey, I’m not a shrink. So I will leave those thoughts and questions right there. I sometimes thought I did not deserve my mom. She was quiet, reserved, her favorite color was beige. She taught us how to clean up after ourselves as young women, and my brother as a young. She taught us how to live clean, how to cook, and how to maintain a clean home. As nice and kind as she was, she did not mince words with us when we got out of line. But she also taught us how to be kind to others, how to let things go sometimes, and as she said ‘put the best construction on things’. Something I usually found difficult to do. I believe I was the most difficult of her five children because of that very difficulty. As an adult, I often wished I had listened to her more. But she was a patient mom. Being the mother of five children, she did not know the intricacies, the emotional pain, of being childless not by choice. She asked me questions, and she defended me when I told her the latest stupid comments or actions of those who did not understand the life of a childless not by choice person. She was my biggest defender. No matter how old we got to be, we called her Mommy. We call my dad Daddy. I guess it’s a Caribbean thing. I will never trust another human being as much as I trusted my mom. You may say that is just the rawness of such a recent loss talking. But it’s a fact. My mom learned how to text on her Android phone, and use her iPad very late in life. But she learned them. She enjoyed texting the entire family. She enjoyed researching celebrities ages on her iPad. She did not consider herself a smart person, but whenever she started with that ‘I'm not smart’ bit, I would remind her that she was one of the smartest people I knew. She could tell you about every event that was going on around the world. She knew who Lady Gaga was, she loved listening to The Gaithers and watching Bobby Schuller’s service on Saturday nights and Sunday afternoons. She was the smartest woman I knew. My mom raised five kids without serious incident, working her fingers to the bone to provide for us. She was mistreated on some of her jobs. And I remember feeling so helpless when she would tell me about the latest incident. But she always said she wanted to keep a righteous heart. And several times she would tell me how she had run into one or two of the people who did her wrong and they were not in a good place. But she never spoke badly about them and their plight. It will take the rest of my life to become half the person she was. I battled the medical community to pay attention to her needs the last few years of her life. Unfortunately, they did not care about the role of the caregiver, and I felt they definitely did not care about the plight of the elderly. Many of them ignored anything I had to say because although I knew my mom much better than they did, they could not hear above the din of their seven to 10 years of education. One time when she was in rehab, against my wishes, they gave her two similar diabetes medications. I ended up not sleeping that entire night as I did not trust the rehab staff to stay awake and prevent her blood sugar from going to zero. They proceeded to feed her junk all night to keep her blood sugar up. Shortly after that I had her taken out of the facility and brought her back home. I am not a clinician, but I did my best by my mom. I truly hope that one day caregivers will be heard in the medical community. In the meantime, if you are a caregiver, do not ever give up on your family member. Advocate for them even when the medical community gets upset and kicks you out of the hospital. Yes, that has happened to me. They would rather say ‘I'm sorry’ or say nothing at all if something terrible were to happen during one of their ‘mistakes’. I heard from one of her specialists calling to give condolences. The life of a caregiver is not easy. No part of it is. Becoming a caregiver changes your life...forever. And most times there is no warning that you are becoming a caregiver. It literally just kinda happens. Initially, you are taking your loved one to doctor’s appointments, then you find yourself handling prescription issues at the pharmacy advocating for your loved one, and then you begin to administer medications, and the doctor is talking to you even more than to the patient, about next steps after each appointment. Then you incorporate their schedule, their life, into yours; into your calendar, or in my case because I’m old school, into my daytimer. Caregivers have to watch time: time away from the person being cared for, time to administer medications, time to eat, time to get to doctor’s appointments. There are late nights...illness exacerbates at night. And the most overwhelming feeling for a caregiver is the feeling of helplessness which happened quite a few times for me. I was and am literally responsible for the person who took care of me. I was taking care of the person whose loving face was the first I saw when I came into this world. Talk about pressure. I did not want to mess up. I really thought I had more time to make changes in her care. The morning she passed I had planned to call one of her physicians to start a new treatment. But it was not to be. I now battle in my mind; the battle of wishing I had more time to make changes. But I also know as one my sisters always reminds me, ‘God is sovereign’. The bottom line is, we all have a day assigned to us, that last day on earth. The best thing we can do is to be sure we have our affairs in order so that we do not leave any undue burden on our family, and to be ready to meet our maker. My mom thanked me for caring for her. And all I could say was ‘you’re welcome mommy’. But what I should have said was ‘it is my honor. It is the least I can do.`` I know she knew I loved her though. I gave her loud kisses on her cheeks from time to time, I prayed with her some nights and comforted her as best as I could as things got worse. I was in love with her dimples, always wishing I had gotten them. But it turns out those beautiful dimples skipped a generation. Sometimes when I would be washing dishes she would sit at the kitchen table and we would talk about one thing or the other. I would say something and then get no response only to realize she snuck out on me to go watch the evening news. Well, She played that trick on me one last time. She snuck out on me without saying goodbye. I knew she did it because if she told me she was going I would have begged her to stay, as much pain as I knew she was in. My consolation as I grieve the loss of her presence in this world is that she is no longer in pain. She is no longer taking tons of pills, and going to tons of doctor’s appointments. She is now spending her time singing in the Soprano section of Heaven’s choir. Sing on my sweet mommy, until we meet again. Patreon Contributors: Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform to get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Articles of note: https://news.yahoo.com/longing-motherhood-loving-one-another-103003795.html Special thank you to: Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 109--'Life when the answer is no' ,My interview with Kate Kaufmann
05/22/2019
Episode 109--'Life when the answer is no' ,My interview with Kate Kaufmann
Intro: Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 109! Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me a voicemail. You have 90 seconds! Patreon Contributors: I would also like to thank my Patreon contributor Ivy Calhoun for her monthly financial contribution to the platform. Whether you contribute via patreon.com/childlessnotbychoice, or you go to the website and contribute via PayPal, your contributions are appreciated and used to help the platform get the word out. Thank you! https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Sandra Carzado Your Name Here Intro: Body of episode content: On the introduction page 12, you say... Can you talk to the childless not by choice woman who may be dwelling on the fact that she did not have children, she did not experience pregnancy or teen curfews, about how she can feel empowered in helping an absolute stranger go through college, or become a lifelong learner and teacher; how to accept her capacity to manage her life of ‘more freedom’ without feeling like she needs to answer to society about what she is doing with her time and money? This may be a bit of a follow up to the previous question, but you say on... ‘our impact on the world is enormous but often understated.’ As I read that passage I thought about two Prime Ministers who are childless: Theresa May of The United Kingdom and Australia’s former Prime Minister Julia Gillard. Probably for different reasons, but the fact is they are childless. And whether one agrees with their politics or not, the fact is they are childless and leaving a footprint. But they have gotten so much flack for being childless. How do you think those of us who are not so high profile can deal with society’s backlash? Your Introduction section can be a book unto itself! 14 ‘Who mentors a non-mom?’ I truly believe that is where and why Community is so important? As I read your book, I felt a sense of large scale community, it felt truly global, probably in part because the book reflects your travels as you interviewed and spoke with childless women--by choice or not. Could you describe community to us? Pg. 8--Ch.1-- These are the things society just generally does not think about. And if we allow society to not think of these things, we allow them to treat us like second class or unimportant citizens on life’s journey. How do we get them to see such intricacies without creating a sob story with every interaction we have? Pg. 34--Now I was really surprised by that statistic. It has never crossed my mind to witness a birth, and honestly, I have no interest. I just think it would make me dwell even more on what I did not get. Seriously, none of these women felt a pang of jealousy, sadness, ‘why not me?’ In chapter five where you beautifully but in a bittersweet way describe the end of your marriage, you talk about how important it is for us to consider how we define family. How our boundaries are shaped. Because proper boundaries are important to our mental and emotional health, childless or not. But as childless not by choice women we get to choose don’t we? (pg. 141) What I really loved about the book was how you incorporated the many facets of our humanity--childless, childfree, dreams and aspirations, what did and did not happen for us, our religious beliefs (thinking about Marianne’s story which intrigued me because I grew up in church), or not; planning for our elder years, all of these things remind us how three-dimensional we all are. As human beings, we all belong to multiple demographics and those who refuse to acknowledge that we are all more than our visible demographic tend to see us as one dimensional any way. But we are more than our childlessness aren’t we? Any closing thoughts, anything you would really like to cover before we sign off? Kate Kaufmann’s Contact Info: katekaufmann.com Articles you may find interesting: https://www.heraldscotland.com/arts_ents/17644303.we-are-a-pro-natalist-society-lorna-gibb-on-living-without-children/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-90-my-interview-with-jody-day-founder-of-gateway-women/ https://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-105-my-interview-with-pamela-mahoney-tsigdinos/ Special thank you to: Thank you Devoted, for the beautiful theme music we use here at Childless not by Choice. Devoted has had the opportunity to sing and play in many countries. To learn more about Devoted, including their concert schedule, visit their website at www.devotedministry.org. My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Childless not by Choice 'For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn'
04/16/2019
Childless not by Choice 'For Sale, Baby Shoes, Never Worn'
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. I would also like to thank everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life. Welcome to episode 108 Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Let’s jump right in! ‘For sale: baby shoes, never worn.’--Ernest Hemingway. Some say this was a short story Ernest Hemingway was asked to write. Some say this story pre-dates him. To me, regardless of the origin, it sounds like a story prompt. You know the prompts your English or history teacher probably gave you, and then you had to come up with the rest of the story. What is the rest of the story, your story? Why not use this story prompt to write your story. Write the story you would like to see play out for the rest of your life, not the life you wish you had. Your life. Be realistic, be positive, be truthful, be kind. If you feel like sharing, send your letter in and I will read it on a future episode. Before we move on, I would like to thank my Patreon contributors for their monthly financial contribution to the platform. And becoming a Patron just got easier. The link https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice is now on the www.childlessnotbychoice.net website. Just go to the home screen, look to the left below the telephone, and you will see the Patreon link. Clicking the link takes you to the Patreon site where you can choose whichever level of contribution fits your monthly budget. It’s that easy! Your contributions are appreciated! And by the way, that telephone on the website, there is a link below it that allows you to leave me a 90-second message. Give me a shout out. I may play your message on a future episode! Thank you to: https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Sandra Carzado Your Name Here In this episode, I want to talk about depression for a moment. According to Google, the definition of depression is 1.) ‘feelings of severe despondency and dejection.’ We’ve all been there. I remember feeling the most depressed during my 30’s. Probably because that was when everyone I knew was getting married and having kids. I kept asking God what was wrong with me. What was it about me that other people seemed to see that I did not? I questioned everything about myself. How tiresome that was! If you are going through the same thing now, I totally get it but try turning the conversation around in your head. Start telling yourself good things. It may seem forced at first but keep at it. There are some great affirmations on the Home page of the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. Check them out. You see, if you don’t like you, no one else will. And if you don’t speak positive things to yourself, all of the negativity from the negative people around you will seep through with no filter. Be your own filter. Create healthy boundaries. Smile as you protect yourself from the ugliness of the world. You are here. Make the best of it. Because the alternative, I’ve been there. It is not something many of us want to admit. It has taken me 108 episodes to finally admit to depression. It’s not an easy thing to talk about even to a trusted friend. I have been depressed over my childlessness. Depressed over the fact that my life did not turn out as expected--having a family, like normal people. I have wondered why I am on this planet. I mean really, what’s the point? What do I do now? What do I do with that innate need that 99.99% of women and men have, to want children? We see children as a way to carry our essence into the future. I wanted to pour all of my knowledge into a little vessel that had my features. I wanted to teach that little person how to get along with everyone, how to use a knife and fork, how to make it in the big city or in the wide open country. I did not get to do that. Now my branch of the family tree has come to an abrupt end. How depressing is that? Well, here are five things you can do to look that tree branch in the face and overcome the depression that can come with an abrupt ending you did not see coming. Give to your local community: time/practical items/finances/life experiences/knowledge. Ask for help from a health and wellness professional, i.e. a therapist for the mental and emotional issues. Get an exercise coach for your physical well being. When you feel good, or at least better about yourself, depression is less likely to hang around, at least not as long as it would have otherwise. Plan for your future. Put away as much as you can for your retirement, get rest and exercise, as mentioned above, and be aware of programs in your community that are there to help you as you age, and based on your age. Fight for your mental and emotional wellbeing. This means creating healthy boundaries between you and your family and friends. I created an entire course on how to create kind but firm boundaries. <place link here>. Remember, even during those times when you ask yourself why you are here unless they are trusted confidants who understand your struggle, your family and friends do not need to know. That is what your therapist is for. It’s not that you are pretending to be OK. Pretending to be OK would be opting not to admit you are depressed or opting not to see a therapist. You just can’t tell everyone everything. You may have not had the horrible opportunity, but there are people who exist that like to kick a person when they are down. Protect your heart. And remember, even if you are all by yourself, you are a family unit. Do not allow anyone to speak negatively into your spirit and your soul about that. Carry on. Yes, push through no matter what. Feelings come and go. Do not allow a temporary feeling to prompt you to make a permanent decision. I am not sure who said that, but it is so true. Get the help you need, take care of yourself, and carry on. All will be well as long as you do not stop along the way, to dwell on what was not to be. It was not to be. If it were, it would have happened--naturally or by your doing what was needed to be done to make it happen, i.e. adoption. Don’t beat yourself up if the adoption fell through, or the engagement broke off. Trust me when I tell you I am thankful for the day I broke off what I later realized would have been a nightmare! Anywhoo! Recently I was interviewed on a podcast where the host asked if I had ever considered suicide. Well, here is my answer. I did not consider it, but if you have, I get it. But don’t do it. I sometimes wondered what it would be like just not to be here. Would I be missed? Yes, the answer is yes. We would be missed. Not by the children we did not have. In some cases probably not by family members. Which is very sad but it’s the world we live in. You would be missed by the impression you would have made on this planet. The impression you are making now. The impression you are working on making now. Don’t give up. Man or woman, do not give up. You are the contribution to this world! Your talent is the contribution. Your existence is the contribution. Hang in there. Push through those valley moments. Take that sad story prompt I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, and make a beautiful story out of it. That’s the wonderful thing about us as human beings, we can turn the ugliest, saddest prompts, into the most beautiful stories. Do you have suggestions for pushing through depression? Let me know so that I can share it with your fellow listeners. Thank you for tuning in to episode 108. I posted some great links in the show notes for you on mental health, depression, and counseling for those of us who become depressed over our childlessness. The show notes are always chock full of great content created just for you. Be sure to check them out! Remember to leave me a message from right there on the website, or become a patron by clicking the Patreon link from the website.www.childlessnotbychoice.net. Until next time, bye! Articles used for this episode: https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/depression https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/involuntary-childlessness-depression.htm My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMhttps://www.teepublic.com/stores/childless-not-by-choice If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Search for Childless not by Choice, and hit the subscribe button. It’s that easy! Well, thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 107--Life Insurance, Long Term Care, and Retirement Communities, oh my!
03/19/2019
Episode 107--Life Insurance, Long Term Care, and Retirement Communities, oh my!
'If you have enough saved you probably do not need a life insurance policy, be true to yourself.--because the average American has about five thousand dollars in their checking account, and about the same in their savings account. Have you checked out how much the average funeral costs? Just add the two amounts together that I just mentioned, and you should be all set.'
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Episode 106--The Rest of the story
02/25/2019
Episode 106--The Rest of the story
‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’
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Episode 105--My interview with Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos
02/11/2019
Episode 105--My interview with Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Welcome to episode 105! •Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Questions or comments? Contact me at: Email: Info@civillamorgan.com Or Visit the website at www.childlessnotbychoice.net, look to the left on the home screen and click on the link below the telephone to leave me an up to 90-second voicemail. Bio/Intro: Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos (Sig- DIN - us) is an author, blogger and women's health advocate. She emerged as a reluctant spokeswoman in 2008 after a health reporter from The New York Times asked if she’d be willing to openly discuss her infertility experience. Pamela discussed the stubborn persistence of the infertility condition and the lack of a cultural framework to process the losses associated with being childless not by choice. The New York Times feature story that resulted produced astonishment and relief that someone candidly addressed the trauma of failed IVF and legacy of infertility. Soon thereafter she wrote what became an award-winning book called Silent Sorority. It became the first memoir on infertility not authored by a mother, Pamela's writing explores the complicated, disenfranchised grief and identity issues that accompany involuntary childlessness. Now more than a decade outside of the grief she once felt so viscerally, she educates and writes about the false promises and limitations of reproductive medicine and the personal and social impacts that accompany failed IVF. She is the co-founder of the grassroots initiative ReproTechTruths.org. When she’s not researching and writing she enjoys discussing history, Indie films, documentaries, politics, current events and literature with extended family and friends. Questions: In one of your articles, I read that childless not by choice women quote ‘have more time to confront our feelings than the mother who is busy raising or trying to have kids.’ That statement made me a little nervous as I’ve always believed that when we have too much time to think we can go to some dark or negative places, and sometimes that is good, as going to those places can help a healthier mind process and bring thoughts back to a good place resulting hopefully in a positive outcome of our processing. But what do you say to the woman who is still grieving and maybe not quite dealing with negative thoughts properly? 2) ‘It is quite striking to see that women who do have children but still wish for more children report poorer mental health than those who have no children but have come to accept it.’ This is a quote from your blog ‘Fess Up. What Are Your Blind Spots?’ In that article you made two great points: 1) if you or probably most childless not by choice women had had the child, they, we, wouldn’t grumble about the fact that these women should be happy they got the one. And 2) human nature tends to maintain a level of loss if we don’t get everything we wanted, i.e. the number of children we really wanted. I will be honest, one of my biggest pet peeves is to hear a woman murmur about not being able to have more children. I always want to say ‘are you kidding me right now?’ 3) The rest of us — we didn’t even make the cut as outliers — no graphics on the number of women who came away empty-handed after extensive (and expensive) fertility treatments and no graphics on the number of failed adoptions. That would be a great project for those of us running childless not by choice platforms, groups, etc, to gather that information from our readers, listeners, and followers? 4) There is no ‘welcome to the club kit’ for childless not by choice women. We see the rites of passage, but we don’t get to partake. What should we do instead? What is our rite of passage, and passage to where? 5) As I read the article your blog ‘Prince Harry and I Agree: Bury Grief at Your Peril’, your new neighbor upon hearing that you and your husband were never able to have children and she says ‘you can have one of mine’, I found myself thinking how far we have come as a society to be able to talk about childlessness, but how far we still have to go when people are still using that old, tired line. How far along are we, do you think? Do you think we’ve only just scratched the surface in 2019? 6) In regards to Erik Erickson’s ‘Generativity versus stagnation’ stage--stage seven of his eight stages of the theory of psychosocial development’, (This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs). What can we do as we become older, to help alleviate that helpless feeling that we will leave the planet leaving nothing of consequence behind? Asking for a friend. Books, Articles, Blogs, by Pamela Tsigdinos: https://blog.silentsorority.com/pope-prejudice-reinforce-negative-views/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/placing-motherhood-on-pedastel/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/grief/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/how-about-a-time-cover-story-on-women-who-arent-moms-or-childfree/ https://blog.silentsorority.com/blindspots/ https://www.amazon.com/dp/B003PJ7D3U/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1 Silent Sorority is an award-winning book. It reveals with candor, humor, and poignancy the intense and at times absurd experience of adjusting to a life as a "non-mom" when nature and science don't cooperate in the family building department. Outside of the physical reckoning there lies the challenge of moving forward in a society that doesn't know how to handle the awkwardness of infertility. With no Emily Post-like guidelines for supporting couples who can't conceive, most well-intentioned "fertile" people miss the mark. https://www.seleni.org/advice-support/2018/3/6/accepting-childlessness-after-infertility https://www.coming2terms.com/2007/02/03/just-the-beginning/ https://www.coming2terms.com/2009/11/01/the-ultimate-test/ https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html Generativity versus stagnation is the seventh of eight stages of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This stage takes place during middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65 yrs). Generativity refers to "making your mark" on the world through creating or nurturing things that will outlast an individual. People experience a need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often having mentees or creating positive changes that will benefit other people. We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations. Through generativity, we develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. By failing to find a way to contribute, we become stagnant and feel unproductive. These individuals may feel disconnected or uninvolved with their community and with society as a whole. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care. Pamela’s Contact information: Pamela Mahoney Tsigdinos Award-Winning Author & Top Health Blogger Connect: ptsigdinos@yahoo.com @PamelaJeanne Check out ReproTechTruths and the #UnmaskingIVF campaign My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 104--Shame, Statistics, and Mental Health
01/28/2019
Episode 104--Shame, Statistics, and Mental Health
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. If you are joining us for the first time, welcome! And thank you to everyone who recognizes that we are not all living the same type of life.
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Episode 103--Childlessness is not an Illness
01/14/2019
Episode 103--Childlessness is not an Illness
Childlessness is not an illness. 'I wanted to work on getting the church in general, to be more aware of the childless not by choice members sitting in their pews.'
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Childless not by Choice episode 102-Christmas 2018
12/24/2018
Childless not by Choice episode 102-Christmas 2018
'...not everyone is going to be comfortable with this platform or our childlessness. Still.'
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Episode 101 IVF versus PTSD
12/10/2018
Episode 101 IVF versus PTSD
For people with PTSD, it is very common for their memories to be triggered by sights, sounds, smells, or even feelings that they experience. These triggers can bring back memories of the trauma and cause intense emotional and physical reactions,
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Episode 100 Let's Celebrate!
11/26/2018
Episode 100 Let's Celebrate!
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we did not have the children we so wanted. We are not all living the same type of life, and sometimes there is no one more painfully aware of that fact than the childless not by choice person. And that’s why this platform, this podcast, was created. But the great news is people of all demographics listen to this podcast! That means the awareness and conversation are taking place! When that happens globally, the childless not by choice are no longer stigmatized, bullied, or ignored. How awesome is that?! Well... Welcome to episode 100! I have some VIP’s I need to give a shout out to: Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a monthly basis to help maintain our platform and podcast. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Ivy Calhoun Your Name Here Today we celebrate episode 100! I cannot begin to tell you what it has taken to get here! The podcast turned three this past July, and the platform turns four in this very month. This has been a celebration year on many levels! Looking back on when I started to build this platform in November of 2014, thinking on the people who came alongside to help me build it, and seeing where it is now is just amazing. My podcast producer told me recently that episode 100 puts me in the top 20% of podcasts that are at 100 and above in episodes! Wow! I am truly humbled! Thank you to everyone who has listened to the episodes, given feedback, requested that I cover certain topics, and let me know via email, Facebook Messenger, Twitter, and Instagram, how much this podcast has helped you! To help celebrate this momentous occasion, I have a few guests! They are members of the platform, and I am so excited to introduce them! Welcome everyone: Group contributors: Joanna H. Temika G. Sherry F. Joanna M. And Myself How did everyone find out about the platform? How long has each person been on the platform/listening to the podcast? How has the platform helped with dealing with your childlessness? What was your road to acceptance like? Or are you still trying to get to acceptance? What would you say to the childless not by choice woman or man listening who is still struggling with childlessness? Have you discussed your childless not by choice journey with anyone since joining the group? How do you deal with the times you feel down about your childless not by choice journey? I want you to encourage the childless not by choice woman or man who is listening. Closing comments If you would like to become a one time or ongoing sponsor, or if you would like to advertise your business or an upcoming event, contact me at info@civillamorgan.com for details. Remember, subscription to the podcast is free. Simply go to Apple Podcast, or your favorite podcast player located on your smart device, Stitcher Radio, Spotify, Overcast, etc, and search for Childless not by Choice. Tap the subscribe button and you will receive notifications every time a new episode posts! Articles, episodes, and sites mentioned in this episode: https://honey.nine.com.au/2018/10/02/09/13/shelly-horton-defends-her-decision-not-to-have-children My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice! Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 99--Childless not by Choice woman gets raw and real
11/12/2018
Episode 99--Childless not by Choice woman gets raw and real
In this episode, I discuss the fact that I've been put on notice for being too positive, the fact that there have been many changes in the platform behind the scenes, and the fact that I will continue on because I care for the heart of the childless not by choice woman and man, globally.
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Episode 98--Pet Therapy for the Childless not by Choice Demographic
10/22/2018
Episode 98--Pet Therapy for the Childless not by Choice Demographic
Training their three Goldendoodles has become Michelle’s passion, which ultimately culminated in the therapy dog certification of their girl, Murphy.
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Episode 97--Can Childless Women Bond?
10/08/2018
Episode 97--Can Childless Women Bond?
The bottom line is this, whether you are childless not by choice or not, the need and the ability to care for another being helps heal the soul. And when caring for this being as a childless not by choice woman or man, the healing process can help fill your mind with love instead of dwelling on a life that did not happen as expected.
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Episode 96--Childless not by Choice Woman Plants 8000 Trees! The story of Saalumarada Thimmakka
09/24/2018
Episode 96--Childless not by Choice Woman Plants 8000 Trees! The story of Saalumarada Thimmakka
'It is said they started planting trees when they realized they were not going to be able to have children.'
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Episode 95--Seamonster, my interview with Recording Artist Chiara Berardelli
09/10/2018
Episode 95--Seamonster, my interview with Recording Artist Chiara Berardelli
The songs depict a journey, from the crashing realisation that something so longed for is permanently out of reach in the title track to the tentative beginnings of finding joy again in the song Somewhere New.
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Triggers: how to recognize them, face, them, and deal with them!
08/27/2018
Triggers: how to recognize them, face, them, and deal with them!
But research showed that there are of course sexual assault triggers, there are PTSD triggers, there are emotional triggers, and the list goes on.
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Episode 93--My On Location Episode Recorded at Podcast Movement 2018
08/13/2018
Episode 93--My On Location Episode Recorded at Podcast Movement 2018
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless, not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. •Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan MorganWell, by the time you hear this episode I will be back home from my first time attending a Podcast Movement Convention, a convention for podcasters and would be podcasters. Podcast Movement 2018 is being held in Philadelphia, PA, this year. Technically it’s my first visit, but my voice went to Podcast Movement 2017 which was held in Anaheim, as I was asked to do voice over at that event for the award ceremony segment. Well, as I speak, it is the morning of day 2 of the convention. I had to grab coffee on the way to this recording to be sure I was coherent! I would like to thank the people at Talkshoe for affording me the opportunity to record live from Podcast Movement 2018! Thank you Talkshoe! And I would also like to thank Heil, the makers of microphones, headphones, and pertinent audio and sound gear. And of course Steve Stewart, Podcast Producer, Director of FinCon Podcast Network. Well, if you’ve been listening to Childless not by Choice for any length of time, you know how much I love the medium of podcasting because it has allowed me to get the word out globally that we, the childless not by choice community, does exist, in plain sight! I am blessed to be able to attend Podcast Movement 2018, as it adds another layer of learning and going to the next level in my commitment to you and to the craft that allows me to speak directly to you. Well, as the month of July comes to a close, so does my month-long celebration of three years of podcasting. The celebration may be coming to an end, but the joy in my heart because I get to give a voice to us, and I get to encourage you, that will continue on. Thank you for celebrating with me this month! In fact, the only thing cooler is when I get to hear from you when you’ve listened to an episode that helped you so much, like this message I received via Facebook DM: Quote: ‘Hi Civilla! I was listening to your podcast episode 59 Endometriosis. I was suffering from that horrible disease for years and years since I was 22 yrs old. I remember you told me that you noticed a turn for the better in my comments on FB. Well, I did some of the things that you talked about in the podcast. I went to talk therapy, got several medical opinions regarding the disease in my body, and I found a doctor that did the Excision of Adhesion surgery. And I’ve been great ever since! Only I haven’t gotten pregnant. But at least I feel better, ttyl.’--TG. --unquote. Wow! It doesn’t get any better than this! You know, as I read that message the first time, I was so touched by the timing. I tend to get a message or email like this right after I finished wondering if I am really getting through to anyone! It never fails! Lol! As I read it again, I started thinking about how my suggestions are based on personal experiences. Honestly, it is sometimes bittersweet. as I sometimes look back on my experiences, and there are things I wish I had done, or done differently or things that I had known. But I can’t dwell back there, in the past. And neither can you. We must look ahead, face forward even if we still feel immobilized by grief. Here is another message I received just a couple days ago, from a Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group member: I just listened to this podcast and I'm very grateful that something like this is available for I wouldn't be around since experiencing becoming childless.... I also watched the youtube video by Dr. Cristina and it hit the nail about what I'm dealing with... I still have my down days and I have not attended anything dedicated to children (recently a baby dedication happened at church which I saw ahead of time when it was going to happen so I didn't go)... I know by listening to these podcasts will help encourage me to keep looking up and finding that acceptance to being childless... as I'm approaching a year of my surgery... I looking at this from a different angle and now hope that churches see that this is a real deal and they should open their hearts to those of us who are not able to have children so they can see we are as important just like the mommies and daddies...Thank you Civilla for putting these together for I know I am not alone and even with tears falling that I am loved and valuable even though I can't have my own children.--Staci M. She is referring to episode 91--celebration of three years of podcasting. And the YouTube video she is referring to, I will put the link in the show notes. THAT is a powerful video by a wonderful doctor, who is childless not by choice. Look, It is already difficult enough that grief comes in waves, and as we move along in our journey the time between each wave can be longer than when we first realized we would not have children. In the beginning, the waves were seconds or minutes apart. Now, they may be days and months apart. And yes, there are triggers. And the triggers are different for everyone. And triggers can bring a wave crashing into our peaceful surf. You guys know how much I love the beach! Don’t ignore your triggers, but do not allow them to run your life either. Recognize them, do what you must to manage them: see a therapist. Remember episode 88, where I interviewed Licensed Therapist Christy Jordan? Her contact information is in the show notes for that episode. And I will be adding her information to the Resource tab on the website. Talk to a trusted friend or spiritual leader. Join a virtual community like ours which is on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net, or search for a local area MeetUp with a positive spirit, or vibe. It doesn’t make sense to sit and chat with women who are also childless and come away from the conversation feeling more depressed. And remember, if you would like to speak with me one on one, the instructions are on the Shop tab on the website. Bottom line, there is nothing wrong with triggers. We are humans dealing with something that in most cases we did not think we would have to. Especially when we are surrounded by family members who had multiple children with no problem. And of course remember to get a second opinion, as TG did, in the above message. Second opinions are very important, especially if what the first opinion is suggesting is questionable in your mind, or irreversible. This is why I say it so often: get a second opinion. Getting a second opinion is not disrespectful to your doctor. Indeed, they almost always expect you to do it when they give you a bad report. So please do not be afraid. You only have one body. And if they are talking hysterectomy, you only have one uterus. Review all of your options. It took me 10 years to come to the realization that my only option would be a hysterectomy. No doctor could convince me before I was ready. And they did try. That was the reason for my requesting a second opinion. A doctor who instantly suggested a hysterectomy after my first visit. This was although he knew I had no children. He asked if I wanted children, and I told him I did. I left his office and never went back. My new OB/Gyn would be the one who stood by me as I waited, hoping to meet Mr. Right. It was only when I finally decided to have the hysterectomy, that he advised me I would have an exponentially better quality of life, I did not care. I was about to lose the ability to carry a baby. And none of it was fair. I felt good the morning of the surgery. I felt strong. I felt a little twinge of ‘what have I done?’ after the surgery, but honestly, it did not last long. There was that moment I have told you guys about where I cried incessantly until I decided to visit a psychiatrist, but my OB/GYN was right, my quality of life has gotten better exponentially. What I am saying is, find a doctor you trust, review his or her findings, and make a decision. Don’t blow things off especially if a cancer diagnosis is involved. I did not have that diagnosis, so waiting around for Mr. Right for 10 years was uncomfortable, embarrassing, depressing, but cancer was not a part of my story. Bottom line, exercise common sense, have a say in your treatment and do what is best for you. It is your body! And remember, if you do have a hysterectomy, there is a PDF on the Resource tab for post-hysterectomy care. I can’t tell you why doctors do not tell their patients the practical things, like waiting a few weeks before wearing heels. Heels put pressure on your midsection that you do not feel until you have a surgery like that. That is no good for the healing process. Wear loose clothing the first few days or weeks. I still cannot answer the question as to why I wore jeans with a belt to an MD appointment shortly after one of my several myomectomies. Common sense things like these will help you heal faster. Check out the PDF list for more information. And thanks again for tuning in. Until next time, bye! Articles of note: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XcAzx0jlhI&t=9s http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-88-finding-hope-today-my-interview-with-licensed-therapist-christy-jordan/ https://www.mamamia.com.au/childfree/ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/wires/pa/article-6037381/Caution-urged-social-egg-freezing.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThings I said in this episode:‘You want to heal properly or you will never heal properly.’ Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless, not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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My Childlessness Is Not My Fault
07/23/2018
My Childlessness Is Not My Fault
It may seem that way, as I am using the possessive adjective to describe the fact that I am childless. That my life did not turn out the way I expected it would. But the more important issue is that human beings tend to blame each other for things we cannot control. My childlessness is not my fault.
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Episode 91--Celebrating Three Years of Podcasting!
07/09/2018
Episode 91--Celebrating Three Years of Podcasting!
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here. I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. • Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!)https://www.patreon.com/Childlessnotbychoice Jordan Morgan Well, when I set out three years ago to do this thing called podcasting, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Fortunately, some awesome people came alongside me along the way. The first few episodes reflect my fear, or my effort to hide my fear. The newer episodes still make me cringe when I hear them, or if I see someone going through and listening to the entire library. I pray they don’t judge me, lol. But as I just surpassed episode 90, I can honestly say things have gotten much better. There are fewer nightmare scenarios. They happen, but they are less. I will admit that I actually cried for the first time over an episode not too long ago. I will not tell you which one of course. I mean the tears just streamed down my face almost without notice. Suddenly they were just there and would not stop! I would have done anything not to have cried in front of my poor podcast producer. He was very stoic about the whole thing and worked so hard to fix the issue. It actually turned out really well. I continue to be eternally grateful for him. Talk about an answer to prayer three years ago! As the months and years have gone by, I have received more and more emails and Direct Messages. People are slowly coming out of the woodwork and reaching out. I want to tell you that I know how tough it is and that I will probably not hear from many of you. And that is OK, but just keep listening and allow your heart to heal. And for those of you who do reach out, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is your notes and letters that keep me going. Like this recently received email: Dr. Cristina. When I saw her video on YouTube, I was speechless. I will be putting the link to said video in the show notes. And I will be working on and researching for this episode soon. I am actually really looking forward to it as I would never have put PTSD and infertility together. Our mind and body are amazing, aren’t they? Intricate and basic at the same time. Thank you, Dr. Cristina, for your wonderful email. Or this Facebook DM that I received from Diana, and for which I created episode 89. I will put the link to that episode in the show notes. http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-89-unexplained-infertility-aka-idiopathic-infertility/ Or this May 2018 message from Carol where she referenced my interview with Chelsea Patterson Sobolik in episode 86. Every episode I mention there will be a link to that episode in the show notes. http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-86-longing-for-motherhood-holding-onto-hope-in-the-midst-of-childlessness-my-interview-with-chelsea-patterson-sobolik/ I am so thankful for that timely episode so that Carol and so many other women who sit in church probably feeling less than, can realize that not all prayers are answered the same way. As Chelsea said in episode 86, not every story ends with a neat bow. Well, the platform continues to grow. There are now well over 300 women in the Facebook group, and we are continuing to grow the Community over on the website. The Community set up is similar to Facebook except it allows for more conversation, groups, and forums. You simply have to log in and join the conversation. The community is on the website, www.childlessnotbychoice.net. See my contact info in the show notes. This is year three of podcasting, but November will mark year four of the creation of this platform. As I mentioned earlier, some wonderful people have come alongside and helped me in the back end. My Podcast Producer Kevin Scullion of Alba Digital Media. He also maintains my website. My theme music created by Devoted, and Morgan Air who sponsors this podcast. I have been asked what airconditioning has to do with a childless not by choice podcast. And my response is, What does air conditioning have to do with donating backpacks to kids who would not otherwise be able to afford them? If you see a need fill it. When you know there are hurting hearts all over the globe and you feel lead to help whomever you can, branding is not necessarily a deterrent. Having said that, I would love more sponsors. Sponsorship opportunities are available for as short as one month, for example, if you have an upcoming event. You may also sponsor the show for three months, six months, one year, or more. Email me or DM me and I will send you the application. Sponsorship money and Patreon contributions are reinvested into the podcast and the entire platform. I want to build courses directly into my website, and the platform for those courses are not cheap. I also plan to upgrade my podcast system, including building or buying a portable sound booth. Every penny will be put to use. Enough about money...for now. Well, here’s to many, many more years of Podcasting, creating conversation and awareness, and watching hearts heal. My sincerest thanks to you for listening, conversing, and sharing this platform. Before I sign off, I would love for you to hear this wonderful message that was left on my website: Message from Mareshah. Episodes/articles mentioned in today’s episode: Episode 86--see link above Episode 89--see link above Dr. Cristina Archetti’s YouTube video: ‘Embodied’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XcAzx0jlhI&t=4s Blog: The 40th Anniversary of-of IVF: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/ivf-infertility-treatment-how-change-louise-brown-motherhood-a8332241.html My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMThank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 90--My interview with Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women
06/25/2018
Episode 90--My interview with Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women
Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women, is author of the best-selling book ‘Living the Life Unexpected: 12 Weeks to Your Plan B for a Meaningful and Fulfilling Future Without Children’, and the best selling book ‘Rocking The Life Unexpected--. She is a founding member and former board member at www.awoc.org (Ageing Without Children).
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Episode 89--Unexplained infertility, aka idiopathic infertility
06/11/2018
Episode 89--Unexplained infertility, aka idiopathic infertility
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon and become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah Jordan Morgan I’ve done episodes on various types of infertility disease states such as Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, PCOS, MRKH, Fibroids, to name a few. In the case of these diagnoses, you have just that, a diagnosis. Indeed, you have the proof that comes along with or proves the diagnosis. There’s the scar tissue of endometriosis, the constant not taking a baby to term in miscarriage, the cysts, the tumors. The ugly proof truth is there constantly. The side effects are there, and the surgery suggestions that come with some of these diagnoses. But what about when no one knows why you are not getting pregnant? Welcome to episode 89--Unexplained infertility I received the following message back in April: ‘While listening to your PCOS segment, I wondered if you have ever done an unexplained infertility seg. If you haven't I would like to ask you to think about doing one because it is something that isn't talked about often enough. I have unexplained fertility and I feel it is the greatest struggle of my life. It is a mystery disease that makes doctors shrug as there is no cure if there is no disease other than lack of pregnancy. I am currently fighting it by following a strict keto diet of low carb high fiber veggies, no sugars or processed carbs and fatty meats. I listen to your podcasts while at the gym because they make me feel less alone, and that you are fighting my disease with me. Thank you for your time.’—Diana.’ So, let’s talk about unexplained infertility… Unexplained infertility, aka idiopathic infertility According to a CDC article on Womenshealth.gov, Infertility means not being able to get pregnant after one year of trying (or six months if a woman is 35 or older). Women who can get pregnant but are unable to stay pregnant may also be infertile. About 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant’. Unexplained infertility and female age And... According to https://www.advancedfertility.com/unexplai.htm The likelihood of a diagnosis of unexplained infertility is increased substantially in women 35 and over - and greatly increased in women over 38. The reason for this is that there are more likely to be egg quantity and quality problems as women age. Since we do not have a "standard category" called egg factor infertility, these couples sometimes get lumped into the "unexplained" infertility category. Most women over 40 who try to get pregnant will have difficulty, and fertility over age 44 is rare - even in women who are ovulating regularly every month. The point is that the older the female partner, the more likely that there is an egg-related issue causing the fertility problem. Unfortunately, there is currently no specific test for "egg quality". (I did not know there was not a test for egg quality.) Also mentioned on the same website... Chance for getting pregnant on own - without fertility treatment - for couples with unexplained infertility The duration of infertility is important. The longer the infertility, the less likely the couple is to conceive on their own. After 5 years of infertility, a couple with unexplained infertility has less than a 10% chance for success on their own. One study showed that for couples with unexplained infertility and over 3 years of trying on their own, the cumulative pregnancy rate after 24 months of attempting conception without any treatment was 28%. This number was found to be reduced by 10% for each year that the female is over 31. (Reference: Collins, JA, and Rowe, TC. Fertility and Sterility 1989;52:15-20.) According to verywellfamily.com. I found the following quite interesting, and I would strongly suggest you check out the site, but listen to this: they seem to believe there is a fundamental difference between two terms that seem to be used interchangeably: Unexplained Infertility vs. Idiopathic Female or Male Infertility They say, It’s important to clarify that unexplained infertility is not the same as idiopathic female or male infertility. Idiopathic means unexplained. But when a doctor talks about idiopathic male infertility, for example, they have already determined the man is infertile. His semen analysis results were not normal. Why are the semen analysis results not normal? That may not be known. If the doctor can’t determine the cause, they may say he has idiopathic male infertile. Idiopathic female infertility may occur when a woman isn’t ovulating regularly or normally, but it’s unclear why ovulation isn’t happening when it should. In both of the examples above, it’s known why the couple can’t conceive—she isn’t ovulating, or his semen isn’t in the fertile range. With unexplained infertility, the eggs are coming, the sperm are fine, but the couple still isn’t getting pregnant. So that’s the bottom line with regards to the term or terms: unexplained infertility and idiopathic infertility. But as I researched whichever term you want to use, I will call it unexplained infertility to keep it simple, I started reading about secondary diseases that can cause infertility. Like Celiac Disease for instance! The link to that article is in the show notes. https://www.verywellhealth.com/celiac-disease-and-infertility-562998 So, if you are dealing with any other disease, or think you may be, it may be a great idea to speak with your doctor about the possibility of a secondary disease interfering with your fertility. And remember, get a second opinion. The issue of Celiac Disease also came up in Heather Huhman’s HuffPost article. I put the link in the show notes. I am not going into detail on Celiac Disease here because the episode is not about that, but about unexplained infertility. But I strongly suggest you read up on it if you have been diagnosed or suspect you have the condition. I'm listing the episode link below because some of my research for this episode included information from Heather Huhman: http://childlessnotbychoice.net/episode-58-pcos-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/ Some other interesting things I found out in my research: Google ‘Not enough water, not drinking enough water — or drinking too many unhealthy beverages like sodas, coffee or alcohol — can lead to dehydration and negative effects upon your fertility... --Apr 21, 2015’ ‘Ginger– Ginger is an incredible food that reduces inflammatory responses in the body (good for fertility) and encourages healthy, gentle, detoxification (good for fertility). It also helps in overall digestion, which increases your ability to nourish yourself. Mar 28, 2017’ There were more suggestions on foods, herbs, and nutrition in general. I will let you do the research on that as we are all different and different things work for different people. And I do not want to get bogged down in sounding like I am suggesting a cure for infertility. Articles of note: http://allafrica.com/stories/201806050128.html Articles on idiopathic infertility: https://www.womenshealth.gov/a-z-topics/infertility https://www.thebump.com/a/celiac-disease-during-pregnancy http://www.winfertility.com/a-success-story-pregnant-after-unexplained-infertility/ https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/252824.php https://www.advancedfertility.com/unexplai.htm https://www.verywellfamily.com/explanations-for-unexplained-infertility-4081776 https://www.huffingtonpost.com/heather-huhman/5-frustrating-facts-about_b_7632640.html https://celiac.org/celiac-disease/understanding-celiac-disease-2/what-is-celiac-disease/ My contact information:Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey!https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ ‘Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 88--Finding Hope Today, My interview with Licensed Therapist Christy Jordan
05/28/2018
Episode 88--Finding Hope Today, My interview with Licensed Therapist Christy Jordan
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah Jordan Morgan Well, we have a special guest today! Introduce Christy: Christy Jordan is a certified addictions professional and mental health counselor with over 10 years experiencing working with individuals, families, and couples. Her focus is helping others find hope to overcome life's obstacles and creating a life without bondage whether that is in their relationships or as individuals. She provided office and online sessions based on clients needs working with clients internationally and locally. Her website is www.findinghopetoday.com where you may contact her directly, or find more information on her experience and expertise. Welcome, Christy: Well, let’s jump into the questions! 1)My question for the therapist is about intimacy in marriage. Now that my husband and I are working on accepting our childlessness, it feels like intimacy is no longer a priority. I sometimes feel like he finds other things (work, hobbies) to keep himself occupied. I understand that this may be part of the grief process but my question is... as a couple, how do we keep the intimacy and communication alive in the marriage while we adjust/ accept our CNBC status? 2a) Is when as a couple you get to the point of realizing it really is not going to happen and “you are an empty nester without ever being a nester” how do you keep it all alive? 2b) How does a couple transition into the “new and different dreams”? Is it just easier said than done? 3) How do you let go of any resentment towards yourself because you are the reason as a couple there are no kids. 4) Another question from one of the group members: Can you talk to us about how legacy looks for the childless not by choice woman, man, couple? 4a) Can you talk about the consideration for divorce when a spouse refuses to consider adoption? 5a) How do you stop thinking if there will be anyone to take care of you? 5b) Will you ever find lasting peace with your CNBC journey? Christy’s contact information: www.findinghopetoday.com Books and other resources recommended by Christy: ‘The Bondage Breaker’, by Neil T. Anderson ‘Communication, Sex, Money’-Edwin Louis Cole 'Boundaries in Marriage--(great for communication strategies), by Dr. Henry Cloud Also... Dale Partridge has a great blog and teachings on purpose and legacy Thought Redirection Techniques (these are third party websites, and in no way connected with the Childless not by Choice platform. These sites are listed here solely to help you find additional assistance in mindset and thought process on your childless not by choice journey.) https://mrsmindfulness.com/the-four-keys-to-overcoming-negative-thinkingfor-good/ https://learnevolveandthrive.com/how-to-redirect-your-thoughts-when-you-experience-emotional-pain/ https://chopra.com/articles/the-art-of-redirecting-negative-thoughts ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.’--Philippians 4:8. My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.comFacebook: booksbycivillamorganTwitter: @civilla1Instagram: @joyandrelevancePinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSMLinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSMPlease help me out by taking this very short survey!https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it!Until next time! Bye! ‘To recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world.’ Spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life’.
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Episode 87--Post-Mother's Day Monologue, How did you do?
05/14/2018
Episode 87--Post-Mother's Day Monologue, How did you do?
We are always thankful that our moms are recognized. But there is that dread because there is no one to call us mommy. That elephant in the room!
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Episode 86--'Longing for Motherhood, Holding onto hope in the midst of childlessness', My Interview with Chelsea Patterson Sobolik
05/08/2018
Episode 86--'Longing for Motherhood, Holding onto hope in the midst of childlessness', My Interview with Chelsea Patterson Sobolik
It’s actually a pet peeve in the childless not by choice community, because if we had wanted to or were able to adopt, we would have.
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Episode 85--Adenomyosis in April
04/23/2018
Episode 85--Adenomyosis in April
I had never heard of Adenomyosis until just a month or so before this recording. I was searching around for what infertility issues were highlighted in particular months throughout the year, when I happened upon Adenomyosis, and that it was highlighted in April.
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Episode 84--Rubbing Salt into the Wounds
04/09/2018
Episode 84--Rubbing Salt into the Wounds
Rubbing Salt into the Wounds Years ago, when I was still trying to hang onto hope, I did everything my OB/GYN suggested. One of those things was to take an injection that was available in a monthly or 90-day dose. The medication was used to dissolve fibroids. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of this medication was menopausal symptoms. I called it man-made menopause. I had hot flashes, mood swings, depression, and sadness. I believe the depression and sadness was also due to the fact that I was dealing with all of this drama in an effort to buy time while waiting to meet Mr. Right. I had considered IVF and I made two attempts at adoption. But I decided against IVF, for two reasons. It was too expensive and my mom compelled me not to take that avenue. But God was not answering my prayers. The prayers I sent up to him for more than a decade. I begged him to forgive me for whatever sins I had committed. I asked him to forgive my family for any generational curses that were causing these cursed fibroids. I bargained with him. I begged him for a husband, I begged him for a child. Silence. The silence was deafening. Sometimes I would feel Him impressing upon my heart that everything would be alright. But it was not. I wanted a child. Nothing would ever be alright without a child. I never met Mr. Right, I never had the baby, and I ended up having to have a hysterectomy. Silence. Now I am going through natural menopause. It is nowhere near as bad as the man-made menopause. I am not depressed and I am not having mood swings, but the incessant flushing is almost impossible to bear. It feels like salt is being rubbed into the wound. The wound of everything I have had to endure. How many people do you know who have gone through menopause twice? They say God will not give us any more than we can bear, but honestly, I believe that is just a saying. I am not whining, because many people around the world, children and adults alike, are enduring unbelievable grief and sadness. As a fellow human being, I think about people around the world on a regular basis. I think about childless women, I think about abandoned and enslaved children, and I wonder what I can do to make things better for others. The fact is, although my heart is broken, it is healing. But nothing that breaks will ever be the same again, whether we are talking about broken china, a broken leg, or a broken heart. They will never be completely brand new. But they will be functional. And the level of functionality depends on use. We can walk on a leg that was broken after it is healed. We can use broken china after it is glued. We can function with a broken heart. But it is up to us. We have to choose to function with the broken heart. There is a lot to be done in this world. And I believe we can do our part broken and healed. Hello everyone! Welcome back to Childless not by Choice, where my mission is to recognize and speak to the broken hearts of childless not by choice women, and men, around the world. Civilla Morgan here! I am spreading the great news that we can live a joyful, relevant, and fulfilled life, although we could not, did not, have the children we so wanted. Patreon Contributors: (Patreon contributors are those who have taken an interest in my platform whether they fit the childless not by choice demographic or not. They have decided to contribute a certain dollar amount on a regular basis to help fund my dream of creating awareness and conversation for the childless not by choice community globally. Click the Patreon link for details and to become a Patron!) https://www.patreon.com/21stcenturyhannah Jordan Morgan What I read to you earlier was my latest blog post dated April 2, 2018, called ‘Rubbing Salt Into the Wounds’. Any leader of anything will tell you that what they are leading is not about them. Yes, many times the leader of any platform or organization will tell you they started the organization because it was needed and it did not exist. And that is the reason I started Childless not by Choice/21st Century Hannah. I needed help in my darkest moment, and I could not find it. But another issue that comes with being a leader is there is seldom time to hurt, or at least say that you are hurting. You just get on with the work at hand, and you try to push down the pain because so many others are looking to you for guidance with their pain. And that’s why you started your organization in the first place. So we push through our pain. Some days it is harder to do than others, but we get relief when we get notifications and messages from people saying how much our platform has helped them, like the Facebook message I received from Diana who said, ‘I listen to your podcasts while at the gym because they make me feel less alone, and that you are fighting my disease with me. Thank you for your time.’—Diana, 4/3/2018. Or LM who said... ‘I have been listening to some of your talks on podcast and would like to thank you. Your making so much difference to my life, I'm not alone with the way l feel and think. You’re a godsend to so many people. When l feel down l listen to you, it picks me up. Thank you again.’- (3/26/2018). Messages like these keep me going. They are a reminder that this is not about me. I knew I could not be dealing with the mental and emotional pain of childlessness not by choice. There are people worldwide who are much worse off than those of us in the Western world. There are childless women being divorced, cast aside, and cheated on, because they cannot produce a child. Sometimes the reason for childlessness does not even lie with them. But culturally, there is usually nothing they can do to address that fact. Back in September 26, 2016, I did an episode called About the Children. http://childlessnotbychoice.net/about-the-children/ And one of the books I am reading this year is called ‘No Longer a Slumdog’ by K. P. Yohannan. I keep thinking about the children worldwide who are bought and sold like property, their bodies being used and abused. And honestly, I ask God on a regular basis where He is in all of this. Some may say it is because I am childless. But to anyone who says that, my response is ‘nothing in this life is that easily figured out.’ Sorry, wrong answer. I would venture to say that it is hard to look the other way with the level of technology available to just about anyone. These days we get pollen count notifications on our smartphones, we receive local news notifications all day, and no matter where in the world we are, we can know breaking news immediately, worldwide. We see the disturbing and heart breaking pictures on TV of hurting people all over the world. No, it’s not because I am childless, it is because I am being compelled to do something. Everyone who gives to a charitable cause is being compelled to do something. Everyone who donates their time on weekends to a charity are being compelled to do something. So what’s wrong with me or any other childless woman being compelled to do something? No, that smug answer that it is because I am childless will not work. I will keep you posted on what I can do from my little place in the world, to help once I figure out what that is. So as I said at the end of my blog post, ‘We have to choose to function with the broken heart. There is a lot to be done in this world. And I believe we can do our part broken and healed.’ Is my heart broken? Why yes it is. My life did not work out the way I expected it to. The childless not by choice women in the Childless not by choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group will tell you the same thing. Childlessness, failed IVF and IUI treatments, are not what they bargained for. Family members who leave them out of birthday parties and holiday affairs is not what they bargained for. Being happy about yet another baby announcement while they die another death internally not due to jealousy. HEAR ME PLEASE, it is not jealousy, it is the sadness for what did not happen for us. We can feel both. It does not have to be one or the other. It is spouses asking ‘why can’t you just be happy for so and so,’ when they see you crying yet again. It is being misunderstood. It is the refusal to believe that if you should not say to someone whose loved one just died, ‘why can’t you get over it already?’ Then you cannot, should not say it to a woman who will never have a child. What can you do you ask, to help the childless not by choice woman live a life she did not ask for? Walk along with her, with us, and help us learn how ‘to choose to function with the broken heart… to ‘do our part broken and healed.’ My contact information: Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com Facebook: booksbycivillamorgan Twitter: @civilla1 Instagram: @joyandrelevance Pinterest: Civilla M. Morgan, MSM LinkedIn: Civilla Morgan, MSM Please help me out by taking this very short survey! https://survey.libsyn.com/21stcenturyhannah Thank you for listening to this episode of Childless not by Choice. I appreciate it! Until next time! Bye!
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Episode 83--Infertility and STD's
03/26/2018
Episode 83--Infertility and STD's
Well, I decided to do an episode on this subject matter after hearing about this issue on one of my favorite podcasts. I was shocked to find out that a historical figure they mentioned had contracted a sexually transmitted disease and that his wife had several pregnancy losses before eventually having multiple healthy children.
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