Episode 140--Hiding In Plain Sight

Intro:

Hello, and welcome to episode 140 of the Childless not by Choice Podcast. My name is Civilla Morgan. My mission is to recognize and speak to childless not by choice women and men around the world, reminding you, us, that we can live joyful, relevant, fulfilled, childless not by choice lives.  

Whether you have children or not, thank you for tuning in!  

 What is today’s show about?

  Hiding in plain sight

 

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Read my social media post for the month of May. 

 

Body of episode:

This year I decided not to concentrate so much on Mother’s Day, but instead to concentrate on how those of us who are childless not by choice show up in the world, especially around days like Mother’s Day.   

I would be remiss if I did not wish those listeners who are moms a Happy Mother’s Day. And of course, a very Happy Mother’s Day to our own moms, whether they are still with us or not. 

As many of you know, my mom, my best friend, and favorite person ever; passed the week of Mother’s Day, 2019.  Talk about making a grand exit.  I miss her so much I still cry myself to sleep some nights. 

Her birthday is at the end of March, but I promise you as soon as February hits my whole outlook on life changes. It’s like the sky just goes dim.  April, no biggie. And then comes May. 

I miss trying to figure out what to buy her for Mother’s Day. She loved scarves and brooches. And she loved a certain perfume that I won’t bother to mention. She also loved all the music by The Gaithers, so I usually tried to get her their latest CDs. I loved shopping for her. 

Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day mommy. I love and miss you. 

 I would also like to say Happy Mother’s Day Mexico as Mother’s Day Mexico is on May 10th. 

 Well, if your mom is still here, and you are able to reach out, please try to do so. I know some relationships are frayed, I get it. I will leave that to you. 

Either way, this time around, this episode is for those of us who are childless not by choice during the month of May. 

Those of us who may be hiding in plain sight, or maybe deciding to do something different on Mother’s Day. In fact, one of the ladies in our Facebook group for women only, the Childless not by Choice with Civilla Morgan Facebook group; asked what everyone does to get through Mother’s Day. The responses were varied. I loved that she asked the question. 

Some responses included spending time with their own mothers, celebrating mothers in their lives, etc. If you have been listening long enough you know I stopped attending church on Mother’s Day. I had started going to my mom’s church with her to celebrate her. But now that she’s gone, I don’t go at all. Although I will probably watch online.           

You know, when I think about hiding in plain sight, I think about those puzzles we did as children, and that we now do as adults to keep our brains active. You know, kinda like the Where’s Waldo puzzle searches. The item being searched for is right in front of us, but a lot of times we miss it. 

As childless not by choice people though, are we being searched for, or are we typically ignored? And I don’t mean that to sound like everyone is mean. But let’s face it if you are the one person in a crowd: a party, a family gathering, etc., aren’t you ignored while the parents are questioned about how big the kids are, how they are doing in school, are they behaving, etc.  And you had better fall in line and join the Q&A or you are viewed as uncaring. 

Oh, and before someone gets offended, I love the kids in my life. I want to know how they are. I want to invest whatever I can (and that does not always mean money). But you do run the risk of being ignored if you have not made a contribution to carrying on the family line.  

You’ve probably experienced it: someone asks ‘do you have kids?’  or ‘How many kids do you have?’ When you respond that you do not have kids, the conversation goes silent, there is discomfort,  and then you each find someone else to talk to.  Has that ever happened to you?    

What about the commentary about you being made to work late because you don’t have kids and your co-workers do.  The commentaries are made without thought to our plans. If our plans do not include children, they are not real plans. 

What to do? How to deal with this?

I’ve said it before, but it can never be said too much: We have to make sure our co-workers and family members, the people in our lives realize and recognize our kind but firm boundaries.  And then we have to be willing to make other plans when the–family, friends, and co-workers, refuse to respect us as childless people. 

Life is short. Do we really need to hear the unsolicited suggestions and commentary about our lives? Do we need the mental and emotional abuse especially if we have already discussed the behavior with people? No. The answer is no.

I know that it’s much easier to hide in plain sight. To lay low and just go with the flow, than rock the boat at work or in the family during the holidays. But I have to ask you, what would your life be like if you made decisions, good healthy decisions about the direction of your life? What would happen if you told your co-worker or boss that although you would generally stay behind, you do actually have plans?

What would your life be like?

 

Before I leave you today, I want to read you something that really spoke to me. I saw this quote on Twitter near the end of April and wow. I mean I read and re-read it several times. I asked permission to share it and I am so glad she said yes. 

Oh my gosh. I read that quote, re-read it, and then said ‘wow, that’s me. That’s where I am. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I want you to be. No rush, just head in that general direction. You will get there.

 

Thanks for listening!

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Website: www.childlessnotbychoice.net and www.civillamorgan.com
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Twitter: @civilla1
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Episode quotes: