6: Are You Enough?

Today, I'm thrilled to dive into one of the most profound questions we can ask ourselves: Are you enough? This concept is pervasive in our society and culture, and it can shape our lives in ways we might not even realize. Let’s explore what it truly means to be enough and how we can reconcile this idea with our desires for growth and fulfillment.

Recently, I gave a talk at a women's event about this and here’s what I said.

You are enough. You are enough. Are you though? Right now, I think, of course, I'm a little too much, actually. You are enough. When I hear this expression, you are enough, it feels so incomplete. Enough for who? Enough for you? Enough for me? Enough for what? Right? If you are enough, period, then there's nothing else you need to do or be. Boring. Like how boring would it be to be enough and to just stop? I think that I may interpret this just a little bit differently. While it's an endearing sentiment, I believe that it has been the cause of a lot of inaction. I'm sure what's meant when this is said is, accept yourself as you are, and although I believe that we must do that, I have a really hard time just leaving it at that.

You are enough to me means that who you are, what you are, and the fact that you are is enough, of course. But, now here's where I take it to the next level. As human beings, we are designed to expand. There is a reason we have been given this amazing spirit and brain, and the fascinating capacity to imagine a world beyond our current reality.

There's a reason that we can see things not just as they are, but how we can imagine them to be. If we can do all that, it doesn't make sense to me to simply say that what we are is enough. Instead, I'd like to think of it this way. You are enough right now to meet the challenges that lay before you in becoming that version of yourself that you have imagined.

Let me say that again. You are enough right now to meet the challenges that lay before you in becoming that version of yourself that you have imagined. How about that? So yes, you sitting here right now listening to this are enough. The person that you are, what lights you up, the spirit that you have nurtured, you are enough. You have everything that you need inside you right now in this moment to be and do anything that you want to do. And if you're not thinking that's true right now, I want to challenge you because what you may have just thought is, yeah, okay, but I want to do something that I don't quite know how to do or know how to make happen for myself. I'm not there yet, and if you're feeling that, I understand that feeling very well, but it actually doesn't matter. It wholeheartedly doesn't matter at all that you don't know how to do it. The only thing that is important to note is that you want it. 

Do you want it?

Do you know what it is, what it will feel like, how it will impact your life when you get it, when you achieve it, when you can touch it, whatever it is? 

When you get really clear on what it is that you're imagining often, what it is that you desire and often think about, maybe even subconsciously, start paying more attention to these ideas instead of brushing them off as impossibilities.

You thought of it for yourself for a reason, it came into your realm intentionally, and now it is time to take all that you are and move towards that desire. So now, where does confidence come in? Because that's what we told you I was going to talk about, right? 

I believe passionately that progress equals confidence.

So when we sit with the idea of we are enough, period, the inaction doesn't make us feel like we are enough. It actually makes us feel like we will never be enough. Because we're not making progress. We are not moving the needle. But what if we believed we are enough and? We are enough and I can and I will expand. I can learn more. I can be more. I can do more. 

Now for people who are already doing all the things, you're probably hearing that and thinking I'm exhausted. I ain't doing nothing more realistically. And I hear you. I feel that too. That exhaustion from running around from burnout, from living in a state of overwhelm — that is the true dream killer. Now it's time to start swapping. So swap out the things that are not allowing us to make progress. Trade the mundane for the joy. What is making up my day? How can I start doing things that really light me up so I can make progress in them and ride that momentum all the way until I feel the confidence?

As we get clearer on our desires and on what we want to spend our time doing, we start to move towards those ideas. We start to move our time towards learning about them and surrounding ourselves with people that share like minded ideas about the future. Probably like many of you right now.

So if progress can bring you confidence, how can I make more progress? What's next for me to do, to be, to learn? And if progress equals confidence, then what does confidence equal? What does confidence equal for you? I know that confidence has given me what I needed to be here right now. If I had no confidence, I really doubt that I would be having this podcast, but I only needed a little of it. I only needed a tiny bit to believe that I could be here and share something with you. See, I'm making progress by doing this right now. I'm working towards something I want. I want to be a great speaker. And this opportunity came to me and I did state clearly to the universe that I wanted to be a great speaker.

It's been something I've been talking about for a while. It's been on my list of things to achieve. So I'm building towards that with every talk that I do. So I've narrowed it down to just one simple word that confidence equals to me. 

Confidence equals freedom. 

An increase in confidence can free you from self doubt. It can bring you clarity on your goals and the direction of your life. Confidence, in my mind, is the key to everything that I'm looking to attain. When I'm feeling confident, I'm sharing that confidence with people in my life. I'm passing it on to my kids and being there and letting them know that they can because they can. I believe in them and I know that if I do and I keep showing up for them, they will show up for themselves too. Confidence can build better relationships in your life because you know what you want and you're making progress towards that and you're no longer going to settle for people around you that aren't your cheerleaders and you start attracting people who are.

When all of these improvements start happening because of your increase in progress followed by your increase in confidence, you start to feel more freedom. You start to feel like you can do anything. New opportunities start to fall at your feet. You become a better, bolder decision maker. You build up a mental toughness that can protect you when things aren't going as planned. And you learn how to transform failure to learning. I'd like to think I'd project a bit of confidence. Of course, that's not always the case. I am expanding every day, learning new things and allowing myself to be vulnerable and fail forward. I don't expect to fail, but I know that if I should, it's definitely because there's something I need to learn in order to move on to succeed.

Being confident isn't just to be perceived by others, it's self serving intentionally. Confidence is there to serve you if you let it. Think about what ultimate confidence can do for you in your life. Could lead you to start something new, to leave something old that no longer brings you joy, could inspire new desires and more fulfillment.

Confidence also leads you to accepting responsibility for yourself and your actions or lack of action. There is peace in focusing on the things that you can control and detaching from the things you can't. So what can confidence do for you? If you are still in the same place doing the same things this time next year, are you going to be happy?

If you look five years down the road and not much has changed, are you finding fulfillment? Let's look backwards for a minute. Five years ago, I'm sure you were in a bit of a different place than you might be right now. What can you continue doing that is helping you make progress of some kind? It doesn't really take much.

Small changes, tiny habits, stack those up and they can make a huge impact over time. You are enough and can make progress a little each day to move you towards finding your ultimate confidence and freedom. I've always loved the saying, you're only one decision away from a totally different life. It's true.

So what decision are you going to make today that will impact your tomorrow?

And that was my talk. Then, I delved into a book called Happy Sexy Millionaire by Stephen Bartlett. A book that fundamentally questions the pursuit of external validation. Bartlett's insights made me reflect deeply on the words I shared at the event. While I emphasized the potential for growth and ambition, I realized that I might have inadvertently suggested that our worth is tied to our achievements and efforts to be "more."

Steven argues that we are enough just as we are. This notion challenges the relentless pursuit of self-improvement that often stems from a place of inadequacy. He highlights that even those we idolize—celebrities, successful entrepreneurs—often struggle with feelings of insufficiency.

The book dismantles the belief that our worth is defined by our possessions, status, or social media following. Bartlett's assertion that "you'll never be defined, valued, or measured by your car, your bank balance, job title, followers, or accomplishments" is a powerful reminder that external markers are poor substitutes for genuine self-worth.

Steven redefines ambition, suggesting that true ambition is not about external achievements but about pursuing what genuinely matters to us. This internal drive is not motivated by the need to prove ourselves to others but by our own authentic desires and values.

During my talk, I encouraged the audience to aspire for more. However, in light of Steven's insights, I now understand that while growth and ambition are important, they should not stem from a belief that we are not enough as we are. We can strive to achieve and expand our horizons, but this should come from a place of self-love and acceptance.

Grab this new perspective — embrace your unique worth. Recognize that you are inherently valuable, and your worth is not contingent on external achievements. Each one of us is a unique individual with our own strengths and qualities.

Pursue genuine goals. Let your ambitions be driven by what truly matters to you, not by societal expectations or the need for validation. True fulfillment comes from aligning your goals with your authentic self.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own journey, and what you see on the surface often doesn't reflect the true struggles and insecurities beneath.

In a nutshell, reading Happy Sexy Millionaire has been a transformative experience, prompting me to re-evaluate the messages I share. It's important to encourage growth and ambition, but equally crucial to affirm that we are already enough as we are. We don't need to achieve more to prove our worth. Instead, let’s celebrate our unique selves and pursue our dreams from a place of confidence and self-acceptance.

If you haven't yet, I highly recommend picking up Steven's book. It's filled with profound truths about fulfillment, love, and success that can truly shift your perspective.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Have you read Happy Sexy Millionaire? What are your takeaways? Share your thoughts in the comments or connect with me on social media.

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Until next time, remember: You are enough!

Catch up with me on my socials @stephsimmons.co. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!