You can WANT it, but you can’t NEED it - Episode 5

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Do you base your success or failure on the amount and quality of validation you get from others?  Have you ever shut yourself down from sharing or putting yourself out there because you are concerned about what people might think about you if you do?How important is it to you that others approve of you?

In this episode I will take you on a deep dive into these questions.  As a recovering people pleaser, I know all too well the hazards of buying into other’s opinions about me and my work.  The problem is, when we let praise inflate our ego and use the compliments of others to prove we are a good person and doing ok… the natural consequence is that the opposite happens with criticism—  criticism then leads to insecurity where we feel vulnerable, insignificant and small.  Everyone WANTS to be liked and appreciated, it feels amazing!!  But, if we NEED external approval and validation to allow us to feel ok about ourselves it becomes a huge problem.  When we use extrinsic factors such as praise, rewards, prizes, titles, other’s approval… when we choose to make this external validation mean we are good and valuable, then, when we don’t receive the external affirmations we easily fall into the trap of questioning our value.  Furthermore, when we only get disapproval and criticism from another, it can devastate our self-esteem and crush our self-belief. As I will endeavor to show you, when it comes to external validation, a desired result, praise, the approval or acceptance of others, “You can WANT it, but you can’t NEED it.”

If we are to let go of needing outside validation, we must work to develop a beautiful relationship with ourself.  This is your business!!  You are the one you will spend every moment of every day with- Choose LOVE!! As Byron Katie says, “You don’t have to like me, that’s my job”. My job, is taking credit for every one of my thoughts, feelings and actions.  Loving myself means “owning my truth”- having my own back, being on my own side, it means being the “Juciest peach I can possibly be”.  It means being the Candiciest Candice I can be.  As we fly our freak flag, the people who are truly "our people" will be able to find us.  You are not for everyone and that is exactly as it is supposed to be.  My opinion of myself is absolutely 100% my business and I’ve decided— I LOVE ME!  I challenge you to make this courageous decision for yourself.  

“What do you NEED in order to feel good about you?”  Take a look at your past and what motivates you.  Are you addicted to the drug of approval? Does criticism rock you?… The question again— “What do you need to feel good about you?” This is a decision you can intentionally make and deciding that “You can want it but you don’t need it” will have a powerful stabilizing impact on your self-belief, confidence and emotional health.

So… When it comes to your kids, spouse, parents, siblings, friends, acquaintances, strangers, neighbors, co-workers, boyfriend, clients, customers…. You can want external validation and approval, but you can’t need it… and… you won’t need it as you genuinely believe and always remember, despite any other opinions, that… You are designed for greatness.