4 Relationship Behaviors That Kill Desire and Create Sexless Marriages
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Release Date: 11/27/2025
The Labs I Run When Desire, Arousal, and Libido Shut Down
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Most women are not fully enjoying the sex they are having. Low desire, arousal issues, pain with sex, numbness, difficulty reaching orgasm, and mismatched libidos are common, yet women are taught to blame themselves for them. We are told it is a hormone failure, a personality flaw, a lack of effort, or something we should accept as we age. We try harder. And when effort fails, shame fills the gap. More often than not, women are tracking the wrong data. Desire does not respond to productivity or effort. It responds to safety, capacity, and the body’s internal environment. When the body does...
info_outline
What Actually Improves Your Sex Drive When You’re a High-Achiever
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Women with super traits know how to get shit done. They are hardworking, loyal, independent, and high-achieving. Some want better sex and a deeper connection and cannot figure out why it feels so hard. Others say they don’t care about sex anymore, but what they’re really saying is I don’t feel met. I don’t feel safe enough to erotically open. Desire didn’t disappear. Effort replaced it. Survival crowds out sensation. Performance crowds out receptivity. Women with super traits are good at everything else. Careers. Parenting. Emotional intelligence. What they are not great at is sex,...
info_outline
Why Loss of Desire Has Nothing to Do With Libido
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
You do not lose desire. For women with super traits, desire does not disappear. It goes offline when you override yourself one too many times, and your body adapts because it knows it is not safe. We are taught that desire fades slowly. That it is stress, hormones, perimenopause, being busy, or having too much on your plate. In my clinical and coaching work, I see the opposite. Desire shuts down at very specific moments, but you are trained not to see them. If you are the fixer, the anchor, the emotional glue, the one people rely on when things fall apart, those are not flaws. Those are super...
info_outline
Women With Super Traits Over Explain, People Please, and Lose Desire
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Over the Christmas break, I had several private clients reach out, and what I noticed was that the transformations had not been completed. The holidays brought up ruptures, disappointments, and old patterns at a time when most women were already running on fumes. The holidays come with extra expectations and very little capacity. Many women even get sick once their bodies finally feel safe enough to stop. That is not a coincidence. We hold an image of the holidays as cozy and connected. In reality, they often unearth everything we have been holding together all year. I found myself repeating...
info_outline
Why Communication Advice Fails Women Who Overgive in Relationships
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Most relationship advice says relationships are healthy when you communicate. Be open. Share your feelings. Explain your needs. Take responsibility for your emotions. And all of this is true. But it catastrophically fails women with Super Traits. Not because they are bad communicators. Women with Super Traits are great communicators. But they communicate at the cost of themselves. At the cost of their self-trust. Their clarity. Their desire. Their turn on. Their self-respect. They soften, explain, repair, and try again, and leave conversations feeling more confused than when they entered....
info_outline
This is Your Year to Start Receiving Instead of People-Pleasing
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Happy New Year. For women with super traits, there is often a quiet exhaustion underneath the hope and desire for more. You have done everything right, and something still is not working. If pleasure, desire, and connection disappear the moment stress enters your relationships, this explains why. This is not a personal failure or lack of effort. It is a body-level adaptation. Women with super traits were conditioned to maintain connection through over-giving, emotional labor, fixing, and absorbing discomfort so others did not have to. When tension appears, the nervous system shifts into...
info_outline
My Christmas Wish for Women Who Built Their Identity on People-Pleasing
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Christmas has a way of showing us what we have been carrying all year. For many women, this season brings more responsibility, more emotional labor, and more pressure to hold everything together while feeling unseen in their relationships and disconnected from themselves. I spent years overfunctioning in relationships, believing that giving more and trying harder would create safety and connection. My identity was built around being capable, impressive, and indispensable. A coach once asked me a question that changed everything. Who are you if it all goes away tomorrow? When super traits are...
info_outline
Holiday Boundaries to Prevent Burnout and Overfunctioning
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
The holiday season is a major trigger for women with super traits. There is more emotional labor, more pressure to keep the peace, more overgiving, and more shutdown. When you overfunction during the holidays, it leads to burnout, resentment, loneliness, and a sense of feeling unseen, even when you are surrounded by people. I break down practical holiday survival tips to help you stop overgiving and set boundaries without guilt. This includes a holiday emotional load audit to identify invisible responsibilities, a simple rule to reduce burnout, a clear boundary tool for handling pressure in...
info_outline
Financial Infidelity and Relationship Red Flags You Must Not Ignore
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Financial infidelity is one of the most common yet least recognized forms of betrayal. It often begins subtly through missing information (like names not being on the title), restricted access to accounts, unexplained withdrawals, hidden accounts, or financial decisions made without consent. Many women overlook these signs because they appear inside relationships built on trust, love, and shared history. Forensic investigative accountant Dave Oswald brings to light the realities most people never see. His work uncovers partners who erase digital trails, hide income, move money into...
info_outline
5 Ways Overfunctioning Kills Your Pleasure (and What to Do Instead)
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
You have done the healing. You know your patterns and your attachment style. You set boundaries and stopped abandoning yourself. Yet when life gets hard, or someone is disappointed in you, you still end up doing the emotional labor. You collapse or you over-function. Your relationships have not shifted as much as you have. Your sex life feels flatter than it should. Your aliveness and turn-on feel inconsistent. You have grown on the inside, but the world has not adjusted to meet you. Pleasure requires presence, sensation, receiving, and truth. Super Traits demand scanning, fixing,...
info_outlineYou are not frigid. You are fried. When you have super traits, empathy, loyalty, responsibility, and hard work, you end up building your entire relationship around him. You carry the emotional load, the logistical load, and even the erotic load.
You hold his stress, his moods, his comfort above your own, and then blame yourself when your desire shuts down.
You are not an impossible-to-please crusty wife. You are playing a game you were never taught the rules to. You were handed invisible contracts you never agreed to, and you have been trying to fix problems that were never yours to fix.
Your body has known the truth long before you had the language for it.
Women with super traits have been trained not to see the real dynamics happening in their relationships. We play checkers while our partners play chess. We sense disconnection and ask what is wrong with me instead of asking, “Am I safe?”, “Am I being met?”, “Am I being touched the way I like?”
Four hidden behaviors quietly erode intimacy for women with super traits. Emotional unavailability, where he offers logic instead of empathy, and your body learns it is not safe to feel. Weaponized incompetence where he forgets the groceries, the kids, and the plans, and you end up doing everything.
A male-centered relationship where everything revolves around his stress and comfort, while you shrink your needs smaller and smaller. Emotional withholding and punishment where any request for connection is met with defensiveness, silence, or blame.
Your desire did not disappear. Your body shut down because it had to protect you.
You do not need to work harder at love. You need a new relational blueprint rooted in pleasure power and nervous system safety so you can stop blaming yourself and finally understand the rules you were never taught.
If you are a woman with super traits and you feel unseen, unheard, and untouched, your body is telling the truth. It is time to stop blaming yourself and start understanding the game you were pushed into without the rules.
Start by taking the Super Trait Quiz so you can see the patterns that have shaped every relationship you have ever been in.
If you know you are ready to shift these dynamics rather than survive them, explore the Super Trait Society, where we train your body to lead with safety, clarity, and real power rather than exhaustion and self-blame.