5 Ways Overfunctioning Kills Your Pleasure (and What to Do Instead)
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Release Date: 12/04/2025
The Labs I Run When Desire, Arousal, and Libido Shut Down
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Most women are not fully enjoying the sex they are having. Low desire, arousal issues, pain with sex, numbness, difficulty reaching orgasm, and mismatched libidos are common, yet women are taught to blame themselves for them. We are told it is a hormone failure, a personality flaw, a lack of effort, or something we should accept as we age. We try harder. And when effort fails, shame fills the gap. More often than not, women are tracking the wrong data. Desire does not respond to productivity or effort. It responds to safety, capacity, and the body’s internal environment. When the body does...
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What Actually Improves Your Sex Drive When You’re a High-Achiever
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Women with super traits know how to get shit done. They are hardworking, loyal, independent, and high-achieving. Some want better sex and a deeper connection and cannot figure out why it feels so hard. Others say they don’t care about sex anymore, but what they’re really saying is I don’t feel met. I don’t feel safe enough to erotically open. Desire didn’t disappear. Effort replaced it. Survival crowds out sensation. Performance crowds out receptivity. Women with super traits are good at everything else. Careers. Parenting. Emotional intelligence. What they are not great at is sex,...
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Why Loss of Desire Has Nothing to Do With Libido
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
You do not lose desire. For women with super traits, desire does not disappear. It goes offline when you override yourself one too many times, and your body adapts because it knows it is not safe. We are taught that desire fades slowly. That it is stress, hormones, perimenopause, being busy, or having too much on your plate. In my clinical and coaching work, I see the opposite. Desire shuts down at very specific moments, but you are trained not to see them. If you are the fixer, the anchor, the emotional glue, the one people rely on when things fall apart, those are not flaws. Those are super...
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Women With Super Traits Over Explain, People Please, and Lose Desire
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Over the Christmas break, I had several private clients reach out, and what I noticed was that the transformations had not been completed. The holidays brought up ruptures, disappointments, and old patterns at a time when most women were already running on fumes. The holidays come with extra expectations and very little capacity. Many women even get sick once their bodies finally feel safe enough to stop. That is not a coincidence. We hold an image of the holidays as cozy and connected. In reality, they often unearth everything we have been holding together all year. I found myself repeating...
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Why Communication Advice Fails Women Who Overgive in Relationships
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Most relationship advice says relationships are healthy when you communicate. Be open. Share your feelings. Explain your needs. Take responsibility for your emotions. And all of this is true. But it catastrophically fails women with Super Traits. Not because they are bad communicators. Women with Super Traits are great communicators. But they communicate at the cost of themselves. At the cost of their self-trust. Their clarity. Their desire. Their turn on. Their self-respect. They soften, explain, repair, and try again, and leave conversations feeling more confused than when they entered....
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This is Your Year to Start Receiving Instead of People-Pleasing
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Happy New Year. For women with super traits, there is often a quiet exhaustion underneath the hope and desire for more. You have done everything right, and something still is not working. If pleasure, desire, and connection disappear the moment stress enters your relationships, this explains why. This is not a personal failure or lack of effort. It is a body-level adaptation. Women with super traits were conditioned to maintain connection through over-giving, emotional labor, fixing, and absorbing discomfort so others did not have to. When tension appears, the nervous system shifts into...
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My Christmas Wish for Women Who Built Their Identity on People-Pleasing
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Christmas has a way of showing us what we have been carrying all year. For many women, this season brings more responsibility, more emotional labor, and more pressure to hold everything together while feeling unseen in their relationships and disconnected from themselves. I spent years overfunctioning in relationships, believing that giving more and trying harder would create safety and connection. My identity was built around being capable, impressive, and indispensable. A coach once asked me a question that changed everything. Who are you if it all goes away tomorrow? When super traits are...
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Holiday Boundaries to Prevent Burnout and Overfunctioning
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
The holiday season is a major trigger for women with super traits. There is more emotional labor, more pressure to keep the peace, more overgiving, and more shutdown. When you overfunction during the holidays, it leads to burnout, resentment, loneliness, and a sense of feeling unseen, even when you are surrounded by people. I break down practical holiday survival tips to help you stop overgiving and set boundaries without guilt. This includes a holiday emotional load audit to identify invisible responsibilities, a simple rule to reduce burnout, a clear boundary tool for handling pressure in...
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Financial Infidelity and Relationship Red Flags You Must Not Ignore
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
Financial infidelity is one of the most common yet least recognized forms of betrayal. It often begins subtly through missing information (like names not being on the title), restricted access to accounts, unexplained withdrawals, hidden accounts, or financial decisions made without consent. Many women overlook these signs because they appear inside relationships built on trust, love, and shared history. Forensic investigative accountant Dave Oswald brings to light the realities most people never see. His work uncovers partners who erase digital trails, hide income, move money into...
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5 Ways Overfunctioning Kills Your Pleasure (and What to Do Instead)
The Pleasure Principles with Dr Jordin Wiggins
You have done the healing. You know your patterns and your attachment style. You set boundaries and stopped abandoning yourself. Yet when life gets hard, or someone is disappointed in you, you still end up doing the emotional labor. You collapse or you over-function. Your relationships have not shifted as much as you have. Your sex life feels flatter than it should. Your aliveness and turn-on feel inconsistent. You have grown on the inside, but the world has not adjusted to meet you. Pleasure requires presence, sensation, receiving, and truth. Super Traits demand scanning, fixing,...
info_outlineYou have done the healing. You know your patterns and your attachment style. You set boundaries and stopped abandoning yourself. Yet when life gets hard, or someone is disappointed in you, you still end up doing the emotional labor.
You collapse or you over-function. Your relationships have not shifted as much as you have. Your sex life feels flatter than it should. Your aliveness and turn-on feel inconsistent. You have grown on the inside, but the world has not adjusted to meet you.
Pleasure requires presence, sensation, receiving, and truth. Super Traits demand scanning, fixing, anticipating, managing, and performing. Therapy, nervous system work, EMDR, trying to want sex, and communication tools were a good foundation, but not enough because Super Traits pull you out of the conditions required for pleasure and connection.
Super Traits pull you into your head, where hyper vigilance replaces feeling. They turn you into the emotional container who regulates everyone else. They reward performance rather than presence, and they create loneliness even when you want connection.
They train you to choose harmony over truth, and suppressed truth kills desire. They make receiving uncomfortable, so pleasure cannot land because it never reaches you.
This creates a pleasure-suppressed life. Flatness. Numbness. Only feeling pleasure when everything is perfect. Freezing or fawning when things are hard. Over-functioning under stress. Craving more but not knowing what you want. Carrying the emotional load and trying to fix the connection instead of influencing it.
Pleasure is intelligence. Pleasure tells you what is true, what you want, when you are abandoning yourself, and when someone is not meeting you. Super Traits drown out that internal guidance system. Insight does not create influence. Presence and pleasure do.
If you want your world and relationships to respond to the woman you have already become, apply for The Super Trait Society HERE.
If you do not know your Super Traits, take the free Super Trait Quiz HERE.