The Mental Load of Parenting: How to Stop Over-Functioning Without Letting Your Kid Down

BONUS EPISODE: The Mental Load of Parenting: How to Stop Over-Functioning Without Letting Your Kid Down

Winter break is supposed to be “rest”… but for a lot of parents it turns into being on-call 24/7—snacks, screen-time negotiations, sibling conflict, and that 9:47 p.m. brain spiral where you’re planning tomorrow like you’re the Cruise Director of a tiny emotional resort. In this bonus episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude names the invisible load (the thinking work of parenting), explains why your brain equates “setting something down” with “letting your kid down,” and shows you how to share the load in ways that are supportive—not neglectful. You’ll leave with ready-to-steal scripts, a school psych lens on scaffolding, and one concrete handoff to try this week so you feel 5–10% lighter.

New here? Start with…

If winter break turns into more chaos and meltdowns, start with Winter Break Meltdowns: Why Kids Struggle Without Routine and What Helps

If you feel like the Cruise Director of the whole family, start with You’re Not the Cruise Director: A Sanity-Saving Winter Break Guide

If you’re the one who always rescues and you’re burned out, start with Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery

If you’ve been snapping and need a quick repair plan, start with You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds)

In this episode, you’ll learn

• What the invisible load actually is (anticipating, tracking, remembering, preventing problems)
• Why winter break can double the invisible load when school structure disappears
• The brain-based reason over-functioning raises your baseline stress and drains connection
• Why doing everyone’s executive functioning can block kids from building their own skills
• What scaffolding looks like at home and in school support (without you being the middle-man)
• How to separate what’s truly essential from what’s extra “just in case” management
• Specific, real-life things you can stop doing—or stop doing alone—without letting your child down

Tiny Wins (pick 1–2)

One portal check, not five
Pick one time per week (or per day if that feels safer right now) to check school apps/portal. Put it on your calendar (ex: “Friday 3 p.m. — school check”). When the 9:47 p.m. urge hits, remind yourself: “I have a plan.”

Carry / Plan / Execute check (30 seconds)
Pick one thing living in your head and ask: “Am I carrying it, planning it, AND executing it?” If yes, you don’t need someone to “help.” You need an ownership transfer. Move one piece off your brain this week.

Move / Meet / Mellow (stop reinventing the day)
Aim for a simple daily rhythm:

• Move: walk, trampoline, scooter, dance party, park
• Meet: friend/cousin/neighbor, board game, library
• Mellow: Legos, audiobook, craft, bath, movie

You don’t have to do all three perfectly—just aim for one Move, one Meet, one Mellow most days.

One handoff spot
Pick one: a Sign Here basket (older kids) or a backpack launchpad by the door (younger kids). Stop hunting for school stuff in the kitchen, couch, and car.

Scripts you can borrow (quick wins)

Name the invisible load out loud
“A lot of my brain has been holding school stuff—emails, forms, due dates—and also the whole winter break plan. I love you, and I’ve been carrying more than one person can carry long-term. I’m going to start sharing some of that.”

Shift from “I’ll remember” to “Let’s build a system”
“Instead of me trying to remember this in my head, let’s put it on the family calendar/whiteboard so it’s not just living in my brain.”

Kid handoff (older kids): Sign Here basket
“It’s your job to put anything I need to sign in this basket by 7 p.m. If it’s not here, I’m going to assume there’s nothing to sign.”

Kid handoff (younger kids): backpack launchpad
“After school (or in the morning), you put your folder and backpack on the launchpad by the door. That’s your job.”

Partner handoff (prevents the nag loop)
“I’m not asking for help. I’m asking for full ownership of one thing—from noticing it, to planning it, to doing it. If I have to remind you, it’s still living in my brain.”

Tolerate discomfort instead of rescuing
“I hear that you’re worried about forgetting. That’s a real feeling. Let’s figure out what you can do about it—set an alarm, write a note, or put it by the front door.”

When you catch yourself over-functioning (school stuff)
“I just realized I was about to email your teacher for you. That’s my old habit. I can help you think about what to say, but I’m not going to send this one.”

School translator script (for teachers/support team)
“We’re working on building independence and reducing how much school lives in my head. Can we identify the top one or two routines you want my child to own right now—and what simple structure we can use at school to support that—without me being the middle-man?”

Episode quotes

“The invisible load is the thinking work—anticipating, tracking, remembering, preventing problems—so life doesn’t fall apart.”
“Dropping 10% isn’t neglect. It’s sustainability.”
“I don’t have to carry all of this tonight. I can choose one thing to set down.”

Free resource

Download the Boredom Buster Guide (a kid-friendly Move / Meet / Mellow menu + calm scripts for screen-time boundaries):
https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/boredomebusterguide

Disclaimer

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice.

Links

Download the Boredom Buster Guide: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/boredomebusterguide
Big Feelings Decoder: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder