Psyched2Parent: Turning Brain Science into Tiny Wins for Parents

Psyched2Parent turns brain science into Tiny Wins for parents raising big-feeling, strong-willed, big-hearted kids, especially the ones who hold it together at school and unravel at home. I’m Dr. Amy Patenaude, a school psychologist and parent coach. We live in the real-life intersection of nervous system regulation, executive function, learning, and school supports. If you’re stuck in the loop of meltdown, guilt, over-accommodating, try again tomorrow, you’re in the right place. If you’re wondering, “Is this ADHD? Anxiety? Autism? A learning difference? Or temperament?” you’re in the right place. And if school emails make your stomach drop and you’re not sure what to ask for in an IEP, 504, or meeting, you’re in the right place. You’ll get: Parent-friendly brain and nervous system explanations (what’s under the behavior) Tiny Wins (three max) you can actually try this week Scripts you can steal for transitions, boundaries, homework, bedtime, and big moments School Translator Minute, clear next steps for emails, meetings, and support plans We talk about: after-school meltdowns and restraint collapse, morning chaos and slow launching, “no” moments and boundary blowups, anxiety and worry loops, perfectionism and shutdowns, screen-time conflict, and executive function skills like flexibility, planning, impulse control, and emotion regulation. Plus the school side of the mountain: evaluations, accommodations, executive function supports, IEPs, 504 plans, and advocacy without burnout. The goal is not a perfectly smooth day. The goal is recovery and repair, fewer power struggles, more connection, and a clearer path forward. Educational content only. This podcast does not provide therapy, diagnosis, or medical advice. If you’re concerned about safety or your child’s wellbeing, please contact a licensed professional in your area.

When Reading Isn’t Clicking: The K–2 Evaluation, Dyslexia Questions, and What to Ask Before Retention Comes Up 01/26/2026

When Reading Isn’t Clicking: The K–2 Evaluation, Dyslexia Questions, and What to Ask Before Retention Comes Up When Reading Isn’t Clicking: The K–2 Evaluation, Dyslexia Questions, and What to Ask Before Retention Comes Up That “Reading Support / Next Steps” email can make your stomach drop—fast. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude walks you through what a K–2 reading evaluation actually looks at (in normal human language), what “dyslexia questions” are most useful in early elementary, and what to ask for before retention becomes the whole plan. You’ll leave with clear questions, calm scripts, and a Monday-morning-ready way to keep the plan specific (not vague “more time”). In this episode you’ll learn How to break “reading” into the real K–2 skill stack (decoding, fluency, comprehension) so you can ask: “Below level in what, specifically?” What a good evaluation is actually for: not just scores, but a plan that changes what happens on Monday morning The dyslexia questions that matter in K–2 (patterns in phonological awareness, letter–sound connections, decoding, and progress monitoring) How to run “retention” through a STOP-sign filter: time is not an intervention—so what changes besides time? How to translate school-meeting phrases into parent power (“We’ll do interventions” → which one, what dosage, what skill target?) Short, calm scripts you can use without writing a 12-page email in the parking lot Tiny Wins to try this week Dot log for 7 days: one sentence a day—what was hard, what helped. Bring two work samples to the meeting: one “easy” and one “hard.” Put three questions on a sticky note (not a novel). Reset before requests after school: snack, water, 10 minutes… then reading. One sentence for your child: “This isn’t pass/fail. This is to learn what helps your brain.” Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Boredom Buster Guide — quick ideas for those “I’m boooored” moments (without you becoming a cruise director). Big Feeling Decoder — make sense of meltdowns and big reactions (and figure out what they’re really telling you). 50 AI Prompts for Tired Parents — get help drafting school emails, scripts, and next-step questions when your brain is done for the day. Disclaimer “This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area.” /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39775485

When Middle School Kids Say Scary Things: “Life Is Pointless,” “Intrusive Thoughts,” “I Want to Die” — A Calm, Clear Plan for Parents 01/23/2026

When Middle School Kids Say Scary Things: “Life Is Pointless,” “Intrusive Thoughts,” “I Want to Die” — A Calm, Clear Plan for Parents When Middle School Kids Say Scary Things: “Life Is Pointless,” “Intrusive Thoughts,” “I Want to Die” — A Calm, Clear Plan for Parents Today’s episode is for parents of middle schoolers (roughly ages 11–14)—when your kid says big, scary things like “Life is pointless,” “I have intrusive thoughts about death,” or “I want to die,” and your nervous system immediately lights up. We’re building a calm plan that takes your kid seriously without catapulting you into spiraling or minimizing. Quick note: this episode is educational. If you’re worried about immediate safety, treat it like immediate safety—stay with your child and get professional help right now. What you’ll leave with A gut-check framework for the moment it happens: Is my child safe right now? and Can I hold calm? A real safety check—with direct language you can actually say out loud A home + school plan for what to do next (because with middle schoolers, we widen the circle) The core reframe We’re not sprinting to worst-case. And we’re not talking ourselves into minimizing. We do the grown-up job: stay steady, ask directly, make a plan, widen support. The Two-Question Gut Check When your kid drops a scary sentence, do this internal check: 1) Is my child safe right now? (Are they alone? escalating? saying things that feel urgent or specific?) 2) Am I able to hold calm right now? (If you’re flooded, bring in another adult, take one minute to regulate, or move the conversation to a place where you can be steady.) Parent scripts you can say Script 1: First 20 seconds (any scary statement) [low voice, slow] “Okay. I’m here. Thank you for telling me. I’m going to stay calm, and I’m taking you seriously.” Script 2: The direct safety check (calm, no drama) “I need to ask you a direct question. Are you thinking about hurting yourself—yes or no?” If they say yes / “I don’t know” / get very quiet: “Okay. Thank you for telling me. I’m staying with you. We’re getting help today.” Script 3: For “life is pointless / boring / repetitive” “I’m not going to argue with you or give you a motivational speech. I want to understand. Is this more like: ‘everything feels pointless,’ or is this: ‘I’m thinking about ending my life’?” Then—either way: “Either way, you’re not holding this alone. We’re going to take the next right step together.” Script 4: For “intrusive thoughts” language “Okay—thanks for naming that. When you say ‘intrusive thoughts,’ I need to sort one thing: Are these scary thoughts that pop in, or are you thinking about hurting yourself?” Then: “You’re not in trouble for telling me. My job is safety and support. We’re going one step at a time.” If your gut check says “this might be unsafe” Stay with them. Don’t leave them alone. Reduce access to anything that could be used for harm (quietly, not theatrically). Widen the circle same day: contact your child’s clinician (if you have one), call your pediatrician, use local crisis resources, or go to an emergency setting if needed. Loop in school for support and monitoring the next day. School Psych in Your Back Pocket In schools, when a student is suspected to be at risk, best practice is: don’t leave them alone, don’t let them leave unescorted (even to the restroom), notify parents/guardians, and release only to an adult who can ensure safety. Also: we don’t do pinky promises—we do plans (collaborative safety planning, not “no-suicide contracts”). When these statements often show up After school (the “held it together all day” collapse), bedtime (quiet + worry highlight reel), homework time (failure fear → catastrophic stories), and phone/social media (exposure happens even with good boundaries). This is where “balance, not blackout” and honest conversations matter. Big-feeling kid reframe “What’s the point of living?” can sometimes translate to: “My brain is stuck on a scary question,” “I’m overwhelmed,” “I’m shaken by something I learned,” “I’m afraid of failing,” “I’m lonely,” or “I can’t turn my thoughts off.” We hold compassion and we do a real safety check. A note about NSSI (self-injury) from the episode The episode also names that nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) can function as temporary emotion relief—and that NSSI and suicidal behaviors can co-occur, which is why we take it seriously and widen support. And: we don’t punish the disclosure; we respond with steadiness and safety. Building the “glimmers” muscle Not “Just be grateful!” More like: “Your brain is stuck on the dark channel right now. We’re going to practice finding one other channel too.” Try questions like: “What was 2% okay today?” “What did you not hate?” “Where did your body feel a tiny bit calmer?” Tiny Wins for this week Write your 2-line plan in your notes app: “Breathe. Check safety. Ask directly. Widen support.” Practice one script out loud when you’re calm—so it’s accessible when you’re not. Do a low-drama media reset for one week: one daily check-in about what they saw/heard + discourage doom-looping (balance, not blackout). Send the School Translator email and ask for a check-in plan. Start a 7-day glimmer practice: “One glimmer. One hard thing. One support you want tomorrow.” Episode free resource Big Feeling Decoder (the freebie for this episode): https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder More free support 50 AI Prompts for Tired Parents: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/aiprompts4parents Closing reminder: Having the uncomfortable conversation is safer than not having it. Your kid talking to you is a protective factor. This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39841220

How to Get Kids Off Screens: Dopamine, Tablets, and the Battle for Balance 01/22/2026

How to Get Kids Off Screens: Dopamine, Tablets, and the Battle for Balance Episode 17: Screens, Dopamine, and the Battle for Balance (Elementary Edition) Episode summary If “screens off” turns your child into a tiny lawyer with raccoon-level regulation, you’re not alone. In this episode, Dr. Amy explains why tablets feel stickier than TV, what dopamine is actually doing in the brain, and how to build a predictable off-ramp so transitions don’t blow up your whole day. In this episode you’ll learn Why stopping screens is a stack of skills, not just “listening” Why tablets can be harder than TV (interactive, fast feedback, lots of control) What to expect when you tighten a boundary (yes, it can get louder at first) How to build an off-ramp that reduces battles without giving up your whole life Parenting scripts you can try Off-ramp script “When the timer goes off, it’s time to save, plug in, and move on. You can be mad and we’re still doing it.” Choice within a boundary “It’s time to be done. Do you want to turn it off now, or do you want me to help you?” Preview plus empathy “In five minutes, we’re turning it off. I know stopping is hard. I’ll help you.” Neutral follow-through line “I’m not arguing about it. We can talk when your body is calmer. Right now it’s plug in time.” Tiny Wins to try this week Pick one tricky tech window (after school or weekend mornings). Consistency in one window beats chaos in five Use the same off-ramp steps every time: timer, finish, save, plug in, next step (snack, movement, dinner) Create a device home base in a common area (charging spot outside bedrooms if you can) Try one Phone Down micro-window for you (10 minutes a day: dinner, car line, bedtime) Follow through cleanly once: no lecture, no debate, calm and done Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Big Feelings Decoder: a quick way to decode big behavior and respond with more clarity. Grab it here: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39770285

The Home–School Mismatch: Why Your Kid Falls Apart After School (and What to Do) 01/19/2026

The Home–School Mismatch: Why Your Kid Falls Apart After School (and What to Do) Episode 16: The Home–School Mismatch: Why Your Kid Falls Apart After School (and What to Do) Episode summary If your kid is “fine at school” and then falls apart at home, this episode will make the whole thing make sense. Dr. Amy explains why the home–school mismatch happens (no shame, no blame) and how to connect what you see at home with what school sees at school so you can stop guessing and start advocating clearly. In this episode you’ll learn Why “same kid, different math” is the key reframe when school and home look totally different How to spot the hidden supports at school that don’t exist at home (and why that matters) A simple way to map Demands, Supports, and Load so the after school crash makes sense What to ask next when you hear “they’re fine” How to communicate with school without writing a novel Parenting scripts you can try After school boundary “After school is reset time. I’m not doing requests yet. First snack and ten minutes to land, then we’ll talk.” Same kid, different math “Same kid. Different math. School and home ask for different skills, at different times, with different supports.” Teacher question “What supports help them most during transitions?” “What supports help them most during independent work?” Short ‘compare notes’ email “Hi [Name], I’m noticing a big after school crash at home. Can we compare notes about transitions and independent work? What helps them most at school when they’re starting to wobble? I’d love to align home supports with what’s working there. Thank you, [Your Name]” Tiny Wins to try this week Write one Dot Log sentence today (not a journal, not a spreadsheet, one sentence) Reset before requests after school (ten minutes counts) Ask one teacher question from above Keep your message to 6–8 lines and send it Take one long exhale before you respond to the meltdown, not after Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Big Feelings Decoder: translate big behavior into what’s going on underneath so you can respond more calmly and communicate more clearly with school. Grab it here: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39770275

After School Meltdowns: The Coke Bottle Kid 01/15/2026

After School Meltdowns: The Coke Bottle Kid Episode 15: After School Meltdowns: The Coke Bottle Kid Episode summary If your child is “fine” at school and then absolutely falls apart at home—over homework, the wrong snack, or a sibling breathing—this episode is for you. Dr. Amy Patenaude explains after-school meltdowns with the Coke Bottle Kid metaphor: school is the shaking, home is where the cap comes off. You’ll get a simple stage map (shaken → fizzing → cap-tight → pop → recovery) plus a practical strategy to release pressure before things explode. In this episode you’ll learn Why after-school meltdowns are often nervous system “pressure release,” not bad attitude How to spot the 5 Coke Bottle stages so you can intervene earlier The “Burp the Bottle” strategy: tiny pressure releases that prevent the full pop What to do in the moment when your child says things like “I want to hit” (safety + boundaries, without shame) How to use the Pattern → Hypothesis → Two-Week Experiment script with school when they say, “We don’t see that here” Tiny Wins to try this week Create a “refuel station” at your kitchen island: water + two snack options (strategy, not a buffet). Protect the first 10–20 minutes after school: no homework talk, no interrogations. Reset first. Swap your homework opener: instead of “What homework do you have?” try “Show me your folder—after snack, we’ll do the five-minute start.” Use a sibling buffer rule: first 10 minutes after school = space (different rooms, headphones, “no touching/no commenting”). Send the two-week support sprint email and ask for one “release valve” at school (movement break or end-of-day decompression). Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Big Feelings Decoder — Decode big reactions into “what’s underneath this?” plus simple scripts for the next hard moment: Research snapshot (brief) Many clinicians describe a pattern where kids hold it together all day at school and then “release” that effort at home—often with their safest people. After school is commonly a low-capacity window, so adding demands (like homework processing) immediately can intensify meltdowns rather than prevent them. “Big reactions to small things” can reflect anxiety, ADHD traits, learning stress, sensory overload, or other neurodivergence—so curiosity and support tend to work better than character judgments. Self-regulation grows through coaching + practice, especially when adults help kids notice early body cues and use tools before escalation. Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39704540

What runDisney’s Dopey Challenge Taught Me About Raising Big-Feeling Kids (Boundaries, Pacing, and Repair) 01/14/2026

What runDisney’s Dopey Challenge Taught Me About Raising Big-Feeling Kids (Boundaries, Pacing, and Repair) Episode summary In this behind-the-curtain episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude shares what runDisney’s Dopey Challenge (four races in four days) taught her about endurance parenting—especially in the after-school hours when everyone’s bandwidth is gone. You’ll get a brain-based way to think about pacing, boundaries, Plan B moments, and repair—plus copy/paste school advocacy language and Tiny Wins you can try this week. In this episode you’ll learn How to shift from “fix it today” to an endurance question: “What makes later easier?” Why after-school meltdowns often mean “you hit a hard mile,” not “you’re doing it wrong.” The brain-based reason lectures flop at 4:12 p.m. (thinking brain quieter, survival brain louder) and what helps instead. A gentle hot take: boundaries aren’t punishment—they’re pacing (the pace your family can hold). The “minivan option” for parenting: Plan B + helpers + basic regulation moves when the schedule (or your nervous system) falls apart. Exactly what “repair” can sound like when your tone shows up—and how to do a do-over without a shame spiral. Tiny Wins to try this week Ask the dress-rehearsal question each morning: “What makes later easier?” Add a 10-minute decompression buffer after school (food/water/quiet/movement—whatever your child tolerates). Hold one Balloon Lady boundary kindly: one pace line (homework cutoff, screen transition, one thing). Put your “medic tent” list on a sticky note: Pause. Water. Food. Fewer words. Repair. Make one deposit before a demand: “I’m glad you’re home.” A hug. A joke. A cookie. Yes, it counts. Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Big Feelings Decoder — understand what’s underneath the meltdown and what to do next without turning it into a power struggle: Research snapshot (brief) Amy uses plain-language nervous-system science to explain why reasoning and “better lectures” don’t land when a kid (or parent) is overwhelmed: the thinking brain gets quieter and the survival brain gets louder, so the most effective next step is often regulation first (food, water, movement, quiet, connection), then problem-solving. Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39720640

AI Parenting Help Without the Rabbit Hole: Tiny Scripts for Big Feelings 01/12/2026

AI Parenting Help Without the Rabbit Hole: Tiny Scripts for Big Feelings Episode summary It’s 9:47pm, the kitchen is “less dangerous,” and then a totally normal school email sends your brain into full threat-detection mode. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude breaks down how to use AI tools like ChatGPT for parenting and school support without letting them fuel anxiety spirals, rewrite loops, or panic-research. You’ll get guardrails, a simple stop sign, and tiny scripts that help you sound like your regulated self, not your 10pm self. In this episode you’ll learn Why AI can be helpful and also a surprisingly efficient anxiety amplifier when you’re depleted The core frame to remember: AI is the intern, you are the principal A quick stop sign for the spiral moment and a one-step reset you can do in under 30 seconds What AI is good for in school-world and what not to use it for A “hero example” for writing a school email that is warm, clear, and collaborative The guardrails that keep you out of the rabbit hole: the 3-Prompt Rule and the 10-minute timer with a definition of done Tiny Wins to try this week Set a 10-minute timer before you open AI and decide what “done” means (one email you can actually send) Use the 3-Prompt Rule: draft, revise tone, final, then stop Use the stoplight filter Green: drafts, scripts, brainstorming, organizing notes Yellow: school support language and behavior ideas (slow down, use judgment) Red: diagnosis, safety plans, legal advice De-identify your child’s story: no names, no school, no screenshots of private documents Use the freebie the Tiny Wins way: one prompt, one sticky-note script, try it once Pick one. One is enough. Free resources 50 AI Prompts for Tired Parents Tiny scripts, not perfect parenting, to help you get unstuck fast. Boredom Buster Guide Quick, low-prep ideas to reduce boredom spirals without you becoming the entertainment committee. Big Feeling Decoder Turn “hard behavior” into brain-based insight plus next-step scripts for the messy moments. Research snapshot Research mentioned: Szondy and Magyary (2025), Wiederhold (2018), Sun et al. (2024), Ashraf (2024), and Isernia (2024). Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. Share with a friend If you know a parent who’s rewriting school emails at 10:30pm with a tight chest and 47 tabs open, text them this episode and say: “This made me feel less alone.” /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39622405

Brain Traffic Jams: When Executive Function Collides with Real Life 01/07/2026

Brain Traffic Jams: When Executive Function Collides with Real Life Episode summary Mornings, homework, transitions, and bedtime can turn into total chaos when your child’s executive function system hits overload. In this episode, I’ll help you spot an executive function “traffic jam” in real time, translate “won’t” into “can’t yet, not like this,” and use simple supports that lower conflict without lowering expectations. You’ll leave with scripts you can say out loud and Tiny Wins that act like on-ramps when real life is coming in hot at 7:42 a.m. In this episode you’ll learn What executive functioning is (and what it is not) in plain parent language How to tell the difference between a skill problem, a fuel problem, and a support mismatch with the Jam Check: Skill, Fuel, Fit A brain-based traffic system metaphor that makes working memory, inhibition, flexibility, planning, initiation, time, and regulation finally click Why “they can do it sometimes” is not proof of manipulation, it’s often proof of overload under stress What to say in the moment so you can add support without turning it into a debate A quick School Translator Minute so teacher feedback like “capable but inconsistent” turns into practical supports you can request Tiny Wins to try this week Create one Drop Zone for the daily essentials (backpack, shoes, water bottle, instrument) and make it ridiculously easy to use Make one visual checklist for one routine (3 to 5 steps max) so fewer steps have to live in your voice Preview plus buffer for a recurring transition: “In five minutes we’re switching. Two minutes before, I’ll remind you.” Use a body double for ignition: stay nearby just long enough for your child to start Make one micro-agreement for one recurring battle (homework start, shoes, bedtime steps) and keep it predictable for a week Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Boredom Buster Guide Quick, low-prep ideas to reduce boredom spirals without you becoming the entertainment committee. Big Feeling Decoder Turn “hard behavior” into brain-based insight plus next-step scripts for the messy moments. 50 AI Prompts for Tired Parents Parent-friendly prompts to reduce decision fatigue and help you get unstuck faster. Research snapshot (brief) Research mentioned: Jacobson et al. (2011), Lucassen et al. (2015), Spruijt et al. (2020), and O’Reilly et al. (2025). Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39622365

The Invisible Rule Book: Making Expectations Visible at Home 01/06/2026

The Invisible Rule Book: Making Expectations Visible at Home Episode summary If your house turns into a courtroom at 4:07pm (shoes, snack, homework, all the feelings), you are not alone. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude breaks down the “Invisible Rule Book” at home: all the expectations living in your head that your child cannot actually see. You’ll learn how to make expectations clear, doable, and way less arguable, especially for strong willed, big feeling kids and neurodivergent kids with executive function challenges. In this episode you’ll learn Spot the invisible expectations that trigger daily power struggles after school Reframe “defiance” as a skills plus nervous system moment (often not “won’t,” but “can’t yet”) Define what “done” looks like so your child is not set up to fail (or argue) Use three simple scripts that reduce arguing and transition explosions: Define Done, First Then, and Choice within Structure Run one seven day micro routine experiment without turning your whole household into a chart system Tiny Wins to try this week Choose one friction point (start with the after school routine) Name the invisible expectation you are holding in your head Turn it into a three step “Done List” (three steps, not ten) Put it where it happens (by the door, snack spot, or homework station) Use the same words for seven days, then adjust after a week (not after one rough day) Pick one. One is enough. Free resources Boredom Buster Guide: Quick, low prep ideas for those “I’m bored” moments that tend to turn into chaos. . Big Feelings Decoder: Translate meltdowns into brain and nervous system language, plus what to try next. . 50 AI Prompts for Tired Parents: Copy and paste prompts to get scripts, calm responses, and next steps when your brain is fried. . Tiny Wins Email List: Get scripts, tiny experiments, and realistic resets for real life parenting (especially the after school danger zone). . Research snapshot (brief) Teacher and parent expectations do not perfectly match, which helps explain why kids can look “defiant” when they are actually bumping into different unspoken rules across settings. (Lane et al., 2007) Expectations work best when adults define them clearly and then teach and practice them, instead of assuming kids will infer what we mean. (Carter & Pool, 2012) Routines and rules function like “structure that holds” when they are taught in small steps and practiced until they are established, reducing the need for constant correction. (Fink & Siedentop, 1989) Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39609745

Tiny Wins Roadmap: Designing Your Family’s Game Plan for This Year 01/01/2026

Tiny Wins Roadmap: Designing Your Family’s Game Plan for This Year Tiny Wins Roadmap: Designing Your Family’s Game Plan for This Year Episode summary It’s easy to build a beautiful family plan in January and then feel crushed when real life shows up. In today’s episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude shares a brain-based alternative: the Tiny Wins Roadmap. You’ll pick a North Star for how you want home to feel, name one skill your child is practicing, and choose one Tiny Win to run as a simple 7-day experiment so your plan works on a random Tuesday, not just on a motivated Sunday. In this episode you’ll learn How to choose a North Star word that guides your whole year without turning into rigid rules What Tiny Wins actually means and why outcomes are not actions The brain-based reason routines help: predictability lowers stress and reduces decision fatigue How to frame hard moments as skill practice (starting, sticking, transitioning) instead of character flaws A real-life after-school homework start line routine you can copy: snack, decompress, 7-minute timer, start together A short school email script to get teachers on the same team with skill-based language Tiny Wins to try this week Pick one. One is enough. The 5-minute Sunday Game Plan: Set a 5-minute timer. Pick one Tiny Win for the week. Write it on a sticky note. Anchor a habit: After teeth, do a 2-minute tomorrow check (clothes and backpack). Environment tweak: Create a backpack hook or landing zone, choose one timer location, or set up a visible snack bin. Skill-based praise: “I noticed you started even though you didn’t want to. That’s the skill.” Free resources Download the Boredom Buster Cheat Sheet Download the Boredom Buster Cheat Sheet, a kid-friendly Move, Meet, Mellow menu with activity ideas, simple steps to use it, and calm scripts for screen-time boundaries: Grab 50 AI Prompts for Exhausted Parents Want help finding words when your brain is fried? Download 50 AI Prompts for Exhausted Parents, tiny scripts for meltdowns, school emails, screen time, all of it. Copy a prompt into ChatGPT and let it help you draft the words so your tired brain doesn’t have to start from scratch: Join the Tiny Wins email list + download the free Big Feelings Decoder If you’re parenting a big-feeling, strong-willed kid and you’re thinking, “What is happening right now?” I made something for you. Get simple, brain-based support for parenting big feelings, plus a quick guide to help you decode what’s really going on underneath meltdowns and shutdowns. Big Feelings Decoder: Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. Listening to this podcast does not create a provider-client relationship. If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, safety, or development, please consult a qualified professional in your area. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39586505

Parenting Burnout Is Real: Nervous System Overload + Endurance Parenting for Big-Feeling Kids 01/01/2026

Parenting Burnout Is Real: Nervous System Overload + Endurance Parenting for Big-Feeling Kids Episode 5: Parenting Burnout Is Real: Nervous System Overload + Endurance Parenting for Big-Feeling Kids Parenting big-feeling kids can feel like you’ve been at mile 19 for a long time—showing up, holding it together, and then losing it over socks on the floor. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude shares the personal nervous-system story behind why she talks about parenting as an endurance sport, including how training for 29029 mirrors the unseen, unglamorous bravery of hard parenting seasons. 29029 is an endurance event where you hike the vertical equivalent of Mount Everest by repeating the same mountain climb over and over (usually by gondola up/down between laps). You’ll learn the brain-based reason you feel so tapped out (hint: it’s not a character flaw—it’s capacity and load), and how to build “training blocks” that help you stay steady in the hardest parts of the day, one Tiny Win at a time. New here? Start with… If after-school is your daily crash zone, start with After-School Meltdowns: Why Big-Feeling Kids Fall Apart at 3:30 If you’re an over-functioner who can’t stop managing everything, start with Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery If you’ve been snapping and need a fast repair plan, start with You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds) If your brain has been spinning with worry lately, start with ADHD or Anxiety, or Just the Season We’re In? A Calmer Way to… In this episode, you’ll learn Why parenting burnout is often nervous system overload, not “you failing” What allostatic load is (the wear-and-tear of long-term stress) and how it builds over time Why after-school can feel impossible when both your batteries are low (executive function is a battery) What after-school restraint collapse can look like—and why it often shows up at home with the safest person How the 29029 “lap mindset” (next flag, next tree) maps to hard parenting hours when you want to tap out The core idea of Endurance Parenting: tiny, sustainable “training blocks,” not perfection A school psych “in your pocket” email template that’s collaborative without becoming a midnight spiral Why repair matters more than getting it right the first time Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) Name your mountains Sometime this week, list three hard things you’ve lived through in the last few years. Then tell yourself: “No wonder this feels hard. I’ve been climbing.” Protect one small “aid station” Pick one hot zone (mornings, after school, homework, bedtime) and build a 10–15 minute refuel buffer: snack + silence, low lights + music, a repeatable reset. Next flag thinking (your 29029 skill, at home) When you feel overwhelmed, choose the next tiny step instead of trying to fix the whole evening: “What’s the next flag?” One boundary rep for your nervous system Choose one place you won’t over-function this week (no midnight email, no extra committee, letting your child talk to the teacher). Expect discomfort. Remind yourself: “I’m allowed to put one rock down.” One nervous-system hygiene habit Pick one small recovery habit (bed 20 minutes earlier, a 5-minute walk, swapping a drink for an AF option). Not for “wellness points”—for capacity tomorrow. Scripts you can borrow (quick wins) After-school “aid station” script “Hey buddy, your brain has had a really long day. It kind of looks like you’re at mile 20. Let’s hit a little aid station—snack, water, a few quiet minutes—and then we’ll figure out the next step.” When you feel yourself about to snap (In your head) “Okay, I’m not at mile 1. I’m at mile 22. Of course this feels bigger.” (Out loud) “I’m feeling really stretched right now. I’m going to take a quick breath and then try that again.” When you want to quit the moment (the 29029 reframe) “Okay—what’s the next flag? What’s one tiny step I can take without abandoning myself?” When the same hard part repeats daily “This part of the day is bumpy for both of us. Instead of fighting it every night, let’s make a little routine so our brains know what’s coming.” A real-life repair “Hey, I don’t like how I talked to you just now. That wasn’t about you; that was my tired brain talking. I’m sorry I snapped. You still need to clean this up, but I’m going to try that again with a different tone.” The 10-minute “no questions” rule “I’m glad you’re home. Here’s your snack.” (That’s it for the first 10 minutes.) School Psych in Your Pocket: quick email template Subject: Quick home-school check-in “Hi ___, we’re noticing a pretty consistent after-school crash lately. What we see at home: (1–2 brief examples) What we’re wondering: Are you noticing anything similar—especially late day or during transitions? What we’re requesting: Could you share one quick observation this week—any patterns with transitions/peer stuff/demands—and we can regroup next Friday? Thank you—my goal is to stay collaborative and help ___ feel more supported.” (Endurance move: draft it at night, schedule-send in the morning. Sleep is also an intervention.) Episode quotes “This is what endurance looks like—unseen, unglamorous, and still brave.” “That’s not a moral failing. That’s a capacity problem.” “Flag by flag, tree by tree—this is how we get through hard seasons.” Free resource Download the Big Feelings Decoder (a brain-based guide to what big feelings are communicating and what helps): Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice. Links Big Feelings Decoder: Tiny Wins email list: /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39580645

The Mental Load of Parenting: How to Stop Over-Functioning Without Letting Your Kid Down 12/31/2025

The Mental Load of Parenting: How to Stop Over-Functioning Without Letting Your Kid Down BONUS EPISODE: The Mental Load of Parenting: How to Stop Over-Functioning Without Letting Your Kid Down Winter break is supposed to be “rest”… but for a lot of parents it turns into being on-call 24/7—snacks, screen-time negotiations, sibling conflict, and that 9:47 p.m. brain spiral where you’re planning tomorrow like you’re the Cruise Director of a tiny emotional resort. In this bonus episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude names the invisible load (the thinking work of parenting), explains why your brain equates “setting something down” with “letting your kid down,” and shows you how to share the load in ways that are supportive—not neglectful. You’ll leave with ready-to-steal scripts, a school psych lens on scaffolding, and one concrete handoff to try this week so you feel 5–10% lighter. New here? Start with… If winter break turns into more chaos and meltdowns, start with Winter Break Meltdowns: Why Kids Struggle Without Routine and What Helps If you feel like the Cruise Director of the whole family, start with You’re Not the Cruise Director: A Sanity-Saving Winter Break Guide If you’re the one who always rescues and you’re burned out, start with Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery If you’ve been snapping and need a quick repair plan, start with You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds) In this episode, you’ll learn What the invisible load actually is (anticipating, tracking, remembering, preventing problems) Why winter break can double the invisible load when school structure disappears The brain-based reason over-functioning raises your baseline stress and drains connection Why doing everyone’s executive functioning can block kids from building their own skills What scaffolding looks like at home and in school support (without you being the middle-man) How to separate what’s truly essential from what’s extra “just in case” management Specific, real-life things you can stop doing—or stop doing alone—without letting your child down Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) One portal check, not five Pick one time per week (or per day if that feels safer right now) to check school apps/portal. Put it on your calendar (ex: “Friday 3 p.m. — school check”). When the 9:47 p.m. urge hits, remind yourself: “I have a plan.” Carry / Plan / Execute check (30 seconds) Pick one thing living in your head and ask: “Am I carrying it, planning it, AND executing it?” If yes, you don’t need someone to “help.” You need an ownership transfer. Move one piece off your brain this week. Move / Meet / Mellow (stop reinventing the day) Aim for a simple daily rhythm: Move: walk, trampoline, scooter, dance party, park Meet: friend/cousin/neighbor, board game, library Mellow: Legos, audiobook, craft, bath, movie You don’t have to do all three perfectly—just aim for one Move, one Meet, one Mellow most days. One handoff spot Pick one: a Sign Here basket (older kids) or a backpack launchpad by the door (younger kids). Stop hunting for school stuff in the kitchen, couch, and car. Scripts you can borrow (quick wins) Name the invisible load out loud “A lot of my brain has been holding school stuff—emails, forms, due dates—and also the whole winter break plan. I love you, and I’ve been carrying more than one person can carry long-term. I’m going to start sharing some of that.” Shift from “I’ll remember” to “Let’s build a system” “Instead of me trying to remember this in my head, let’s put it on the family calendar/whiteboard so it’s not just living in my brain.” Kid handoff (older kids): Sign Here basket “It’s your job to put anything I need to sign in this basket by 7 p.m. If it’s not here, I’m going to assume there’s nothing to sign.” Kid handoff (younger kids): backpack launchpad “After school (or in the morning), you put your folder and backpack on the launchpad by the door. That’s your job.” Partner handoff (prevents the nag loop) “I’m not asking for help. I’m asking for full ownership of one thing—from noticing it, to planning it, to doing it. If I have to remind you, it’s still living in my brain.” Tolerate discomfort instead of rescuing “I hear that you’re worried about forgetting. That’s a real feeling. Let’s figure out what you can do about it—set an alarm, write a note, or put it by the front door.” When you catch yourself over-functioning (school stuff) “I just realized I was about to email your teacher for you. That’s my old habit. I can help you think about what to say, but I’m not going to send this one.” School translator script (for teachers/support team) “We’re working on building independence and reducing how much school lives in my head. Can we identify the top one or two routines you want my child to own right now—and what simple structure we can use at school to support that—without me being the middle-man?” Episode quotes “The invisible load is the thinking work—anticipating, tracking, remembering, preventing problems—so life doesn’t fall apart.” “Dropping 10% isn’t neglect. It’s sustainability.” “I don’t have to carry all of this tonight. I can choose one thing to set down.” Free resource Download the Boredom Buster Guide (a kid-friendly Move / Meet / Mellow menu + calm scripts for screen-time boundaries): Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice. Links Download the Boredom Buster Guide: Big Feelings Decoder: /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39579340

Winter Break Meltdowns: Why Kids Struggle Without Routine and What Helps 12/22/2025

Winter Break Meltdowns: Why Kids Struggle Without Routine and What Helps Winter Break Meltdowns: Why Kids Struggle Without Routine and What Helps Winter break is supposed to feel cozy and fun. But for a lot of families, it turns into clingy kids, more meltdowns over tiny things, and that constant question on repeat: “What are we doing next?” In this bonus episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude explains what’s happening in your child’s brain when the school routine disappears, why “relaxing family time” can feel like chaotic whiplash, and how to build a simple winter break rhythm that helps kids feel safe without turning you into a drill sergeant. You’ll leave with an easy daily plan, ready-to-steal scripts, and one Tiny Wins tool: Move, Meet, Mellow. In this episode, you’ll learn Why kids’ brains often struggle when routines suddenly disappear What “winter break wobbles” can look like in real life and why it’s normal How predictability helps your child’s nervous system feel safer A simple daily rhythm that reduces decision fatigue and control battles How to reframe “they’re being ungrateful” into “they feel wobbly” Scripts to use when your child is stuck, clingy, or spiraling A Tiny Wins framework that makes break feel easier for everyone Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) Put a Daily Trail Map on the fridge for tomorrow using 5–7 simple blocks Choose one anchor you’ll keep steady all week (outside after lunch, quiet time at 2:00, consistent bedtime start) Try Move, Meet, Mellow once a day and keep everything else flexible Use one script one time before the meltdown hits: “Your brain likes to know the plan. Here’s our rhythm today.” Scripts you can borrow Name what’s happening in the brain “Break days feel really different to your brain. School days have a rhythm. On break, things feel wobbly, so big feelings show up faster. Let’s make a simple plan for today.” The gentle daily map “We’re not doing a strict schedule, but here’s our rhythm: breakfast, then quiet play while I work, lunch, outside, then screen time.” The stuck moment menu “You’re not sure what to do right now. Want to pick one: something to move your body, something with another person, or something mellow?” The transition reframe “Switching from school days to home days is a big change. Your grumpy feelings are your brain saying, ‘This is different.’ We’re going to give it time and a little structure.” Episode quotes “Nothing is wrong with you or your kids. Their brains just lost their trail map.” “You don’t need a strict schedule. You need a few trail markers.” “Big feelings on break are often a nervous system signal, not a gratitude problem.” Free resource Download the Boredom Buster Cheat Sheet, a kid-friendly Move, Meet, Mellow menu with activity ideas, simple steps to use it, and calm scripts for screen-time boundaries: Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice. Links Big Feelings Decoder: /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39482550

You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds) 12/18/2025

You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds) Episode 4: You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds) Episode Description You snapped. You raised your voice. And now you’re stuck in the shame spiral wondering if you just messed everything up. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude walks you through what actually matters after you yell: repair. You’ll learn what’s happening in your brain when you “flip your lid,” why repair is more powerful than perfection, and a 90-second reset you can use the same day. You’ll leave with simple scripts and Tiny Wins to rebuild connection without a big lecture for you or your child. New here? Start with… If you’re stuck in “I’m the worst parent” shame, start with Repair over Perfection If you want practical words to say tonight, start with The 3-Sentence Repair If you keep yelling at the end of the day, start with The Pause and Park It Plan In this episode, you’ll learn Why “losing it” is often a nervous system overload moment, not a character flaw The simplest brain-based explanation for why yelling happens and why it’s hard to stop mid-stream The rupture to repair idea that protects trust and emotional safety over time What a repair actually looks like in real life without over-explaining or groveling A repeatable 90-second repair script that builds safety and models accountability How repair helps your child build a healthier story: We can have hard moments and still be okay Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) Try the 3-sentence repair once this week, even if it feels awkward Choose a one-word cue for yourself when you feel the surge: Pause, Yellow light, or Not yet Use Park It language once: I’m too heated to talk kindly. I’m going to cool down and we’ll come back. Add one next time sentence after repair: Next time I’m going to step into the other room before I respond. Scripts you can borrow (quick wins) The basic repair (90 seconds): Hey, about earlier when I yelled… I was really overwhelmed and I raised my voice. That wasn’t okay. I’m sorry. I love you and we’re okay. The check-in: Did that scare you or hurt your feelings? You can tell me the truth. I want to know. The next-time plan: Next time I’m starting to feel that mad, I’m going to take a break instead of shouting. One line for you: I messed up, and I’m also a good parent who’s learning. Episode quotes Kids don’t need perfection. They need a parent who comes back. Repair is a deposit in the relationship bank account. Flip your lid less when you can, and repair faster when you can’t. Free resource Join the Tiny Wins email list and download the free Big Feelings Decoder here: Big Feelings Decoder helps you translate intense kid behavior like backtalk, shutdowns, whining, or meltdowns into what might be happening underneath, plus calm, nervous-system-friendly scripts you can use in the moment and after repair. Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice. Links Big Feelings Decoder: Instagram: @psyched2parent /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39455540

You’re Not the Cruise Director: A Sanity-Saving Winter Break Guide 12/15/2025

You’re Not the Cruise Director: A Sanity-Saving Winter Break Guide Bonus Episode 1 — You Are Not the Cruise Director: A Sanity-Saving Guide to Winter Break Episode Description Winter break can turn parents into full-time cruise directors: planning, entertaining, smoothing… and still ending the day fried. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude explains why over-functioning fuels burnout, why boredom is actually brain-building for kids, and how to step back without everything collapsing. You’ll leave with simple scripts and Tiny Wins that make break feel calmer and more doable. New here? Start with… If you feel like you’re carrying the whole break (and getting resentful), start with Cruise Director → Guide Mode. If “I’m bored” is running your house, start with the Boredom Menu. If everyone’s dysregulated and everything feels heavy, start with Planned Bare Minimum Days + a Good-Enough Day definition. In this episode, you’ll learn Why Cruise Director Parenting spikes burnout and makes everyone pricklier (even with loving intentions). Why boredom isn’t a moral failing—it’s a brain-based opportunity for executive functioning and internal motivation to grow. Why autonomy-supportive structure works best: clear boundaries + simple choices + predictable rhythms. How a Good-Enough Day metric can reduce pressure (and improve behavior). How to use the Boredom Menu and planned Bare Minimum Days as guardrails (not “giving up”). Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) Define your Good-Enough Day: everyone ate, everyone moved a little, everyone connected once. Make a Boredom Menu with your kids during a calm moment—and redirect to it when boredom shows up. Schedule 1–2 Planned Bare Minimum Days and announce them as intentional. Pick only one “big thing” per day and protect white space. Scripts you can borrow (quick wins) Cruise Director → Guide Mode: “I’m not here to entertain all day. I will help you make a plan.” Boredom reframe: “Boredom is your brain looking for something to build. Let’s check the Boredom Menu.” Autonomy + boundary: “You can choose A or B. I’m not adding option C.” Good-Enough Day anchor: “Today’s goal is simple: eat, move, connect. That’s success.” Bare Minimum Day wording: “Today is a Bare Minimum Day on purpose. We’re protecting our nervous systems.” Episode quotes “Boredom isn’t the enemy—over-functioning is what burns everyone out.” “You don’t have to make winter break magical to make it meaningful.” “Clear boundaries plus simple choices is the sweet spot.” Free resource Join the Tiny Wins email list and download the free Big Feelings Decoder here: Big Feelings Decoder helps you translate intense kid behavior (like constant “I’m bored,” whining, snapping, or meltdowns) into what might be happening underneath—plus calm, nervous-system-friendly scripts to try right away. Disclaimer This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice. Links Big Feelings Decoder: Instagram: @psyched2parent Download the Boredom Buster Guide (Move / Meet / Mellow menu + calm scripts for screen-time boundaries): /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39418580

ADHD or Anxiety, or Just the Season We’re In? A Calmer Way to Make Sense of What You’re Seeing 12/15/2025

ADHD or Anxiety, or Just the Season We’re In? A Calmer Way to Make Sense of What You’re Seeing ADHD or Anxiety, or Just the Season We’re In? A Calmer Way to Make Sense of What You’re Seeing When your child can’t focus, melts down, avoids homework, or spirals at bedtime, it’s easy to wonder: Is this ADHD? Anxiety? Or are we just in a fried, overloaded season? In this episode, we zoom out from the moment and look for patterns over time—while also using a nervous-system lens (fight/flight/freeze) to guide what to do today. You’ll leave with clear scripts and Tiny Wins to gather better “data” without spiraling into labels. In this episode, you’ll learn Why ADHD and anxiety can look similar—and why labels describe patterns over time (not one hard afternoon) How to use a nervous-system lens in the moment: fight/flight/freeze as communication How “the season” (sleep, screens, overload, too little downtime) can be the loudest factor How small environment shifts can clarify what’s underneath (and create better info for your support team) How to aim for calmer, more curious nervous systems on both sides—not perfect scripts Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) Use the Big Feelings Decoder once a day (one moment only) to spot patterns Protect a 20-minute after-school reset (snack + regulating activity, then gentle transition) Try a 10% “load lift” for two weeks (sleep, schedule, screens, homework cap + teacher email if needed) Bedtime worry script: write down “what if” thoughts and save them for “tomorrow-brain” Scripts you can borrow (quick wins) Detective mode (not labels): “We don’t have to figure this out today. We’re collecting clues.” Nervous system translation: “Your body is having a fight/flight/freeze moment. I’m here. Let’s help your body feel safe first.” When focus falls apart: “Looks like your brain is overloaded. Let’s do a reset, then choose one tiny next step.” 10% load lift: “For two weeks, we’re making this a little easier while we learn what helps.” After-school reset: “First snack and reset—then we’ll talk about what’s next.” Bedtime worries: “Let’s put those ‘what if’ thoughts on paper for tomorrow-brain. Nighttime brain is not the boss.” Episode quotes “ADHD and anxiety are labels that describe patterns over time. In the moment, your child’s behavior is their nervous system talking.” “You are becoming a curious detective, not a frantic diagnostician.” “This is data, not a disaster. I’m learning how my child’s brain works in this season.” Join the Tiny Wins email list + download the free Big Feelings Decoder: If you’re parenting a big-feeling, strong-willed kid and you’re thinking, “What is happening right now?” — I made something for you. Get simple, brain-based support for parenting big feelings—plus a quick guide to help you decode what’s really going on underneath meltdowns and shutdowns. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39387740

Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery: How to Stop Rescuing and Build a Capable Kid 12/15/2025

Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery: How to Stop Rescuing and Build a Capable Kid Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery: How to Stop Rescuing and Build a Capable Kid Have you ever “helped” so much that you ended up doing 80% of the work—homework, emails, projects, the whole thing? In this episode, we talk about why over-functioning is so tempting (especially with anxious, big-feeling kids) and how it can quietly chip away at kids’ confidence. You’ll learn the simple CAR metaphor for motivation—and walk away with scripts + Tiny Wins to shift from rescuer to coach, without turning into a cold “figure it out” parent. In this episode, you’ll learn Why over-functioning lowers short-term stress but can block long-term confidence and skill-building The CAR motivation metaphor: Control/Choice, Ability, Relationship Why autonomy-supportive parenting (warm + structured + choice) supports motivation better than psychological control How family accommodation can reduce anxiety in the moment but increase it over time How to change the pattern while staying emotionally supportive: “I love you, and I believe you can do small brave steps.” Tiny Wins (pick 1–2) The 30-Second Empathy Pause (before anything instructional) Choice inside a boundary (2–3 real choices within the non-negotiable) Pick one low-stakes thing you will not rescue this week Try a systems-focused repair line: “If it goes sideways, we need a better system. We’ll figure it out together.” Scripts you can borrow (quick wins) Empathy pause: “This feels hard. I’m with you.” Choice inside a boundary: “This is getting done. Do you want to start with the easy part or the hard part?” Ability scaffold: “Let’s do the first one together, then you try the next.” Warm + boundaried: “I won’t do it for you, and I won’t leave you alone with it. I’ll stay close while you practice.” Coach mindset: “You are more capable than you feel right now—and I’m right here while you try.” Systems repair: “If it goes sideways, we need a better system. We’ll figure it out together.” Episode quotes “Think of your child’s motivation like a CAR they are trying to drive through school and life.” “You are more capable than you feel right now, and I am right here while you practice.” “Where am I climbing into the driver’s seat of my child’s CAR—and what’s one small place I can slide back into the passenger seat this week while staying close?” Join the Tiny Wins email list + download the free Big Feelings Decoder: If you’re parenting a big-feeling, strong-willed kid and you’re thinking, “What is happening right now?” — I made something for you. Get simple, brain-based support for parenting big feelings—plus a quick guide to help you decode what’s really going on underneath meltdowns and shutdowns. /episode/index/show/42010c46-14a4-4172-bd20-0de5ec76271f/id/39387680

After-School Meltdowns: Why Big-Feeling Kids Fall Apart at 3:30 (and What Helps) 12/15/2025

Trailer for Psyched2Parent: Turning Brain Science into Tiny Wins for Parents 12/02/2025

Psyched2Parent: Turning Brain Science into Tiny Wins for Parents

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