Parenting Burnout Is Real: Nervous System Overload + Endurance Parenting for Big-Feeling Kids

Episode 5: Parenting Burnout Is Real: Nervous System Overload + Endurance Parenting for Big-Feeling Kids

Parenting big-feeling kids can feel like you’ve been at mile 19 for a long time—showing up, holding it together, and then losing it over socks on the floor. In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude shares the personal nervous-system story behind why she talks about parenting as an endurance sport, including how training for 29029 mirrors the unseen, unglamorous bravery of hard parenting seasons. 29029 is an endurance event where you hike the vertical equivalent of Mount Everest by repeating the same mountain climb over and over (usually by gondola up/down between laps). You’ll learn the brain-based reason you feel so tapped out (hint: it’s not a character flaw—it’s capacity and load), and how to build “training blocks” that help you stay steady in the hardest parts of the day, one Tiny Win at a time.

New here? Start with…

If after-school is your daily crash zone, start with After-School Meltdowns: Why Big-Feeling Kids Fall Apart at 3:30

If you’re an over-functioner who can’t stop managing everything, start with Over-Functioning Parent in Recovery

If you’ve been snapping and need a fast repair plan, start with You Yelled. Now What? Repairing After You Lose It (in 90 seconds)

If your brain has been spinning with worry lately, start with ADHD or Anxiety, or Just the Season We’re In? A Calmer Way to…

In this episode, you’ll learn

• Why parenting burnout is often nervous system overload, not “you failing”
• What allostatic load is (the wear-and-tear of long-term stress) and how it builds over time
• Why after-school can feel impossible when both your batteries are low (executive function is a battery)
• What after-school restraint collapse can look like—and why it often shows up at home with the safest person
• How the 29029 “lap mindset” (next flag, next tree) maps to hard parenting hours when you want to tap out
• The core idea of Endurance Parenting: tiny, sustainable “training blocks,” not perfection
• A school psych “in your pocket” email template that’s collaborative without becoming a midnight spiral
• Why repair matters more than getting it right the first time

Tiny Wins (pick 1–2)

Name your mountains
Sometime this week, list three hard things you’ve lived through in the last few years. Then tell yourself: “No wonder this feels hard. I’ve been climbing.”

Protect one small “aid station”
Pick one hot zone (mornings, after school, homework, bedtime) and build a 10–15 minute refuel buffer: snack + silence, low lights + music, a repeatable reset.

Next flag thinking (your 29029 skill, at home)
When you feel overwhelmed, choose the next tiny step instead of trying to fix the whole evening: “What’s the next flag?”

One boundary rep for your nervous system
Choose one place you won’t over-function this week (no midnight email, no extra committee, letting your child talk to the teacher). Expect discomfort. Remind yourself: “I’m allowed to put one rock down.”

One nervous-system hygiene habit
Pick one small recovery habit (bed 20 minutes earlier, a 5-minute walk, swapping a drink for an AF option). Not for “wellness points”—for capacity tomorrow.

Scripts you can borrow (quick wins)

After-school “aid station” script
“Hey buddy, your brain has had a really long day. It kind of looks like you’re at mile 20. Let’s hit a little aid station—snack, water, a few quiet minutes—and then we’ll figure out the next step.”

When you feel yourself about to snap
(In your head) “Okay, I’m not at mile 1. I’m at mile 22. Of course this feels bigger.”
(Out loud) “I’m feeling really stretched right now. I’m going to take a quick breath and then try that again.”

When you want to quit the moment (the 29029 reframe)
“Okay—what’s the next flag? What’s one tiny step I can take without abandoning myself?”

When the same hard part repeats daily
“This part of the day is bumpy for both of us. Instead of fighting it every night, let’s make a little routine so our brains know what’s coming.”

A real-life repair
“Hey, I don’t like how I talked to you just now. That wasn’t about you; that was my tired brain talking. I’m sorry I snapped. You still need to clean this up, but I’m going to try that again with a different tone.”

The 10-minute “no questions” rule
“I’m glad you’re home. Here’s your snack.” (That’s it for the first 10 minutes.)

School Psych in Your Pocket: quick email template
Subject: Quick home-school check-in
“Hi ___, we’re noticing a pretty consistent after-school crash lately.
What we see at home: (1–2 brief examples)
What we’re wondering: Are you noticing anything similar—especially late day or during transitions?
What we’re requesting: Could you share one quick observation this week—any patterns with transitions/peer stuff/demands—and we can regroup next Friday?
Thank you—my goal is to stay collaborative and help ___ feel more supported.”
(Endurance move: draft it at night, schedule-send in the morning. Sleep is also an intervention.)

Episode quotes

“This is what endurance looks like—unseen, unglamorous, and still brave.”
“That’s not a moral failing. That’s a capacity problem.”
“Flag by flag, tree by tree—this is how we get through hard seasons.”

Free resource

Download the Big Feelings Decoder (a brain-based guide to what big feelings are communicating and what helps):
https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder

Disclaimer

This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for individualized mental health, medical, or educational advice.

Links

Big Feelings Decoder: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder
Tiny Wins email list: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/boredomebusterguide