Embracing the Journey: Reflections of a Neurodivergent Adult on Late-Diagnosed ADHD
Release Date: 11/02/2023
ADHD Open Space Podcast
Originally published as an article on . For the last few months I’ve been writing down things that help me function with ADHD. These were short phrases, kind of like mantras: hurrying is kryptonite. Nothing is on the way to anything else. Choice is friction. I started calling this my “Rules of ADHD”, and planned to write them up — but when I got to number sixteen, I realized that would make for a pretty complicated article. Also, who’s going to remember sixteen different rules, especially when there were likely to be more? I’m lucky enough to be friends with Amber Beckett from ...
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• Photo by on The Deeper Long-Term Effects of Late-Diagnosis ADHD I was interviewed recently by the hosts of a decluttering podcast (link to come later, it’s not online yet!). I’ve been writing about organization systems and techniques for decades. I have always enjoyed trying out new systems, finding out the advantages and limitations and constantly re-optimizing them in various ways whether physical (whiteboards and labeled boxes!), paper (53 folders! File cabinets and notebooks!) or digital (Obsidian! Notion! Johnny Decimal! Tags, tags, so many tags…). It’s...
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originally published on I learned the hard way, so maybe you won't have to. I write a lot about productivity tools and methods. I’ve written about time management and project planning and habit formation and self reflection. I’ve reviewed the things that make these possible, apps and notebooks and timers and even wrote a book about my favorite form of meditation. I left something very important out. Something that happened in December made me realize that I’d done my readers a disservice: all this productrivia was worthless without one particular practices. Come with me to the Coliseum...
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Raise your hand if any of these phrases sound familiar: “Oh, %$#@, it started five minutes ago!” “Wait — that was today?” “This is taking forever. How can it not be over yet?” “Guess I’m just gonna be late…again.” “What was it I’m supposed to be doing now?” If your hand is still down, this article is not for you; go back to reading “How to enjoy your perfectly manageable schedule” or “How to let people without an unfailingly accurate internal clock know how much you pity them” or whatever it is people like you read. One the other hand (the one...
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drawing by the author using Adobe Fresco #byHumansForHumans #noAI Raise your hand if you’ve ever found yourself rummaging through drawers, wandering through room after room in your house, checking backpacks and briefcases and pockets repeatedly, all while muttering “I know I saw that somewhere…” “That”, of course, is a thing that you did not need when you saw it last. It registered as a blip on your conscious mind — the feeling of “Oh, I see that. Good to know I still have it” without the burden of actually remembering where it is located. Then, a few days/weeks/months...
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Transcript: Welcome to the ADHD Open Space Podcast. My name is Gray Miller, and I will be your host and facilitator as we explore ideas, workarounds, accommodations, and other aspects of being a professional adult with ADHD. ...
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Let me tell you about the winter when the Idea Monster came and sat in his brain and almost kept the last five NaPodPoMo podcasts from happening. And also…about the fun game about ADHD that I’m creating. “Squirrel card, like…Someone sent a thumbs up emoji and you're distracted, lose, you're distracted, so you lose a certain number of emotional regulation tokens. Or you moved houses three months ago and can't find that one box with all the cleaning supplies. Immediately give up on all house related goal cards. So if you were planning on organizing your closet, or doing the dishes, nope,...
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This was a hard one to post, because my partner is loving and honest and so there are parts of this interview that my brain tells me will make you hate me. But authenticity is important, as is trust, and I trust both her and you, my listeners. So here it is in unedited glory.
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After my diagnosis, even my dreams make more sense. Sort of. Note: all people mentioned in this article are fictitious constructs of my subconscious brain. Even the one who is real. Since my relatively recent diagnosis, I’ve been immersing myself in research, anecdotes, podcasts, videos, and social media related to adult ADHD. It’s been quite the revelatory experience, as my perspective of the last fifty or so years of my life changes with this new lens turned on myself. Last night all that knowledge finally seeped into my subconscious and I had what I suspect will only be the...
info_outlineHello, I’m Gray Miller, and today, I want to share a personal reflection on being a professional adult who was late-diagnosed with ADHD. I’m a cis white male in my mid-fifties from the Midwest, and it was only a year ago (February of 2023) that I had it confirmed that I have been living with ADHD all my life.
Rather than have an exact transcript of the podcast episode, this is a summary for the TL;DL crowd; this is based on an article originally published on Medium.com.
I’ve written on many subjects, but I’m not an ADHD expert. Instead, I have half a century of experience in unknowingly navigating life with this condition — that’s expertise of a sort, right?
The Reluctance to Write About ADHD:
Despite having written over a thousand articles on personal development, I find myself hesitant to write about ADHD. This reluctance stems from a mix of emotions: shame for not recognizing my own condition, anger for the years of misunderstanding, fear about the future, exhaustion from the ongoing struggle, and sadness for the impact on my family.
As a footnote to the exhaustion, I recognize that ADHD, treatable but not curable, presents a lifelong journey of adaptation and self-acceptance.
Five Personal Reflections on Late-Diagnosed ADHD:
- Shame: I have explored numerous self-development techniques, yet I missed recognizing my own ADHD. This oversight challenges my credibility as a writer in this field.
- Anger: The signs were always there, from early school records to my eclectic career path. Discovering these as textbook ADHD symptoms has been both revealing and frustrating.
- Fear: Accepting that ADHD is a permanent part of my life brings anxiety. The dream of a consistent, disciplined life feels unattainable, and the public acknowledgment of my condition raises concerns about societal perceptions and career impacts.
- Exhaustion: The constant search for systems and routines that accommodate my ADHD is tiring. The realization of this condition in mid-life adds to the fatigue, contrasting starkly with peers settling into stable, predictable lives.
- Sadness: The impact of my ADHD on my family, especially the genetic implications for my children and grandchildren, weighs heavily on me. There’s a profound sense of loss for what might have been had I been diagnosed and treated earlier.
Writing about ADHD is challenging
Not only because of the personal struggles it entails but also due to the societal stigmas surrounding it. Have I jinxed my work life forever by being open about my diagnosis? Am I alienating friends and family by talking about it so much?
Maybe. But other people sharing their experiences has been crucial for me and other late-diagnosed adults like me. Discussing these challenges openly fosters understanding and support for all of us navigating life as neurodivergent adults.
What do you think?
Feel free to share your thoughts here in the comments, or email me at [email protected]. Background music for this blog post is “Funny Days Together” by Background Music Lab from Pixabay.com.