loader from loading.io

The Least Helpful Advice I’ve Ever Been Given About ADHD

ADHD Open Space Podcast

Release Date: 11/08/2023

The Axioms of ADHD show art The Axioms of ADHD

ADHD Open Space Podcast

Originally published as an article on . For the last few months I’ve been writing down things that help me function with ADHD. These were short phrases, kind of like mantras: hurrying is kryptonite. Nothing is on the way to anything else. Choice is friction. I started calling this my “Rules of ADHD”, and planned to write them up — but when I got to number sixteen, I realized that would make for a pretty complicated article. Also, who’s going to remember sixteen different rules, especially when there were likely to be more? I’m lucky enough to be friends with Amber Beckett from ...

info_outline
Grace & Discipline with ADHD (Part Two) show art Grace & Discipline with ADHD (Part Two)

ADHD Open Space Podcast

info_outline
Grace and Discipline with ADHD (Part one) show art Grace and Discipline with ADHD (Part one)

ADHD Open Space Podcast

• Photo by  on  The Deeper Long-Term Effects of Late-Diagnosis ADHD I was interviewed recently by the hosts of a decluttering podcast (link to come later, it’s not online yet!). I’ve been writing about organization systems and techniques for decades. I have always enjoyed trying out new systems, finding out the advantages and limitations and constantly re-optimizing them in various ways whether physical (whiteboards and labeled boxes!), paper (53 folders! File cabinets and notebooks!) or digital (Obsidian! Notion! Johnny Decimal! Tags, tags, so many tags…). It’s...

info_outline
Your Productivity Tools and Hacks Are Useless Without This One Thing. show art Your Productivity Tools and Hacks Are Useless Without This One Thing.

ADHD Open Space Podcast

originally published on I learned the hard way, so maybe you won't have to. I write a lot about productivity tools and methods. I’ve written about time management and project planning and habit formation and self reflection. I’ve reviewed the things that make these possible, apps and notebooks and timers and even wrote a book about my favorite form of meditation. I left something very important out. Something that happened in December made me realize that I’d done my readers a disservice: all this productrivia was worthless without one particular practices. Come with me to the Coliseum...

info_outline
How TIIMO Can Help You Manage Your Time and Relieve ADHD Anxiety show art How TIIMO Can Help You Manage Your Time and Relieve ADHD Anxiety

ADHD Open Space Podcast

Raise your hand if any of these phrases sound familiar: “Oh, %$#@, it started five minutes ago!” “Wait — that was today?” “This is taking forever. How can it not be over yet?” “Guess I’m just gonna be late…again.” “What was it I’m supposed to be doing now?” If your hand is still down, this article is not for you; go back to reading “How to enjoy your perfectly manageable schedule” or “How to let people without an unfailingly accurate internal clock know how much you pity them” or whatever it is people like you read. One the other hand (the one...

info_outline
The 3-Step Foolproof Way to Find Lost Things When You Have ADHD show art The 3-Step Foolproof Way to Find Lost Things When You Have ADHD

ADHD Open Space Podcast

drawing by the author using Adobe Fresco #byHumansForHumans #noAI Raise your hand if you’ve ever found yourself rummaging through drawers, wandering through room after room in your house, checking backpacks and briefcases and pockets repeatedly, all while muttering “I know I saw that somewhere…” “That”, of course, is a thing that you did not need when you saw it last. It registered as a blip on your conscious mind — the feeling of “Oh, I see that. Good to know I still have it” without the burden of actually remembering where it is located. Then, a few days/weeks/months...

info_outline
Five Things You're Guaranteed to Get at the ADHD Open Space show art Five Things You're Guaranteed to Get at the ADHD Open Space

ADHD Open Space Podcast

Transcript: Welcome to the ADHD Open Space Podcast.  My name is Gray Miller, and I will be your host and facilitator as we explore ideas, workarounds, accommodations, and other aspects of being a professional adult with ADHD.  ...

info_outline
ADHD: The Scattering show art ADHD: The Scattering

ADHD Open Space Podcast

Let me tell you about the winter when the Idea Monster came and sat in his brain and almost kept the last five NaPodPoMo podcasts from happening. And also…about the fun game about ADHD that I’m creating. “Squirrel card, like…Someone sent a thumbs up emoji and you're distracted, lose, you're distracted, so you lose a certain number of emotional regulation tokens. Or you moved houses three months ago and can't find that one box with all the cleaning supplies. Immediately give up on all house related goal cards. So if you were planning on organizing your closet, or doing the dishes, nope,...

info_outline
ADHD in Relationships: Interview with my partner, Natasha show art ADHD in Relationships: Interview with my partner, Natasha

ADHD Open Space Podcast

This was a hard one to post, because my partner is loving and honest and so there are parts of this interview that my brain tells me will make you hate me. But authenticity is important, as is trust, and I trust both her and you, my listeners. So here it is in unedited glory.

info_outline
How My ADHD Brain Created a Nightmare of Social Anxiety show art How My ADHD Brain Created a Nightmare of Social Anxiety

ADHD Open Space Podcast

After my diagnosis, even my dreams make more sense. Sort of.   Note: all people mentioned in this article are fictitious constructs of my subconscious brain. Even the one who is real. Since my relatively recent diagnosis, I’ve been immersing myself in research, anecdotes, podcasts, videos, and social media related to adult ADHD. It’s been quite the revelatory experience, as my perspective of the last fifty or so years of my life changes with this new lens turned on myself. Last night all that knowledge finally seeped into my subconscious and I had what I suspect will only be the...

info_outline
 
More Episodes
Please stop telling me my brain has a “Special Superpower."

“I’m a fish in a forest.” I’m pretty sure at some point I’m going to make t-shirts with this statement. It’s my reaction to the oft-repeated “superpower” trope about ADHD. Here’s a bit of a rant…but I suspect it will resonate.

TRANSCRIPT OF MAIN BODY

There are two kinds of people when it comes to ADHD.

On the one side, there are people like Dr. Russell Barkley, whose research has led him to call ADHD “the diabetes of the psychology”:

It’s a chronic disorder that must be managed every day to prevent the secondary harms it’s going to cause… ADHD is the most treatable disorder in psychiatry…”

And on the other side, people reject the idea that it’s a disorder at all. I’m not talking about the ableist idiots* who claim ADHD doesn’t exist at all. No, I’m talking about people like Thom Hartmann, a radio host and author of “ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer’s World.”

Their premise is that a brain that doesn’t process dopamine as efficiently gives a person very valuable skills. Can’t focus on what’s in front of you or sit still? That’s because your hunter ancestors were constantly scanning their environment, ready to leap into action when a threat or prey was spotted. And once the chase began, that hyper focus was really handy in running the potential food for ground.

It’s a bias towards action, and in a hunter-gatherer society that was really useful! Not a disorder at all.

They can both be right.

I’m not enough of an academic to dispute either claim (though I do give the latter a bit of side-eye due to the evolutionary-psych aspects). I also very much appreciate the friends and readers who, when I first went public about my own experience, were quick to reassure me that there was nothing wrong with me at all. As one Medium comment put it,

“ADHD sounds like it’s your super-power, dude…Because your brain’s wired differently you have the ability to add a different perspective to our consensusWorld as well as to Life-Its-Own-Self — one that might prove exceptionally valuable for some other person who’s also “neurodivergent” or whatever the guys in the white lab coats are now calling it…am wondering why you are not celebrating.”

I appreciate that. I do! I understand the intent, and I have done it myself.

For example, did you know that people who live with depression have a more accurate worldview than people without it? That’s a definite advantage over all those optimists — so cheer up! Depression is your super power!

And it still sucks.

More to the point, I can’t buy groceries or pay rent with my different perspective, no matter how much it has added to “Life-Its-Own-Self.” And my inability to keep track of what bills need to be paid when or remember to pick up my daughter from the mall before it closes is not “exceptionally valuable” to anyone.

Personally, I do not find that particular reframe valuable. It echoes the “so much potential” and “you could be anything you want if you only apply yourself” tropes I grew up with.

I can be anything I want, sure — except be a person without ADHD. Or, for a little over half a century, even a person who knew they had ADHD.

Perhaps the easiest way to explain why I have a problem with this particular philosophy of ADHD is through the quote that is often cited in videos, articles, and discussions.

It’s a quote which was almost certainly not from Albert Einstein:

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

There’s one big problem with that metaphor.

 

I’m still a fish in a forest.

I’ve been watching as my peers seem to effortlessly build treehouses, visit each others branches, amass beautiful leaf collections and talk about how they can’t wait to visit the canopy…while I’ve flopped and gasped and done the best I could with a hacked-together water tank strapped to my gills and mismatched shoes on my fins.

If I sound frustrated, it’s simply because until recently, nobody told me I was a fish. Rest assured, most of the anger and resentment is self-directed; nor do I want to take away from anyone else whatever reframe helps them come to terms with their own experience of ADHD.

For me, thought, the “ADHD is a superpower” philosophy feels like the Horatio Alger of psychology. It breaks what Jaclyn Paul (author of Order From Chaos) calls Rule #1: you must make peace with reality.

We are fish in a forest where success is measured by what tree you live in. The ability to breathe underwater doesn’t mean much. It is, at best, a curiosity, a fairy tale vignette of success “against the odds.”

What’s a guppie to do?

I don’t really have the answer to that, though I appreciate that there are many, many people here and other places on the internet that are trying to figure it out. That, perhaps, is the first step. Pool our knowledge, if you will.**

For better or worse, I live in the forest. The most useful thing right now is to find and build things that make it easier for me to do so.

I do see the rare instances of pescatory glory there in the branches, and it is inspiring.

But if this was a superpower, it would be easy.

And it ain’t that.

an entirely unbiased and scientifically backed label
** sorry not sorry.