Episode 3673: The End of Bidenvangelion
7lb Lobsters
We committed so much voter fraud for Joe Biden in 2020 because he promised us he’d leave forever after he served as president for one term. That was the deal. He was only going to be president for one term. Then, in 2023, with his approval ratings lower than ever, he announced that he would in fact run for president for a second term, breaking his promise to the American people, and more importantly, us. Then, in 2024, after his approval ratings sunk even lower, he challenged Donald Trump to a presidential debate, and Trump accepted. The rest, as they say, is the end of history. Join three...
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Episode 3672: Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s Ass Has Finally Decided To Eat His Own Hand
7lb Lobsters
The boys are back after an emotionally taxing summer for both lobster nation and the regular nation. It is a well-known fact to all lobster-heads that we are notorious swing fraudsters who will willingly commit amazing amounts of voter fraud for whichever presidential candidate’s party pays us more, and once again, Nancy P. and her good-time gang of evil Demon-Rats are coughing up more cash from the DNC’s deep coffers for us to fake it ‘til Kamala makes it this year. We sure as hell hope we’re up to the task because Biden didn’t go down without a fight, and Trump - for whatever...
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Episode 3670: The Schneider Cut
7lb Lobsters
We take the tank down from a blistering boil to a soulful simmer as the Brothers Lobster contemplate the historical moment we’re living through. You know, the one where we’ve all gone insane in a profoundly antisocial way and no one is coming to save us. Unless, of course, we finally pull the trigger and implement the Biden Instrumentation Project. Do you want to become one with Joe Biden? To be of one mind and Biden and soul? It’s something that feels really good. Come on, man. Relax and release your soul to Biden, Jack! Our ice cream cones will meld...
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Episode 3669: Eternal Fetish of the Shameless Mind
7lb Lobsters
In our first installment for 2024, we return to the tank to take a look at everything that’s been plaguing our weak and stupid nation as of late: the pirate crisis at the border, the reduction of Rogue’s once robust cake in the new X-Men series, the proliferation of A.I. across all of our beloved forms of media, the ruinous effect the internet has on the brains of boomers everywhere, and finally, the worst important election of our lifetimes. It’s a new year filled with unspeakable horrors ahead, but Connor, Mike and Ray will be here to ride it out with you. This tank takes no...
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Episode #3669: Now I Am Become Bob Iger, Destroyer of Worlds
7lb Lobsters
Take a break from all of the nationwide record-breaking heatwaves and come cool off with the boys in the tank for a breakdown of this summer’s biggest bombs, biggest Barbies, and biggest blockbuster budgets! ALSO: Can any one of the increasing amount of challenges we have to face be overcome or are we all just too tired? Find out right motherfucking now on this veritable futurelessness-arama of an episode of 7-motherfucking-lb Lobsters, motherfucker!
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Episode 3668: NBA Championship Odds & Predictions
7lb Lobsters
This month’s episode is all about basketball as we head into Game One of the NBA Finals. And you know what? It’s another banger. Better butter up these lobsters because they’re on a roll.
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Episode 3667: Gays In Disgust
7lb Lobsters
The boys are back in the tank to settle the raging debate that’s so thoroughly gripped our fragile nation: Is the new Super Mario Bros. movie woke – or not? Surprises are in store as old questions get new answers, old answers raise new questions, and no new answer goes oldly unquestioned in our most important and topical and timely and urgent and contemporary and important and relevant and important episode to date! It’s a Super Mario Bros. super show, and it’s all happening right here, right now, on 7 fucking lb fucking Lobsters!
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Episode 3666: First Wives Guys Club
7lb Lobsters
This episode is our Black Panther.
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Episode 3665: We’re Back!
7lb Lobsters
Welcome back, Claw Nation! We have finally returned from our first ever break in the show’s eleven year history at the direct orders of the CDC! A new year is upon us, but a lot of things still feel the same. The Matrix is back, Sex and the City is back, and even COVID is back in a big and exciting way. But this is a time where children are having conversations with Siris, zoomers aren’t going outside, and everyone seems to have forgotten the awesome yet undervalued power of Kid Vid. However, our tank still stands tall and sturdy, and the lobster crew is still here to help you navigate the...
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EPISODE 3664: Ted Talks
7lb Lobsters
It would appear that the scientific fact of planets revolving around the sun in elliptical orbits has finally come back to haunt us. That opening sentence will either make more or less sense when you listen to the episode. The big takeaway is we’re all just going around in circles until we die, and frankly, it’s starting to get to us. At the very least, we’ll have some fantastic entertainment on our cyclical path to imminent demise. And the more zonked out we can get on alcohol, adderall, or saturated fats, the more we can enjoy films like The Matrix 4, or Ted 3, the second of which we...
info_outline[originally recorded March 14, 2016]
Wow, do we ever have a special surprise in store for you this week, Claw Nation! That’s right - we’re finally legally allowed to release the infamous “Connor’s Dead Girlfriend” episode from the tank! As any avid lobster listener will tell you, this slice of 7lb history aired only once before on March 14, 2016 as part of our annual 24 Hours of Lobsters livestream on Twitch and was immediately taken down due to the ongoing investigation into the murder of Connor’s dead girlfriend. Now after five long years, we are pleased to announce to the world that this investigation has officially become a cold-case, and is no longer being worked by any law enforcement agencies operating within the United States of America! So while we may never uncover the true identity of Connor’s dead girlfriend’s murderer, we can now at least listen to the episode where we all found out Connor’s dead girlfriend was murdered - and that sounds like justice to us! And justice to us justice is justice for you, our loyal listeners. Thank you for supporting our show and for all of the contributions you’ve made to the Connor’s Dead Girlfriend Patreon over the years.
Speaking of which, the Connor’s Dead Girlfriend Patreon will not be entering cold-case files. It’s still going strong and always ready to take any leads or donations you may have, or just donations. Leads are ultimately no longer necessary as the investigation has entered cold-case files. Please donate* to the Connor’s Dead Girlfriend Patreon today!
*money only please, waffles are not and have never been an acceptable form of donation
(we’re still looking at you, Belgium)