Episode 3752.0+0.0: Metal Gear Suburb: Ring Cams of the Patriots
7lb Lobsters
Right now, the most fun thing about living in this country is that we have to do it every day, and that’s something we wouldn’t wish on our worst immigrants. Plus it turns out that all immigrants are our worst immigrants because we’re fucking stupid. This is America, alright? We believe in God, A.I. generated images of Jesus being crucified (again!) by various non-white denizens of other countries, and non-stop rampant widespread crime that happens to all white Christians in every city in every state whenever they leave their houses to go to church. We love our country. It’s a terrible...
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Episode 3750.0+1.0: Trump 2.22: You Can (Not) Advance
7lb Lobsters
Happy 2025, claw nation! At least, it would be, if we weren’t about to endure another four to the rest of our lives’ worth of years under the rule of a very dry, very old, and very emboldened President Donald Trump. We want to make it clear that we do not endorse the new old president or any of his actions, especially after his refusal to grant us entry into his big inauguration party (and after-party) after he received several very generous and very desperate donations from our podcast. Donations which were only made because we got our claws on his inauguration’s guest list and saw that...
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Episode 3673: The End of Bidenvangelion
7lb Lobsters
We committed so much voter fraud for Joe Biden in 2020 because he promised us he’d leave forever after he served as president for one term. That was the deal. He was only going to be president for one term. Then, in 2023, with his approval ratings lower than ever, he announced that he would in fact run for president for a second term, breaking his promise to the American people, and more importantly, us. Then, in 2024, after his approval ratings sunk even lower, he challenged Donald Trump to a presidential debate, and Trump accepted. The rest, as they say, is the end of history. Join three...
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Episode 3672: Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s Ass Has Finally Decided To Eat His Own Hand
7lb Lobsters
The boys are back after an emotionally taxing summer for both lobster nation and the regular nation. It is a well-known fact to all lobster-heads that we are notorious swing fraudsters who will willingly commit amazing amounts of voter fraud for whichever presidential candidate’s party pays us more, and once again, Nancy P. and her good-time gang of evil Demon-Rats are coughing up more cash from the DNC’s deep coffers for us to fake it ‘til Kamala makes it this year. We sure as hell hope we’re up to the task because Biden didn’t go down without a fight, and Trump - for whatever...
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Episode 3670: The Schneider Cut
7lb Lobsters
We take the tank down from a blistering boil to a soulful simmer as the Brothers Lobster contemplate the historical moment we’re living through. You know, the one where we’ve all gone insane in a profoundly antisocial way and no one is coming to save us. Unless, of course, we finally pull the trigger and implement the Biden Instrumentation Project. Do you want to become one with Joe Biden? To be of one mind and Biden and soul? It’s something that feels really good. Come on, man. Relax and release your soul to Biden, Jack! Our ice cream cones will meld...
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Episode 3669: Eternal Fetish of the Shameless Mind
7lb Lobsters
In our first installment for 2024, we return to the tank to take a look at everything that’s been plaguing our weak and stupid nation as of late: the pirate crisis at the border, the reduction of Rogue’s once robust cake in the new X-Men series, the proliferation of A.I. across all of our beloved forms of media, the ruinous effect the internet has on the brains of boomers everywhere, and finally, the worst important election of our lifetimes. It’s a new year filled with unspeakable horrors ahead, but Connor, Mike and Ray will be here to ride it out with you. This tank takes no...
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Episode #3669: Now I Am Become Bob Iger, Destroyer of Worlds
7lb Lobsters
Take a break from all of the nationwide record-breaking heatwaves and come cool off with the boys in the tank for a breakdown of this summer’s biggest bombs, biggest Barbies, and biggest blockbuster budgets! ALSO: Can any one of the increasing amount of challenges we have to face be overcome or are we all just too tired? Find out right motherfucking now on this veritable futurelessness-arama of an episode of 7-motherfucking-lb Lobsters, motherfucker!
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Episode 3668: NBA Championship Odds & Predictions
7lb Lobsters
This month’s episode is all about basketball as we head into Game One of the NBA Finals. And you know what? It’s another banger. Better butter up these lobsters because they’re on a roll.
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Episode 3667: Gays In Disgust
7lb Lobsters
The boys are back in the tank to settle the raging debate that’s so thoroughly gripped our fragile nation: Is the new Super Mario Bros. movie woke – or not? Surprises are in store as old questions get new answers, old answers raise new questions, and no new answer goes oldly unquestioned in our most important and topical and timely and urgent and contemporary and important and relevant and important episode to date! It’s a Super Mario Bros. super show, and it’s all happening right here, right now, on 7 fucking lb fucking Lobsters!
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Episode 3666: First Wives Guys Club
7lb Lobsters
This episode is our Black Panther.
info_outlineThe tank is turning up this week to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of Shrek, one of the most beloved and important animated films of all time. We all share our own stories about how experiencing Quibi founder Jeffrey Katzenberg’s uncompromising vision for the first time on May 18, 2001 changed us forever and made us believers, along with the rest of our generation and animated cinema itself. A course is charted through the four Shrek films that would see theatrical release and we reveal many Shrek secrets along the way, culminating in the reveal that we recently received an official copy of the unproduced script for Shrek 5 (or 5hrek 5 per the script’s authorless title page), and recap it for you, our loyal listeners! It’s a huge boon to all of us ogre-achievers who are still out there and a distinct honor to share this Shrek-citing piece of unmade movie magic with our entire 7lb army in honor of the big green guy’s big green birthday. Yes, it’s hard to believe that 20 years have passed since Shrek first graced the silver screen, but this episode proves beyond a shadow of a doubt all that still glitters is still gold, and it only took a film like Shrek to break the mold.