7MS #728: Securing Your Family During and After a Disaster – Part 8

Hey friends! This is a tough one to write. My dad passed away on Friday, and instead of the hacker-y tech episode I had planned, I pivoted to something more personal — another installment of our “Securing Your Family During and After a Disaster” series. I talk pretty raw and transparently today about loss, grief, and the practical stuff that makes a hard situation just a little less hard. Fair warning: it’s about death and dying, so if that’s not where your head is today, it’s totally okay to duck out – we’ll catch you next week.

Here’s what I cover:

• My dad’s last day — He spent Thursday doing all his favorite things: chainsaws, ATVs, trap-shooting, mowing, and weed-whipping. Then Chinese food with the family and marveling at modern video games for the first time since the Atari 5200. It was, by all accounts, a perfect day for him.
• How we found out — My son Cameron, who’s finishing up paramedic school, was visiting and sprung into EMT mode when my dad was found unresponsive Friday morning. He did CPR for 10 straight minutes — on his grandpa, who was his favorite person in the world. That’s the stuff that’s going to stay with Cam (and me) for a long time.
• Getting some closure — Cameron had the presence of mind to ask the paramedics to leave my dad in place so I could have a few minutes with him when we arrived. That was both devastating and, in its own way, healing.
• Why pre-planning your funeral is a gift to your family — My parents had nearly everything already picked out: the pastor, Bible verses, music, the military honors ceremony, photos for the display board, and even a time limit on service length (45 minutes and no more!). My dad had pre-written his own obituary. When we sat down with the funeral home, the heavy lifting was already done — and that was a genuine gift to all of us in an incredibly hard moment.
• Storyworth — seriously, do this — Years ago we signed my dad up for Storyworth, a service that sends your loved one a weekly question via email (things like “What’s your earliest childhood memory?” or “Do you have any regrets?”) and compiles their answers into a hardcover book. It runs about $100. Reading that book the last few nights has been incredibly comforting — including finding out my dad started smoking at age 8 using used cigarette butts rolled in toilet paper. Gross!
• Get your end-of-life wishes in writing — My wife’s mom had verbally told us she wanted to be cremated, but it wasn’t documented, and other family members made a different call. My dad put “cremation” right in his paperwork, no ambiguity. My recommendation: have this conversation with your loved ones, write their wishes down and make them official.
• Funeral home “upsell” moment — I had no idea there were apparently 627 ways to incorporate your loved one’s remains into keepsakes — pendants, rings, necklaces with fingerprints, biodegradable urns for water scattering, etc. Some family members were very into this. I was not quite ready to turn my dad into an Atari cartridge, but your mileage may vary.
• On grief itself — Everybody handles it differently, at different speeds and intensities. My approach is to head straight into it rather than put on a happy face and deal with unprocessed grief years later. I encourage everyone — especially the kids — to not hold back. Ask the questions. Tell the stories. Cry if you need to. Give each other grace.
• Coming up next week — Back to pentesting content! I’ll share details on a new lab from the folks who brought us Game of Active Directory, and I’m getting back on the CARTP (Certified Azure Red Team Professional) horse. I’m also tentatively eyeing the third Thursday of July for an unedited livestream of owning Ninja Hacker Academy from start to finish — Kali setup, tools, Mythic C2, BallisKit obfuscation, the whole thing. More details to come.

If you’re the thoughts, prayers, and/or good vibes type, I’d really appreciate you sending some my family’s way over the next few weeks.