Episode 59: 7 WAYS THE UNFAITHFUL MISHANDLE THE BETRAYED'S DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF
Release Date: 12/18/2025
Episode 59: 7 WAYS THE UNFAITHFUL MISHANDLE THE BETRAYED'S DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF
Ask the Unfaithful
In this dynamic episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James unpack disenfranchised grief—the deep, invisible grief the betrayed partner experiences after infidelity. This is grief with no rituals, no casseroles, no support, and no social permission to hurt. Instead, betrayed partners often suffer in silence while navigating shame, fear, shattered identity, and the loss of safety, trust, and future dreams. James and Sam break down why this grief is misunderstood, how it shows up in emotional waves, cognitive looping, hypervigilance, withdrawal, and overwhelming internal conflict, and detail...
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Episode 58: LIMERENCE: CAN THE DAMAGE EVER BE REPAIRED?
Ask the Unfaithful
Limerence is one of the most misunderstood - and devastating - experiences in infidelity recovery. In this episode, James and Sam break down what limerence actually is, how it distorts reality, why the unfaithful become trapped in its neurochemical illusion and, most importantly: whether the damage limerence causes can truly be repaired. Drawing from decades of professional experience and personal insight, they explore how limerence forms, how it rewrites the narrative of the primary relationship, the way it blindsides betrayed partners, and how couples can rebuild when fantasy has overtaken...
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Episode 57: What are No Lose Decisions In Infidelity Recovery?
Ask the Unfaithful
In this provocative and practical episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James break down one of the most transformative concepts in affair recovery: No-Lose Decisions — the courageous choices that move you forward no matter the issue or the outcome. Most unfaithful partners feel trapped by shame, fear of failure, and all-or-nothing thinking. But today’s conversation shows why growth is always possible when you choose honesty, courage, transparency, and connection… even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it’s new, and even when it doesn’t go perfectly. Through real examples,...
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Episode 56: HEALING FROM SECRET INTRIGUE
Ask the Unfaithful
In this powerful episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam take an unflinching look at how to heal one of the most deceptive forces blocking recovery after infidelity — secret intrigue. What begins as seemingly curiosity or emotional “buzz” moments can quietly evolve into a pattern that sabotages integrity, intimacy, and repair. Whether you’re five days or five years into recovery, intrigue can remain a threat to your healing — and this episode breaks down how to recognize it, stop it, and build the emotional and relational resilience that real recovery requires. 🎧 What...
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Episode 55: INTRIGUE: The Silent Saboteur of Healing and Connection After Infidelity
Ask the Unfaithful
What if the greatest threat to your recovery after infidelity isn’t what you think it is? In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, James and Sam unpack how "intrigue" quietly destroys connection, fuels secrecy, and sabotages healing long before an affair - or any kind of sexual or emotionally intimate acting out - ever begins. You’ll learn how seemingly insignificant, subtle thoughts and behaviors can become powerful dopamine loops that reinforce shame, self-betrayal, and emotional disconnection. This honest conversation exposes how intrigue starts, why it feels so intoxicating, and...
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Episode 54: What Are The Consequences of People Pleasing For the Unfaithful?
Ask the Unfaithful
“Healing begins when we choose authenticity over approval and prioritize the love that truly matters.” In this episode of Ask the Unfaithful, James and Sam reveal how people pleasing critically affects the Unfaithful and the steps to stopping it and living a new life where energy is focused on relationship repair and growth. 👉 If you’re an unfaithful partner, this conversation will help you see how people pleasing isn’t harmless. It drains your energy, blurs your identity, disrupts recovery and arrests trust rebuilding by de-prioritizing your betrayed partner. You’ll discover: ✅...
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ATU Shorts SE5: Helping the Unfaithful Move From "Not It!" to "Got it!"
Ask the Unfaithful
On today's episode of “Moving from Not It to Got It,” Sam takes listeners on an honest journey through the pivotal moment when an unfaithful spouse chooses to stop deflecting and starts owning their actions. The episode opens by breaking down the psychological reality of the “Not It” phase—where self-protection, avoidance, and justification keep an individual stuck, unable to truly connect with their partner or heal the damage from infidelity. The reality is, “Not It” causes a significant amount of collateral damage including but certainly not limited to: blocking all...
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Episode 53: 10 Ways the Unfaithful's Distorted Thinking Destroys Hope
Ask the Unfaithful
Stinking Thinking is more than just negative self-talk—it’s the distorted, automatic thought patterns that block empathy, sabotage trust, and keep both the unfaithful and the betrayed partner stuck in cycles of pain. In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack how “stinking thinking” shows up after infidelity: • The 5 categories of distorted thoughts • How these toxic beliefs re-traumatize the betrayed partner • The devastating psychological effects on the unfaithful • Why distorted thinking erodes the relationship and prevents repair • Practical tools to...
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Episode 52: Entitlement in the Unfaithful: From Demanding to Devotion
Ask the Unfaithful
Entitlement is the silent killer of recovery after infidelity. When an unfaithful partner comes from a position of entitlement, it poisons trust, sabotages healing, and deepens betrayal trauma. In this episode of Ask The Unfaithful, we unpack how adult entitlement shows up in the unfaithful partner, why it destroys safety and trust, and what it takes to break free from it. 👉 For betrayed partners: You’ll hear why entitlement makes you feel invisible, invalidated, and unsafe—and why your pain is real and justified. 👉 For unfaithful partners: You’ll learn how entitlement fuels...
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Episode 51: 4 Ways Shame and Avoidance Sabotage Healing from Infidelity
Ask the Unfaithful
Shame and avoidance are two of the most powerful forces keeping unfaithful partners stuck after betrayal. In this episode of Ask the Unfaithful, we uncover how these patterns silently sabotage healing—for both you and your relationship—and what you can do to change it. 🔍 In this episode, we cover: ✅ 4 ways shame and avoidance show up in recovery ✅ Why emotional honesty is essential for rebuilding trust ✅ The 5 core steps to building shame resilience ✅ How to use the R.E.A.L. Method to share emotions without harming your partner ✅ Common pitfalls that can derail recovery—and...
info_outlineIn this dynamic episode of Ask The Unfaithful, Sam and James unpack disenfranchised grief—the deep, invisible grief the betrayed partner experiences after infidelity. This is grief with no rituals, no casseroles, no support, and no social permission to hurt. Instead, betrayed partners often suffer in silence while navigating shame, fear, shattered identity, and the loss of safety, trust, and future dreams.
James and Sam break down why this grief is misunderstood, how it shows up in emotional waves, cognitive looping, hypervigilance, withdrawal, and overwhelming internal conflict, and detail seven ways unfaithful partners often make the grief worse.
Most importantly, they teach what the unfaithful can do to help heal this grief.
This episode is a roadmap for unfaithful partners who truly want to support their betrayed partner’s grieving process — and for betrayed partners who need language for what they’ve been carrying alone.
💛 In This Episode You’ll Learn:
• What disenfranchised grief is and why it applies to betrayal
• Why the betrayed grieves multiple losses at once
• How grief shows up in waves, loops, and survival behaviors
• Seven ways unfaithful partners unintentionally worsen the grief
• The exact actions that help the betrayed feel seen, safe, and supported
• Why witnessing grief is one of the deepest forms of relational repair
• How trust begins to rebuild through presence, patience, and accountability
🌿 Key Takeaways
• The betrayed isn’t “dwelling” — they’re grieving.
• Their grief is real, valid, and often invisible to others.
• The unfaithful’s presence in the grief is essential for healing.
• Progress is measured not by fewer tears, but by greater safety in bringing pain to the relationship.
• There is a way through this…
📬 Connect With Us:
Have a question or a topic you want us to address?
Email: AskTheUnfaithful@gmail.com
Need help healing? Visit HopeForUs.com
Work with James & Sharon: Info@HopeForUs.com
Work with Sam: SamsHealingPodcast@gmail.com
👉 If this episode resonates with you, please like, share, and subscribe for more conversations on betrayal trauma, affair recovery, and building trust again.
📺 For more helpful content, we invite you to explore our companion show: Ask The Betrayed (@AskTheBetrayed on YouTube)
🎧 Find us on Apple, Spotify, and everywhere podcasts are found.
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Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com
Contact us: AskTheUnfaithful@gmail.com
🔗 Need help healing? Visit HopeForUs.com
(Email: Info@HopeForUs.com ) or email Sam at SamsHealingPodcast@gmail.com
📬 Reach out: asktheunfaithful@gmail.com
🎧 Find us on Apple, Spotify, and everywhere podcasts are found.
Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com
Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast
Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157
Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery