Ask the Unfaithful

The Ask The Unfaithful Podcast, is a safe place for both Unfaithful and Betrayed Partners to find hope and healing. This podcast draws on both our personal and professional experience to provide expert insight into the mind of the Unfaithful, and how their behaviors traumatically affect the life, heart and even brain plasticity of Betrayed Partners. Ask the Unfaithful is hosted by two Unfaithfuls in long-term recovery, James and Sam: Therapist and coach James Annear who co-owns CORE Relationship Recovery with his wife, Sharon Rinearson. They have been helping couples recover from the traumatic impacts of infidelity, sexually compulsive behaviors and addiction for over a decade. Formerly with Affair Recovery and now host of Sam's Healing Podcast, Sam has been producing videos for almost 10 years and helping to care for those in crisis due to infidelity and addiction for almost 15 years.

Episode 36: How to Know If the Unfaithful Is Still Using the Betrayed 01/23/2025

Episode 36: How to Know If the Unfaithful Is Still Using the Betrayed How do you know if the unfaithful is using the betrayed for their own insecurities or affirmation, and what are the warning signs? Do unfaithful partners actually use their partners or spouses to feel good about themselves? Sadly, the answer is yes, sometimes we do. When we're unsafe and not committed to or working any specific plan or program, we're dangerous. As one clinician says, "we are human wrecking balls, using and destroying everyone in our path." The very instance of betrayal can leave the betrayed feeling they were never really loved and were just used to fuel the unfaithful's narcissism. From emotional detachment to distancing and isolation to manipulation and coercion, is it any wonder the betrayed partner struggles to believe they were or are still wanted by the unfaithful? When our words and actions don't match and we refuse to follow through on promises or even the slightest of commitments, we leave our betrayed partner feeling not only confused but hopeless for long term change and healing. When the overall tone of an unfaithful is an apparent unwillingness to be loving, empathetic or sacrificial, what is the betrayed left to believe? In today's episode, we'll discuss both subtle and not so subtle behaviors as well as outline a list of red flags to look for which describe the heart and mindset of the unfaithful. We know that not all unfaithfuls are the same and not all unfaithfuls are using their partners or spouses. However, as you listen and process through today's information, use it as once again a litmus test to determine your mental and emotional health as an unfaithful partner. Use it as a yardstick to see where your sincerity and commitment to restoration measure up. You just might be surprised at where you land? We wish the best for each of you in your own recovery and desperately hope for your relationship's healing. Not all marriages or relationships can be saved, but every person committed to personal restoration has a chance. A chance to break free of old patters and find new purpose, meaning and hope. Remember, time does not heal all wounds...it's what you do with the time that matters... ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/34964820

ATU Shorts SE4: James' Journey: A Message of Hope 01/23/2025

Episode 35: 4 Reasons the Unfaithful Avoid Hard Conversations 01/09/2025

Episode 35: 4 Reasons the Unfaithful Avoid Hard Conversations Why do we unfaithful seem so committed to avoiding hard conversations, especially those about our infidelity or addiction? Why does it feel to the betrayed, that we just can't seem to discuss anything emotionally difficult or anything that presents us in a negative, less than perfect light? The truth is, you betrayed are right, we do avoid hard conversations and are massively apprehensive to discuss our infidelity. But why do we do it? What's going on behind the scenes? This toxic avoidance of ours causes many problems for the betrayed parters, often times leaving them feeling undermined and worried that we are returning to our old self-centered selves, with no real desire to heal or change. It also comes off as us wanting to avoid our partners like they’re the plague and says we don’t care enough to hold their pain and don’t want to help them heal, leaving them feeling desperately alone, wounded and uncared for. We say we want to heal and want the relationship, but the betrayed feels lost in a sea of mixed signals from us. These conflicting messages continue to leave our partner feeling wickedly off balance, underminded and just plain confused. In order to help the betrayed feel safe, we must learn to focus on what we do and not just what we say as these mixed messages continue to retraumatize the betrayed. Our acting close yet pulling away creates an emotional rollercoaster amongst an already emotional firestorm set ablaze by your private, double lives. As we discuss these reasons and signs today, we hope the you both, unfaithful and betrayed feel not only seen, but identified and validated in both your pain and confusion. As we say time and time again, there is a better way and there is hope for your situation. If you're reading this and if you have breath in your lungs, it's not too late for you and your own healing. We don't know about your relationship but we do know about you and your own purpose, healing and future. Don't give up on you and don't give up on your own process. If you don't yet have a process, contact us at [email protected] and we'll help you find and develop a process specific to you and your story. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/34789500

Episode 34: Finding Healing During Holidays & Anniversaries 12/19/2024

Episode 34: Finding Healing During Holidays & Anniversaries For the couple endeavoring to heal from infidelity or addiction, the holidays can be not only confusing, but disorienting and highly triggering. From reminders to intrusive thoughts, to confusion over what once was to questions about what was real or what was fake, it can be a gruesome time that couples learn to dread. However, with an expert driven plan and strategy, even couples new to the recovery process can gain ground and develop momentum during the holidays or painful anniversary dates. Instead of winging it, both spouses can utilize a strategy that provides a framework of compassion and empathy for what both parties may be facing during an unsettling time. While both parties face unique nuances, the truth is, they need each other if they are going to make it through the holiday season or process through anniversary dates. While it may seem impossible to believe, the holiday season doesn't have to be paralyzing and you don't have to just 'suffer through the holidays.' Today you'll find a concrete, step by step plan for both parties to find peace, healing and actual tools to apply to both situations and events. We highly encourage you to take notes and apply these expert driven principles from survivors of infidelity and betrayal. Remember, you're not alone and you're not without hope and you're not without a proven plan that has helped hundreds of couples make it through what seems like an insurmountable time. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/34522315

Episode 33: 5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in the Unfaithful 12/06/2024

Episode 33: 5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in the Unfaithful Is your spouse or partner emotionally immature? What qualifies as emotional immaturity in the life of the unfaithful and isn't an affair a significant marker of emotional immaturity? Today we'll share and break down the understanding that emotional immaturity is the tendency to express – or even bury emotions without restraint. Emotional immaturity can also be excessive emotions for situations that can be severely out of control or needlessly amplified for the situation. This kind of emotional reactivity can destroy trust, respect and connection which undermines the entire goal of restoration and reconciliation. While the desire to heal may be communicated, shouted or vehemently expressed by the unfaithful, without a commitment to work through emotional immaturity, all efforts at healing will prove null and void Today we venture out into the waters of what constitutes emotional immaturity and how to address it in either your own life or your partner's life. We can both attest to the fact that emotional immaturity is almost always a precursor to infidelity and/or addiction and absolutely has to be healed and addressed if any unfaithful hopes of living a sober or at the very least, healthy life. The betrayed partner hopes and dreams of an unfaithful partner who although emotionally immature at the time of the affair(s), ultimately decides of their own will to do the work required to mature, heal and repair when possible. The betrayed also yearns for an unfaithful, male or female, that decides to take ownership not only of the affair or the addiction, but the massive amounts of collateral damage caused by their emotional immaturity. In today's hard hitting episode you'll hear not only the 5 signs of emotional immaturity, but also practical solutions that can be implemented to bring about healing, maturity and repair. If you're an unfaithful, take today's podcast as a lifeline to the next step of your healing. If you're floundering, today may be a new compass of which to rely on for clarity, growth and new life for you and your relationship. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/34312190

Episode 32: When Is It Time for a Therapeutic Separation? 11/20/2024

Episode 32: When Is It Time for a Therapeutic Separation? Have you ever gone through a 'therapeutic separation?' Looking back, do you think you needed one after discovery? Maybe you're contemplating one now for you and your spouse or partner? The reality is, a therapeutic separation doesn't have to be just a mere prelude to a divorce. If done right, it just may save your marriage, preserve your family and pave the way to healthier communication, redeemed intimacy and even restored trust. When it comes to separations, many are forced to just 'wing it' and do whatever they think will get the job done. The problem lies in what is the job they think a separation will do? What is the desired outcome and how do you achieve that outcome? Should it be an 'in-house' separation or should it be in separate residences? How can you tell? What are the deciding variables to consider? Today we'll discuss not only these variables and metrics that deserve discussion and evaluation, but lay out a plan for any couple in crisis or gridlock who are looking for a guide to a therapeutic separation. We'll discuss how to decide if a separation is right for you, goals of the separation, the need for a mission statement and what not to do in this difficult situation. Rest assured, you don't have to wing it. You don't have to try and reinvent the wheel and go blindly into this minefield that may actually make things worse if done hastily. There is indeed hope for any couple trying to heal from infidelity or addiction and a therapeutic separation may be the hinge on which the marriage eventually turns. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/34055256

ATU Shorts SE3: Terminal Uniqueness - The Value of Surrender 11/19/2024

Episode 31: Breaking the Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful 11/09/2024

Episode 31: Breaking the Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful In healing from infidelity, the unfaithful can often times be hostile and reactive early on in the healing process. So much so, we can fall prey to what we've identified as 'The Reaction Cycle of the Unfaithful.' From guilt and shame to anger and resentment to defensiveness and rage, we can resort to these emotions and more as we push our partners and spouses away, further wounding and even sabotaging the entire process. It's at this point that the betrayed will think to themselves, "But, they were the ones that went outside the marriage.....why are they being so reactive? Shouldn't WE be the ones who are allowed to be reactive?" But why are we so reactive? Is it childhood? Is it just shame? Is it guilt turned inward? Today on Ask the Unfaithful, we look deep into the heart and mind of the unfaithful in an attempt to understand why we can be so reactive and unsafe in our own recovery journey. We identify signs of the reaction cycle, how the cycle may have started and how to eventually break free and find a new, healing pathway of humility and ownership. Just because we've fallen prey to this cycle, doesn't mean we're doomed to repeat it for the entirety of relationship or marriage. However, without an intervention and new way of thinking and addressing the cycle, we're going to stay stuck, alienating our partners, spouses and even ourselves. Today's podcast not only identifies the cycle but provides a framework for breaking free of it's power, creating emotional resilience and identifying the underlying emotions that started the cycle in the first place. For more help including coaching or information about working with James or Sam as well as attending an intensive please email us at ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingpodcast Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33861347

ATU Shorts SE2: How to Feel & Deal with Your Feelings 11/02/2024

Episode 30: 3 Warning Signs the Unfaithful Isn't Committed to the Betrayed 10/24/2024

Episode 29: Communication Style the Betrayed Need from the Unfaithful 10/17/2024

Episode 29: Communication Style the Betrayed Need from the Unfaithful Previously on Ask the Unfaithful, we discussed four harmful and toxic communication styles of the unfaithful. If you haven't watched or listened to last week's podcast on those particularly wounding communication styles, we'd like to highly encourage you to listen to that podcast asap. Whether a precursor or follow up to today's session, we're confident you and your partner will be able to find not only a better way of communicating after listening, but greater intimacy and respect overall for each other as human beings and as partners going through the recovery process. Today we'll be sharing the #1 style of communication the betrayed need from the unfaithful, as well as what it sounds like, looks like and even feels like for the betrayed. Have you ever wondered what expert level communication looks like and sounds like from an unfaithful? Have you ever wanted a playbook to utilize when communicating with your betrayed partner? After hearing today's podcast we're confident you'll have a plan and playbook you can use on a daily basis, even during the toughest of times. As most of us know by now, great communication is an artform and it's learned through gritty practice, failure, misunderstanding, eventual success and an ever changing cycle of needs and wants from both our partners and ourselves. Today's discussion can serve as a litmus test for every unfaithful partner wanting to develop a communication style rooted in compassion, respect and kindness while also taking into account the needs of a betrayed partner wrestling with betrayal trauma. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33507062

Episode 28: 4 Harmful Communication Styles of the Unfaithful 10/11/2024

Episode 28: 4 Harmful Communication Styles of the Unfaithful If we unfaithful are honest with ourselves, we'll have to admit that we can not only be harmful in our communication styles but also selfish, egotistical and irrational at times. From narcissistic tendencies to blame shifting and deflecting, to shaming and yelling, we just miss the mark time and time again. We often times think we're not being that harmful and we're just communicating but a deeper dive reveals that we're actually making things worse not better, reverting to problematic communication styles we've learned from childhood or early adulthood. What may feel normal or familiar to us is possibly devastating and wounding, fueled by ignorance and ego, reinforcing to our partner or spouse that we are indeed, not safe. For the unfaithful and betrayed alike, there can be confusion as to what is harmful and what is simply explanation, communication and emoting. Whether you're an unfaithful or a betrayed, today's podcast will go to great lengths to shed light on four harmful styles that we unfaithful use that are both harmful and problematic to both their partner and perhaps even their children and family members. If you're using one or all of these styles, make no mistake about it, you're harming your partner and actually harming yourself. When we act out or when we regress, we harm ourselves and remain stuck in patterns that quite possible, may have created the infidelity and addiction in the first place. It doesn't have to be this way. There is a better way to communicate and we as unfaithful don't have to revert to these styles of communication which only delay the entire healing process and erode any efforts to rebuild trust. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33413267

Episode 27: What Are the Two Most Overlooked Keys to Recovery? 10/04/2024

Episode 26: 5 Signs of Emotional Intelligence 09/25/2024

Episode 26: 5 Signs of Emotional Intelligence How emotionally intelligent are you? What about your partner or spouse, how emotionally intelligent are they? What even is emotional intelligence and why do we need it and how does it help us? Before we can assess either ourselves or our partner, we must have a reference point for what emotional intelligence is, what it looks like and even what it sounds like. A safe and usable definition is 'the ability to recognize and manage your own emotions and to understand, and be compassionate about the emotions of people around you.' Easier said than done we know but it is possible to increase our emotional intelligence and develop the ability to respond to our partner in a more loving, empathetic and attuned way. In fact, if we're going to heal from infidelity or addiction and we're an unfaithful, we absolutely must increase our emotional intelligence. Today we discuss 5 signs of this emotional intelligence while also providing blueprint for increasing, developing and even practicing our emotional intelligence as it relates to both ourselves and the betrayed partner and the overall recovery process. We're confident that if implemented with intentionality, diligence and compassion, your ability to be not only emotionally intelligent with your partner or spouse will improve but so will the your ability with your loved ones. We invite you to listen carefully today with a heart and mind of self-reflection and humility, paying close attention to the insight and guidance we provide for improving your emotional intelligence as you heal from infidelity. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33199472

Episode 25: 6 Signs of an Emotional Affair 09/25/2024

Episode 25: 6 Signs of an Emotional Affair "Was it actually an emotional affair?" "Was I really sharing too much with them?" "I didn't know I was crossing lines with them, how was I supposed to know....maybe you're just overreacting?" These statements and more continue to permeate session after session with therapists, infidelity coaches and even clergy members trying to help couples decide if the actions of an unfaithful was emotional infidelity or not. For some the jury is out and for others, the lines are crystal clear, black and white and undebatable. These definitions of emotional affairs vary among clinicians and 'helpers' but today on Ask the Unfaithful we do our best to point a way through the malaise of confusion, justification and despair. We'll be discussing 6 different signs you are either in an emotional affair, were in an emotional affair or concerningly, may be heading towards one now. We know most of our audience members have already been through the devastation of infidelity and/or addiction and if you've found us, you've probably already experienced this life altering trauma. But today, with our heartfelt compassion and respect, we'll provide critical insight into both what constitutes an emotional affair, what can be seen as unsafe behavior by an unfaithful and how to stop it before it escalates even more. If you're involved in a friendship that may not actually be crossing lines yet is your partner's radar, today's podcast sheds light on how to ascertain whether or not you or your partner are in emotional or relational danger and how to rescue yourself. As always, you can reach us at [email protected] or by leaving a comment here at Ask the Unfaithful. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33199467

Episode 24: What are 4 Damaging Ways the Unfaithful Seek Attention? 09/25/2024

Episode 23: What are 5 Smokescreens the Unfaithful Use to Deflect? 09/25/2024

Episode 23: What are 5 Smokescreens the Unfaithful Use to Deflect? Have you ever considered the possibility that we, the unfaithful, massively deflect? If you're a betrayed partner, we're quite positive you've seen us utilize a smokescreen time and time again. You may have even laughed or rolled your eyes at the mere question. It's as though we launch smokescreens to deflect, diminish and even disrupt the conversation to alleviate any guilt or responsibility on our part. We also utilize smokescreens in an effort to manipulate and turn attention away from our actions and on to the things you, the betrayed, may have done in our opinion as unfaithful to justify our actions. Yes, we can be that unhealthy and that unsafe. If you're an unfaithful, we hope today's podcast shares critical insight into what you may be subconsciously doing to deflect attention away from you and your own choices and place responsibility on your betrayed partner. We've both done it and we get it. We'd never resort to shaming you for something we've both done time and time again in the early stages of our own journey. However, it doesn't have to be this way. Your betrayed partner does not need to suffer anymore damage than they already have and you don't need to cause yourself anymore harm than you already have by acting out, lashing out and placing the blame on your partner for your choices. We have a choice on whether or not we utilize smokescreens or choose to be vulnerable, open and honest about our feelings, choices and actions. We hope you'll make a better choice today to end your smokescreens and get radically honest with yourself and your partner. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33199407

Episode 22: What are the 5 Stages of Change for The Unfaithful? 09/25/2024

Episode 22: What are the 5 Stages of Change for The Unfaithful? Did you know there are actual stages of change we as human beings go through before we arrive at true change? Did you also know there are stages we unfaithful partners go through both before, during and after our affair or problematic sexual behaviors? As both an unfaithful and a betrayed, it's imperative we have a knowledge of and understand these stages of change if either we or our partner are going to change and set ourselves free from addictions or behaviors that are reducing our lives to heaps of regret, shame and upheaval. Maybe like we were at one time, you too are struggling to understand how to find freedom, healing or breakthrough? Maybe you've tried to change, only to arrive at frustration, anger and even more self doubt? Or perhaps like us, you tried to change, found some momentum then seemingly out of nowhere, you lost that momentum and all you worked for came crashing down around you? Alternatively, maybe you were finding yourself wanting to let your guard down at your partner's apparent growth, only to find that shortly after their newfound momentum, they relapsed. After our own hard fought battles, the last people to shame any unfaithful partner would be us. However, the truth is, there is a better way and there is a proven way to change ourselves and yes, there is a way to set ourselves free from what feels like massive humiliation and hopelessness. We don't have to live in constant up's and down's, constant promises to change only to never truly gain momentum. Today you'll hear a breakdown of five stages of change for the unfaithful partner in an attempt to help both sides of infidelity or addiction find a playbook to utilize for healing and long term transformation. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33199387

Episode 21: 5 Communication Mistakes the Unfaithful Make 09/25/2024

Episode 20: 10 Reasons Why the Unfaithful Self Sabotage 09/25/2024

Episode 19: What are the Signs of Denial in the Life of the Unfaithful? 09/25/2024

Episode 18: What are the Consequences of Betrayal for the Unfaithful? 09/25/2024

Episode 17: What is Parental Enmeshment and How Does it Affect Affair Recovery? 09/25/2024

Episode 16: How Do the Unfaithful Invalidate the Betrayed's Feelings? 09/24/2024

Episode 16: How Do the Unfaithful Invalidate the Betrayed's Feelings? Maybe you've said this before or had it said to you, but it's a common yet problematic statement for couples trying to heal from the devastation of infidelity or addiction: "I feel like I'm never heard OR that my feelings are always minimized or just plain invalidated." We unfaithful have this masterful ability to quite often minimize or completely invalidate our partner's feelings, leaving them feeling both hopeless and helpless for a better future or healed relationship. The truth is, sometimes we don't even know that we're doing it. If you grew up like myself, 'fighting was a form of communication' but I had to learn that not all families communicate the way mine did. Perhaps you too grew up the same way? Or maybe you grew up in a family where no one talked about their feelings and just found a way to move forward, keeping their feelings and emotions to themselves, only to feel unseen and unheard wondering why now, their partners emotions and feelings are scary if not terrifying? Sometimes as unfaithful we just don't get it and quite honestly, some times we don't want to get it. Emotions, feelings, pain, anger and the like can be scary to us unfaithful and we have no clue how our actions not only alienate the betrayed but further traumatize them. The good news is, today we share practical ways to identify not only when we are invalidating our betrayed's feelings but also just how we are doing this invalidating. We'll go a step further and actually translate some very statements we all have used as unfaithful and what they really mean to the betrayed. Today's conversation is like always, a very direct, no nonsense yet compassionate discussion that's sure to help both the unfaithful and the betrayed. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33188632

Episode 15: 5 Ways the Unfaithful are Defensive and Reactive 09/24/2024

Episode 15: 5 Ways the Unfaithful are Defensive and Reactive Have you ever felt like your partner or spouse was consistently defensive and/or overly reactive every time their actions were called into question? It can feel like having a normal conversation with them is impossible as every time their actions are brought up, their reactions are over the top and somehow they find a way to blame everyone else but themselves. It's maddening as one spouse said to us recently. The good news is, there are explanations for this sort of behavior. Sometimes we unfaithful don't even know we are being defensive and fall prey to the fact that we very wrongly think we don't have any issues; it's our betrayed who really has issues. When we're unsafe, our reactions are unsafe and our ability to own our choices or accept our consequences is not only unsafe but alarming to everyone else but ourselves. When defensiveness is our go to, we're displaying evidence that we're not safe, not getting it and not in a place to do the heavy lifting of reconciliation or restoration. The better news is, once we humble ourselves and accept influence both from our partner and safe, trained experts, we can change, heal and ultimately find freedom. I wonder if you or your partner are struggling with defensiveness or unjustified reactivity? I wonder if you need help to understand why you or your partner are so defensive? We go deep today to share insight into these behaviors and provide insight into steps one can take to rid their lives of these toxic traits. Join us today for an in depth look at the mind, heart and actions of the unfaithful. ------ Our Website: www.AskTheUnfaithful.com Contact us: [email protected] Find James & Sharon at the CORE Relationship Recovery website: www.HopeForUs.com Find more from Sam at Sam's Healing Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@samshealingp... Follow James at LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/james-annear-lmhc-704551157 Follow CORE Relationship Recovery (James & Sharon) on Facebook: www.facebook.com/CORERelationshipRecovery /episode/index/show/8e1106a8-3530-4552-a732-0917d7a3602f/id/33188627

Episode 14: Why are the Unfaithful Dishonest with Themselves? 09/24/2024

Episode 13: 6 Ways the Unfaithful Retraumatize the Betrayed Partner 09/24/2024

Episode 12: How Can the Unfaithful Stop Draining the Betrayed's Energy? 09/24/2024

Episode 11: Why is Perfectionism so Dangerous for the Unfaithful? 09/24/2024

Episode 10 - How does the Unfaithful Make Amends Early on in Recovery 09/24/2024

Ask the Unfaithful

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