Episode 325: Pike's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
When Mika’s 13-year-old son, Pike, was diagnosed with leukemia, she was devastated — but not in the way most people might imagine. Only a year earlier, Mika herself had been diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of lymphoma. After rounds of chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant, she fought her way back to being cancer-free. She thought their family’s battle with cancer was finally over. And then her youngest son received his diagnosis, and they had to start fighting all over again. Despite the setback, Mika carried a fierce belief that if she could beat cancer, then Pike would...
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Episode 324: Josh's Mum
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Shortly after Leigh’s 22-year-old son, Josh, was killed in a plane crash, her best friend looked her straight in the eyes and said some of the most beautiful words a bereaved mother can ever hear: “Your grief doesn’t scare me.” When she told me that during this week’s podcast interview, it took my breath away. As a grieving parent myself, I remember how often my grief did seem to scare people. I saw the uncomfortable glances from across the room. I heard the mumbled apologies when someone said something that “made” me cry. It was as if my tears were a burden they didn’t quite...
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Episode: 323: Quinten's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
“Now What?” This is the question Marie found herself asking after the devastating loss of her son, Quinten, to suicide. Overcome with grief, she felt lost and unsure how to move forward. But instead of succumbing to despair, Marie made a conscious decision: her life would continue. She chose to ask herself, "Now what?" and began to take small, intentional steps toward healing. Through the darkest days, she trusted that there was a way forward, even when the road ahead seemed impossible to navigate. In today’s episode, Marie opens up about her raw, unfiltered journey through grief. She...
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Episode 322: Quincy's Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today's guest, Jonathon’s book, , captured me from the first page—a work that feels both intimate and universal. Indigo, the hue between blue and violet, appears in rainbows and twilight skies, yet it rarely gets named. Likewise, grief lingers in daily life, hovering just out of sight, unspoken because its rawness makes many uneasy. Jonathon uses the color as a quiet metaphor for sorrow that colors our existence without ever dominating the palette. A decade ago, Jonathon’s world shattered when his eldest daughter, Quincy, died in a sudden car accident. As a pastor, the loss forced him to...
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Episode 321: The Many Emotions of Grief
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
During one of the first grief‑support group sessions that Eric and I attended in the weeks after Andy died, our facilitators led us in an exercise. We were given a black‑and‑white copy of an image created by H. Norman Wright titled “Grief – A Tangled Ball of Emotions.” The picture resembled a ball of yarn, but instead of yarn strands, it had strips winding around the sphere, each labeled with a different emotion. The exercise was simple. We received crayons and were asked to color in any stripe that represented an emotion we had felt during that week. I remember starting at...
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Episode 320: Jr.'s Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today's guest, Stephanie, says that her son, Jr., had a lifelong mantra that he lived by - ‘me versus me.’ He even had this phrase tattooed on himself for his 18th birthday. Rather than measuring himself against anyone else, he aimed each day to outdo the person he had been yesterday. A year ago, Jr. was a senior in high school, preparing to enlist in the Marine Corps. He was an avid athlete as a cross‑country runner, weightlifter, and participant in several team sports. That autumn, he trained for a half‑marathon, hoping to break the two‑hour barrier. The whole family was at...
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Episode 319: Libby's Mum
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Today's guest, Lisa, says she has always felt a special, spiritual link to her eldest daughter, Libby—starting when Libby was an infant and lasting throughout her life. One night, Lisa complained to her husband about a throbbing thumb. The next morning, Libby called, saying she had hurt her thumb and thought it was broken. When Libby’s father asked if the injury happened around 9 pm, Libby confirmed the time of the injury, but she was puzzled until he answered, “Your mother felt that.” Despite being over 200 miles away and unaware of any injury, Lisa sensed Libby’s broken...
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Episode 318: Jenny & Jesse's Mom
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Jerry’s passion is helping bereaved children. When I was first introduced to her, Jerry was described as a widowed mother with a heart for grieving kids. She’d written a fictional tale for late‑elementary and middle‑school readers about a ten‑year‑old girl coping with her father’s death. The story follows Joy’s grief journey, letting parents buy a companion workbook so children can record their own feelings while reading. I booked Jerry for the show because listeners frequently ask how parents can support grieving children. I didn’t realize her personal loss mirrored our own...
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Episode 317: Chloe & Lily's Dad
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
Eight minutes. That is how long it took for Michael's life to be forever changed. In late November 2016, a fire broke out in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Unbeknownst to Michael, the winds picked up while he was driving with his oldest son, and the fires swept toward the family home. Michael is haunted by nightmares of his frantic drive back through the fires, trying to get back home. By the time he arrived, the fire had taken the lives of his daughters, Chloe and Lily, as well as his wife, Constance. In the months after the fires, as Michael struggled to sleep, he would write about...
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Episode 316: Chasey's Momma
Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom
He should be here. Today's guest, Lindsay, says that these are the four most impactful words that have been said to her in the year since her 6-month-old son, Chase, died from bacterial meningitis. These words don't try to cheer her up or remind her of some grand plan. They simply acknowledge the wrongness of the whole situation. Lindsay's family no longer feels complete without Chase. Smiling 'Chasey' should be tagging along, trying to keep up with his big brother, Jack. Chase should be here. From the time her two boys were tiny babies, Lindsay would read to them. She loved reading board...
info_outline'What if?'
This question haunts many bereaved parents long after their child dies. My 'what if' questions tend to be: What if I hadn't let him change before we left for the game? What if I had picked up the ticket so we didn't need or stop at the office? Or even what if we picked him up from soccer practice instead of carpooling home? For others, the 'what if' questions might be: What if I had taken him to the doctor sooner? What if I had listened more? Or what if I had done this one thing differently? All of these questions and more linger on.
For today's guest, Donna, and her husband, Kent, the 'what if' questions continue as well. In fact, Donna shares 4 very specific 'what if' questions that she relives when thinking about her son, Devin's final bout with ITP. As parents, we do anything and everything possible to protect our children. Knowing what Donna knows now, she would have acted differently that day, but with the information they had at the time, each decision seemed to be the right one.
The problem, of course, is that there is absolutely no way to predict what will happen in the future. There was no way that I could have known that leaving a few minutes earlier or later might mean that we wouldn't be the car that was hit that night. We traveled that patch of highway hundreds of times and had taken the kids to many baseball games. How could I have known that on this trip Andy would be killed? Given Devin's ALPS diagnosis, he had been through several bouts of ITP. Each episode had been treated with the same protocol resulting in recovery each time. How could Donna, Kent or any member of Kent's medical team have known that this time, instead of recovering, Devin would have a devastating brain bleed?
The reason that we focus on these 'what if' questions is because we desperately want there to be a different outcome. We replay things in our minds wondering if our child might still be here if we had made even one slight change. Unfortunately, that is impossible. We don't have the ability to turn back time. The challenge is to attempt to let go of the guilt and to let 'what if' questions begin to fade away.