Trauma in Every Decade
A Thousand Tiny Steps
At this point, I’m just anticipating whatever traumatic event will happen to me next because some sort of disaster seems to follow me every decade. Sexual abuse, drinking, my life dating life, getting married and divorced twice, losing my career, doomed friendships, brain tumors, and losing kids. Key Takeaways: [0:00] The best part of podcasting has been the people I’ve met [2:05] Trauma at every part of my life and here’s the beginning [3:19] The problems began with the sexual abuse [4:18] Telling my mom about the abuse and becoming an athlete [6:02]...
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Bill Luti's Race in Concord
A Thousand Tiny Steps
Coach Luti changed my life from the second I said, “I’m gonna be a star!” He saw me as a teenager to an adult and no matter what I went through in life, he always treated me the same. I’ve directed the race in his name for 30 years. Before I started doing it my life was very standard, but after I started? Not much. It’s shown me the full circle of life. Key Takeaways: [0:00] First day of my theater camp [00:38] I’ve been the director of the Bill Luti Race for 30 years [2:35] We should honor the living, not just the dead [3:53] The 50th race was the...
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After Molly: Heaven and Belief
A Thousand Tiny Steps
After Molly died, I absolutely believed in heaven. If I didn’t then it would mean Molly ended up nowhere and I can’t cope with that possibility. It’s also because I have seen so many amazing mediums who gave me such accurate details I know it couldn’t possibly be fake. Knowing what I know now, I have a different perspective on dying, from beauty and joy in tragedy, and what unconditional love looks like. Key Takeaways: [0:00] I went to a funeral for a previous runners mom [1:51] I believe in Heaven after Molly died [3:18] God is always present and in...
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The Price of Settling
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I’ve been thinking about justice - and how Molly will never get it. I settled the lawsuit and took money and I wonder if that’s a mistake. If I hadn’t taken it I could tell so many stories about people’s characters and that’s its own kind of justice. It’s a balancing act: I now have money to help others, but I can never reveal the full truth. Key Takeaways: [0:00] What is justice and does it exist? [4:09] Reading my book about the justice we had for Molly [13:06] What wasn’t in the book: my drug use and how aggressive the lawsuit was [15:00] I...
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Generation Jones: Caught in the Middle
A Thousand Tiny Steps
As I contemplate my life, I realize some aspects haven’t really changed at all. That as much as I embrace things like using my phone to schedule things or text, I still cling on to the nostalgia from my childhood. Writing letters, having homemade food, and bopping along to the Styx and ABBA. In this episode, I look at how my childhood changed rapidly as I’m sandwiched between Boomers and Gen X-ers. Key Takeaways: [0:00] Music from the 70s is still popular today [1:54] The jokes surrounding “okay, boomer” [3:58] Good habits from baby boomers: keeping...
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You Have A Reason to Celebrate
A Thousand Tiny Steps
My friend is having to relearn how to walk and it’s frustrating to him, but he’s making little bits of progress every day and he should celebrate that. You should too. So often we only celebrate the big wins, the things that we deem worthy of celebrating. But in reality, everything is worth celebrating because you are inherently worthy as a human being that exists. Key Takeaways: [0:51] June is a month of new beginnings [2:13] Children’s awareness month and pride month [3:05] African American Music, the zoo, and why do people think eggs are dairy? [4:09]...
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I Broke 5 Minutes in the Mile. Then I Watched the Tape.
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I broke 5 minutes in the mile - and it’s not how I remember it. Memory is such a crazy thing that changes over time. We amplify some parts of our memory and dull others to fit the image we want to see. That’s what I did, but I have it on video to compare to my memory and it’s wild to see. Video is linked here and it’s helpful to watch to follow along with this episode! Key Takeaways: [0:00] Your memories change over time [2:11] Watching the video of me breaking 5 minutes in the mile [3:40] Going from asthmatic to realizing my potential [4:34] Finding...
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My Interview on The Human Experience
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I feel like everywhere I look now I see instances of secret keeping, of being told to be quiet, of lying for others. So when I listened to a podcast episode where a woman’s entire life she was told to keep a secret inside of her? That hit my soul. Which is also why I was so delighted when Jennifer chatted with me and got into how it impacts a person when they’re constantly told to be quiet. Key Takeaways: [0:00] The podcast that is all about keeping secrets [6:33] My interview on The Human Experience Resources: Connect with Barb: ...
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Running Taught Me to Love My Body
A Thousand Tiny Steps
Running was a part of my life for years and then… it was gone. I’ve had to rebuild my life piece by piece and in the process I’ve realized I need to get back into running. It’s the sport that taught me to love my body and more importantly gave me a community that understood the struggles and triumphs of running. Key Takeaways: [3:11] Running allowed me to love my body [5:11] The sexual abuse that’s prevelant to elite athletes [7:42] Being isolated from the running community [10:57] Thinking back to why I didn’t fight for myself [12:55] Running...
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What Does Consent Mean to You?
A Thousand Tiny Steps
I’m quiet. I freeze. I don’t say no. My consent is violated again and again by numerous people in different situations that still follow me today. I did a deep dive on the types of consent, what it actually means, and why the meaning of it gets tricky for people. In this episode, I explore the different types of consent and how those have gone wrong in my life. Key Takeaways: [0:00] Saying the quiet part out loud and sexual assault [4:11] I don’t defend myself or set boundaries [5:47] Consent: voluntary, informed, mutual, respect personal...
info_outlineI’ve been thinking about justice - and how Molly will never get it. I settled the lawsuit and took money and I wonder if that’s a mistake. If I hadn’t taken it I could tell so many stories about people’s characters and that’s its own kind of justice. It’s a balancing act: I now have money to help others, but I can never reveal the full truth.
Key Takeaways:
[0:00] What is justice and does it exist?
[4:09] Reading my book about the justice we had for Molly
[13:06] What wasn’t in the book: my drug use and how aggressive the lawsuit was
[15:00] I befriend a lot of people with narcissistic tendencies
[16:52] My deposition experience painted me as a bad mother
[19:02] Doctors thought Molly faked it - it’s in the medical notes
[20:36] I have to live with the fact that Molly may never get justice
[21:14] The lawsuit just felt like a game of who could make the other person look worse
[23:25] Your house is on fire - do firefighters ask what you could’ve done better?
[24:18] The fire analogy in my book
[26:24] They really harped on my addiction during the deposition
[28:31] I hate the money I received
[31:03] Focusing on the medical reality of Molly for the Foundation
[32:34] I feel reluctant to pick a side
Connect with Barb: