Shadow Work & The Enneagram (Part 3)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
What is “Shadow Work”? Shadow Work involves digging into the parts of ourselves we've hidden away because they seem too ugly, weird, or unacceptable. This survival tactic might help us through childhood, but it wreaks havoc on our adult lives, leading to inauthenticity. Shadow Work is about embracing your whole self – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and integrating these parts into your life. The Enneagram and Shadow Work The Enneagram is a powerful tool for understanding our personality and the shadow parts we hide. Each of the nine Enneagram types has qualities that...
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Shadow Work (Part 2)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
Shadow Work (Part 2) Today, we're diving into a topic that’s as crucial as it is uncomfortable: authenticity. Let me set the stage for this podcast. Picture this: a man finds his marriage on the brink of falling apart. He's convinced he's doing everything he "should" do to keep it together, yet he feels like he's constantly falling short. Growing up, he learned that showing certain emotions or traits of himself like being “too excited” or “too hyper” could jeopardize his relationships and get him in trouble with his parents – "boys don't cry," "toughen up," “Good...
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Introducing The Shadow
Authentic Men's Group podcast
The Shadow is all those parts of ourselves we’ve shoved into the dark because we were told they’re unacceptable. This is what we call repression – unconsciously hiding these aspects to fit in and feel loved. And no shame. This helped us survive as kids. But as adults, we take it a step further with suppression – consciously choosing to hide these parts, leading to inauthenticity. Resources we mentioned to start engaging in your own shadow work: Book: Podcast:
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Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 4)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
Chapter #7 Suicide The word “”committed” is usually used in the context of crimes. 2016 suicide was ranked the 10thcause of death in the US. Pg 116 men die from suicide 4x more then women. Pain is a natural reaction to death but suffering is what our mind does to us. 118 Death by suicide is not a selfish act or even a choice. It’s a sign of a mind that needs help. 114 The path to freedom from the suffering caused by our minds is through finding meaning. Pg 118 There are many paths to meaning, and if you search for them, you will eventually find them. 119 Give the...
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Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 3)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the...
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Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 2)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the...
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Authentic Grief (Part 1)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the...
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The Solution to Resolutions (Re-Release)
Authentic Men's Group podcast
How effective are resolutions? Do they work?
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Authenticity In An Artificial World Part 2
Authentic Men's Group podcast
In a culture of “artificial intelligence” and “virtual reality” it can be a challenge to be authentic. In this podcast we continue this conversation and give 4 key factors of how to start unlocking our authentic self. Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman developed an They came up with a technical description of authenticity as "the unimpeded operation of one's true or core self in one's daily enterprise." People who score high in authenticity are also more likely to respond to difficulties with effective coping strategies, rather than resorting to drugs, , or...
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Authenticity in the Holidays
Authentic Men's Group podcast
In this podcast we talk about what it is like to live authentically during the holidays. We reference the 8 qualities and how we personally will look to incorporate these into our holidway experience with friends and family. 8 Qualities of Authenticity: Curiosity Calm Clarity Connectedness Confidence Courage Creativity Compassion
info_outlineRedefining Success
It is important to define success for ourselves. If we do not, it will be defined for us.
The Construct of Success:
Merriam-Webster’s definition:
- the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame.
- the correct or desired result of an attempt.
- a person or thing that succeeds.
Defining childhood upbringing and development of messages we received about success.
- It was about being a hero, saving people, having fame and accomplishments, getting good grades. (Athletes, superheroes, scientist/inventor, youtube celebrities)
- They all had messages attached to them - be the smartest, strongest, best-looking, well-known, have everything you want (more)
- The message is that success is the opposite of failure, with failure being labeled something negative or unwanted and even impacting the way we view our value as a human being.
Heuristics in our thinking about success.
Definition: rule-of-thumb that can be applied to guide decision-making based on a more limited subset of the available information. Example: Hot stove or driving a car
We could have a lapse in critical thinking or applying a simple rule that has been marketed or inherited to success being more, wealth or fame.
Masculinity and success - Achievement. Masculinity is often misunderstood as a sort of status that can be constantly earned through success, challenged, policed, and even taken away due to failures.
Men are far more likely to internalize than actually process the emotions that follow failure. This leads to problems in the long run. When men internalize their failures we call that Shame. It can be toxic and keep us stuck. When we process the emotions that are coming up through a perceived failure with close relationships we turn that shame into guilt. Guilt is constructive and helps us identify where we can grow.
The Deconstruct of Success:
In our culture it tends to be about up and to the right; it’s about more and better.
Instead we could consider going back where we came from “into the cave” because we know where everything is and we could help others get out.
If not aware, success can be about the next goal while leaving our past success behind or not maintenanced. We must consider all the circles, especially inner circles, when setting new goals.
The Reconstruct of Success:
The Circle of Relationships Paradigm, or way of thinking, is a model that we talk about constantly in AMG.
The key is to live from ‘the inside out, not from the outside in’
Success changes with the seasons of life. I just got married three weeks ago. My success has changed. Me getting home to my beautiful wife by 6pm is a success I strive for!
Getting to a mountain top is only good for a short period. Revel in the accomplishment.
We don’t want to settle there because it is the place of most exposure, it is barren and desolate.
We must define and redefine what success and failure is to us on a regular basis. What do we aspire to and how do we reach it and maintain it? It is also important to understand that success is always a blank canvas, you don’t actually get to mark off success from the list of life.
Remember, it is in our human nature to reach.
Be the most successful person in the world by comparing yourself to yourself and the things you want. What are the things you want and why? Then find a pro and learn from them, don’t compare just learn and apply yourselves with the 8 rules from 8 to be great by Richard St. John.
Success is not a one way street, it's a continuation.
Here are 8 things to continuously work on by Richard St. John and his book 8 to be great:
- Passion - it excites you and is connected to a strong why (preferably loving self).
- Work - do the work and find meaningful work.
- Focus - be intentional and have direction.
- Persistence - consistency is crucial.
- Ideas - be creative and have an open mindset.
- Excellence - get really good at something (Mastery takes 10,000 hours from the book Outliers by Malcome Gladwell).
- Push - get outside of comforts.
- - Serve others - keep others in mind to make it meaningful.
We must have a growth mindset vs. a fixed mindset and remember success changes with the seasons of life.