Hey White Women with Knitting Cult Lady and White Woman Whisperer Episode 44 | Community is inconvenient
Release Date: 08/07/2025
Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 58 | Puritan Whiteness
Hey White Women
This episode is a wide-ranging conversation between Daniella and Rebecca about the everyday and systemic ways whiteness shapes culture, identity, and behavior. They discuss how beauty standards, camera technology, tanning culture, and even small tech features like autocapitalization reflect racial bias. A major theme is how white women often derail or center themselves in conversations about race, sometimes unintentionally, through whitesplaining or over-explaining. They explore beauty labor, the politics of hair and appearance, and how the same practices (such as time-consuming beauty...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 57 | Who's Speaking Matters
Hey White Women
This episode features a deep, nuanced conversation between Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca about whiteness, power, community, cultural disconnection, and the complicated dynamics of speaking about social issues publicly. They explore how race, gender, and perceived authority shape who is “allowed” to say what, and how society reacts differently depending on the identity of the speaker. Their discussion spans topics such as the weaponization of “niceness,” internal policing within white communities, the loss of joy in white American culture, the effects of cult-like systems,...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 56 | Enablism
Hey White Women
In this wide-ranging and incisive conversation, Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca (White Woman Whisperer) examine how white womanhood functions within patriarchal and white supremacist systems. They discuss cultural habits like performative complaining, body-shaming as small talk, and the defense of harmful relationships as coping mechanisms inherited from historical gender norms. The two connect these behaviors to broader enablism within oppressive systems, drawing parallels between interpersonal and systemic patterns of abuse. They explore the emotional labor of deconstruction—how...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 55 | Weaponizing Whiteness
Hey White Women
In this episode, Daniella Mestyanek Young (Knitting Cult Lady) and Rebecca (White Woman Whisperer) unpack the process of recording the audiobook version of Daniella’s upcoming book and explore how their collaboration reflects deeper dynamics of race, privilege, and creative responsibility. They discuss rejecting the “easy” or most cost-effective route in favor of ethical decisions that honor Black voices and resist capitalist shortcuts. The conversation then broadens into weaponizing whiteness for good—how white women can leverage social privilege to confront injustice—and the...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 54 | White Rapture Day
Hey White Women
Rebecca (White Woman Whisperer) and Daniella (“Knitting Cult Lady”) explore how white American culture is shaped by control, conformity, and suppression of individuality—from the witch trials to modern social norms. They connect white supremacy’s emphasis on stoicism and sameness to military culture, patriarchal family structures, beauty standards, and cult dynamics. Their conversation also unpacks the social coding of “whiteness” as denial of self, contrasting it with cultures where expression, emotion, and difference are normalized. The episode concludes with reflections on...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | 53 | It Can Be That Easy
Hey White Women
In this episode, Daniella (“Knitting Cult Lady”) and Rebecca (“White Woman Whisperer”) have a deep, layered conversation about deconstructing whiteness, celebrity culture, and over-identification through the lens of Taylor Swift. Daniella shares her personal process of deconstructing her identity as a lifelong Swiftie and connecting it to her broader work dismantling white womanhood and American cultic structures. Rebecca brings in a critical Black feminist lens, exploring the difference between individualism and community, white women’s relationship to innocence and denial, and how...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | ep52 | Consumer Privilege
Hey White Women
In this episode, Rebecca and Daniella explore the intersections of race, consumer privilege, tone policing, and digital labor—particularly how these dynamics play out for women of color online. Rebecca revisits her viral “caption gate” controversy, unpacking how white women often use moralized accessibility language (“just add captions”) as a covert way to assert dominance and demand labor. The two also dissect the cultural discomfort around Black women expressing anger, the dehumanizing expectations placed on female creators, and the myth that public educators or creators owe...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady and White Woman Whisperer | ep51 | White Woman Tears
Hey White Women
This episode features Daniella (“Knitting Cult Lady”) and Rebecca (the “White Woman Whisperer”) unpacking themes of violence, privilege, whiteness, cult dynamics, and the demands placed on public figures to perform morality online. They reflect on recent events, including reactions to political violence and how white Americans process (or avoid processing) martyrdom, policing, and systemic violence. The conversation critiques the idea that “violence is never the answer” as a privileged stance, explores how audiences police creators’ responses to current events, and discusses the...
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White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady & White Woman Whisperer | ep50 | Paradox of Proving Yourself
Hey White Women
In this conversation, Daniella Mestyanek Young (“Knitting Cult Lady”) and Rebecca (aka “White Woman Whisperer”) explore how cult dynamics show up in the U.S. military, publishing, and everyday systems of power. Daniella shares insights from her forthcoming book Culting of America, reflecting on the accessibility of ideas across mediums (books, documentaries, TikTok), and the challenges of being taken seriously while calling the military a cult. The discussion ranges from personal deconstruction journeys, the paradox of proving oneself, and the caste-like structures of whiteness, to...
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Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady and White Woman Whisperer | ep49 | Un-Gaslighting Whiteness
Hey White Women
This episode brings Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca into a candid conversation about cult dynamics, purity culture, whiteness, and the process of building communities rooted in truth rather than secrecy or shame. They unpack how cult logic—like the weaponization of secrets, unquestioned authority, and worship of the written word—maps onto broader systems like white supremacy and American culture. Daniella reflects on her work writing Uncultured and her upcoming projects, highlighting how her extreme experiences serve as an entry point for others to recognize parallels in their own...
info_outlineIn this rich, wide-ranging conversation, Daniella and Rebecca reflect on systems of power, whiteness, deconstruction, and community. They begin by discussing "front-of-room advantage"—how audiences are conditioned to trust authority figures just because they're positioned at the front. This leads into critiques of white supremacy, especially how it shapes comfort, trust, and the way people engage with authority, learning, and community.
They emphasize that community is inconvenient—it requires work, discomfort, and relationship with those who challenge you. Daniella speaks from her military and cult-survivor background, while Rebecca shares her experiences navigating race, culture, and gender as a Black woman. Together, they examine the cultural habits of white womanhood, critique performative gift-giving, the mythology of Santa Claus, and the pressures of performative gratitude.
The episode moves fluidly between personal stories and structural critique, blending humor with sharp insights, especially around anti-racism, unlearning whiteness, and the emotional labor of deconstruction.
Connect with Rebecca at:
The White Woman Whisperer Website
The White Woman Whisperer Patreon
The White Woman Whisperer TikTok
Connect with Daniella at:
You can read all about that story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured
For more info on me:
Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding
Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding
Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured
Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8
Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/4bwvNC0
Instagram: https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_
Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook
Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8
Fundraiser for Culting of America book publishing https://tr.ee/fldwYRFTJ
🧠 On Front-of-Room Advantage & Trust in Authority
“Front-of-room advantage” refers to the default trust and legitimacy people assign to whoever holds the mic—especially in white-dominant spaces.
In Black spaces (e.g., the Apollo), this dynamic is reversed—audiences are the judges of credibility, not passive receivers.
📦 Community is Inconvenient
Real community means staying in relationship even when people don’t yet think like you.
White people must reckon with the work of reintegrating those leaving harmful ideologies (e.g., MAGA), instead of writing them off.
👩🏼🦱 White Womanhood vs Global White Womanhood
Daniella critiques "American white womanhood" and shares how being raised in a global cult shaped her ability to see systems more clearly.
Rebecca distinguishes between Christian white womanhood and other forms—highlighting how much cultural baggage is masked as universality.
🎁 Gifts, Gratitude & Performance
Gift-giving is often transactional or performative, especially in capitalist white culture. True giving happens without expectation.
Gratitude is often demanded rather than organically expressed—creating pressure, especially on children.
👩🏾🎓 Anti-Racism & Learning
Not everyone who says they want to learn is actually ready.
White women often ask questions that are rhetorical or self-centering instead of rooted in genuine curiosity or respect.
❓ Questions as Tools for Liberation
Asking real, curious questions can create "cracks" in people’s conditioning—especially in cult-like belief systems.
But questions should come from a place of humility, not performance or control.
🎭 Roles in Revolution
Everyone has a different revolutionary role: storyteller, connector, strategist, etc. Not everyone should be a leader or agitator.
Trying to fit into the wrong role leads to burnout and inefficacy.
🪞 Deconstruction is Personal
Deconstructing whiteness or oppressive systems often involves grief—especially around lost pride in previous achievements (e.g., military service).
It also includes deep inner child work—unlearning what systems taught us to believe about our worth.
❌ “Keeping the Peace” is Often About Silence
“Keeping the peace” often means preserving the comfort of those in power, not actual peace.
Daniella highlights that "peacekeeping" is a military term—it’s enforced through power, not mutuality.
Chapters
00:00 Exploring Front of Room Advantage
05:15 Deconstructing Systems and Identity
11:08 The Complexity of White Womanhood
16:47 Navigating Privilege and Identity
22:40 Awakening and Responsibility
28:15 Understanding Revolutionary Roles
32:33 Questioning Cultural Narratives
36:12 Healing the Inner Child
40:21 The Illusion of Control in Parenting
44:12 The Healing Power of Unexpected Gifts
48:13 The Need for Authenticity in Relationships
52:07 The Importance of Listening and Learning
55:55 The Role of Audience in Conversations
01:00:05 Earning Peace in Relationships
01:03:30 Cults and the Weaponization of Discontent
01:07:46 The Problem with Advice and Expertise
01:11:34 The Journey of Individual Stories
01:15:32 The Individuality of Life Paths
01:19:35 Cultural Context and Its Evolution
01:20:27 The Impact of Creative Expression
01:21:37 The Timelessness of Conversations
01:22:33 The Future of Cultural Narratives
01:23:29 The Absurdity of Future Interpretations
01:24:28 The Human Experience and Its Complexity
01:25:32 The Afterlife and Its Implications
01:26:14 The Cycle of Suffering and Hope
01:26:55 Understanding Apocalyptic Cults and Their Motivations
01:30:03 The Role of Fear in Society and Personal Safety
01:34:02 The Importance of Community and Support
01:37:24 Navigating Conversations Around Trauma and Healing
01:41:43 The Complexity of Good and Bad in Human Nature
01:53:33 Humanizing the Unthinkable: Addressing Child Abuse and PreventionProduced by Haley Phillips