#101 - A Behind The Scenes Interview About What You Don't See With Stefany Bare

Nick and his wife Stefany have some big news to unveil on this episode of The Bare Performance Podcast: They’re expecting a baby! With lots of exciting change and recalibration on the horizon, the couple pause to reflect on how they got here and where they’re heading. The one thing they know for sure about parenthood is that it will require sacrifice, consistency and passion – the cornerstones to achieving any dream worth having.

Fortunately, this is a drill Stef and Nick have come to know well. Over the course of their relationship and the evolution of BPN, they’ve acquired some valuable tools that they’re here to share. Enjoy the reality check!

Social media often throws up a veneer that obscures all the struggle required to make a remarkable life. Stef is joining Nick to talk about the reality behind those rose-colored Insta posts and FB updates; and that truth is ugly at least some of the time, no matter who you are or what your circumstances appear to be. This conversation highlights the inevitability of bumps in the road – whether in the context of starting an entrepreneurial venture like BPN or launching a new marriage, as the couple did in 2020. The first year (or years!) of pursuing a goal can be destabilizing, exhausting, frustrating and scary. But Nick and Stef are here to reassure you: It’s all okay. There is no blueprint. But wisdom and appreciation are on the other side of that path through the messiness, so long as you’re willing to show up and ride it out. 

This candid conversation is about more than preparing for the inevitable “mud” associated with pursuing our dreams. It’s about actually embracing the messiness, knowing that it’s from adversity that the most impactful lessons and greatest depth of understanding emerge. You’ll enjoy the personal anecdotes Stef and Nick share – experiences from both their marital and professional journeys as well as some of the communication skills they have deployed to cope with stresses like infertility, obsessive marathon training, entrepreneurial challenges, differing morning rituals and expectations.

They explain (and exemplify) why it’s better to be consistently good than occasionally great – a formula that has driven Nick’s business success. Stef meanwhile brings to the mix patience and insight. Above all, they both know what it means to sacrifice and are sharing thoughts about exactly what it takes. 

You’ll come away from this episode understanding what makes this indomitable couple tick. And stay tuned around July 4^th, 2022 – when Baby Bare is scheduled to join the team. It’ll be a whole new journey whose peaks and valleys Nick will undoubtedly share along the way.

Click here to listen to/rate/review previous episodes of The Bare Performance Podcast. You can also find out more about Nick’s performance nutrition and health supplements here.

• (01:09): It’s official! Nick and Stefany share details about how and when they found out they were expecting a baby.
• (02:50): Nick and Stefany open their conversation with thoughts on the unseen scaffolding – the private, quiet, daily choices – that support the achievement of a dream.
• (04:00): What actually goes into making dreams happen, including all the mess (and stress). Nick and Stefany want to help us set realistic expectations.
• (06:45): You can go really fast alone, but you can go farther together. Going together, however, means understanding that there are consequences – ancillary impacts with every decision you make.
• (07:42): Nick shares thoughts on three things that most commonly prevent people from reaching their goals or realizing their dreams: (1) An unwillingness to make the sacrifices.
• (09:35): The second element most often missing among those who fail to achieve their dreams: (2) Consistency. It’s more important to be consistently good than occasionally great. As Stef attests, Nick excels at showing up and executing, day after day.
• (11:57): The third (and most important) factor that prevents people from fully realizing their goals? (3) A lack of  passion. You have to want it badly enough – not for someone else, but for yourself.
• (15:30): Why Stefany wanted to co-host this podcast and lift the veil on all the dynamics at play behind the social media veneer – the Instagram posts or FB updates. She and Nick want to get real and help others to set realistic expectations about what it looks like to pursue a dream (whether it’s personal, professional, athletic or otherwise).
• (18:38): Nick’s primary message: You don’t deserve anything. Everything is earned. 
• (19:51): When he launched BPN, he had no idea what would be required of him or the time it would take (five years) to see that first million dollars in revenue. That year, 2017, was also the first year Nick was able to write himself a modest paycheck.
• (22:50): BPN’s success is the result not of strokes of brilliance, but Nick’s and his team’s commitment to trudge through the mud and keep going. And they’re still not home free.
• (23:51): Stefany brings up the concept of a toolkit – skills and perspectives that can help us navigate any journey. Including those times when sacrifice might seem overwhelming, especially from a spouse’s point of view.
• (27:05): Important Note: You can’t just keep adding things. At some point you have to recognize that you’re taking away from something else. Nick’s decision to pursue Iron Man training makes a great example of the trade-offs and impacts on his relationship.
• (30:34): Stefany shares thoughts on how marriages can suffer (and resentment build) when sacrifices and expectations aren’t clearly established. There has to be an “informed confrontation,” i.e. communication around choices being made.
• (32:43): When it comes to the passionate pursuit of a goal, there is no way of avoiding the tradeoffs: Sacrifices aren’t made in a vacuum. 
• (36:00): Stefany recalls arguments that she and Nick had about his running schedule and how it impacted what she needed/wanted in their marriage. In the end, she figured out how to shift her prism and accept sacrifice as part of a mutual commitment to their life together as a whole.
• (38:25): About prioritizing: Knowing what’s most important goes hand-in-hand with sacrifice. Once that’s established, you can figure out how to eliminate the extraneous and focus on what’s truly most crucial. Non-negotiable: You must learn how to say no. 
• (43:40): Nick explains how he defines good great and remarkable, shaped in part by "Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being Remarkable," by Seth Godin. 
• (45:43): About the word “balance,” which can mean different things to different people, and what it means specifically within the context of Stef’s and Nick’s life. 
• (48:16): Nick shares a story about a total failure of balance – and how he and Stef learned to maneuver through some of his somewhat obsessive training (which were sometimes at odds with her own goals and needs). This kind of negotiation will happen again, but they’re committed to understanding each other in order to evolve and grow.
• (53:37): Slow and steady wins the race! Stefany talks about the role of patience and a willingness to delay gratification. Nick has had to train himself to understand that long-term results require some measure of day-to-day patience.
• (57:10): Maturity and growth take time. Even though he wanted BPN to hit immediately, Nick now sees the wisdom and appreciation he has cultivated over the long haul. He muses on how the same principles will apply to his marriage and parenthood over time.
• (59:00): Stefany shares that patience played a role in how she managed through the year it took before she got pregnant – and how sweet it feels and how thankful she is now that the moment has arrived.
• (1:01:00): Comparison is “a thief of joy.” Nick and Stef reflect on over-sharing and the poisonous impacts of constant exposure to everyone else’s shallow reflections. It’s a distraction that prevents us from thinking deeply.
• (1:04:00): About awareness: Why Stef and Nick believe that intentionality is so powerful, right down to choosing with whom to have beers. Is the conversation negative, complaining or tearing others down? Or is it energizing, uplifting and full of ideas?
• (1:06:40): Stef shares insights she garnered dealing with situations where working with difficult or toxic people was unavoidable. She learned how to minimize those negative interactions and hold her boundaries.
• (1:08:55): Therapy proved helpful for Stef and Nick when they were at a point not so much of looking back as looking down – from a 10,000-foot perspective – to understand more deeply the dynamics impacting their relationship. It’s an approach that is equally applicable to building a business or pursuing any life goal.
• (1:16:33): Stef shares the impact a quote from Matthew McConaughey in his book "Greenlights" has had on how she does her job in social media as well as how she interacts with people and within her marriage: “Sometimes you don’t need advice. You just need to know that you’re not alone.”  Communicating that message was at the heart of this episode. Nick and Stef are sending out best wishes (and some practical experience from the trenches) for everyone pursuing a dream in the year ahead. 

Further Contacts/Resources:

Bare Performance Nutrition: www.bpnsupps.com
BPN's Instagram: www.instagram.com/bpnsupps
Nick Bare: www.nickbare.com
Nick's Instagram: www.instagram.com/nickbarefitness

Stef's Instagram: www.instagram.com/stefany.bare