096: You’re Not Mean—You’re Just Managing (2 of 6 Part Series)

In the second installment of the "Communication Lies Leaders Believe" series, Tammy J. Bond tackles a myth that keeps countless leaders "stuck": the lie that giving direct feedback makes you mean. Tammy powerfully argues that direct feedback doesn't make you mean—it makes you a manager. This episode is a call to courage for every leader who has let their discomfort drive silence. Tammy shares how this avoidance leads to resentment and underperformance and provides a practical framework, the SBIE model (Situation, Behavior, Impact, Expectation), for delivering feedback that is both direct and human. You are not mean for saying what needs to be said; you're managing with intention.

Key Takeaways for Leaders

• Mean vs. Managing: Giving direct feedback is a core function of leadership, not an act of meanness.

• The Cost of Silence: Your discomfort with conflict is more costly than the conflict itself. Silence leads to confusion, resentment, and underperformance.

• Courage is Clarity's Best Friend: It takes courage to bring clarity into the workplace. You must be willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of your team's success.

• Separate the Do from the Who: Use a framework like the SBIE model to focus feedback on the specific behavior ("the do") rather than the person's identity or personality ("the who").

• Feedback as a Gift: Embrace the perspective that direct, clear feedback is a valuable opportunity for growth, not something to be feared.

• The Problem with Over-Parenting: Leaders who avoid difficult conversations often fall into the trap of being a "friend" or "accidental therapist," which undermines their ability to lead effectively.

• Managing with Intention: Recognize that your words have purpose. You're not just speaking—you're managing, mentoring, and empowering your team to be their best.

In This Episode, You'll Learn

• Why the lie that direct feedback is mean keeps leaders from being effective.

• How to use the SBIE (Situation, Behavior, Impact, Expectation) model to deliver clear, actionable feedback.

• The psychological reasons behind our avoidance of tough conversations.

• The negative consequences of a leader's silence on team morale and performance.

• How to build a culture where direct, kind feedback is a normal and valued part of your team's success.

Call to Action

Great leaders don’t wait for permission to lead, learn, and leverage. If this episode spoke to you, you're ready to get intentional. Join the waitlist for our next Leadership Sandbox mastermind group, starting in September, and surround yourself with people who will call you up to be greater.

Join the waitlist today: leadershipsandbox.com/groups