104: Regulate Before You Communicate

Celebrating two years and 104 episodes, Tammy J. Bond drops a truth bomb: If your communication sounds like chaos, it's because your nervous system is leading the meeting, not your core leadership. This episode breaks down the concept of the "Calm Cascade"—how your internal regulation sets the emotional thermostat for the entire team. Tammy argues that emotional regulation is not a soft skill, but a crucial leadership strategy. When you walk in "hot," your team burns out and tunes out; the best communicators are always the calmest in the room.

Key Takeaways for Leaders:

• Regulation is Leadership: Emotional regulation is a strategy. If you can't regulate yourself and your emotions, you cannot motivate a team to speak up or succeed.

• The Thermostat Principle: Your energy sets the temperature. Your team needs you to set the thermostat to a regulated, comfortable temperature—not "frigid cold" or "burning hot."

• Dysregulation = Damage Control: When you are dysregulated, your rational brain (prefrontal cortex) takes a vacation. A dysregulated brain cannot do diplomacy; it can only do damage control.

• Actionable Correction: If you "freak out," quickly correct by saying: "I recognize what I did was wrong, here's how it might have impacted us, and here's what I'm doing differently next time."

4 Points on Leading with Calm:

• Chaos Short Circuits All Communication: When you are dysregulated, you invite the amygdala hijack—the fear center—leading to regretful blurting, defensiveness, and distractions from team members ("Johnny the Sandthrower").

• Regulated Leaders Create Psychological Safety: Your people will mirror your tone faster than your words. When they feel calm around you, they are more truthful, collaborative, and focused on innovation, not self-protection.

• Trust is Earned by Being Calm: You don't earn trust by talking calm; you earn it by being composed in tense situations. When the leader stays composed, it shifts the energy of the entire room.

• Regulation is Your Lifeline: If you can't regulate, you can't communicate. If you can't communicate, you aren't leading. Regulation is your ultimate responsibility.

Quick Takeaway & Challenge:

• The 90-Second Reset: Before any high-temperature meeting, take 90 seconds to reset your internal thermostat using box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4).

• The “Grandma Vance” Principle: Be the first one to set your own thermostat every morning to the right temperature for your success.

If you're ready to lead from calm, clarity, and courage, tune in every week. Share this episode with a leader who could benefit from hearing this message.